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Thursday, November 7, 2013 Where in the world is Matt Lauer's agent?
Show #3935
Kelly Ripa, Cobie Smulder, and Gary Clark Jr.
PLUS: Sorry, Rob; Get to Know Bill De Blasio; the New Mayor Meets the Old Mayor; Chris Christie's Victory Speech; the Exam at the Today Show; a Top Ten List; and Stuffo!

" . . . and now, slippery when wet . . . . . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1:
MONOLOGUE
- "Matt Lauer and Al Roker of the 'Today' show had an on-air prostate exam this morning. Yup, that's exactly what you want . . . the sound of snapping rubber gloves before breakfast."
- "This wasn't Matt Lauer's first on-air procedure. Remember when he had Ann Curry removed?"

You're familiar with the nutty mayor of Toronto, Rob Ford? He was caught on the crack pipe. We put together this piece called, "Sorry, Rob." We take a look.
We see Toronto in snow.
ANNOUNCE: "This photo of Toronto's City Hall depicts snow, not crack . . . Sorry, Rob. Enjoy your Canadian Football League."

New York City has a new mayor. If you're like most people, you don't really know anything about the guy. We've prepared a segment called, "Get To Know Bill De Blasio."
ART CARD: GET TO KNOW BILL DE BLASIO
Photos of Bill De Blasio.
ANNOUNCE: "Bill de Blasio is an adult male human. A warm-blooded vertebrate, he exhales carbon dioxide, he has stereoscopic vision, and is a biped. This has been 'Get to Know Bill de Blasio.' "
ART CARD: GET TO KNOW BILL DE BLASIO

Mayor-elect De Blasio met with Mayor Bloomberg yesterday. De Blasio is making it clear that changes are in the air and Bloomberg's policies are a thing of the past. We take a look at this photo of the meeting. We see Billy De with a cigarette hanging from his mouth and a Big Gulp soda in his hand.

Chris Christie is governor of New Jersey for a second term. However, Dave noticed something curious during his victory speech. We take a look at what Dave detected.
We see Christie's victory speech. He pounds on the podium . . . I mean, lectern . . . to hammer home his point.
CHRIS CHRISTIE: "This government, our first job is to get the job done. And as long as I'm governor, that job will always, always be finished."
His pounding on the lectern caused the "Greetings from New Jersey" sign to fall. Underneath is a sign that reads: "Chris Christie for President in 2016."

I know you want to look. In case you missed it this morning, we have footage of the prostate exam from the "Today" show.
We see the doctor with Matt. He leads Matt into the examination room. The door closes behind them. From the outside, we can hear the examination taking place. Lots of odd noises. Sounds like we almost emptied the sound-effects library. Anything with a slide whistle and a cookoo-cookoo makes me laugh. Yes, immature, but it makes me laugh.

Why should one get a prostate exam? Well, take it from Joe Theismann: "My prostate was giving me fits!"

ACT 2:
TOP TEN: THINGS PEOPLE SAID WHILE WATCHING THE "TODAY" SHOW PROSTATE EXAM
We watch the opening animation and Dave begins the Ten.
DAVE: "Number 10 . . . . " Dave stops. Something is wrong. I become alarmed. Uh oh, what's wrong! Even though I knew this interrupt was coming, it still startled me when Dave stopped because something was wrong. What was the problem?
DAVE: "Wait . . . . where is the . . . Paul?"
PAUL: "Oh, you're right! There's supposed to be a drumroll."
DAVE: "Anton! Anton, where is the drumroll?"
Cut to Anton. He is reading Dave and Bruce McCall's new book, "This Land Is Made For You and Me, but Mostly Me."
ANTON: "Oh, I'm sorry, Dave. I just got so wrapped up in your new book, 'This Land Is Made for You and Me, but Mostly Me.' It's a brilliant parody of the lifestyle of the one percent. Well done, sir!"
Dave thanks Anton for that scripted, spontaneous plug of the book.
DAVE: "Thanks, Anton."

Dave leafs through the book he has at the desk. Dave promises that whoever buys the most books, Dave will personally fly that person and a friend in to New York City, put him up in a medium hotel, and the two can spend the day in the lobby of Penguin Publishing.

TOP TEN: THINGS PEOPLE SAID WHILE WATCHING THE "TODAY" SHOW PROSTATE EXAM
9. "Tomorrow night, Ryan Seacrest hosts the results show."
4. "Why did they do it out on the plaza?"
2. "I didn't think they'd give the exam to each other."
1. "Matt Lauer hasn't made me this uncomfortable since Halloween" - we take a look at the adda of Matt Lauer dresses as a Baywatch lifeguard. Dave wonders, "Where in the world is Matt Lauer's agent?"
You can say, "NO," you know.

ACT 3:
KELLY RIPA
Kelly is the mom of three children, each in double-digits! Wow! Dave's boy just turned 10. Dave misses the days when your child can fit right in the crook of your arm. And now, suddenly, his son is 10 years old and they are screaming at each other in the car. "Don't take the Hutch! Take the Saw Mill" cries Harry. You know what? Harry's right. Don't take the Hutch if you can take the Saw Mill.
Kelly is impressed that Dave's son is aware of such things. Kelly doesn't have the same confidence in her 16-year-old. Kelly could be on the floor in a coma and her son wouldn't notice for 3 days or not until he got hungry. Oh, those teen years. She's right about that.

How does Kelly keep in such great shape? Kelly says she has fat but in odd places. For one, she admits to being very flat-chested but has a thick neck. Dave says, "Well, from where I sit, you're only 50% correct." She laughs, then laughs harder at the dubious meaning.
Kelly says she takes dance classes and spin classes and runs a lot. Does she do the Zumba? Dave is curious if Kelly takes a Zumba class. Dave then brings up the fiasco up in Maine where the Zumba instructor was doing the prostitution on the side. The woman thought of it as doing community service. Kelly is very curious about the story and is a bit surprised that this story slipped by her.

We take a look at a photo of the "Live! With Kelly and Michael" Halloween show. We see Executive in Charge of Production Art Moore, Kelly as Miley Cyrus, Michael Strahan as Robin Thicke, and Michael Gelman who simply wanted to wear his tight red stretchy pants. Dave always likes to poke fun at the Executive Producer, Gelman.

ACT 4:
Back from commercial, we come to a scratchy, black and white graphic of "CBS Television Presents."
Alan Kalter announce: "CBS Television presents, the Late Show Star Theater, sponsored by Stuffo.
Cut to Dave at a table with a Stuffo. Still in the scratchy black and white.
DAVE: "Hi, I'm Dave Letterman with a sensational discovery out of Canada for all your household needs --- 'Stuffo'! It's rich. It's yellow. That's right. Processed, refined and rendered four different times, 'Stuffo' has a low, low price, and it's unbelievably digestible. Plus, it's yellow! See what Canadians have been talking about. Try 'Stuffo'. Available many places."
ALAN: "'Stuffo' --- in one-pound canisters, or three-pound bricks."
Back to Dave, who takes a spoonful of the stuff.
DAVE: "We'll be right back with Cobie Smulders."

ACT 5:
ANNOUNCE:
"Tune in tomorrow as Dave welcomes Tom Brokaw, comedian Rhys Darby, and Black Joe Lewis. I've told you a million times to exaggerate."

ACT 6:
Before introducing our next guest, Dave toys around with a cellphone attempting to take a selfie. He's successful only half the time.

COBIE SMULDERS
You know her from the CBS super hit "How I Met Your Mother." This is "HIMYM" 9th and final season. Cobie is very aware of the rarity of being employed as an actress for 9-straight years. She also realizes that the "goodbye" will be very difficult. She may miss the Kraft Services the most. Cobie is now starring with Vince Vaughn in the film, "Delivery Man." The price of admission is worth it just to see Cobie on the big screen. And the screen has to be big because Vince and Cobie are both tall thespians.
Cobie is from Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada. Her mother is British and came to Vancouver in a very interesting way. She had taken a job on a bot as a crew member. The boat caught fire and sank. They were rescued by the Canadian Navy and brought to Vancouver. She loved it so much that she decided to stay.

"Delivery Man" - Vince Vaughn plays a guy who made some money on the side as an artificially inseminator. Turns out he's the dad to some 500 kids. And then the fun begins.
It opens November 22nd.

Before saying goodbye, Cobie and Dave take a selfie.

ACT 7:
GARY CLARK JR.
Gary Clark Jr. will be performing at the Apollo Theater and New York's Terminal 5 next week. His current album is entitled, "Blak and Blu." Gary Clark Jr. performed the very enjoyable, worth purchasing, "When My Train Pulls In."

And that was our show for Thursday November 7, 2013.


So I'm driving down the West Side Highway and I see this billboard. It reads something like this:
A pedestrian hit by a car traveling 40 mph has a 70% chance of dying.
At 30 mph, there's an 80% chance that the pedestrian will live.

I found that confusing. Why mix up what you are measuring? Wouldn't it be easier to understand if it was presented this way:
40 mph had a 70% chance of dying; 30 mph had only a 20% chance of dying.
With the way it was written, you have to do mental gymnastics to get to the point. One percentage measures how many die; the other percentage measures how many live. And you have to do this while driving down the West Side Highway, which could be anywhere from 4 mph to 80 mph, depending on the time of day. I'd sent this billboard back for a rewrite.
10% of drivers get in an accident trying to figure out what the billboard is trying to report.

And now it's time for "LATE NIGHT THE DAY THEY WERE BORN."
Cobie Smulders was born April 3, 1982.
What happened on Late Night the day Cobie Smulders was born?

LATE NIGHT, April 3, 1982: April 3, 1982 fell on a Saturday. There was no LATE NIGHT broadcast that night.
What happened on LATE NIGHT two days after Cobie Smulders was born?
LATE NIGHT, April 5, 1982 (#37): author Quentin Crisp (promoting his book The Naked Civil Servant, recently featured on PBS); television journalist Morey Safer (celebrating his 12th year on "60 Minutes"); and Kenneth Feld (owner of Ringling Brothers/Barnum and Bailey Circus), with 33-inch tall Michu. Also: New Dial-It Services ("Dial-a-Sixties Burnout": Paul answers the phone) and an art card segment titled "The World of the Future."
And that's what happened on LATE NIGHT two days after Cobie Smulders was born.

Thank you, Donz, for that Wahoo filler.

The Wahoo Gazette: It's not good, but it's cheap.

I got nothing today. Hopefully, tomorrow will be better.

Time now for This Date in CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER History.
November 7, 2001: From Peachtree City, Georgia, it's Stacie Hatcher.
This concludes another installment of This Date in CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER History

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
From St. Nicholas of Tolentine in the Bronx, celebrated his 56th b'day on Wednesday, it's Christopher Dohmann.
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER

Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
Twitter: @WahooMike

Tonight's Guests

Medal of Honor Recipient, Staff Sgt. Ryan Pitts
Sharon Van Etten

Wahoo Gazette Archive

Wednesday, July 23
The PonyCycle gets put out to pasture.
Tuesday, July 22
Naked daters and their disgusted chairs.
Monday, July 21
The Late Show turns into "MacArthur Park" for one night.
Friday, July 18
Intern Todd has fun at the 2014 All-Star Game.
Wednesday, July 16
Emma Stone sees dead quarters.