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Friday, October 11, 2013 Dave and Michael Strahan demonstrate some tackling etiquette.
Show #3921
Michael Strahan, Simon Amstell, and Cage The Elephant.
PLUS: Obamacare enrollment; a CBS Special Report; something new at Denny's; the Nobel Prize winner in Chemistry; America 1492 vs. America Today; and a Top Ten list.

" . . . and now, uncommon wisdom for the common man . . . . . . David Letterman.

Before Dave runs across the stage, we see two anonymousers cross paths in scampers of their own.

ACT 1:
MONOLOGUE:

-"It's Columbus Day Weekend. The hookers in Times Square are having their annual Columbus Day Special . . . . anything you want for $14.92."
-"Columbus was at sea for months, not sure where he'd end up, with dwindling supplies . . . it was basically a Carnival Cruise."

Tonight, we thought we'd take a look at how sign-ups for Obamacare are going.
We take a look at this segment called, "This Day in Obamacare Enrollment."
ART CARD: THIS DAY IN OBAMACARE ENROLLMENT
We see various Americans super frustrated trying to enroll in Obamacare. It ain't working. They take out their aggression on their computers.
ART CARD: THIS DAY IN OBAMACARE ENROLLMENT

INTERRUPT – the show is interrupted by this CBS Special Report.
ART CARD: CBS SPECIAL REPORT
From "Good Day Chicago" we see this report:
ANCHOR – "Former Bears head coach Mike Ditka is at the Vienna Beef Factory on the North Side where fans lined up to taste his new trademark sausages. Ditka showed up in a car with a hot dog on top."
ART CARD: CBS SPECIAL REPORT

Starbucks is following the trend of creating new hybrid pastries by introducing their combination donut/muffin, called ‘The Duffin'. Other companies are also trying to get in on the action. We watch this commercial.
ANNOUNCE: "Can't choose between delicious desserts? At Denny's, you don't have to! We've combined two of your favorite treats . . . . the creamy éclair . . . and the crunchy cannoli . . . . to bring you . . . they eh-coley (pronounced e.coli). Only at Denny's: America's Diner."

You're here on a good night. Sitting in our audience tonight is one of the winners of the 2013 Nobel Prize for Chemistry, Michael Levitt, professor at the Stanford University School of Medicine. Dave welcomes the good professor to the show. Professor Levitt stands and waves to a very appreciative audience.
DAVE: "Congratulations, Professor. Make it easy on us . . . can you tell us, in layman's terms, what you and your team won the Nobel Prize in Chemistry for?" LEVITT: "Well, myself and my two colleagues developed computer models that analyze and predict complex chemical reactions, which are a breakthrough method of creating new medicines."
DAVE: "That's fantastic. So, what's next for you and the boys at Stanford?"
LEVITT: "I don't know about the boys, but I'm going back to the hotel to get a cheeseburger and a couple of whores."
Levitt, happy and satisfied, sits.
DAVE: " . . . . . . . . . uhhh, where you staying?"

ACT 2:
During the break, Dave learned that Professor Michael Levitt has something else he wants to say. Levitt stands. He doesn't seem too pleased.
LEVITT: "I just got a text from Stockholm. The Nobel people heard about the whores. The prize is going to the other two guys. Thanks a lot, ‘sdd'hole!" Levitt sits; angry.

The good news it they're watching the show in Stockholm!

We're heading into Columbus Day weekend. Here's a thought-provoking segment titled, "America 1492 vs. America Today."
ART CARD: AMERICA 1492 VS. AMERICA TODAY
ANNOUNCE: "1492 – No Functioning Central Government."
ANNOUNCE: "Today – No Functioning Central Government"
ART CARD: AMERICA 1492 VS. AMERICA TODAY

TOP TEN STUPID QUESTIONS
It's been said "The only stupid question is the one not asked." We have some questions here that may contradict that.
5. "Want to go to a Giants game?"
1. "Are you going to finish that, Governor Christie?"

ACT 3:
MICHAEL STRAHAN

He's the Michael from the "Live! With Kelly and Michael" show. He's the guy who replaced Regis. Yes, it takes a man 6'5" and weighing 250 pounds to replace the great Regis. I know Strahan best as the New York Giant defensive end, 7-time football pro-bowler, and Super Bowl champion.
When Strahan came into the league, he weighed up to 280 pounds. He lightened up as his career progressed to increase his speed. How was he able to compete against offensive linemen who weighed 100 pounds more than he? Strahan says it took quickness and guile. He would pass rush and attack the same way a number of times to lull the lineman into a routine. And then when a big QB sack was needed, Michael would change his approach, catching the lineman by surprise. Do that once and he was now in his opponent's head. The offensive tackled would now play defensively.
Strahan is also an NFL analysis on FOX NFL Sunday. Dave asks about the great Peyton Manning. What's all that barking he does at the line of scrimmage? Peyton points and shouts and prances up and down the line yelling instructions to his linemen and backs. What's he doing? Strahan says it is mostly for show. It's a lot of B.S. Strahan wisely points out that Peyton Manning may be smart enough to understand all that yacking he's doing, but the guys he's yelling to? The linemen? The other guys on the team? They aren't that smart. He's doing it for show . The defense bark, "Just snap the ball!!"
How are Dave's Indianapolis Colts going to do this year? Strahan is impressed with their 2nd-year quarterback, Andrew Luck. He mentions that good things are in store for the Colts, especially with a quarterback named "Luck" who has a horseshoe on his helmet.
Where's Strahan's Super Bowl ring? He says he doesn't wear it. It's too big. When it was time to order his ring, he said, "I want a 10-table ring." What's a 10-table ring? When he walks into a restaurant, he wants the person 10 tables away to says, Wow! Look at that ring!"
Since he's here, would Michael Strahan, once the NFL's all-time QB sack leader, show Dave how to properly tackle? The two giants in their field walk on stage. And then Strahan grabs Dave by the waist and lifts him high off the ground as if Dave was a sack of potato . . . chips. That's right, Strahan lifted Dave with such ease as if Dave was a sack of potato chips. Not a sack of potatoes, because a sack of potatoes can be heavy, but like a sack of potato chips. You can imagine how light a sack of potato chips would be, right? Get it? Did I over explain that?

ACT 5:
ANNOUNCE: "We've got it going on Monday with Dave and his guests Ray Romano, and James Franco. We'll be right back with inexpensive last-minute birthday gift ideas for people you don't really care about."

ACT 6:
SIMON AMSTELL

The English lad is making his United States television stand-up debut. He will be on tour with Radiolab's new live show, "Apocalyptical." He was in the hospital recently and was on the morphine. It felt great, like being in love without the problems.

ACT 7:
CAGE THE ELEPHANT

From their new album, "Melophobia," the band from Bowling Green, Kentucky performed "Come A Little Closer."
All I know about Bowling Green is the college has a football team in the MAC and the college has a good R.A. program.

And that was our show for Friday, October 11, 2013.

Got in a bit of trouble at home today. Denise had to go to Atlanta and she asked if I would drive her to the airport. Being the good husband, I replied "I'd love to."

Eli, Eli, Eli . . . it didn't take long for him to throw an interception in Thursday night's game against the Chicago Bears. And it didn't take him long to throw a 2nd interception. And then he bookended those interceptions with another interception late in the 4th quarter to kill a touchdown drive that would have won the Giants their first game of the year. He's finally getting some heat on the radio from New York football fans. But not me. He's given me two Super Bowl championships of recent past. I'm still enjoying them. So he takes a year off and shares the football with the other team . . . that's OK with me. The way I look at it is there are 32 teams in the NFL. Each team should make the Super Bowl once every 16 years and win the Super Bowl once over 32 years. Giant fans are way ahead of the game.

So I dropped Denise off at the airport at 6:45 AM Friday morning. I got into work at 7:30. I won't see a fellow staffer for another 3 hours. I've learned that if you're going to be the first one in the office, it's best to be first by 5 minutes. First is first and no one knows at what time the first gets in. It could be five minutes or it could be 3 hours. I'm including this so staffers who read this will know I was first by 3 hours.
Heh heh heh heh . . . "staffers who read this" . . . .that's a good one

My daughters are seniors in high school and are busy making out their college applications. Any of you have to go through this? I have a question for college admission officers. I keep hearing how important the college essays are to get into the college of your choice, especially if you are on the borderline of getting in. C'mon, do you really think these kids are writing these essays by themselves? Really? If these essays are so important, what "helicopter" parent is going to leave that huge responsibility to their child? Unless the essay is written right in front of the admissions officer, these essays are worthless. You have no idea who the essay is actually coming from. Naturally, knowing that my daughters are competing for an acceptance spot to the college of their choice with other high school seniors, I feel I almost have to take a gander at their college essay. I'll reluctantly scan the paper and make a suggestion on this and that, but it irks me. It shouldn't be this way. But I know that the kid down the block and the kid the next town over and the kid 200 miles away is having the paper written by a parent, a friend, or a professional. It's ridiculous. What safeguards are in place to prevent this? Admissions people, of course, have to know that this is happening. What are they doing to safeguard against it? And does anybody have a good essay out there? I'm willing to pay.

President Obama says if he owned the Washington Redskins football team, he'd consider changing their name. This was made out to be a big sports story . . . . but when you think about it, he said nothing. All he said is he would "consider" changing the team name. That's not really sticking your neck out. It's like saying if someone bought you a leisure suit, would you consider wearing it? I wouldn't wear it, but I couldn't help but consider it for at least a second.

Eli Manning . . . I don't think I can ever get that mad at him.
Enrique Iglesias . . . I don't think I can ever like him. He once hired flamenco dancers and tango dancers to perform along the George Washington Bridge and down the West Side Highway to promote his new CD. Traffic was backed for miles and miles. It took me 2 1/2 hours to get in to work. It may have been 1996. I haven't forgotten. At least that's the way I remember it.

Time now for This Date In CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER History.
October 11, 1999: Supervising Producer of the CBS Howard Stern Radio Show, Chris McLaughlin
This concludes another installment of This Date In CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER History

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
The newly married couple, it's Kerry and Chris!
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER

Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
Twitter: @WahooMike

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