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Monday, September 30, 2013 Sean Hayes' big jump will blow your hat off.
Show #3912
Sean Hayes, and Sting.
PLUS: Recent Television Series Finales; Impressionist Week at the U.N.; Gene wants to go home; the government shutdown; a Top Ten list; and Dave's weekend.

" . . . and now, your friendly 9-fingered butcher . . . . . . . David Letterman."

ACT 1:
MONOLOGUE

-"Did you see Showtime's new ‘Masters of Sex' show? It's about the sex researchers, Masters and Johnson. Back in the 50s, they taught you how to master your johnson."

This fall, several favorite television programs have ended for good. We rounded up some of those shows in "Recent Television Series Finales"
ART CARD: RECENT TELEVISION SERIES FINALES
ANNOUNCE: "Dexter" –We see a scene from the final episode of "Dexter." "Breaking Bad" – we see a scene from the final episode of "Breaking Bad" "Late Show with David Letterman" – we cut to Dave; surprised, confused: "I'm sorry . . . what? What?"
"This has been Recent Television Series Finales.
ART CARD: RECENT TELEVISION SERIES FINALES

I think that is the same way Lane Kiffin found out.

The United Nations General Assembly was here and is now gone. They had a very successful week, highlighted by their Impressionist Week.
ART CARD: U.N. GENERAL ASSEMBLY IMPRESSIONIST WEEK
ANNOUNCE: "The General Assembly is winding down, but the fun is just beginning at the United Nations. This week, all your favorite world leaders take the stage during U.N. General Assembly Impressionist Week! Don't miss:
-"Viktor Yanukovych's Clint Eastwood." We see Viktor doing Clint's "Go ahead, make my day."
-"François Hollande's Charlton Heston." We see Francois doing Heston's, "Get your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty ape."
-"And Sebastian Piñera Echenique's Christian Bale." We see Sebastian doing Bale's "I'm Batman."
ANNOUNCE: "U.N. General Assembly Impressionist Week. Happening now!"

The U.N. General Assembly isn't actually happening now but we prepared this last week and we hated to see it go to waste. I guess we could have always used it next year . . . . and we may still.

Out of the clip, we find stagehand Gene Szymanski approach Dave. He is lugging a backpack and seems to be a bit alarmed over something.
DAVE: "Oh, hi, Gene. It's one of our stagehands, Gene Szymanski. What can I do for you, Gene?"
GENE: "Hi, Dave. Listen, I'm gonna get out of here . . . . the government shutdown."
DAVE: "Yeah, the government shutdown. But I don't think that's happened yet. It's supposed to happen tomorrow, I think."
GENE: "Right, when it does, forget about it. The subways . . . the trains . . . we won't be able to get home. Everything will go dark. We have to get out while we can."
DAVE: "What about cabs? Will there be any taxi cabs?"
GENE: "No. No cabs. Nothing"
DAVE: "Well, OK. You better hurry off, then.. In fact, once the show ends, I think I . . . "
Gene slowly approaches Dave as if he wants . . . needs a hug. Dave quickly lets Gene know that‘s not going to happen.
DAVE: "No, Gene. That's OK. I'll be leaving right behind you."
GENE: "That's smart. Very smart. Well, I'm outta here. You take care of yourself."
Gene scurries away.
I think Gene was overreacting a bit about this government shutdown thing. He was acting as if it was Cloverfield.

But Gene raises a good point. What will happen if there is a government shutdown? We take a look.

ART CARD: "WAYS A GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN WOULD AFFECT AMERICANS" ANNOUNCE: "If the United States government shuts down, national parks will be closed/ National museums will be closed. And national zoos will be closed. Therefore, until an agreement is reached, thousands of zoo animals will be let loose."
We see a clip of various zoo and safari animals running wild through the street of the nation. Maybe Gene is right.
ANNOUNCE: "This has been 'Ways a Government Shutdown Would Affect Americans.' "
ART CARD: "WAYS A GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN WOULD AFFECT AMERICANS"

ACT 2:
Dave shares a peek into his weekend.
We've been having absolutely beautiful autumn weather here in the northeast for the past few weeks. Home and family have been super. Dave says he lives with a woman who plays his wife and has a son about to be 10 years old. And then there is the 92-pound family dog. Everything at home is hunky dory. Dave is still working at training the 3-year-old pup. They get along great and are the best of friends. When Dave gets into the car to go someplace, the dog gets angry and will growl and bark at the car tires. Dave demonstrates. ODD DAVE – this shot of Dave barking at a car tire may come back in a future comedy piece where we need Dave acting odd. I have a lot of these. Dave will train the dog with "No! No! No!" The family unit also loves to play with a frisbee with the dog. Dave will throw the Frisbee and the dog will chase. He will bring it back to Dave, who will then say to give it to his son. Harry will toss it and the dog will chase and bring it back. Harry will tell the dog to give it to Dave. And so on. Well, this weekend when Harry told the Sully the dog to give it to Dave, Sully sauntered over and took a leak right on Dave's leg. Not good. Now the dog is on Dave's list. And you don't want to get on Dave's list. (Good to know. Note to self: Don't take a leak on Dave's leg.) And that was Dave's weekend.

TOP TEN: THINGS OVERHEARD ON THE OBAMA/ROUHANI PHONE CALL – On Friday, President Obama and Iranian President Hassan Rouhani spoke on the phone, the first direct contact between the nations' in nearly 24 years.
THINGS OVERHEARD ON THE OBAMA/ROUHANI PHONE CALL
8. "When I heard you were calling, Iran to the phone . . . ha ha ha ha ha"
6. "Our relationship is a delicate balance --- like a screwdriver on compressed air." We see a clip of a levitating screwdriver from an old Stupid Human Tricks.
4. "Same thing happened when I tried to pass Rouhani-Care."
2. "I can't wait to get out of here and back to my home country . . . what about you, Rouhani?"

ACT 3:
SEAN HAYES

Sean Hayes? Where is Sean? We find him in the balcony. He says he will be right there. He runs to the edge . . . and jumps off. Sean gets up and runs over to the guest chair. Yoko Ono is on Wednesday's show. I'm not sure if she'll make the same entrance. Sean decided to make the big entrance because he wanted to bring life to the show. Dave lets the comment slide by, but after a few more slight digs at Dave, Dave wonders, "Is this a roast?" and "Did I do something to piss you off?" I think Sean is feeling comfortable because he has a new show on TV. Security will do that to people. Sean's new show is on the NBC, entitled, "Sean Saves The World." Linda Lavin plays his mother. Sean says Linda very much reminds him of his own mom. Sean shares a story of finally making some real money is show business and decided to buy his mother a rebuilt new home on the ground where they grew up. She was overwhelmed, but through the tears of joy whispered to Sean, "I don't think I would have gone with that couch." Dave recalls what he got his mother for her 90th birthday: a riding lawnmower. Not a bad gift. It makes it easier to wave to the passing cars while mowing.
"Sean Saves The World" – the series premiere is this Thursday at 9:00 PM.

Tonight's "Backstage Photo Club" – comedian Andy Kindler and Late Show writer Jeremy Weiner.

ACT 5:
ANNOUNCE: "Make it back here tomorrow for Dave and his guests Sarah Michelle Gellar, Nick Offerman, and First Aid Kit. If ketchup can be spelled C-A-T-S-U-P, then we should be able to spell mustard M-A-S-T-A-R-D. Who's with me?"

ACT 6:
STING

A 16-time Grammy Award winner! Sting grew up in an England shipyard city that most in the area made a living. Sting remembers wondering if that was his destiny. He recalls one day as a boy when the Queen Mother came to visit one of the new ships to be christened. His eyes met the eyes of the Queen and he felt a connection. It was then he realized he didn't want to be here in the city on the street and working the shipyards; he wanted to be in that Rolls Royce limousine the Queen was in. He knew there was more out there. When his uncle emigrated to Canada, the only thing he left behind was a guitar missing a string. The guitar spoke to him and they became inseparable. And then, ta da, here he is!
Sting's new album, "The Last Ship," consists of songs from the shipyard which he plans to make into a Broadway musical production.

From his new CD, "The Last Ship," Sting performed "What Have We Got?"

And that was our show for Monday, September 30, 2013.

The levitating screwdriver in the Top Ten . . . . . during the preshow Q&A, a guy in the balcony introduced himself and said he was on the show a long long time ago to perform a Stupid Human Trick. He described the trick and Dave pretended to be thoroughly impressed. I took that as a cue to find that clip somewhere in my data base. I figured "screwdriver" would be a good key word. Seconds later: "Human Tricks – Bonus Trick: ACT 5 – Levitating Screwdriver. 10/31/97; Show #897."
We seem to be including a preshow Q&A comment into the Top Ten lately. It makes the audience feel special. The other nine are for you.

The New York Giants vs. the Philadelphia Eagles this Sunday. It's a shame one of them will have to be favored.

344 days till 2014 NFL Opening Day!

There were so many commercials on "Breaking Bad" last night I thought I was listening to a Danny Stiles radio program. (That was a joke just for me. I don't expect anyone to get it.)

I think it's time we the people start acting like 1950s parents and give the Democrats and Republicans a smack across the back of the head and tell them to knock it off and behave. You blame one and the response is, "Yeah, well, he started it!"

Twenty five years ago today, Denise and I were married. Yes, today is our Silver Anniversary. I remember my parents' 25th Anniversary. They were old, but younger than me now. How could that be?

I met Denise in kindergarten. We then went to different schools until 7th grade. In 8th grade, barely knowing her, she took my hat and threw it down the hall. And it's been love ever since. She always knew just how to get to me. A year later in 9th grade, I asked her to the senior prom. I wanted to get my dibs in early. She accepted my request. We hung in different crowds through most of high school, but come 12th grade I reminded her of what she promised. She remembered. A month later I picked her up in my brown tuxedo driving my Corvair.

So, what did I get her for our 25th? What do you get a girl who has everything? That doesn't pertain to Denise but I'm just curious. I am not very good at buying gifts, especially on such a special occasion as a 25th Anniversary. I ended up getting her something I think she'll like. I hope so. The guy at the store said it would be the most comfortable pillow she'll ever own.

Time now for This Date In CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER History. From September 30, 2003: "From San Diego and the father of a second grader, it's Jeff Espeseth"
This concludes another installment of This Date In CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER History

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
Chief Meteorologist at ABC9 News in Sioux City, Iowa, it's Midwest Regional Emmy Award winner Fred Hexom
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER

Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
Twitter: @WahooMike

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