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Thursday, October 10, 2013 Dave and "Jungle" Jack Hanna make room for a black bear.
Show #3920
Jack Hanna, and Kunal Nayyar. PLUS: A Seven-Syllable Word; NASA Shutdown; Baskin-Robbins Shutdown; a China Warning; The Average American; a Top Ten List; and a Visit with the CBS Chief Foreign Correspondent.

" . . . and now, a simple solution for a complex life . . . . . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1:
MONOLOGUE:
- "Starbucks has introduced the Duffin. It's a combination doughnut/muffin. It goes right to your "Fass."
- "The Nobel Prize for Medicine went to the doctors who developed a pill that allows you to keep up with the Kardashians."

Time for "The Seven-Syllable Word of the Night"
ART CARD: THE SEVEN-SYLLABLE WORD OF THE NIGHT
We see our President speeching, trying to get a sentence rolling: "I - i - i - i - i - i - if there's a way to solve this . . . . "
ART CARD: THE SEVEN-SYLLABLE WORD OF THE NIGHT

The Government Shutdown is bad news, but some people are making the best of it. Dave saw this commercial last night and TIVO'd it and brought it into work.
New York City Skyline.
ANNOUNCE: "Attention, New Yorkers! Don't let the NASA shutdown ruin your space flight plans. Queensboro Space Travel is your hometown alternative. Our fleet of rockets gets you flying fast, whether it's a quick suborbital trip or an interplanetary mission . . . . from just $59.95, plus tolls and tip. Mention the promo code 'Shutdown' and get a free space helmet!
Queensboro Space Travel: helping New Yorkers reach for the stars since 1974."

Out of the clip, we find stagehand Gene Szymanski standing by Dave. Something seems to be bothering him.
DAVE: "Oh, hi, Gene. Now you know, I've asked you not to come out during the show, but here you are again! What can I do for you?"
GENE: "Dave, this government shutdown is really getting bad. Today, I went to Baskin-Robbins . . . and it was closed.
DAVE: "No, really? What time did you go?"
GENE: "6 A.M."
DAVE: "Well, I don't think Baskin-Robbins opens at 6 A.M. I don't think it is affected by the government shutdown. You were probably there too early."
GENE: (disgusted) "Whose side are you on?" Exits.

The United States is set to default on October 17th unless we raise the debt ceiling. China has sent us a stern warning. We take a look at this CNN report.
GRAPHIC: CHINA WARNS U.S. NOT TO DEFAULT ON DEBT
ANNOUNCE: "China sent a stern message to the United States this week that we must pay our bills by October 17th. And to prove they mean business, they turned off Ohio."
We see Ohio go to black.
ANNOUNCE: "More news after this."

Americans aren't the sharpest tool in the shed, not the wisest owl in the woods, not the sagest spice in the rack . . . and now there is a study claiming so. The average American is not as smart as the average human. It inspired one of our writers . . . an American . . . to put together this piece: "Average Human, Average American"
ART CARD: AVERAGE HUMAN/AVERAGE AMERICAN
ANNOUNCE: "The average human."
We see a clip from a game show across the pond. The contestant answers a very difficult question without problem.
ANNOJNCE: "The average American."
We see a clip from "Family Feud": "Name an animal with three letters in its name."
The American contestant answers without hesitation: "Alligator."
ANNOUNCE: "This has been 'Average Human, Average American.' "

ACT 2:
What is going on with our government? We've had the fiscal cliff, the sequester, and now the debt ceiling. What does it all mean? Thankfully, the CBS News division has offered us their Chief Foreign Correspondent to give us the down-low.
Split screen: Dave, and the CBS Chief Foreign Correspondent Graham Fenwick-Jones.
DAVE: "Thanks for joining us, Graham. The debt ceiling is kind of a confusing concept for many of us. What exactly is it?"
GRAHAM: "Well, the Tories are going yampy over every shilling and sixpence in Her Majesty's Treasury. Honestly, I know my onions well enough to explain it to Joe Bloggs or the man on the Clapham omnibus, but not to a dozy septic tank clod-hopper such as yourself who would be right two-and-eight to find his plonker in his undercrackers to have a jimmy riddle, your big girl's blouse."
DAVE: "Uh huh. Now it looks like the Republicans are starting to show some weakness. Do you think they'll give in?"
GRAHAM: "Dave, the Tories are scuppering their chances and spoiling the ship for ha'pworth of tar. But the way you're banding on about his bosh and bobbins, I'd say you're a bit of blinking gormless twerp and haven't got a bleeding idea what I'm on about, you barking old radgie-gadgie. And as long as I keep up with the rabbit and waffle, well, you'll be happy as Larry and have a giraffe to see a pudding crawl."
DAVE: "I see. And do you think we'll pass the deadline, or will there be some sort of agreement before that happens?"
GRAHAM: "A default is as likely as a bottle of chips and would do sod all for anyone, but I can't bugger around all night with some half-sharp bumstick. I've got a scrummy bobby-dazzler of a shagbag with stonking charlies who's keen as mustard for a bit of slap-and-tickle, so I'm going to skive off before I queer my pitch and end up bashing the bishop."
DAVE: "I think we all have a better understanding now. Graham Fenwick-Jones, ladies and gentlemen."
GRAHAM: "On your bike, you Berkshire Hunt."

TOP TEN: CIA CODE NAMES FOR THE 400-POUND TERRORIST
A Guantanamo Bay detainee, Tarek-El-Sawah, has doubled his weight during his 11-year incarceration, now weighs 420 pounds.
CIA CODE NAMES FOR THE 400-POUND TERRORIST
9. Khalid Shake Shack
7. Ji-Haagen-Dazs
2. Fat-Wa
1. O-Cinnabon Laden.

ACT 3:
"JUNGLE" JACK HANNA
Dave praises Jack for the great works he's done in his 35 years at the Columbus Zoo. Before jack's arrival, the zoo wasn't nearly as popular as it is today. He admits to doing some illegal-like stuff to draw attention to the zoo, such as having one of the Great Wallendas walk a tightrope over a den of tigers. And then he had the Great Zucchini get shot from a cannon. But the Zucchini fell out of the barrel and crashed into a windshield. That's frowned upon today.

1. Jack's got a pair of bearcats with him. Dave says "It eats cobras." Jack is somewhat surprised at Dave's knowledge of the bearcat. He liked it better when Dave didn't study up on the animals. "In the old days you didn't know anything" laments Jungle Jack. Dave holds one of the baby bearcats. It plays with Dave's neck and chin. Jack informs Dave that when they get older, they can rip the head off a person. Dave decides to put the bearcat down for now.
2. Baby cheetahs - we get a lot of "ahhhhhhs" from the audience and crew. Very cute. When grown, they can scoot at 65 mph. Dave shows off his knowledge of the feline, calling them the most efficient of hunters. They will lie in wait for hours for the perfect time to pounce on its prey. The black lines under the cheetahs' eyes cut down on the African sun glare as they hunt.
3. The Hornbill - the bird has a beak like the Fruit Loops bird. It flies from the back of the theater to Dave's desk. Dave tosses the bird some grapes that it gladly gobbles.
4. Amur Leopards - another great hunter. Not many of these left. Can haul a 400 pound meal up a tree.
5. A black bear from upstate New York. The black bear is brown. Ed Sullivan used to have bears on this very stage. They would wear a tutu and ride a bicycle. This one only sat in Dave's chair.

ACT 5:
ANNOUNCE: "Join us again tomorrow as Dave welcomes Michael Strahan, comedian Simon Amstell, and Cage The Elephant. Reminder: You forgot to do something extremely important yesterday. See you after this."

ACT 7:
KUNAL NAYYAR
From "The Big Bang Theory" and New Delhi, India. He got a scholarship to attend school in Portland, Oregon. His family still lives in India and Kunal goes home once a year in the 24-hour door-to-door trip. He's surprised to be known from his TV work. An airplane pilot once gave him a warm greeting. Kunal was honored, but was more concerned about who was flying the plane. The pilot assured him all was fine and that the plane was on auto-pilot. I don't think that would make me feel worse. I'd rather hear "My assistant is at the controls." I would feel a bit apprehensive knowing my life was in the hands of a machine that is maintained by a mechanic. On these long trips to India, Kunal meets all types of people and gets to know them pretty well. One fellow Indian spoke to him the whole trip in half-sentences. It made sense when Kunal explained.
- "So, you are . . . "
"And your father . . . "
"And you do . . . "
I hate fill-in tests.
Kunal Nayyar - see him on the big "The Big Bang Theory" - Thursday nights at 8 PM on CBS. You may think so but you won't see him on "Life of Five."

As Paul and the band play us out, we see our building engineer George Clarke putting away Jack's brown bear.

And that was our show for Thursday October 10, 2013.

The seven-syllable word of the night made this think of this for some reason. 7th grade math class . . . we were talking about critters . . . . one kid mentioned a squirrel, but he pronounced it "skwo- woe." He couldn't get the "irl" syllable. We made him spell it in order for us to understand. Squirrel = skwo-woe.

They blew it again. The local New York radio station, 1010WINS missed out on it again. 1010WINS is a news station . . . "Give us 22 minutes and we'll give you the world" . . . . that is well known but buried among all the other stations found on the New York radio dial. But on October 10th, they should stand out among all the others. They should promote October 10th as 1010WINS day. C'mon, it's a no-brainer. I've been saying it for years hoping somebody over there would pick up on it, but nothing. I really want to go over there, wherever 'there' is, and smack somebody across the back of the head. Everybody should want to listen to 1010WINS on October 10th. And once there, maybe, just maybe, people will want to listen on the 11th and 12th, too.

Jack Hanna's bearcat . . . . . I was unfamiliar with the bearcat a week ago. But then the family and I visited Binghamton University in upstate New York last weekend. They are the Binghamton Bearcats. People familiar with Binghamton would be surprised to know that when we visited, the sun was out! Who knew Binghamton has a sun? I always thought their mascot was the Binghamton Clouds.

The Fay Award - it's a Wahoo Gazette honor bestowed to the first new show canceled each year. This year's award went to ABC's "Lucky 7." I call it The Fay Award because a few decades ago actress Lee Grant had her show "Fay" canceled after a very short run. She voiced her displeasure on Johnny's "Tonight Show" and it made all the news. I think the cancellation was announced after the third show, but the network showed the rest of the already-taped shows in the following weeks. Mark Lloyd Smith, one of my few readers left, suggested the award be named "The South of Sunset" award. MLS wrote: "'South of Sunset' was heavily heavily promoted by CBS during the world series (92 or 93 I believe) as THE hot new detective show of the year, starring The Eagles' Glenn Frey as a Sunset Strip private eye named Cody McMahon. Commercials all over the place. Seemed like 5x a game they'd have the announcers read a promo for 'South of Sunset' to premiere in late October when the Series was over. The premiere aired. Then was cancelled. One show."

Mark makes a good point. I remember being interested in watching "The Frank Caliendo Show," but TBS promoted it so heavily during the baseball playoffs that by the time it premiered I was sick of it. I was sick of it before it was ever on!
Another show heavily promoted that I still use as a reference merely for my own amusement was "Magruder and Loud." A "Magruder and Loud" promo was shown in just about every commercial break during the 1985 Super Bowl. It lasted three months, January to April.
"South of Sunset" - probably referred to today as "SOS"

Time now for This Date In CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER History.
October 10, 2003: From Nashville, Tennessee, it's Mike Zazworsky. Really. That's his name.
This concludes another installment of This Date In CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER History

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
Insomnia-free since her foam pad birthday present, it's
Judy Williams
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER

Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
Twitter: @WahooMike

Tonight's Guests

Bill O'Reilly
Cristin Milioti

Wahoo Gazette Archive

Tuesday, September 30
Alan Kalter reveals the Secret Word of the night!
Monday, September 29
Late Show costume designer Sue Hum takes a $200,000 trip around the world.
Saturday, September 27
The Pop-Tarts are ready!
Friday, September 26
The very funny Jerry Seinfeld stops by for standup and sit-down.
Wednesday, September 24
Kelly Ripa sends Dave's butt to the cloud.