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Tuesday, October 1, 2013 Obamacare still means waiting an hour in your underpants.
Show #3913
Sarah Michelle Gellar, Nick Offerman, and First Aid Kit.
PLUS: The Government Shutdown; The Rouhani Phone Call to the White House; How Things Will Be Different Under Obamacare; a National Park Employee OIt of Work; In Case You Missed Last Night's Show; and a Top Ten List.

" . . . and now, the thriller in Manila . . . . . . . . David Letterman!

ACT 1:
MONOLOGUE
- "800.000 non-essential employees were let go due to the government shutdown. The fact that we have 800,000 non-essential government employees may be the problem."

Everyone's worried about the government shutdown. Dave saw this interesting announcement today.
ANNOUNCE: "In the event of a government shutdown, we wish to assure citizens the U.S. Department of Closed will remain open. Boing! A message from your federal government."

President Obama spoke by telephone Friday with Iranian President Hassan Rouhani. It was the first direct conversation between leaders of the two nations since 1979. Making this phone call was not easy. The White House released audio of the phone call. We listen.
Phone rings.
White House Operator: (robotic/machine voice) "Hello, you have reached the White House. To continue in English, press or say one."
ROUHANI: "One."
WHO: "Okay, please say the name of the White House department you're trying to reach."
ROUHANI: "Oval Office."
WHO: "I'm sorry, I didn't get that."
ROUHANI: "President Obama."
WHO: "Postmaster General Patrick Donahue . . Is that right?"
ROUHANI: "No."
WHO: "I'm sorry you're having difficulty. If you wish to speak to an operator, say "representative."
ROUHANI: "Representative."
WHO: "Did you know the White House has a website?
ROUHANI: "Representative."
WHO: "Just go to www.whitehouse.gov."
ROUHANI: "Representative! Representative!"
WHO: "One moment."
Oops! The connection was accidentally cut off. Dial tone.
ROUHANI: "Son of a bitch!"

Yes, that's right. Even though the connection was cut, we were still able to hear Rouhani say "Son of a bitch!" Seems the recording was from the Irani White House, not ours.

Standing by Dave is a woman in a business suit.
DAVE: "Oh, hello, can I help you?"
WOMAN: "Hi."
DAVE: "Uhh, you know we're right in the middle of a show."
WOMAN: "Oh, I'm sorry, Dave. If I may, I just wanted to say that it's imperative that members of the United States Congress negotiate a long-term budget agreement so that American treasures, such as our gorgeous national parks, can reopen."
Dave heartily agrees.
DAVE: "That's a good point, a very good point. The national parks are closed and we have to get together and open them back up, because they truly are treasures . . . . . and . . . I'm sorry, who are you, exactly?"
WOMAN: "I'm a Yellowstone National Park prostitute. Goodnight, everyone."
Hmmm. She seemed to know some of the CBS Orchestra.

Curious about Obamacare? There seems to be a lot of confusion about how it will work. The White House has released this message to explain things.
ANNOUNCE: "Many Americans are confused about how Obamacare will affect their health coverage, but there are a few important things that won't change. Under Obamacare, you'll still be able to see the same doctor. You'll still receive the same, great medical care. And before every appointment, you'll still be required to wait for an hour in your underpants."
We see an elderly gentleman sitting on the examination table in a doctor's office e in his boxer shorts waiting for the doctor.
ANNOUNCE: "Obamacare: The doctor will be with you shortly."

ACT 2:
We understand many of you are busy and cannot make time to watch the show every single night. That's why we have the Wahoo Gazette. But tonight, we've done more. It's something we call, "In Case You Missed Last Night's Show."
ART CARD: IN CASE YOU MISSED LAST NIGHT'S SHOW
We see Dave from Monday's show barking and growling like his dog Sully.
And from yesterday's Wahoo:
"ODD DAVE - this shot of Dave barking at a car tire may come back in a future comedy piece where we need Dave acting odd. " DING!
It usually doesn't happen this fast.

September is the time the networks debut their new shows. Dave has a list of some on the docket, with a brief description.
- "Crease and Desist": Sundays at 8:30 PM on ABC - Process server Melvin Flamp, played by Richard Kind, is always on-the-go, delivering subpoenas to unlicensed dry cleaners accused of improperly pressing pants.
- "Dodo Dynasty": Fridays at 9:00 PM on A&E - the real-life adventures of a clan of self-proclaimed rednecks who develop a call to lure dodos, a bird which has been extinct since the 17th Century
- "R.S.V.P.": Thursdays at 10:00 PM on the CW - Danny Trejo is a tough wanderer with a dark past, who travels from town to town, intimidating people who haven't responded to invitations.
- "The Girl from A.P.N.E.A.": Wednesdays at 8:00 PM on OWN - Fifty years after "The Girl from Ipanema" was immortalized in song, we catch up with her as an elderly woman with a sleep disorder.
- "TSA Match Game": Sundays at 9 PM on the Travel Channel - Janet Napolitano hosts this uproarious game show, where TSA agents view naked body scans, then attempt to find matching passengers in the airport terminal.
- "The Wolf Den": Weeknights at 11:00 PM - CNN: new, nightly program where Wolf Blitzer travels the country, picking fights

Dave made a few references about a "yard dick." Something from the preshow Q&A. I didn't get a chance to listen in so the joke passed me be.

ACT 3:
TOP TEN: QUESTIONS PEOPLE HAVE ABOUT OBAMACARE
7. "How much to make my knees hinge like a flamingo's?"
3. "Do I still have to make awkward small talk during a hernia check?"

SARAH MICHELLE GELLAR
She's on the new CBS show, "The Crazy Ones," with Robin Williams. Well, we know who one of the crazy ones is. I guess there's more. Sarah is excited to about the show but is more excited simply to be employed.
Before we get started, we take a look at a photo of a young Sarah from 1982 on Late Night. She was in a safety skit of some sort with a 2X6 embedded in her head. Sarah is the mom of two . . . a daughter 4 and a son 1. Dad is Freddie Prinze Jr. When Sarah was pregnant with Rocky, she was a guest here on the show and at the time she did not know she was pregnant. She admits that all the signs were there but she didn't put it together. And she almost had her first child on the 405 Freeway. She and Freddie were totally unprepared. Freddie rushed her to the hospital from the gym and minutes later baby was here.
Hey, note to soon-to-be first-time dads. When you drive your lovely significant other to the hospital to have your baby, wear nice clothes. I went to the hospital wearing a gaudy Notre Dame sweater and a YooHoo hat. The problem is that when the baby arrives, photos will be taken of you and the new one. That's right . . . my first photos with Dominique and Danielle are of me dressed like a clown. Embarrassing.
By the way, next month my girls turn 18.

Sarah then tells a story of getting trapped in the garage of her new house. The door locked behind her and she couldn't get back into the house. Husband and daughter didn't come looking for her for a good half hour. Sarah left her phone in the car and went to get it. She couldn't find it until her car told her where it was. I don't know, it's some kind of new GPS/I-pad/phone/mac/Bluetooth/speaker/search/car thing. Dave was curious about the car that told Sarah where her phone was. He asks, "What, your car is Kitt?" I laughed at the 30-year-old reference. Kitt was the talking car on Knight Rider, starring David Hasselhoff before there was a Baywatch. I never watched the Knight Rider, but I do recall the front of Kitt the Pontiac lit up when it talked, like the robot on "Lost In Space." Somehow, people bought in to this.

"The Crazy Ones" - Thursday nights at 9 PM on CBS.

ACT 4:
NICK OFFERMAN
The very funny Nick Offerman from NBC's "Parks and Recreation." He was in a film this summer, "We're The Millers," still in theaters. And he was performing in a one-man show recently. Very busy. And now he's written a book/memoir: "Paddle Your Own Canoe: One Man's Fundamentals For Delicious Living." And let's not forget his prowess at woodworking. This brings a chuckle from the audience. Nick admonishes them, "It's not a joke, folks." Dave greatly admires Nick's woodworking skills. Dave appreciates excellence in anything, no matter the trade or profession.
Nick is married to Megan Mullally and the two have been doing a play together called "Annapurna" which they hope will come to Broadway in the Spring. "Annapurna" is a Himalayan peak.
His book is based on Nick's 10 tips for a prosperous life. His friends suggested it would make for a good book. Nick wrote a proposal and a publishing house "bit". The book came out today. It runs 350 pages or so. His first writing gave him 12 pages. Not quite enough. He was instructed to pad on another 260 pages. Nick shares a story of his college days. He saw this guy, Joe Foust, who Nick knew was just the kind of guy who was the kind of trouble Nick wanted to get into. They liked to shoplift odd things just for fun and giggles. One day when Joe was buying a toaster over or microwave, Nick decided this would be a good time to steal 8 Ronnie Milsap CDs. And it was 8 different Milsap CD's, not 8 of the same one. Well, Nick got caught, mainly due to the huge rectangular bulge in his pants. Nick was brought to the pokey and stayed a spell. Joe came by and bailed him out. Nick's biggest mistake of the day was asking the officer if he could expedite the paperwork since it was his opening night of his very first play in college. Well, the officers took much delight in Nick's dilemma and took their time expediating. Nick got to the play just in time. He had a crying scene in the play and says it is still the best crying scene he's ever performed.

Nick Offerman . . . very funny. Tells a story extremely well, turning a phrase with a twist until it's a knot.

"Paddle Your Own Canoe: One Man's Fundamentals For Delicious Living" - it's in stores now.

ACT 5:
ANNOUNCE: "Check us out again tomorrow as Dave welcomes Kerry Washington, Ariel Tweto, and Yoko Ono Plastic Ono Band. Reward offered! I lost something. Contact me if you find it."

ACT 7:
FIRST AID KIT
From their most recent album, "The Lion's Roar," First Aid Kit performed "Emmylou." And you can see them next week at Radio City Music Hall right here in New York City.

And that was our show for Tuesday October 01, 2013.

You're lucky the Wahoo Gazette was not deemed non-essential.

Big fans of Sarah Michelle Gellar, are you? Check her out on All My Children, about 15 minutes in. Then again 20 minutes in and interspersed through the show. Lots of Graham. Lots of SMG.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tCMNRHe4iyw
Oh, and who is that with her? It's definitely worth a look-see. Could it be . . . is it . . . Graham Fenwick-Jones? Yes, it is. The clip is from 15-20 years ago. I mentioned this clip to the research department. Unfortunately, the character played by Graham Fenwick-Jones is just too evil and disgusting. Showing that on our show would have been too difficult to explain in a light setting.

New York Giants football fans are morose over how this season is unfolding and are calling the radio stations demanding drastic changes. Take a breath, people. The way I figure it, there are 32 teams in the NFL. Mathematically, each team should be in the Super Bowl once every 16 years and win the Super Bowl once every 32 years. The Giants are way ahead of the game. Heck, I'm still enjoying the Giants 2007 Super Bowl title.

And with a win this week against the Eagles, the Giants will likely be only one game out of first place.

Is it too late to jump on the "Breaking Bad" bandwagon?

Let's go Pirates! I know I sound like I'm jumping on the bandwagon but I've been following the Pitt Pirates for a few years now. I'm a Yankee fan first, but rooting for the Yankees is like rooting for U.S. Steel. They're supposed to win and when they do, the joy you would expect isn't quite there. You want boyhood glee but when championships are expected, the fun isn't quite as great. (note: I became a Yankee fan in 1965 --- the next 10 years were the worst in Yankee history.) So although I am a Yankee fan, I like to root for another team to keep it fun. I decided some years back that Pittsburgh would be a good team to follow.
From April 24, 2009:
"Hey, my new team for 2009, the Pittsburgh Pirates just swept the Florida Marlins, the team with best record in the Major Leagues. I'm a Yankee fan first and foremost, and for that I apologize, but I also like to pick another team and follow them for a few years, learning about their history, the history of the city, and the greats to have played from the team over the years. I usually go with the older teams with a lot of tradition and history. And great uniforms help in my decision, too. The Pirates fit the bill. I'll be following Pittsburgh and the Pirates for the next 3 years or so. "

Plus, I know seeing ex-Yankees Russell Martin (2 HRs yesterday) and AJ Burnett and ex-Mets Marlon Byrd (HR yesterday) and John Buck on the Bucs will bother a lot of New York fans, and I like when people are bothered.

Time now for This Date In CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER History.
From October 01, 2001- "From Huntington, Connecticut, it's Patti Gordon. Now, Patti, get back to work."
This concludes another installment of This Date In CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER History

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
Judy Williams! Thanks for giving my anniversary gift the thumbs up!
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER

Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
Twitter: @WahooMike

Tonight's Guests

Neil Patrick Harris
Sarah Hyland
Ray LaMontagne

Wahoo Gazette Archive

Tuesday, April 22
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Monday, April 21
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Wednesday, April 9
How does Lindsay Lohan like her scrambled eggs?
Tuesday, April 8
Dave guarantees his retirement with a signature.
Friday, April 4
LiV Warfield raises the roof of the Ed Sullivan Theater.