CBS

Search By Date
M T W Th F
Saturday, September 13, 2014 Is George Clooney having second thoughts?
Show #4085
Mindy Kaling, Jake Johannsen, and Maddie and Tae.
PLUS: Pierogi Jesus; “Meet The Press”; The single life; the new co-host from “The View”; and a look at music licensing.

“ . . . and now, the Maitre d’ of Hell’s Kitchen . . . . . . . . David Letterman!”

ACT 1:
During the pre-show Q&A, a woman invited Dave to attend an Eagles concert at Madison Square Garden this Saturday. She would be more than happy to take Dave and leave her husband at home. The effects of this invitation would be felt all night.

MONOLOGUE:
-“Radio Shack says it may not be able to avoid bankruptcy. Great. Where am I going to get a VHS rewinder?”
-“Congress is criticizing NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell for not acting swiftly. You know you’re slow if your speed is being criticized by Congress.”

Hear about this? Some people in Michigan found a pierogi with Jesus’ face on it. It inspired this new segment, “Real Jesus / Pierogi Jesus.” We take a look.
ART CARD: REAL JESUS / PIEROGI JESUS
ANNOUNCE: “Real Jesus” (lovely scenes from a Jesus movie) “Full of compassion, love, and wisdom.
Pierogi Jesus (lovely scene of a pierogi being prepared) “Full of delicious piping hot potato filing.
Winner? Pierogi Jesus!
Thanks for watching ‘Real Jesus / Pierogi Jesus.’”

Aren’t they always finding Jesus on things in Michigan?

For the first time in American, single adults now outnumber married adults. It’s a fascinating sea change in our culture. We take a look at this announcement.
ANNOUNCE: “As the Bureau of Labor Statistics reports, fewer than half of Americans now trade their carefree single lives for lawful matrimony. And with divorce rates on the rise, it’s never a bad idea to reevaluate an engagement. If you are having second thoughts about your impending nuptials, it’s time your partner knew the truth. As most Americans now realize, there’s no shame in putting the brakes on marriage.
A message from George Clooney --- technically still single and ready to mingle.”

They’ve got a brand new cast at “The View.” One of the new co-hosts is Nicole Wallace, the former communications director for George W. Bush. You know she’s good, because few can remember a better communicator than George W. Bush. We take a look at a look back.
We see George W. Bush speaking before a packed auditorium. He orates, "You'll be able to, uhhh, uhhhh, you'll be able to see a technology that, uhhh,a technology that will be, that will enable you to, uhhhh, converse, converse with somebody over a long distance . . . . and it will seem like the person is right there in the room with you!"

Thank you, George.

ACT 2:
During the pre-show Q&A, a woman in the audience invited Dave to an Eagles concert this Saturday. Dave alluded to this during the monologue. With all that Eagles talk, Dave wondered why Paul and the band weren’t playing some Eagles music. During the break, Dave was informed by CBS Orchestra segment producer Dan Fetter that the licensing fee for Eagles music is too high. Dave says he is willing to pay. A vehement “NO” comes from the control room, relayed by Nancy at the podium. Much discussion follows as to what the band can and cannot do, what they can and cannot sing and play. Bill Scheft, Late Show writer, and drummer and backup vocalist of The Truants, pipes in that the band can perform less than four lines of music without having to pay a fee. He is quickly rebutted by the woman on the headphones with another “NO!” The Eagles have a flat “NO” policy when it comes to their music. Dave still isn’t convinced. Dave wants to talk directly to the control room. After a slight delay from the control room, (“I don’t want to talk to him! You talk to him!”)Director Jerry Foley gets on the speaker. Dave asks the director for his opinion as to what we should do. Jerry says, “Play it and we’ll see what happens.” Dave loves the advice. Dave and Paul and Scheft make suggestions as to what song they should play, and it has to be a good one because it’s going to cost dearly. No song is decided on and we go to commercial to sort things out.

ACT 3:
Back from commercial, the discussion continues. It’s not only the Eagles who are strict with their licensing. There’s Jimi Hendrix, Springsteen is tight with his songs but does let a few through; Billy Joel is a no go, as is Sam Cooke. Tony Cue Cards Mendez suggests The Captain and Tennille. That’s a funny suggestion when talking about paying to play music because, ironically, you couldn’t pay us to play The Captain and Tennille. Hey-Ohhh! The licensing fee for the Eagles is higher than Dave expected and says to the audience that if they want to hear some Eagles, they should select an audience captain and start up a collection. In the meantime, we have a show to put on.

MINDY KALING
Mindy celebrated her recent birthday in Las Vegas with her writers on “The Mindy Project.” It’s a bit of a work/play get-away. She likes the glamour and the shows and the splash of Vegas. Since it was her birthday, the writers planned a big surprise for her. Surprises while in Las Vegas can be quite dicey. Everything tends to be bigger there, and everything’s available. Mindy doesn’t like surprises, and when she learned that two writers weren’t allowed to go on the trip because their wives wouldn’t let them, Mindy became more than a bit nervous. Turns out, the big surprise was a helicopter trip to the Grand Canyon. It was great, but she admits she would have rather been back watching Britney Spears on a Vegas stage.

What’s Mindy make of these nude celebrity photos that were hacked?
Two things:
1. It is a horrible thing to do to someone. It’s an invasion of privacy and the person for the hacking should be found and punished.
2. Why weren’t her pictures hacked? Mindy wants to know why her nude photos weren’t hacked and leaked. So upset was she for being slighted that she sent her nudes directly to TMZ when the story first broke. She hasn’t heard back. She’s willing to be a victim in this hacking crime but no one seems to be interested.

The Mindy Project – the 3rd season premieres on Thursday September 16th at 9:30 on the FOX. The exciting news is she has a boyfriend this season, but . . . . that means she has to make out with the same guy all the time. There’s no dabbling here and there. She realizes it’s a glimpse into married life.

By the way, the music bumper during the commercial break between the Mindy segments: “Fly Like An Eagle”

ACT 5:
ANNOUNCE: “Come on by Monday for Dave and his guests Kristen Wiig, Senator Elizabeth Warren, and The New Pornographers. Stay tuned for a preview of the funniest Autumnal Equinox pranks.”

ACT 6:
No Eagles tonight, but we did find a knock-off of the Eagles’ “Life In The Fast Lane” in our CBS music library. It’s not THE Eagles song, but it sounds something like it. It’s kinda like the store brand potato chips as opposed to the Ruffles. We hear some of the knock-off, which is titled, “Super Charger.” And I almost liked it. It was close, but not quite. Like a pretty girl with an annoying laugh.

JAKE JOHANNSEN
He’ll be performing October 3rd and 4th at Laughs Comedy Spot in Kirkland, Washington. Jake finds it odd that everyone around him is getting older but him. That’s because he doesn’t have to look at him. He admits he’s starting to feel the effects of aging, though. He recently gave up drinking because he was getting the morning headaches and body aches and pains. He gave up the drink, but he kept waking up to the head and body pains. And then he realized that’s what it feels like to get old. It had nothing to do with the drinking. The good news is he’s back to drinking.

ACT 7:
MADDIE & TAE

The young country western dolls performed “Girl In A Country Song” from their upcoming E.P.

And that was our show for Friday, September 12, 2014.

Pierogi Jesus . . . a pierogi that looks like Jesus. That’s not so stunning. I’ve read somewhere the Jesus actually looked like a pierogi. (I wouldn’t stand next to me during the next lightning storm.)

I picked up a book the other day I found in the basement, parts of which I was supposed to have read back in high school. It is a collection of the Best Short Stories of the Modern Age. The list of authors read like a list of great authors. Sadly, though their names are familiar, I’ve barely read any. I looked in the table of contents and was happy to see no story was more than 10 pages or so. I figured, “Hey, I can do this!” I read the first four short stories:
Edgar Allan Poe, Guy de Maupassant, Anton Chekhov, and Henry James. So for, from my one simple reading of a lone short story, Chekhov is my favorite. I really like how he turns a phrase. Henry James . . . . he’s a hard get. The first sentence of his story had 4 commas; the 2nd sentence had 6; the 3rd sentence had 6. Way too many sidetracks to keep track of.
The next four reads: Luigi Pirandello, Joseph Conrad, D.H. Lawrence, and Katherine Mansfield.

Pistorius not guilty of murder? And here I thought he didn’t have a leg to stand on.

I went out to get some lunch today; a rarity. I walked past a street cart vendor food server. 35 people were on line. It snaked from 7th to Broadway on 53rd. And that’s not the popular vendor. I think the real deal guy is on 53rd and 6th. It’s crazy to wait on a line that has 35 people on it, but dang it if it doesn’t make me want to try some of the stuff they’re serving. Outside of the DMV and Disney, I wouldn’t step on a line of 35 for anything.

Next week’s previously viewed programs:
MONDAY: from 9/03/14; #4078 – Kristen Wiig; Senator Elizabeth Warren; and The New Pornographers.
TUESDAY: from 9/05/14; #4080 – Tina Fey, Moody McCarthy, and Kevin Drew.
WEDNESDAY: from 8/25/14; #4073 – Michael Cera, Lyle Lovett, and Dock Diving Dogs.
THURSDAY: from 8/28/14; #4076 – Mike Myers, Bonnie MacFarlane, and John Fulbright
FRIDAY: from 9/09/14; #4082 – Michael Strahan, Sir Richard Branson, and Interpol. Plus: a top ten list from U.S. Open champion Marin Cilic

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER From your FDNY and Hillcrest Volunteers, from New City, New York it’s birthday boy Christopher “The Chin” Wren. This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER

Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
Twitter: @WahooMike

Wahoo Gazette Archive

Saturday, September 13
Is George Clooney having second thoughts?
Thursday, September 11
Billy Eichner and Dave enjoy a screaming match.
Wednesday, September 10
Dr. Phil gets the Big Red treatment.
Tuesday, September 9
Dave & Michael Strahan and their mutual admiration society.
Monday, September 8
Dave and Vladimir: Just a couple guys talking about Dairy Queen.