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Monday, March 30, 2015 "Hit me up on Linkedin, girl." - Todd the Intern
Show #4182
Neil Patrick Harris, Charlie Cox, and The Suffers.  
Plus: The iHeartRadio Award Show; Harry Reid’s Career Highlights; Zayn Malik leaving One Direction; a Top Ten list; and Dave adorns a nearby eatery.
 
“From a crude lean-to, deep in the Maine woods, it's the Late Show with Dave, Davey, David Letterman.    Tonight: Neil Patrick Harris, from ‘Marvel’s Daredevil’ Charlie Cox, and music from The Suffers.   Plus: Paul Shaffer and the CBS Orchestra.  I’m Alan Kalter.  And now, honky cat who refuses to get back . . . . . . .  David Letterman!”
 
I was in a pretape post-rehearsal, pre-show, which left me very little time to do any last-second prep and triple-checking.   I don’t know the reason for the “Dave, Davey, David Letterman” in the opening announce.  I’ll have to ask the Brown brothers.
 
ACT 1:
MONOLOGUE
-Last night was the big iHeartRadio Music Awards aired on NBC.    It was an electrifying show, but a lot of people didn’t watch because they’d never heard of it.   Dave watched, and picked out the highs and the lows from the awards show.  We take a look.
ART CARD: iHeartRadio Music Awards: High Point/Low Point
ANNOUNCE: “Low point . . . “ - We see Madonna about to announce an award winner, but she doesn’t realize that the camera is back on her.   She stands saying and doing nothing.  No cue, no clue.   A bit embarrassing.
ANNOUNCE: “High point . . . . “ -   We see Madonna about to announce an award winner, but she doesn’t realize that the camera is back on her.    She stands saying and doing nothing.   No cue, no clue.   A bit embarrassing.   And it was great!
ANNOUNCE: "This has been the 'iHeartRadio Music Awards: High Point / Low Point.' 
 
Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid is retiring at the end of this term.   What better time than now to take a look at Senator Harry Reid’s  Career Highlights.
ART CARD: SENATOR HARRY REID CAREER HIGHLIGHTS
We see Senator Reid in the Capitol before Congress.    He announces, “"258, 259, 261, 262, 263, 264, 338, 339, 340, 344, 345, 346, 403, 422, 450, 456, 493, 494, 495, 496, 499, 500, 501, 502, 504 . . ."
ART CARD: SENATOR HARRY REID CAREER HIGHLIGHTS
What is that, “Senate Bingo”?
 
And since his career was/is so illustrious, we take a look at another Harry Reid Career Highlight.
ART CARD: SENATOR HARRY REID CAREER HIGHLIGHTS
We see Senator Reid in the Capitol addressing Congress: “That’s what she said.”
ART CARD: SENATOR HARRY REID CAREER HIGHLIGHTS
 
Sad news . . . Zayn Malik, one of the guys in One Direction, has decided to quit the group.   Yup.  He’s decided . . . .
We hear our cue card maven Todd call out, “What?!”   Dave tries his best to ignore Todd and go on with his story about Zayn Malik and One Direction, but Todd again interrupts.
TODD: (distraught) “What?!  Is that true?  Really?
DAVE: “Yes, Todd, really.”
TODD: “Wow . . . . . that’s too . . .  (singing) baaaaa-aaaaad.”   Todd then breaks into a dance the kids call “break dancing.”   He spins on his back and gets a bit tangles in his headphone cord.   He gets up from his  . . . . dancing? . . . . . and stares into the camera with sultriness, “Hit me up on Linkedin, girl.”  He then blows an unscripted kiss and throws a wink.   
 
Dave gathers himself and advises, “Todd . . . . .  don’t ever do that again.”
 
ACT 2
Back from commercial, we find Dave toying around with his cellphone.    He took a picture on this phone . . . . you can do that, you know . . . . and shares it with the audience.    Dave was at the Grand Prix of St. Petersburg and posed for a photo with RahalLettermanLanigan driver Graham Rahal.   Team owner Bobby Rahal is a legendary Indy driver.    Dave, we know.   And Lanigan . .  Mike Lanigan . .  made his money in . . . Dave isn’t sure but it has something to do with dump trucks.   Dave has learned it’s best not to ask.
The photo we see if of Dave and Graham in front of the RLL car.   In the background, it looks as if the pit crew is gathered for a team leak.    And if you look closely at the car and at Dave’s shirt, we can see that the team has a new sponsor: “Steak ‘N Shake.”  “Steak ‘N Shake’ has always been close to his heart.   There was one near his house when growing up.   He would have a bag of burgers every day, then go home for dinner.   It’s what kids do.
Dave decided to have the small phone-photo blown up into poster size.   Dave’s assistant Mary Barclay is tech-savvy and she can do anything.   Mary runs off stage with the camera to get it done.   She returns moments later from FotoMat with a huge photo of Dave and Graham.  It’s a good 4-foot by 3-foot in size.    Dave calls Biff over to have the poster delivered to Steak ‘N Shake right outside on Broadway.   Dave is sure they would l love to display the poster in their store.  As Biff struggles with the over-size, we already have a film crew at Steak ‘N Shake.    We head in and meet-and-greet the lovely PhaLove.   She’s been at the “SnS” since it opened here in NYC, January of 2011.   Dave and PhaLove share their love of the Steak ‘N Shake burgers.   Dave shares that since Dave is leaving the show and the Broadway area, he would like to leave the poster as a way of keeping his presence felt.     While the poster is being positioned, Dave places an order for a vanilla shake and a chocolate shake for Paul.   
Biff positions the poster and successfully hangs it.    is it straight?   Biff says it’s straight enough for him, therefore, it’s good enough for us.  
Head on over to Steak ‘N Shake to see Dave’s hanging poster.   Hours after Monday’s show, Dave dropped by to take a look himself.
 
ACT 3:
Back from commercial, we find Dave with his vanilla shake and Paul with his chocolate.   Dave sips and enjoys.
Dave: “You know what I like about this.   A lot of places you go and the shakes are watered down; this is like grout.”
Paul shares his concern about the guys in the photo who are ‘ouaa’-ing.   I think he’s wondering how that may affect business.   (to decipher ‘ouaa’ – look to the left of each letter in ‘ouaa’ on your keyboard.   Who knew you couldn’t say ‘ouaa’?
 
NEIL PATRICK HARRIS
Neil gets a vanilla shake delivered.   He sucks on the straw and exclaims with satisfaction, “This is like grout.”   It was fun to see NPH behaving like Doogie when he ripped off the end of the paper on the straw and  blew the rest off like a rocket.   It’s what you’re supposed to do when you are handed a straw.  (I’m so old, I remember when the straws were made of paper).
Neil is currently performing as a stay-at-home dad to his two 4-year-old kids.  His partner, David is now appearing in a Broadway play, “It Shoulda Been You” currently in previews.   Oooh, 4-year-old twins.  Dave has heard that two can be easier than one.    From my experience, it’s true . . . . after a certain age.  Those first few years are incredibly exhausting.  And then one morning . . . which turned into noon . . . and the girls had not come down stairs yet.   They were playing upstairs . . . . and had been for hours.   Denise was concerned that we should get them so they could eat breakfast.    I jumped in to be a stop to that, wanting to enjoy the peace of not having to do anything.    Plus, children are not much different than cats . . . when they’re hungry, they’ll eat.  NPH admits to not being much of the stay-at-homer.    His partner David was a short-order cook in an earlier life and he could whip up anything for breakfast no matter what was requested.   Neil has a hard time opening an oatmeal packet.  But we survived on Cheerios, and our kids will, too.   
NPH takes a moment to reminisce.    This is his 17th time on the show; the first being some 25 years ago.   Back on Late Night, Neil did some bowling in the hallway at milk cartons, he did some magic, and he got electrocuted from the desk microphone.    Neil reaches for the desk mic . . .  and once again, a shock and a spark.   Oh, when will he ever learn?   
According to my Late Show notes, NPH shocked himself on the desk mic on January 5, 1994; show #87.  He was here to promote the TV movie, “Snowbound: The Jim and Jennifer Stolpa Story.”
And what’s next for Mr. Harris?   Well, since he’s admits to being not so good as a stay-at-home dad, he’s decided to put on a show!    A variety show!   Name, date, and time to be determined.   Dave suggests, “The Neil Patrick Harris Show.”   That Dave . . . he’s a genius.    It’ll be an hour LIVE show with some Candid Camera-ness thrown in.   Coming this fall.
 
ACT 4:
A triple burger or 3 single burgers?   Dave prefers the 3 single burgers because you get the thrill of biting into a new burger 3 times.
 
TOP TEN: SIGNS YOU’RE IN A LAME CULT
In the new HBO documentary, “Going Clear,” Scientology is portrayed as a bit of a cult.  Dave isn’t so sure of that, having heard it’s just a place for fun horseplay.
 
SIGNS YOU’RE IN A LAME CULT
10. Claims its teaching can help you live up to 65 years
9. Its motto is Latin for "We accept Visa and Mastercard"
8. There's no weird naked stuff
7. It's not a cult so much as it is a carpool
6. Claims Jennifer Lawrence as a member, but it's really just one member named Jennifer and another named Lawrence
5. Founded by L. Ron Howard
4. "Headquarters" is a Red Lobster
3. Mostly about selling Mary Kay Cosmetics
2. It's called "Greg's Holy Church Of Letting Greg Sleep With Your Wife"
1. The only way out is death or two-weeks written notice
 
ACT 5:
ANNOUNCE: “Dave’s back tomorrow with guests David Duchovny, Josh Gad, and Houndmouth.  
Coming up, the inspiring story of a man who successfully sued the poltergeists that damaged his home furnishings.”
 
ACT 6:
CHARLIE COX
From the new Netflix “Marvel’s Daredevil.”    Charlie is here while combatting food poisoning.  Every have food poisoning?    I had it once and I think it almost killed me.   I was in the police department and I called in sick twice for the same day.  I was delirious.   If Charlie has anything like that, well, big kudos to him for making it here.  He blames the food poisoning on some prosciutto that was offered by the hotel.   He woke up at 3:00 in the morning, decided to have a snack, and by morning the prosciutto was banging on his stomach wanting to get out.
Charlie is Daredevil, a blind superhero who lost his sight at a young age while saving someone’s life.   Chemicals seeped into his eyes that blinded him, but caused his other senses to become super sensitive and powerful.  
“Marvel’s Daredevil” – all 13 episodes premiere on the Netflix April 10th.
 
ACT 7:
THE SUFFERS
From their new E.P. “Make Some Room,’ the band from Houston, Texas and making their network television debut performed a very enjoyable, “Gwan”.  
 
And that was our show for Monday March 30. 2015.  
 
Since I see the Late Show while it is being taped, I don’t always watch at home. . . .  unless I’m on.   Truth be told, I’m usually napping right after Final Jeopardy and then waken much later to go to bed.    But Friday night I tuned in to Fallon for a minute.   This is what I noticed.   Every network has their little logo shown someplace on the TV screen.   The Tonight Show has their NBC peacock in the lower left hand corner of the screen.   The Late Show and Kimmel have theirs on the lower right side corner.   So?   Well, when former Late Show writer Will Forte was sitting in the guest chair last week with Fallon, the NBC peacock rested right on his crotch.   And when he got up to sing . . . there it was again right over his crotch.    Is that intentional?  Is NBC working something subliminal here?    The Late Show and Kimmel have their logo in the lower right hand corner away from “the action.”  
Yeah, that’s what I took away from “The Tonight Show” the on Friday.   
Oh, and I wouldn’t have ended Jimmy’s “Thank You Notes” with a joke about depression.  They needed someone like me to ask, “Uhh,  . . . is that a good idea after the pilot in Germany thing?”
 
I watched Bill O’Reilly’s “Killing Jesus” on the National Geographic channel Sunday night.   I had a laugh-out-loud moment immediately following the crucifixion scene.   I know, I know . . . how could that be?    Well, there’s Jesus dying on the cross, blood streaming from his forehead from the crown of thorns.  Very dramatic, very tense, very emotional, very gruesome.
Quick cut to commercial . . . .  to a cheerful, “Hi, I’m Rob Lowe.  And this is ‘Bad Decision’ Rob Lowe . . . .”
YEOW!   Talk about a “bad decision”!   
 
I’m doing quite poorly in the Terry’s AFL NCAA March Madness Pool.    I did pretty well on the left side, not so good on the right.   And if Notre Dame beat Kentucky, that would have helped a lot.    But if you recall my original prediction two weeks ago, I have Wisconsin beating Kentucky in the Final Four.
WAIT!  I just checked my recent Wahoos.   I can’t find my Wisconsin over Kentucky prediction.   I would have sworn I wrote how Wisconsin would beat Kentucky.  But it’s not there.   Now no one will believe me, but I said it weeks ago!
On the bright side, nobody will see my prediction of Villanova over Iowa State in the Final Four either.
 
Whoa!   I turned on the UCONN/Dayton women’s basketball game Monday night . . . . and Dayton was winning at halftime?!   UCONN beats everybody by 30 and here they were losing in the Final 8!    I figured Mr. Lehecka must be going crazy.     But then life righted itself and UCONN ended up winning by 20.    I’m angry I missed the first half.  But kudos to the Dayton Flyers.  Mighty impressive.
And how did UCONN lose to Stanford early in the season?   I watched that game and thought UCONN would have a tough go of it this year.     Their closest game since has been a 14-point victory over South Florida.
 
I’m cleaning out my Late Show garage . . . .
Dave lines through the years:
“This is the most fun I’ve had at rehearsal . . . Holy crap” 5/04/01 #1600
“The first push-up is always the hardest” – 5/04/01 #1600
“Put down the remote control!” – ACT 1 7/12/01 #1639
“I love time off” – to Billy Crystal 7/20/01 #1645
“Rabbits are like interesting kittens” – 9/06/01 #1669
“It was a ‘drop your toothbrush in the toilet’ bad day” – 10/02/01 #1682
“Did I buy insurance from you?” – to Grant Paulson – 10/03/01 #1683
“I’d rather ride the subway naked than vacation with Trump” – 2/01/02 #1748
 
SOMETHING NEW!
ARE THEY STILL READING THE WAHOO GAZETTE?
I have a 1999 e-mail from . . . .  Antony Thomas!   Is Antony Thomas still reading the Wahoo Gazette?
This concludes the premier installment of ARE THEY STILL READING THE WAHOO GAZETTE?
 
CAMEO MENTION OF AN AFL NEWSGROUP ORIGINAL
Nek58
This concludes the debut of a Cameo Mention of an AFL Original.
 
CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
From www.ChadRiden.com, it’s Chad Riden
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
 
Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
Twitter: @WahooMike
 

Tonight's Guests

David Duchovny
Josh Gad
Houndmouth

Wahoo Gazette Archive

Monday, March 30
"Hit me up on Linkedin, girl." - Todd the Intern
Wednesday, March 25
Dave's true story is a joke.
Tuesday, March 24
Intern Todd and Dave admire a gift from Kankakee, Illinois.
Monday, March 23
It's the Human Cannonball (but what's the deal with those guys?)
Wednesday, March 18
Norm Macdonald takes Dave's camera for a spin.