CBS

Search By Date
M T W Th F
Saturday, August 30, 2014 Serena Williams takes out Rupert Jee's deli window.
Show #4072
Serena Williams, Chadwick Boseman, and Echo and The Bunnymen.
PLUS: The MTA's Plan Against the Bedbugs, This Year's Super Bowl Halftime Performer; How to Get Out of a Wedding; and a Top Ten List.

" . . . and now, host of your nightly hootenanny . . . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1:
MONOLOGUE
- "It's important to send your kids to college because then they will know what kind of work they are out of."

The New York City subway system is infested with bedbugs, so the MTA just released this public service announcement.
ANNOUNCE: "To combat a growing bedbug infestation, effective immediately, the MTA will institute our new 'See Something, Swat Something' program. Pick up your complimentary swatter at any subway station, and stay alert."
We see subway passengers sitting in a subway car. A woman suddenly swats the forehead of the gentleman sitting next to her. I hope it was because she saw a bedbug.
ANNOUNCE: "The MTA. Pronounced MUTUH."

Odd Dave - though not so odd. Dave mimes shooting some basketball free throws. Yes, that's why he is known as Indiana's Mr. Basketball.

The NFL is now requiring halftime musical acts to pay-to-play in the Super Bowl. That's right, if you want to perform in the Super Bowl halftime show, you have to pay THEM! They just released this announcement. We watch.
ANNOUNCE: "Because of the unparalleled exposure, musical acts must now pay to perform during the Super Bowl, and we're pleased to announce this year's highest bidder. Your Super Bowl XLIX halftime act is billionaire Warren Buffett."
Cut to Mr. Buffett playing the ukulele while singing, "I've Been Working On The Railroad." Because of his great wealth, the guy's got Rock 'n Roll groupies.
ANNOUNCE: "See you at the big game!"

A Connecticut man faked his own death to avoid getting married. He didn't have the heart to tell his fiancee he had a change of heart. Yeah, so he faked his own death. Here's the good news: now there's a much easier solution to this age-old predicament. You no longer have to fake your own death to get out of your wedding. We watch how.
ANNOUNCE: "Every day, impulsive young people propose to the wrong person and wind up trapped in joyless marriages. Now there's help. Introducing the Stop-My-Wedding Registry.
ART CARD: "Stop-My-Wedding Registry"
ANNOUNCE: Simply give us your fiancee's name and photograph, and we'll instruct every church, synagogue, multi-denominational chapel, banquet hall and other wedding venue not to book your wedding under any circumstances."
Cut to a priest on the phone: "I'm sorry. We're booked up for the next 10 years. Call back after that."
The priest hangs up after breaking the 9th Commandment, looks at the camera, and winks.
ANNOUNCE: "The Stop-My-Wedding Registry. Because marriage is forever."

ACT 2:
Georgia Gorringe, an 86-year-old great-great-grandmother, has written a steamy romance novel, "No Good-bye".
TOP TEN EXCERPTS FROM THE SENIOR CITIZEN'S ROMANCE NOVEL
10. "He was as old and hard as the candy I keep on the table"
9. "When she walked into the room, his heart stopped"
8. "He had an ass like Coolidge"
7. "'Blow in my hearing aid' she cooed"
6. "Enrique's pants weren't pleated anymore"
5. "Teeth in or out?"
Dave begs out of doing #4. Paul volunteers.

4. "She caressed the balls of his walker legs"

Back to Dave.
3. "It was a position called 'The Reverse Rocking Chair'"
2. "We watched 'Wheel of Fortune' and he gave me an 'O'"
1. "Finally she whispered, 'That's what I call an early bird special'

ACT 3:
SERENA WILLIAMS
The beautiful and powerful Ms. Williams is the #1 women's tennis player in the world, winner of 17 Grand Slam titles, and next week she'll attempt to win her 3rd U.S. Open in a row.
Dave used to play some tennis and admits that at times, he just wasn't in the mood for the game. He wonders if that ever happens to professionals. It's an interesting question to any athlete in any sport. A good question for talk show hosts, I'd imagine. Serena says there are those days but now that she's been at it for so long, she constantly sets new goals to keep her fresh and to keep her going and to keep the hunger. Serena says she's won 600 matches, but that also means she's probably lost a lot, too, which she readily admits. Serena prefers to play singles because that means she doesn't have to apologize to anyone if she screws up. (Sounds like my love life. Hey-Ohhhh!)
Noise at a tennis match? Is that OK? Or should there be silence? Serena enjoys the noise, especially here in New York. It's almost expected here. I remember hearing that even in golf, noise isn't a problem just as long as the noise is consistent. It's the sudden "yelp" that throws the competitor. A steady noise like at a baseball game would be easily handled. Silence, and then a sneeze, or a camera shutter, or an "It's in the hole!" is a problem.

Hey, wanna go outsider and play? Dave and Serena head out to 53rd Street to stop traffic and see what they can do.

ACT 4:
Back from commercial, we find Dave and Serena out of 53rd Street gently volleying back and forth. Dave was able to hold his own against the greatest female player in the world. Granted, she was in heels and a skirt, but still, Dave did admirably. Dave then has an idea. Let's smash Rupert's window! Dave takes a few forehands at the large pane window of the Hello Deli. It dents but does not break. Serena's turn. She fires one forehand at the window just to size it up, and then it's time. With a bit more power behind it, Serena shatters the glass window dead center. The breaking glass if well-received by everyone on this side of the window. During the commercial, Rupert came out with a raised ladle with a bellow, "Get out of here, you kids!"

ACT 5:
ANNOUNCE: "Get back tomorrow for Dave and Julia Louis-Dreyfus, comedian Michael Somerville, and David Gray. When we come back, our experts show you how to make decorative objects out of items."

ACT 6:
CHADWICK BOSEMAN
He plays James Brown in the new film, "Get On Up." Dave saw the film with Paul and Dave was very impressed with Chadwick's portrayal. Dave admits he was a bit sad at the end of the movie because he wanted more James Brown. There was no one like him. There'd be no Michael Jackson like we know Michael without the great James Brown. We may know the music, but we probably don't know the music. The film opens that part to us.
Dave spends a lot of time talking about James Brown's appearance on "The T.A.M.I. Show" DVD. It was an all-star line-up with the Rolling Stones, with 20-year-old Mick Jagger, closing the show and not the great James Brown. It's glaringly obvious the night was James Brown's. Even the Mick knew it should close with James Brown. The producers, though, wanted the Rolling Stones. Producers being producers, though, they had Mick tell James the news. It sounds like your typical Marlin Perkins move, sending out Jim Fowler to face the wild on Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom. ("Jim will go ahead while I stay back here behind this giant rock")

How did Chadwick learn the James Brown dance moves? Did he go to school? Did he go to Arthur Murray? It took a lot of work with a choreographer, a real exercise program. The splits I can see . . . it's the popping back up that's the real work.

Before leaving, Chadwick does some "It's A Man's World," a song Felicia performs here with the band quite often during the commercial breaks.

ACT 7:
ECHO AND THE BUNNYMEN
From their most recent CD, "Meteorites," the influential band with the distinctive sound performed "Holy Moses."

And that was our show for Thursday August 21, 20014.

I'm writing this from Villanova University as I move-in my daughter to her new home away from home. College is considered a home-away-from-home because it is the cost of a new home.

I got excited when Dave mentioned "The T.A.M.I Show" DVD he showed his son. In it were all the greats of the day. James Brown's performance was him at his best. The DVD is worth every nickel, and what a lineup! Look it up on the Google, then buy it on the Amazon, or wherever you kids buy things online. Take a look at the incredible line-up on the DVD, ALL FROM ONE SHOW.
It opens with Chuck Berry, and includes Gerry and the Pacemakers, and Diana Ross and the Supremes, and Smokey Robinson, and Marvin Gaye, and the Beach Boys, and James Brown, and The Rolling Stones. And right in the middle of all that, the star attraction for the night, at least according to the commentary in the DVD, was Leslie Gore. Yeah, all that and Ms. Gore was the headliner.
But get it for the James Brown. It's a wow! And see Mr. Brown and the cape, the inspiration for Paul's bit some years back here on the Late Show. I'm going to lend my "T.A.M.I." show DVD to a friend, but I'm afraid I won't get it back. You know how things get lost and such. With that, I'll be a pain. There will be constant reminders to get it back.

Tennis fan, are you? I've never gone to the U.S. Open right here in nearby Queens but it's something on my list. My cousins are big tennis players and fans and they make the yearly trip up from the Carolinas and Maryland to take in the event. I'm not much of a betting man, but if I were to put down a quid or two, I go with 15-year-old Catherine Bellis vs. 12th seeded Dominika Cibulkova in the first round.

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
On his half-birthday, it's 1971 point guard for the Junior High School Pomona Panthers, it's Phillip Grossfeld.
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER

Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
Twitter: @WahooMike


Tonight's Guests

Joseph Gordon-Levitt
Novak Djokovic
Robby Johnson

Wahoo Gazette Archive

Saturday, August 30
Serena Williams takes out Rupert Jee's deli window.
Friday, August 29
Consider mailing water to relatives in drought regions.
Wednesday, August 27
Time for a Grape Break!
Tuesday, August 26
Is this the "Late Show" or "Jailhouse Rock"?
Monday, August 25
Flying dogs take over 53rd Street for the Purina Pro Plan Incredible Dog Challenge.