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Saturday, October 5, 2013 The Affordable Care Act Brings Self-Service Kiosks.
Show #3916
Tom Selleck, Michael Somerville, and Albert Hammond Jr.
PLUS: George Will to FOX News; Captain Phillips; Obamacare; Ronan Allen; Graham Fenwick-Jones; and a Top Ten List.

" . . . and now, being followed by a moonshadow . . . . . . . David Letterman!!"

ACT 1:
MONOLOGUE
- "It's Day 4 of the government shutdown. Experts are saying it could last longer than a Kardashian marriage."

Earlier this week, George Will announced that he's moving to FOX News after 30 years over at ABC. FOX News is already promoting the big move. We take a look.
ANNOUNCE: "It's the most exciting moment in cable news history! George Will is coming to FOX News!"
We see a clip of George Will boringly droning on about something.
ANNOUNCE/GRAPHIC: "IT . . . ."
More of George Will droning.
ANNOUNCE/GRAPHIC: " . . . . IS . . . ."
Even more of the boring and droning George.
ANNOUNCE/GRAPHIC: " . . . . ON!"
And still more George Will.
ANNOUNCE: "Will! FOX News! Hell, yes!"

Excited for the new Tom Hanks movie, "Captain Phillips"? It opens next Friday. We're hearing a lot of good things about it. We take a look at a trailer for "Captain Phillips.
ART CARD: LATE SHOW PRESENTS --- CAPTAIN PHILLIPS PREVIEW
We see clips from the "Love Boat"; clips from various cruises; single cruises; gay cruises; drinking and dancing cruises.
"Captain Phillips" - It looks very entertaining, but I think I had a different Captain Phillips in mind.

The Affordable Care Act is now in effect across the nation. The Obama Administration has taken some impressive steps to ensure that things run smoothly. Dave saw this announcement earlier today.
ANNOUNCE: "Millions of Americans now have health insurance for the very first time. But don't worry about hospital overcrowding. We've equipped emergency rooms across the nation with thousands of easy-to-use self-service kiosks."
We cut to a guy in emergency scrubs lying on a gurney in an emergency room. It's a self-service kiosk. The guy's chest is open and bloody. Organs hang. The guy has some surgical tools in his hand and is self-operating. He works on himself a bit, changes surgical tools, and continues. He gives a "thumbs up" top the camera.
ANNOUNCE: "The Affordable Care Act ---- Enroll today!"

The above reminded me of a joke:
What did the doctor say to the guy who wanted to sew himself up after surgery?
DOCTOR: "Suture self."

Can you believe this? When asked, Mia Farrow admitted that her son Ronan may have been fathered by Frank Sinatra and not Woody Allen. The lad is now 24 years old. That's such a nice thing to speculate in a magazine. Our research department did some digging and found Ronan's high school yearbook. It may shed some light on just who is the father, Woody or Frank. We take a look at the yearbook page. We see a page of teens, with one . . . Ronan . . . looking strikingly like Frank Sinatra. Could it be Frank's boy?
I wonder if Dreesen knows.
Paul Shaffer enjoyed this a bit more than warranted, but good for him.

One of the effects of the government shutdown is that NASA had to put the Mars Rover into sleep mode. We take a look at this CNN report.
ANNOUNCE: "Before being powered down due to the government shutdown, the Mars Rover executed one final maneuver."
We see the Mars Rover operating on Mars. A robotic arm slowly lifts. And from the robotic arm lifts a robotic middle finger. Well said, Mars Rover, well said.
ANNOUNCE: "More news after this."

ACT 2:
Can anyone make sense out of this government shutdown? It's a mental quagmire. Thankfully we have the CBS Chief Foreign Correspondent, Graham Fenwick-Jones, on hand to lead us to understanding.
Split screen of Dave, and Graham Fenwick-Jones in London.
DAVE: "Thanks for joining us, Graham. There's a lot of finger-pointing going on, but who will be held responsible for the government shutdown?
GRAHAM: "Dave, word from Westminster says the Tories will end up Billy No-Mates over all the bollocks and argy-bargy from every Berk and barmpot, every dozy divvy, gormless duffer, part, wally, tosser and wanker M.P. from Bromely and Chislehurst to South Northamptonshire."
DAVE: "This is all because Republicans say Obamacare is dangerous, but Great Britain has had nationalized health care since the 1930s. Does it work well?"
GRAHAM: "Yes, I used it a fortnight ago when I got spotty on my knackers after a bit of rumpy-pumpy with a randy scouse slapper whose Bristols caught my fancy on the Underground. That slag rode my tube from Barkingside to Hempstead Heath, with a transfer to the Overground at Shepherd's Bush."
DAVE: "I see. And now can the Republicans and Democrats resolve their differences?"
GRAHAM: "They should step back, skive off, head to the local for a few pig's ears. Maybe go to a knocking shop for a bit of quim from the scrubbers, and once they've bonded over some clunge, they'll find they can muck in, forget all the moony guff, and Bob's your uncle, it's all bobbly-wobbly and tickety-boo."
DAVE: "You've given us a lot to think about, Graham. It's always good to see you."
GRAHAM: "Well, aren't you a big girl's blouse."
DAVE: "Graham Fenwick-Jones, ladies and gentlemen."

TOP TEN: INJURIES COVERED BY OBAMACARE - Although Obamacare was signed into law three-and-a-half years ago, there is still confusion over what will be covered and what will not. We have a list of 10 items that WILL be covered. And it's a video daily double.
INJURIES COVERED BY OBAMACARE
10. Groin injury - we see a guy jumping off a wall and landing on a handrail, each leg on opposite side of the railing. We got this clip from . . . . . well, probably EVERY one of the video clip shows. Groin shots are a staple.
9. Abrasions (vt - guy on tricycle)
8. High Cholesterol, Sprained ankle, Hypothermia (vt - heavy person jumping into a lake of ice quite not thick enough)
7. Blunt force trauma (vt of guy taking a fly on a treadmill)
6. Tailbone fracture (vt of a guy sitting in a chair . . . the chair collapses)
5. Broken nose (vt of guy running into a glass door)
4. Lower-back contusion (vt of a woman standing on a round table too close to the edge)
3. Concussion (vt of guy falling off a ladder on the QVC or one of those shows)
2. Lip Laceration (vt of a dog biting the lip of a TV host)
1. Whiplash (vt of a woman water-skier getting whipped off a dock by the rope of a motorboat.)

ACT 3:
TOM SELLECK
Star of the hit CBS police drama "Blue Bloods." Tom lives in California and shoots the show here in New York. It's one heck of a commute but CBS has put together a very doable schedule that allows him a lot of home time with his wife and new dog. No photo of the wife but we have a photo of the German Shepherd, Ulma. Yiii. That's a lot of dog!
Tom's has an avocado farm back in Cal. It wasn't the best season for the crop. We do learn, though, that the avocado is a "superfruit." I'm not quite sure what designates a "superfruit".
Tom and his mustache came big on to the scene back in the 80s on the big hit, "Magnum P.I." Frank Sinatra made his last acting role on "Magnum." Frank let it out that he wanted to appear on the show. Tom got on the phone with Frank to go over the details and his demands. Frank assured Tom that he had only two demands:
1. He would do it for free. All he wanted was his expenses paid. DONE! Unfortunately, it turned out that Frank's expenses came to $300,000.
2. He wanted to beat someone up.
That sounds like Frank.
Tom has been on the Late Show 12 times. How many times has Tom been here with a mustache?
Tom guesses "Nine . . . my final answer is 9"
Dave looks over to Alan: "Alan, what is Tom playing for tonight?"
ALAN: "Dave, it's a $100 gift certificate to Del Frisco's Double Eagle Steakhouse. Back to you, duckface."
We then look at a vt clip of all of Tom's visits to the Late Show. 12 visits . . . . . 9 mustaches! We have a winner!
Fanfare from the band. Alan Kalter runs over with the $100 gift certificate to Del Frisco's.
Ta da!

"Blue Bloods" - Friday nights at 10 PM on CBS.

ACT 5:
ANNOUNCE: "We'll see you Monday when Dave welcomes Tom Hanks, and Two Door Cinema Club!
Stay with us for the heartwarming story of a retired veterinarian who repairs broken animal crackers."

ACT 6:
MICHAEL SOMERVILLE
The funny Michael Somerville has his comedy album now available on the iTunes.
The married Michael admits a woman changes a man more than a man changes a woman. A sure sign that Michael's been womanized is he now eats salad . . . . and he owns an umbrella.
And when she says, "You never call me for no reason," he isn't sure how to answer. He thinks it should be a thank you comment but her tone doesn't make it seem so.

ACT 7:
ALBERT HAMMOND JR.
From his new EP, "AHJ," the artist from The Strokes performed "St. Justice."

And that was our show for Friday October 4, 2013.

Graham Fenwick-Jones --- you can see him on "All My Children" from a bunch of years ago.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tCMNRHe4iyw
Jump ahead to the 15-minute mark. He's on a lot from then on.

I found this interesting. I was watching "To Sir With Love" (1967) starring Sidney Poitier. During graduation, Poitier hands out forms to the graduating students for them to get their National Health Insurance.

The New York City Opera is bankrupt. Very sad. I went to a performance last night and even the clown was crying.

The New York City Opera is bankrupt. Very sad. The Barber of Seville . . . . . . now works at SuperCuts.

Here's a first! I dropped my car off at home at the nearby repair shop for an oil change. I was going to have it done before going to work. I also requested to give the car a checkup to see if it needed anything else. Got the car at 9:00 AM . . . . and all it needed was an oil change! Nothing more! I figured the guy would have said something about a manifold or crankcase and charged me a few hundred more. Mention manifold or crankcase to most guys and they will nod their head and pay whatever. We don't want to seem like we don't know anything about cars. "You fixed the manifold? Oh, good. Yeah, I thought the manifold was going . . . . thanks." Anything minor on a car will cost $300. Anything bigger goes up to $600. Nothing is ever in between. And anything over $600 will be met with resistance. Repair shops know just how much they can get away with.
And when you get new brake pads or something like that, is it in bad form to ask the repairman for the old brake pads he took out? I always suspect these guys keep the slightly worn brake pads to use on their own clunker at home. I think whatever a repairman takes out, he should give to the customer. You know, like tonsils.

I ask it every year . . . . what team does the Major League Baseball Players' Union root for?
Teams like the Pirates or the Oakland A's or the Tampa Bay Rays? Their payrolls are some of the smallest in baseball.
Or do they want the Boston Red Sox and the Los Angeles Dodgers and the Detroit Tigers? They have some of the biggest payrolls in baseball. If one of the lower payroll teams wins the World Series, team owners can preach to the fans that it doesn't take money to win. The team owners could keep their payroll down and point to the Pirates and A's and Rays. If the Dodgers win it all, it'll give the impression that money decides championships.
So there you have it: Team owners are rooting for the A's, Rays, and Pirates.
The Players Union is rooting for the Dodgers, Red Sox, and Tigers.

Time now for This Date In CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER History.
October 4, 2004: A fan of Courageous Cat and Schaeffer beer, from Rockville, Maryland, it's Andrew Hoenig.
This concludes another installment of This Date In CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER History

It's 10-4 Day! National Truckers Day!

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
From Fairfax, Virginia, the wife of Sunday birthday boy Bruce, it's Marsha Alter.
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER

Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
Twitter: @WahooMike

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