Kerry Washington, Ariel Tweto, and Yoko One Plastic Ono Band
PLUS: Geopolitical humor; the government shutdown; NASA's deputy director of aeronautical research; a Top Ten list; and Dave phones the government.
" . . . and now, the free encyclopedia . . . . . . . . . . David Letterman!"
COLD OPEN: We find Dave sitting on the edge of a sofa. Something is bothering him.
DAVE: "Paul. I've been thinking about something. You and I have been together for 31 years on television every night, but lately I feel like something is driving us apart . . . something has come between us."
Cut to Paul:
PAUL: (refusing to believe it) "Dave, why would you say such a silly thing? You make it sound like you and I are going to . . . . . . break up or something. We've never been closer and there is absolutely no reason to think . . . ."
Yoko One enters and whispers something into Paul's ear.
PAUL: "What's that? Oh, OK. Sorry, Dave, we have to go."
Paul and Yoko exit.
-"Sad story. The New York City Opera is bankrupt. Most Americans think Rigoletto is a dish at the Olive Garden."
Do you like the political humor? Here's something we call, "Benjamin Netanyahu Geopolitical Zinger"
ART CARD: "BENJAMIN NETANYAHU GEOPOLITICAL ZINGER"
We see Mr. Netanyahu speaking at the U.N. He quips: "You see, Rouhani thinks he can have his yellowcake and eat it, too."
Rimshot / big reaction from the U.N. crowd.
ART CARD: "BENJAMIN NETANYAHU GEOPOLITICAL ZINGER"
Yellowcake . . . . It's a kind of uranium concentrate powder sued to make fuel for nuclear reactors and big bombs and stuff. Yellowcake . . . good one, Benji.
Worried about the U.S. Government Shutdown? Should be. It's only going to get worse. We take a look.
ART CARD: "Government Shutdown: The Long Term Outlook"
ANNOUNCE: "Day 1" – We see the White House looking good.
"Day 30" – uh oh. The White House isn't so pearly white. It's starting to gray and deteriorate.
"Day 100" – The White House is now a Quiznos!
ANNOUNCE: "Quiznos: Mm mmm mm mm mmm! Toasty!"
Well, we have the Obamacare. How are things working out? Well, it looks to be going just fine at this hospital. We take a look.
Yeah! It's a scene from "Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo." The hospital staff is joyfully dancing to what they called music back in the 80s. Lots of disco and flips and breakdancing moves.
Some 800,000 federal employees are out of work due to the shutdown. NASA, for example, is completely closed down. Here with an update is NASA Deputy Director of Aeronautical Research, Dr. Morris Trammler.
Dr. Morris Trammler enters, stops center stage. You know he's a doctor because he is wearing a white lab coat.
DR. MORRIS TRAMMLER: "You know, I got to work at NASA, and all the doors were locked. So I went back home on furlough . . . . . "
Dr. Trammler reaches into his pocket for a microphone. He starts to sing the blues, with accompaniment from Paul and the band.
DR. MORRIS TRAMMLER: " . . . While the politicians talked and talked.
Got those non-essential blues
Baby, probably saw it on the news.
I got those nonessential blues
Nobody wins. We all lose. "
Dr. Trammler exits.
TOP TEN: THOUGHTS GOING THROUGH JUSTIN BIEBER'S BODYGUARDS' MINDS AT THIS MOMENT.
Justin Bieber is in China. He went to see the Great Wall of China. To reach the top of the wall, he was carried on the shoulders of his bodyguards. We take a look at a photo of his gall at the Wall.
THOUGHTS GOING THROUGH JUSTIN BIEBER'S BODYGUARDS' MINDS AT THIS MOMENT.
9. Beats carrying Cee-lo Green up Machu Pichu.
7. Wasn't the Wall built to keep out punks like this?
4. I heard you can see my humiliation from space.
How about some more of Dr. Morris Trammler!
Dr. Morris Trammler re-enters for some more blues.
DR. MORRIS TRAMMLER: (singing the blues) "…..I got those non-essential blues
from my head right down to my sensible NASA shoes
Oh yeah, those non-essential blues
Sometimes it feels like I was born to lose. Yeahhhh."
She's from the very popular ABC drama, "Scandal". The last time Kerry was here she was preparing for a commencement speech. Dave stressed how important such a speech can be and scared her into working extra hard on it. She credits Dave for much of the success of that commencement speech. The theme was that we have to be the lead character in our own life story. You can't let someone else write your story.
Kerry's mom is a big fan of "Game of Thrones." Kerry took her mom to the recent Emmy Awards. There, her mom met some of the "Game of Thrones" actors. With one, mom turned "completely fan-girled." That is very unlike her mom. When asked if the actor was famous, mom said, "He doesn't have to talk . . . just look at him!"
And then near the end of the segment, Dave mimic'd Kerry acting all giddy and stuff. I was called away and was only able to see it out of the corner of my eye. It seemed as if Dave had turned "completely fan-girled". I'll make this under "Odd Dave."
"Scandal" – 3rd season premieres Thursday night at 10 PM on ABC.
The government shutdown has made a mess of everything in Washington. Dave decides to phone the government to get an update on what is happening. He can do this because he is a celebrity on TV.
Dave picks up the phone and fake-dials. We hear the automated operator on the other end.
ANNOUNCE: "You have reached the United States government. We are currently closed. If you need immediate assistance, please call Canada or Mexico. Thank you, and have a great day."
Going into commercial, we see tonight's honored staffer in the Backstage Photo Club: Production Associate Sarah Eyde.
ANNOUNCE: "Get back here tomorrow! Dave's got Brian Williams, Stupid Human Tricks, and a performance celebrating the music of ‘Muscle Shoals.' Stay with us for a look at America's wackiest Zipcodes!"
As seen on "Flying Wild Alaska" on the Discovery Channel. She's our first guest from Unalakleet, Alaska. At least that's what the intro read. Naturally, I decided to check. Couldn't find anyone else, though Fred Machetanz was a famous painter and illustrator from Unalakleet.
Ooops. I've run out of time.
Ariel was very engaging and charming. She works at an airport. Her dad is an accomplished Bush Pilot. She too can fly a plane.
YOKO ONO PLASTIC ONO BAND
From their new album, "Take Me To The Land of Hell," Yoko Ono Plastic Ono Band, along with the Flaming Lips, performed the aptly titled, "Cheshire Cat Cry."
DAVE: "It's fun when you leave the theater humming the music from the show."
And that was our show for Wednesday, October 2, 2013.
Have you seen that motorcycle mob incident here in New York City where a guy driving an SUV got into an altercation? It's all over the YouTube. 20 or more motorcyclist were riding north on the West Side Highway and took over the road; slowing down, weaving back and forth, doing stunts and tricks.. The SUV driver then hit one of the motorcyclist. The mob didn't take kindly to that. When they stopped traffic, one of the cyclists grabbed open the door to the SUV. Inside was a guy, his wife, and their 2-year-old. He quickly drove off and ran over a guy. The chase continued for a few miles, all recorded on a helmet-cam, and the motorcyclist eventually was able to pull the guy over, smash his window, and beat the driver to a pulp. And the motorcycle guy with the helmet-cam thought it would be a good idea to post the video on YouTube. What happened is the mob of motorcyclers were feeling beefy and strong with their crowd of twenty. They were enjoying the thrill of intimidation. Unfortunately, they ran into a guy who wasn't all that intimidated. He played the game and intimidated back. And then an accident occurred. And then trouble ensued.
Now, I'm all for guys having fun on their motorcycle, but the #1 Rule of New York City is you can do anything you want but you can't obstruct vehicular or pedestrian traffic. In New York City, nobody cares what you do . . . nobody is impressed what you do . . . . just stay out of the way so we can get to where we want to go. The motorcyclers got in the way. I probably would have done the same as the SUV driver. And when the chase went on, I would have made a left onto Broadway at 178th Street and stopped in front of the 33rd Precinct police stationhouse, leaning on my horn. Unfortunately, the driver didn't know where the stationhouse was. He kept on 178th Street. Two blocks later he was yanked out of his car.
By the way, what impressed me most about the YouTube video was how clear the West Side Highway was. Man, I wish it was always like this. Imagine having all that open road in front of you and a bunch of guys on motorcycles slow down and get in your way. You can't do that in New York City.
Hey, folks, remember "Dave's Record Collection"? Writer Steve Young's work on the classic comedy segment led him to a collecting passion that he's now turned into a book: "Everything's Coming Up Profits -- The Golden Age of Industrial Musicals." It's a funny, surprising, richly-illustrated overview of the lost world of musicals written for company conventions and sales meetings. Learn more at the companion website industrialmusicals.com, which has streaming audio of some strange and awesome songs, and watch for Steve's appearance on the Late Show later this month.
"Everything's Coming Up Profits: The Golden Age of Industrial Musicals" - It's the perfect holiday gift. Ask for it by name.
Time now for This Date In CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER History.
October 2, 2007: "From Monroe-Woodbury High School, it's Physical Education teacher and New York Mets fan Jim Hintze."
This concludes another installment of This Date In CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER History
CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
From Orlando, Florida, it's Pete Pappas. Enjoy your new gall bladder, PJ!
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Michael Z. McIntee