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Thursday, September 26, 2013 Vladimir "Pooty" Putin draws a caricature of himself.
Show #3910
Bono, Johnny Galecki, and Kings of Leon.
PLUS: Bobblilng Mariano; Now He's Crossed The Line; Putin Drawing; Dave in a New CBS High-Tech Drama; and a Top Ten List.

" . . . . and now, goes great with brown gravy . . . . . . . David Letterman!

ACT 1:
MONOLOGUE
- "Lindsay Lohan's sister had surgery to look just like her. OK, and I'll admit: I've had plastic surgery to look more like my half-sister Jane Lynch."

Tuesday was Mariano Rivera Bobblehead Night at Yankee Stadium, but the bobbleheads never showed up. Needless to say, the fans went crazy. We take a look at this CNN report.
ANNOUNCER: "Chaos erupted at Yankee Stadium last night after officials were unable to hand out Mariano Rivera bobblehead dolls. In order to placate the angry spectators, Rivera himself had to take the mound and wiggle his head."
We see Mariano bobble his head for the fans.
ANNOUNCER: "More news after this."

Something new: "Now He's Crossed The Line"
ART CARD: NOW HE'S CROSSED THE LINE
We see another news reporter with this breaking news:
NEWS REPORTER: "O. J. Simpson busted again, this time for stealing cookies."
ART CARD: NOW HE'S CROSSED THE LINE

Vladimir Putin, or Pooty Poot as I like to call him, didn't feel like coming to the United Nations General Assembly. He was busy talking to Moscow school kids. We take a look.
We see the Russian President in front of a bored classroom of Russian school children. He is drawing a muscular caricature of himself on one of those whiteboards teachers can't seem to live without these days. At the bottom, he signs it "Pooty."

ACT 2:
The fall sends kids back to school but also brings in new TV shows to the networks. Dave has been approached by CBS to star in a new primetime high-tech drama. It's what the networks call a "procedural." (I laughed at the "procedural" reference. The Wiki describes it as a crime show that focuses on how crimes are solved. Really? There's a word for that? Can't you just say it's a show that focuses on how crimes are solved?) Dave is excited for his new venture and the network has asked him to show a trailer on the Late Show, sort of like a free plug. Dave was just too happy to grant the request. We take a look at the trailer of Dave's new show.
ANNOUNCE: (serious, no nonsense) "This fall on CBS: Technology is about to change life as we know it." "Dave Letterman stars as the ultimate fusion of man and machine . . . (we see Dave in a mail man uniform) . . . U.S. Postal Service employee Brad Kepner: the first human to have an electronic postal scale implanted in his brain." We see Dave in his post office uniform. A hand enters and places a piece of mail on Dave's head. The postal scale implanted into his head gives him the ability to weigh the mail and determine the cost of delivery.
DAVE: "2.3 ounces. First Class postage, 86 cents."
ANNOUNCE: "'Mail Head': Tuesdays at 9 on CBS."

Tuesday's at 9 on CBS . . . has anybody told "NCIS: Los Angeles"?

TOP TEN: O.J. SIMPSON EXCUSES - O.J. serving 33 years for armed robbery, was caught stealing cookies from the prison cafeteria. He hid about a dozen oatmeal cookies under his shirt.
O.J. SIMPSON EXCUSES
8. "They were mine. I was stealing them back."
7. "Remember, I'm innocent until proven not guilty and then found liable in civil court."
6. "It'll all be explained in my upcoming book, 'If I Ate it'"
1. "Give me a break, I'm a widower."

Leading into the Top Ten, Dave mentions that OJ never won the Heisman Trophy. Huh? OJ is the first one I remember winning the Heisman. I go back into the shack and have someone print out the 1968 Heisman Trophy winner. Yeah, I knew OJ won it in '68. I can forgive Dave not knowing that because he was in college at the time and everyone knows that college is four years out of touch with reality. You miss a lot of things in the world not yet found in a text book. I took the page out to writer Bill Scheft, who nodded an "I know, I know" at me before I got there. Scheft knows everything about sports. In fact, he asked for the page because he wanted to know who finished 4th in the voting that year. He already knew Leroy Keyes and Terry Hanratty finished 2nd and 3rd. Ted Kwalick, Penn State tight end finished 4th. Back from commercial, Dave apologized to OJ for the oversight. A care package of cookies would probably make him feel better.

ACT 3:
BONO
A real do-gooder. He is co-founder of two organizations:
1. "ONE" - to fight extreme poverty in Africa
2. "RED" - to fund research and provide medicine for those with AIDS who cannot afford it.

And he does a pretty good impression of Bill Clinton.
So, when is the next U2 concert coming out? Bono says it's not so easy. U2 is a very good band. The fans expect greatness. In order for "very good" to become great, you can't force it. You need to wait, just wait, until ready.

Bono shares some good news. Few people realize this, and is quite sure the American people don't know this, but there are 10 million people are alive today in Africa thanks to the benevolence of the American taxpayer. Through the financial support we've provided, so much has been done over the past decade to ease poverty and devastation of AIDS. But the people of Africa know it. Bono says that Africa is growing tremendously in population and influence and will be a valuable friend to America in the future, even more so than now.
As simple and silly as it may sound, Bono thanking the American taxpayer made me feel good. What the heck is wrong with OUR politicians for never mentioning stuff like this? It was almost shocking to hear thanks. And it was darn gratifying to hear it is appreciated by those in Africa. Maybe that's what our country needs; a cheerleader. We need to be reminded of all the good we do. Yea for us!

ACT 4:
JOHNNY GALECKI
Star of "The Big Bang Theory." Their 7th season premiered earlier tonight on CBS. The Big Bang is big, the biggest, and is getting even bigger. Fellow star Jim Parsons won his 3rd or 4th Emmy for his work on "The Big Bang." Does that stir any animosity on the show? Yes, Johnny never won an Emmy for TBBT. Dave shares that he didn't win this year either. Johnny says that both he and Dave are in categories that make it very difficult to win when not nominated. Yeah, darn the luck. But Johnny says he looks around at all the other people who weren't nominated and is proud to be in that club. Dave says that now that he is no longer even nominated, he feels luckier than ever having a TV show.
Johnny is also in an upcoming film, "CBGB," about a legendary rock club here in New York City. I learned tonight that CBGB stands for "Country Blue Grass and Blues" that moved into punk rock.
Dave can't help it but he loves to talk to Johnny about his being struck by lightning while hiking Yosemite. Dave admits he is fascinated by the story. Johnny's told the story here a number of times, so this time he decided to re-enact the lightning strike. Johnny walks over on stage, the scrim rises. He stands in front of a green screen that the home view sees as a backdrop of Yosemite. Johnny pretends to be hiking. We hear his narration.
GALECKI V.O.: "I was hiking in Yosemite at 7000 feet. Suddenly the wind began to howl, and some menacing clouds began rolling in. In the distance, I could hear the rain. I couldn't help but be mesmerized by the beauty of it all. I stood on the ledge, took out my camera, and started smoking a cigarette. Suddenly, I saw a flash and heard a crack. I felt like I'd been punched by Mike Tyson with an electric fist. I was sure I was dead but when I was able to stand up I realized the truth. I had been struck . . . . by lightning."

"The Big Bang Theory" - Thursdays at 8:00 PM on the CBS!

ACT 5:
ANNOUNCE: "Be sure to join us tomorrow for Dave and his guests Steve Martin, comedian Kathleen Madigan, and The Kruger Brothers with Steve Martin. Visit cbs.com/lateshow to watch Kings of Leon Live on Letterman! Kings of Leon's exclusive online concert from the Ed Sullivan Theater can be streamed on demand. For amusement purposes only."

ACT 7:
KINGS OF LEON
From their new album, "Mechanical Bull," Kings of Leon performed "Don't Matter." Liked it a lot. Now go check out their webcast concert on the Late Show website.

And that was our show for Thursday September 26, 2013.



Well, I did it again. I ruined a good thing; something that should have been cherished with warm, fond memories. I'm watching the Yankee game in my living room Thursday night. It is Mariano Rivera's last game at Yankee Stadium. He comes in and gets the final two outs in the 8th. Come the 9th, he sits in the dugout . . . waiting . . . waiting . . . and then takes the mound. This will be his last time on the mound at Yankee Stadium. It's his last appearance. The crowd is giving him a long standing ovation. All eyes are on Mariano Rivera . . . . all eyes except the eyes of the home viewer. Our eyes are thrown up into the crowd to see total strangers holding cellphones taking pictures of what we want to see. We want Mariano. But we get a guy from Scarsdale, the Bronx, Westchester, a Manhattanite, people from Jersey. What are they looking at? They are looking at the greatest relief pitcher in the history of major league baseball taking his final warmup pitches at Yankee Stadium. But we are looking at them looking at him. We want Mariano. I'm screaming at the TV. "Show me Mariano!" Denise is getting disgusted with me, wondering if I have to see the bad in everything. No, I don't, but this could have been so much better. Heck, I was saying way back in April when we all knew that this would be Mariano's last year that the camera should never be off him. And here it is, his last inning of the last game ever at Yankee Stadium, and we get to see . . . . . . . .
Years from now when asked what we remember about Mariano's last game at the Stadium, I wonder how many of us will say, "The guy in the crowd taking a picture with his cellphone" or "The woman in the crowd who scribbled 'We Love You, Mariano" on a piece of cardboard. The YES network, to their credit, didn't go to commercial in between the 8th and 9th inning. They kept us there at the Stadium. It mustn't have dawned on the director that the home viewer never gets to see Mariano warming up on the mound. Whenever he comes in, we go to commercial. That's understandable. So when we didn't go to commercial for this one and only time, why not show us HIM? Why not show us what we never get to see? What was discussed in the pre-game meeting?
"OK, we're not going to commercial in the last inning. Make sure we get a lot of shots of strangers."
I didn't see anyone in the crowd with their back to Mariano looking at the crowd. They were all looking at Mariano. The director should have taken that as a hint. And the announcers should have just shut up. We can see what's going on. You don't have to tell us. Let the cheering tell the story.

And why am I the only one who seems to be bothered by this? I bet Mushnick agrees with me.

Time now for This Date in CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER History.
From September 26, 2000: Eric Grenier. Thanks for letting me know what Tiger Woods' real name is.
This concludes another installment of This Date in CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER History

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
It's his birthday today, the great Bill Lehecka! You ask, "Who is Bill Lehecka?" He's the one who gave me the idea for Cameo Mention of a Wahoo Reader.
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER

Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
Twitter: @WahooMike

Tonight's Guests

Sally Field
Timothy Simons
Needtobreathe

Wahoo Gazette Archive

Tuesday, April 22
Dave and "the new kid" pose for a selfie.
Monday, April 21
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Wednesday, April 9
How does Lindsay Lohan like her scrambled eggs?
Tuesday, April 8
Dave guarantees his retirement with a signature.
Friday, April 4
LiV Warfield raises the roof of the Ed Sullivan Theater.