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Friday, November 8, 2013 Crack-smoking mayor or lovable fast food character?
Show #3936
Tom Brokaw, Rhys Darby, and Black Joe Lewis.
PLUS: Good News/Great News for Chris Christie; Wacky Proctologist; Biden misdials; our lovely Earth; a phone call with the President; and a Top Ten list.

" . . . and now, sporting a short, chic new bob . . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1:
MONOLOGUE

-"I'm worried about the economy. I got all my money in Blockbusters."

We have a new segment on the show tonight. It's called, "Good News / Great News." We take a look.
ART CARD: GOOD NEWS FOR CHRIS CHRISTIE
ANNOUNCE: "Good news for Chris Christie . . ."
BRIAN WILLAMS (vt:) "In New Jersey, a landslide win for the Republican Chris Christie."
ART CARD: GREAT NEWS FOR CHRIS CHRISTIE
ANNOUNCE: "Great news for Chris Christie . . ."
ANCHORMAN: "Lay's has just released their new chocolate-covered potato chips."
ANCHORMAN: "Congratulations, Governor Christie!"

The prostate exams on this morning's "Today" show has inspired a new segment here. It's called, "Wacky Proctologist." We watch
ART CARD and music: "WACKY PROCTOLOGIST".
From the actual "Today" show, the proctologist says to Matt Lauer moments before entering the exam room and entering Matt: "I had to lose 5 pounds before the procedure so that my finger would fit."
ART CARD and music: "WACKY PROCTOLOGIST".
Wouldn't you immediately walk out? What would be the doctor's defense?

On election night, Vice President Biden was trying to call Boston Mayor Marty Walsh to congratulate him, except he called the wrong Marty Walsh. This type of thing has happened to Biden before. Remember when he went to the Vatican to congratulate Pope Francis? We take a look.
We see VP Biden in the Vatican . . . . . talking to a statue.

Scientists believe there are billions of Earth-like planets in our galaxy. This is a huge discovery that just might leave you feeling pretty small. But remember, while there may be many planets like Earth, there is only one Earth. See earth photos.
ANNOUNCE: (singing song)
"We've got mountains and rivers and flora galore.
Any humans and pizza and more.
The planet Earth.
Home of gold, diamonds, rubies, and pearls.
Earth! If it could be, it'd be out of this world.
We've got hammocks and jet skis and Nicolas Cage.
Ten thousand years without an ice age.
The planet Earth!
ANNOUNCE: "For more information on Earth, ask a cop!"

Hey, how ‘bout another installment of "Wacky Proctologist"?
ART CARD and music: "WACKY PROCTOLOGIST".
The doctor says to Al Roker: "I'm going to use two fingers so you can have a second opinion."
ART CARD and music: "WACKY PROCTOLOGIST".

ACT 2:
President Obama has had a tough few weeks, with the Obamacare website crashing and other issues. Well, guess what, he's been gracious enough to talk to us one the phone tonight about some of these issues.
Dave picks up the phone.
DAVE: "President Obama, are you there?"
OBAMA: "Hi!"
Wow! It really is the President. Kudos to our booking staff!
DAVE: "Thanks for doing this. Let's just get right to it. How's the Healthcare.gov website working?"
OBAMA: "It is thriving; it is growing."
DAVE: "That's good news. Do you know how many people have successfully signed up so far?"
OBAMA: "Seven."
DAVE: "Sorry, did you say just ‘seven'?"
OBAMA: "We tend to focus on the negative."
DAVE: "Fair enough. So, there's Obamacare issues, the government shutdowbn, the NSA spying charges . . . . . do you feel like this is a crossroads moment for your presidency?"
OBAMA: "This is a lot like in the Hannah Montana movie and Billy Ray says, you know, ‘Go get ‘em, baby.'"
DAVE: "What do you think about your former rival, Mitt Romney, criticizing you on ‘Meet The Press'? What do you have to say about those comments?
OBAMA: "He's a jackass."
DAVE: "Wow. Oh, one thing I was curious about . . . if Hillary Clinton gets elected in 2016, would you consider serving as her Secretary of State?"
OBAMA: "That's sorta like getting Mickey Mantle to play . . . Triple A."
DAVE: "Yeah. Listen, I know you're busy, Mr. President. Is there anything else you'd like to say?"
OBAMA: "I'm an amateur beekeeper."
DAVE: (confused) "What was that?"
Obama hangs up.

I guess he'll let Jay Carney explain that.

TOP TEN: UNCANNY RESEMBLANCES TO TORONTO MAYOR ROB FORD
Rob Ford . . . . He's the Mayor of Toronto who has been videotaped smoking crack and threatening to kill someone. He's going to stick around and fight the accusations. He's still confident in his position. And to think I'm devastated when I make a typo on a blue card. I need some of that politician-gene in me. This Catholic/Irish guilt thing can be such a downer sometimes.
Rob Ford . . . . videotaped smoking crack and threatening to kill someone. Dave chimes, "Now THAT'S what you want in a mayor!" Yeah. It would make the joke-writing so much easier around here if we had a crack-smoking, life-threatening mayor. C'mon, we have to admit, it's been like a vacation around here this week because of the prostate exam at the "Today" show. Ass jokes can just about write themselves!

UNCANNY RESEMBLANCES TO TORONTO MAYOR ROB FORD
We see split-screens of the following.
Toronto Mayor Rob Ford and . . .
10. Rush Limbaugh
9. Brian Dennehy
8. The girl who became a giant blueberry in "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory"
7. Richie Incognito
6. McDonald's, The Grimace
5. Former New York Yankees bench coach, Don Zimmer
4. Jack O'Lantern
3. Cartoon character, Dilbert
2. From "Splash," Louie Anderson
1. Turtle

Take a look at the Late Show website for the visuals to tonight's Top Ten. I didn't think of this till now, but how about Mayor Rob Ford and Atlanta Summer Olympics security guard, Richard Jewel?

ACT 3:
TOM BROKAW

New York City mayor talk. The city remains strong, but the gap between the top and bottom continues to grow. You need a middle, but the middle can't afford to support the top or bottom anymore. And a whole lot of money is going out to cover pension costs. Money to pensions. . . . tough one to knock down.
Chris Christie . . . a huge win for a Republican in a Democratic state. Is he lined up to be the Republican candidate in 2016? The loud and strong on the right of the Right find Christie to much a centrist. They consider him a RINO . . . a Republican In Name Only. Christie would have a better chance at winning the Presidential election than he would the Republican Primaries. It's a problem the GOP has to face. The extremists of the Party don't appeal to the undecided independents.
Tom hosts a two-hour documentary on NBC, "Where Were You: The Day JFK Died." It airs Friday, November 22nd at 9:00 PM. It all happened 50 years ago. It's all about me, so how bad is it that I remember something that happened 50 years ago? I was in kindergarten. I remember a moment of silence when it was announced the President was dead. I remember some of us were giggling since the classroom had never been quiet for that long of time. Then we had our afternoon snack.
I equate my memory of JFK's assassination to my daughters' memory of 9-11. They were in kindergarten on that dreadful day, the same age I was for the JFK's sudden death. My memory of that day is sketchy. I remember the moment of silence in the classroom. I remember lots of sobbing by people who you would never picture to be sobbing. I remember feeling as if I did something wrong. I remember pretending everything was OK and would simply wait for everyone else to pretend everything was OK, too.

"Where Were You: The Day JFK Died" – 50 years ago. I'll be watching November 22, 9:00 PM on NBC.

ACT 5:
ANNOUNCE:

"Rest up for Monday's Late Show, with Dave's guests Julianna Margulies, Army Chief of Staff General Ray Odierno, and Moon Taxi. Visit CBS.com/lateshow to watch J. Cole Live on Letterman. J. Cole's exclusive online concert from the Ed Sullivan Theater can be streamed on demand. When we come back, our experts show how to use pickle juice as an emergency embalming fluid."

ACT 6:
RHYS DARBY

You may recognize him from the HBO series, "Flight Of The Conchords." He's in town for the New York Comedy Festival and will be performing Saturday night at the Gotham Comedy Club.
Rhys likes to keep his wallet in his back pocket while wearing skinny jeans. It makes it harder for the pickpockets. Although his standup wasn't standard joke-filled, it was very oddly funny with amusing stories of everyday life in a New Zealand-way.

ACT 7:
BLACK JOE LEWIS

From his recent album, "Electric Slave," Black Joe Lewis performed "Come To My Party." Wow! Two musics back-to-back worth the price of admission. Good stuff, Black Joe Lewis!

And that was our show for Friday, November 08, 2013.

I hope Al Roker has recovered from his gastric bypass side-effects before the prostate exam.

Miami Dolphins Richie Incognito – volatile, loud, confrontational, a bully, not a nice guy . . . not what you would want your son to grow up to be. But who will ESPN hire first, Richie Incognito or Jonathan Martin?

Happy Dunce Day! In remembrance of John Duns Scotus who died November 8, 1308. His Catholic preachings came into question centuries later. His name "Duns" became synonymous for "somebody who is incapable of scholarship" or someone who refuses to learn anything new. From "Duns" . . . . . . "Dunce" was born, and from that, the dunce cap.
Happy National Dunce Day. Many of you should be honored.

Had a couple drinks and think you can still drive? Think it hasn't diminished your abilities? OK. Go out and have a few. Come back and try typing a couple paragraphs. You'll be yelling, "Hey! Who keeps moving the keys?!"

A cover band of The Band is playing at a local tonight. Will I? Not sure, but I hope I decide "yes." And it's only a mile from home . . . . Easy walking distance if I have to. I've become a big fan of "The Last Waltz" recently. Yes, I'm way behind on a lot of things, but feel I'm never too old to catch up. Have you seen the game "Space Invaders"?

Time now for This Date in CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER History.
November 8, 2000: From the Bush-backing state of Arkansas, it's Marcia Hatman. Thanks for letting me know it was Johnny who ate the potato chip and not Dave.
This concludes another installment of This Date in CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER History

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
From Great Neck, Long Island, and now Silver Spring (no S), Maryland, it's Jeff Hysen.
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER

Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
Twitter: @WahooMike

Wahoo Gazette Archive

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