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Wednesday, October 9, 2013 Are you ready for some strippers?!
Show #3919
Lucy Liu, Mark Jacobson, and The Weeknd.
PLUS: Strippers say "NO" to Giants; "Gravity"; Our congress; the average American; a Top Ten list; and Tony Mendez's new show. " . . . and now, your nightly robo-call . . . . . . . . David Letterman!

Hey, who is that guy running across the stage in the opposite direction of Dave to open the show? It's Oakland A's fanWalter Kim.

ACT 1:
MONOLOGUE:

-"Starbucks is selling their new Duffin, a mix between a doughnut and a muffin. May I suggest they start selling ‘Choffee" . . . . Cheap coffee.
-"The Government is shutdown. Are you starting to miss the days of being ruled by a mad British king?"
-"The new $100 bill is released. Disturbing fact: it's made in China."

The 0-5 New York Giants are playing so poorly that a New York City strip club will no longer show the games. The booing from the guys in the club is bad for the girls' self-esteem. We take a look at what the Giants are doing in response.
We see the Giants lining up for a field goal. On the field goal uprights are some Flashdancers strippers . . . . I mean, professional dancers.

"Gravity" is all the rage at the box office. Have you seen it yet? We take a look at this trailer.
ANNOUNCE: "The number one movie in America is ‘Gravity.' Critics are calling it 'awe-inspiring, and frighteningly realistic.' Starring Sandra Bullock, George Clooney and Gilbert Gottfried as the moon."
We see Gilbert's face in the moon, ala Ralph Kramden's "Honeymooners." Laments Gilbert, "I can't even make an English muffin!"
ANNOUNCE: "Gravity. Now playing."

Since his ill-timed and ill-advised tsunami joke, Gilbert af-lacks a career.

There is a government shutdown, so what are our congressmen addressing? Very important issues as always. We take a look of our still-paid politicians at work, as seen on the CSPAN.
- Sen. Mel Martinez, R-Florida: "We all enjoy ice cream."
Rep. Doug Collins, R-Georgia: "I want a scoop of ice cream!"
Rep. Lamar Alexander, R-Tennessee: "I ordered my ice cream..."
Rep. Sam Farr, D-California: "I went to the ice cream place..."
Rep. Bob Bishop, R-Utah): "Ice cream is healthy."
Sen. Edward Markey, D-Massachusetts: "I drove an ice cream truck."
Sen. Mike Lee, R-Utah: "I didn't want to go out for ice cream..."

A new study just came out that told us what many of us suspect: the average American is not as smart as the average human. That inspired this Late Show comparison:
ANNOUNCE: "The average human" . . . . we see a game show from a far off land. The question posed is extremely difficult. I didn't know the answer because I could barely understand the question.
ANNOUNCE: "The average American" . . . we see a clip from Wheel of Fortune. The letters on the board reads: MAG_C _AND. The guy tries his best to come up with the answer. No dice. He couldn't figure out MAGIC WAND.
ANNOUNCE: "This has been 'Average Human, Average American.' "

ACT 2:
TOP TEN: THOUGHTS GOING THROUGH THE MIND OF THE GUY WHO HAD SEX WITH A TOASTER

A guy in London got his "thing" stuck in a toaster and had to call the fire department to get it extracted.
8. "Now let's share a romantic bath together."
5. "I hear these things also make toast."
3. "This is the last time I'll be allowed in Bed, Bath, and Beyond."

ACT 3:
LUCY LIU

From the CBS international hit series "Elementary". It's an update Sherlock Holmes program. She plays the straight and sober Watson to the drunken and addicted Sherlock.
Lucy also performed on Broadway in "God of Carnage." The play opened with her in a big vomiting scene. It was a very important open and the play revolved around that opening scene. One night, the vomiting hose mechanism became kinked and she couldn't "vomit." She had to gag and spit and heave while another actor rubbed her back and tried to secretly fix the problem. It never was quite fixed, but her performance got her a standing ovation at the end of the play.
I might suggest that tomorrow for our show.
Lucy also does great work as an ambassador for UNICEF and has traveled the world to help those in need. This past summer she visited Lebanon to help bring awareness to the refugees fleeing Syria. Half of the refugees are young children, who are being referred to as "the lost generation of children." They have nothing, with little hope in their future.

Lucy Liu - "Elementary" – Thursday nights at 10 PM on CBS!

ACT 4:
There's a new show on the TV on the TLC. Our cue card maven Tony Mendez stars in it. It is called "Tattoo Tragedies," where people come to see Tony to fix a bad tattoo they got years ago, usually on a two-week leave from the Navy. We take a look at a clip.
We see a guy coming to Tony's Tattoo Fix It Shop. He has a tattoo of a small guppy on his white, concave chest. He would like Tony to do something with it to make it more exciting and happening. Maybe a tiger or something. Tony gets right to it. With little concern for his customer, Tony aggressively uses his inker on the guy's chest. The customer screams in pained agony. Ink spurts all over. To move the piece along, we cut ahead to the finished product. We take a look. The small guppy on the guy's chest is now a large Shroud-of-Turin-like image of Tony Mendez. The guy is not at all pleased. He chases Tony around the shop as the credits roll.

"Tattoo Tragedies" – it was my pick for "The Fay Award."

ACT 5:
ANNOUNCE: "We'll be back at it tomorrow with Dave and his guests ‘Jungle' Jack Hanna, and Kunal Nayyar. Stay with us for the amazing true story of a dog that purchased its own life insurance policy."

ACT 6:
MARK JACOBSON

He's the Director of the Atmosphere/Energy Program at Stanford University and Professor of Civil and Environmental Engineering. He says we are closer than ever to capturing the power of wind and sun to transition from fossil fuels to 100% renewable energy. The lower cost is making it financially viable, and that is the only thing keeping many of us from jumping in to this new frontier. Just last week I had a guy come to the house to pitch solar panels. It was very interesting and tempting, but I kept reminding myself that he was a salesman. I like the idea of solar panels, but I keep thinking about Michael Douglas on the beach in the film, "Wall Street." Here he was, one of the most successful and richest men in America, and he's walking along the beach with a huge cell phone. It was the size of one of those walkie-talkies I would see Sgt. Saunders carrying on the TV show "Combat." And then just a few years later after "Wall Street", everyone had a cell phone a fraction of the size. From a cell phone too big and cumbersome to a cell phone that fits into your pocket. That's what's keeping me from going solar now. I'm afraid I'll get the solar panels for my roof, and then ten years from now everyone will have their roof covered in solar paint undetectable to the eye and at a fraction of the cost. Find out more what Mark Jacobson is doing on www.thesolutionsproject.org. The future is coming . . . . here it comes . . . . the future . . . . . it's getting closer . . . here it comes . . . . IT'S HERE! . . . . and there it goes.

Going into commercial, tonight's installment of the "Backstage Photo Club": Jimmy Alkins, our videotape technician.

ACT 7:
THE WEEKND
– The Weeknd is a person, and he's left off the last "E" so not to be mistaken with The Weekend. From his new album, "Kiss Land," The Weeknd performed "Pretty".

And that was our show for Wednesday, October 9. 2013.

The TOP TEN about a Londoner who got his "deal" stuck in a toaster. He had to call the Fire Department to get it out. The question being asked around here was how long would you have to be stuck in a toaster before you called the fire department? My guess is the guy must have had it there for about a week. I remember one time I . . . . well, never mind.

Oh, and it's just a guess but I imagine it was one of those hot dog toasters.

To make the Bronco/Jaguar game more competitive, the Jacksonville Jaguars will wear their black shirts; the Denver Broncos will be skins.

Average America/Average Human.
MAG_C _AND.
The American couldn't figure out the puzzle . . . . MAG_C _AND.
Magic Wand – but I had a hard time with it, too. It took me a couple seconds. I read MAGIC real quick but for the "AND " I came up with ‘hand' and then ‘band.' When neither one worked out, I started going through the alphabet:
Band/Cand/Dand/Fand/Gand/Hand/ etc. The guy in the clip was doing the same. I'm not sure I would have gotten to the W in time for MAGIC WAND. Plus, I would have said "Wand" like "Hand" and skip over it. Which brings me to this point: why am I so good at the Jumble but not so good at Wheel of Fortune?

Looking for something to do the week of October 21-27th? Check out the 3rd Annual Gold Coast International Film Festival on Long Island. For films, locations and times, go to www.goldcoastfilmfestival.org
And on Saturday, October 26th at 5 PM at the Soundview Cinema in Port Washington, NY, the Head of Live Comedy Programming for the Gold Coast International Film Festival, Jeffrey Gurian, will be honored with a screening of a new documentary film, "The Business of Comedy." The event is . . . . FREE! and will be followed by a Q&A and book signing for Richie Tienken (the founder of "The Comic Strip") and Gurian's new book, "Make ‘Em Laugh." More info to come.

Time now for This Date In CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER History.
Just because you asked, from Lawrenceville, Georgia, it's Philip Presley.
This concludes another installment of This Date In CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER History

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
It's his birthday today, it's new dad Michael Cullen.
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER

Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
Twitter: @WahooMike

Wahoo Gazette Archive

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Thursday, November 20
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