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Thursday, October 31, 2013 Dave gets a Halloween visit from "Louis C.K."
Show #3930
Harrison Ford, Holy Ghost!, and New Halloween Costumes.
PLUS: Cheer Up, St. Louis; Halloween in Dave's neighborhood; Halloween episodes on television; the Yankees congratulate the Red Sox; a Top Ten list; and Alan Kalter's Prove Me Wrong!

" . . . and now, all trick, no treat . . . . . . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1:
MONOLOGUE
- The Obamacare website has crashed more than Lindsay Lohan on the way from a party."

With the Boston Red Sox winning the World Series, we thought we'd take a moment to console Cardinals fans with a segment called, "Cheer Up, St. Louis."
ART CARD: CHEER UP, ST. LOUIS
ANNOUNCE: "You've still got your beloved St. Louis Rams, whose 3-5 record puts them in fourth place in the NFC West. Remember to check your smoke detector batteries this weekend."
ART CARD: CHEER UP, ST. LOUIS

I'm not sure what was more disappointing to St. Louis fans Monday night . . . the final out of the Game 6 of the World Series, or QB Kellen Clemens with the empty backfield on the final play at the 2-yard line between the St. Louis Rams and the Seattle Seahawks. An empty backfield? What was Coach Jeff Fisher thinking? Did he forget he had Kellen Clemens in as quarterback? I was screaming at the TV, "Are you kidding? This has no chance of working." And it didn't work.

Despite their intense rivalry, the New York Yankees released this message congratulating the Boston Red Sox on their World Series victory. We see the Red Sox celebrating their World Series victory.
Announce: "The New York Yankees would like to extend heartfelt congratulations to their archrivals, the Boston Red Sox, on their 8th championship in 109 years. You'll match our 27 championships in the year 2271. Good luck, fellas. See you at the ballpark!"

Dave admits to not being a big fan of the Halloween, but he does appreciate the neighborhood hijinks that goes with it. You know, the usual stuff, like toilet papering the neighborhood and soaping up car windows. Dave wants to take a look from his security camera to see the happenings in his neighborhood. We take a look.
We see a riot going on. Cars are flipped. It's the Vancouver "celebration" following their 2011 Stanley Cup championship.

And something for the ladies . . . we gander at a montage of shirtless Vladimir Putins.

It seems like every television show these days has a Halloween episode, but this one caught Dave off guard. We take a look.
Matt Lauer - dressed as a busty blonde.
George Stephanopoulos as astronaut George Clooney.
Hoda as Mrs. Rubble and Kathie Lee as Mrs. Flintstone.
Morley Safer in Miley Cyrus's Teddy Bear costume.

ACT 2:
It's the highly-anticipated New Halloween Costumes visiting the Late Show once again.
1. A thrilling image of strong leadership, it's a shirtless Vladimir Putin riding a horse, presented by Lucas. Lucas received a jar of delicious Clamato.
2. Here's a fun one that's just disturbing, it's rotating meat you find at the corner food cart here in the city. The rotating meat is presented by Jack. His treat is a half-knitted sweater. I liked Jack's energy.
3. She's apologetic about the health care website, but she's hoping for candy, it's Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius, presented by Isabella. Lucky Isabella received party ice.
4. Yes, it's that cold weather disaster, it's the Chapstick that opens in your pocket, presented by the handsome Simon. Simon says he uses Chapstick every night. Simon receives a taxidermed weasel. INSIDE INFO: "Taxidermed weasel" is also a nickname we have for Dave.
5. PBS viewers will recognize this elegant costume, it's Downton Abbey! That's a lot of work by Hailey. For her effort, Hailey received a CB radio.
6. It's frustrating, it's mysterious, but now it's also adorable, it's a non-working automatic faucet. Arlo is sporting the costume and is a returner. Arlo was here last year. Dave must have given out good stuff last year because Arlo decided to come back this year. What does Arlo get this year? Egg foo yong. As Arlo exits, Paul softly plays Nat King Cole's "Too Young," which you may be interested to know was Denise and my wedding song. It starts, "They tried to tell us we're too young . . . . ." We were 30.
7. What kid doesn't want to dress us as acclaimed comedian Louis C.K.? Leo likes! Leo is sporting the hard-to-find Louis C.K. costume. Yikes! Talk about scary! Leo receives a model knee from an orthopedist's office.
I first thought it was a member of the Lollipop Guild.
8. Here's one that makes your blood run cold. It's obstructed-view seating. Young Brooke enters dressed as a theater seat with a pillar right in front of her. The lovely Brooke receives a Canadian Passport.
And Brooke got in a shout-out to her home town of Piermont, not too far from me! And if you're ever in Piermont, make sure you check out Piermont Pizza. It's the best pizza in Piermont!

And that is New Halloween Costumes 2013.

ACT 3:
TOP TEN: THINGS OVERHEARD AT THIS MOMENT - We take a look at the Boston Red Sox celebration moments after the final out of last night's World Series. It's a huge mass of Red Sox players like ants on a cake crumb.

THINGS OVERHEARD AT THIS MOMENT
9. "Your beard is caught in my beard"
4. "Oooo, who's wearing Drakkar Noir?"
1. "Let's take this party to the shower!"

HARRISON FORD
Harrison dresses with wife Calista Lockhart when they go out trick-or-treating with their son. It's not something Dave would think of doing. Harrison explains he and his wife costume-up because they are followed around by the paparazzi and it keeps them kinda anonymous. Makes sense. Dave doesn't have that problem. No one is following him around. We take a look at some of Harrison's costumes. We see him as Miss Piggy, as a physics professor, and as an aging rocker.
Harrison has a bit of a reputation as being a grouch. Dave gets it a lot, too. Harrison disagrees a bit. Not about Dave; about himself. Harrison finds himself sweet.

Will we be seeing Harrison in any more Star Wars or Indiana Jones movies? Harrison sort of answered, but I'm still not sure what the answer was. (Do you know I've never seen "Star Wars"? Just never got around to it. Now I won't allow myself to watch it because I like to see the anger of others when I tell them. The only drawback is I haven't gotten any of the Star War joke references in, like, 35 years.)

Dave says he doesn't know jokes, doesn't particularly like to retell jokes, but it's something Harrison likes to do.
Harrison: Saul is celebrating his 85th birthday. He and a bunch of friends take Saul out for a night on the town. They enjoy a great lunch at a top-rated restaurant at the Plaza. But it's not over yet. Afterwards, they take Saul to a beautiful suite in the Plaza. They sit him on the bed. And then they leave. The bathroom door opens and out walks a beautiful woman. Saul is a bit confused. He says, "Ummm, what you doing here?" She says, "I am here to give you super sex!" Saul thinks it over a bit and decides, "I'll have the soup."

Fanfare from Paul and the band.

How 'bout another one? A guy is working at the supermarket. A customer says he would like a half-head of cabbage. He holds up a full head and asks for it to be chopped in half. The produce guy says it is against store policy to cut a head of cabbage in half. The customer has to buy the whole head. A bit of an argument ensues. The customer wants to see the manager. The produce guy goes back to the manager and explains the situation. He can tell the manager is not happy with his employee. The employee senses that and quickly adds, so the customer can also hear, "But we have another nice gentleman out here who wants to buy the other half." Pause. Paul takes this pause as the end of the joke and jolts Harrison out of his seat with a blast of fanfare. But Harrison isn't done yet. He continues. The manager was impressed with the produce guy's fast thinking. The manager wants to send the guy to their manager's school in Montreal. The employee is up to the idea, but not to Canada. He doesn't want to go all the way to Canada. He bellows, "There's only hockey teams and whores up there." The manager takes offense. He barks, "My wife is from Canada!" And the quick-thinking produce guy bounces back, "What team does she play for?"

Harrison Ford - in "Ender's Game" - opens Friday.

ACT 5:
It's the Halloween kids in the green enjoying a post-performance pizza.

ACT 6:
And now, something from our announcer Alan Kalter, called "Prove Me Wrong!" We take a look-see.
ALAN: "You all know country music legend Dolly Parton. She's a singer-songwriter, an actress, an author . . . but did you know that Dolly is also a North Korean agent who obtains classified U.S. missile technology and transfers it to her spymasters in Pyongyang? 'Prove Me Wrong!'" FREEZE.
ANNOUNCE: "The views of Alan Kalter are his own and do not reflect the opinions of David Letterman, the 'Late Show,' or CBS. Complaints, lawsuits, jumpsuits, pantsuits, and any evidence disproving Alan's claims may be directed to:
'Prove Me Wrong'
Care of: Alan Kalter
1697 Broadway
New York, NY 10019"

That made coming in today worth it.

ACT 7:
HOLY GHOST!
From their album, "Dynamics," Holy Ghost! performed "Dumb Disco Ideas"

And that was our show for Thursday October 31, 2013.

My daughters Danielle and Dominique participated in the New Halloween Costumes in 2003. Danielle was a Starbucks heat sleeve; Dominique a George Foreman Grill. Every parent tells the same story: it seemed like a good idea at the time, but they moment your child arrives for the big appearance you are on pins and needles all day. You are dreading the very possible melt down. You are dreading the very possible stage fright. You are dreading the very possible, "But I don't want to be Madeline Albright!" You are dreading the very possible but not true, "My daddy doesn't like you, Mr. Letterman." You don't relax until you see your child in the green room having pizza later in the show.

Of course, every Halloween we search through our old VHS tapes to replay their appearance for their friends. It's a lot of "OH, DADDY, NO!" followed by giggles from the friends and lot of "Awwwwwwws"

My Halloween Stories:

AND NOW, A HALLOWEEN MEMORY: reprinted with my permission from the October 31, 1997 Wahoo Gazette.
An early Halloween memory: I was six years old. I was a ghost. My mother cut a hole in a white sheet to put my head through. She then cut eye holes in a pillow case for my head. She made it a two-piece ghost outfit (sheet and pillow case vs. just a sheet) so I could just take off the top pillow case if I wanted air or to cool off. If it was only one piece (just a sheet), I would have to take off the whole costume. This was smart. Mom cut eyeholes in the pillowcase for me to see. Unfortunately, when I positioned the eyeholes so I could see, one of the corners of the pillowcase would point straight up as it sat atop my head.
I have pictures.
I looked like the Grand Wizard of the Ku Klux Klan.
I remember many, many people suspiciously asking "And what are you supposed to be?"


Halloween Story - 1999
TRICK OR TREATIN' WITH THE KIDS (my twins were just 4 years old): The girls still don't quite get the hang of Halloween and Trick or Treatin'. Dominique thinks you are supposed to run into the people's house when they answer the door. Danielle is going through a stage where she is petrified of dogs. So a typical Halloween Trick or Treatin' scene went something like this:
Ding dong - woman answers the door.
"Oh how cute! Two lady bugs!" Dominique squeezes past the woman and scampers into the house. "Hey, where are you going?" This causes the dog to bark. Bark bark bark goes the dog in the house. Danielle turns and runs screaming toward the busy street. Me - "Domini.... Danielle get back here. Dominique, you can't go in the house...Danielle, DON'T CROSS THAT STREET! DANIELLE!!!" I run after Danielle and try to calm her down, which is next to impossible since I have to return to the house to retrieve Dominique. The closer we get to the house, the louder Danielle screams. I go into the house and grab Dominique under my other arm. Now I have two girls wailing. It's fun.
Next year I'm dressing up as a shepherd and bringing along a shepherd's crook. It's the only way to handle it.


Exhausting, yes. And on Friday . . . . they turn 18. That's the "boo" in boo hoo.

Where were you 13 years ago today? If you were like most, you were celebrating the arrival of www.bobborden.com. And it's still alive and kicking. If you have time to kill and have absolutely nothing to do, check it out. Inexplicably, www.bobborden.com is still around.

Time now for This Date In CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER History.
October 31, 2001: Mother of twins, from Marble Falls, Texas, it's Karen Holmes
This concludes another installment of This Date In CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER History

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
It's her birthday, which may explain her hot flashes, it's Sally Drell.
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER

Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
Twitter: @WahooMike

Tonight's Guests

Tina Fey
Moody McCarthy
Kevin Drew

Wahoo Gazette Archive

Saturday, September 13
Is George Clooney having second thoughts?
Thursday, September 11
Billy Eichner and Dave enjoy a screaming match.
Wednesday, September 10
Dr. Phil gets the Big Red treatment.
Tuesday, September 9
Dave & Michael Strahan and their mutual admiration society.
Monday, September 8
Dave and Vladimir: Just a couple guys talking about Dairy Queen.