Julianna Margulies, General Ray Odierno, and Moon Taxi.
PLUS: John Kerry speaks for America; Dave not on crack; a shirtless Putin montage; Chris Christie's expenses in question; a great stocking stuffer; some Tweets; and a Top Ten list.
" . . and now, USO showgirl . . . . . . . David Letterman!"
-"The wife of our new Mayor is a former lesbian. So we know he crosses party lines."
-"You can now buy bacon-scented deodorant. It's perfect for the guy who wants to date Paula Deen."
Here's something: "Secretary of State John Kerry: Speaking for America"
ART CARD: SECRETARY OF STATE JOHN KERRY: SPEAKING FOR AMERICA
KERRY: "I don't think we're stupid."
ART CARD: SECRETARY OF STATE JOHN KERRY: SPEAKING FOR AMERICA
Just in case you're wondering, CBS threw up this graphic during the monologue.
NOT ON CRACK
OK, then, so what's the excuse?
Many viewers are glad to get through a show without seeing the video clip of the guy hammering on a metal pan. But we do have this!
We take a look at a montage of a shirtless Vladimir Putin.
Hey, Vladimir, how ‘bout ‘Putin' on a shirt? Hey-Ohhhh!
Even Matthew McConaughey is saying, "C'mon, Vlad."
According to newly released reports, Chris Christie has been investigated for wasting taxpayer money on his own travel expenses. CNN asked him about the controversy. We watch.
Footage of luxury hotels, fancy restaurants, and Christie riding on his campaign bus.
ANNOUNCE: "Opponents of Chris Christie say he has spent excessive amounts on luxurious travel, with taxpayers covering the bill. We asked about the accusations during an exclusive interview on the governor's campaign bus, and he denied all charges that he stays at luxury hotels, dines at fancy restaurants, and requires a van full of Pepsi to accompany him wherever he goes."
In the background through the bus window, we see a Pepsi van travel alongside.
ANNOUNCE: "Jake Tapper, CNN, Trenton."
Looking for a holiday gift for a loved one, or even a not-so-loved one? The book "This Land Is Made For You and Me, But Mostly Me" would make a wonderful stocking stuffer for someone who has an oddly shaped foot. It's includes amazing works of art accompanied by amusing captions. You don't want to be caught without it if you ever have Bruce McCall or Dave over to your house. It would be perfect for your coffee table for them to see.
Time for some Tweets:
-Schneider: "Do you have any advice for college students seeking a career in broadcasting?" Dave: "Don't get me started on that!" Ah, spoken like a parent. Dave says broadcasting is finished. It's all about the internet.
-"What is your nickname when you were a kid?"
Dave: "Princess." We have some nicknames for Dave that he probably doesn't know about.
-"At tapings, you come out first, but then no one realizes that the show starts one second after that. Why?"
Dave gives the order of entrances: 1. Dave 2. Paul. 3. The dancing kids. 4. Someone takes the coats. 5. Drinks are prepared. 6. Dave comes back out to greet everybody. 7. Dave leaves. 8. Dave comes back. 9. People seem to be confused.
-Jim: "Who plays the sound effects on the show?"
Dave: "I think his name is Rick." BUZZ. "I think it's Bob." BUZZ. "Is it Rodney?" BUZZ. "Randy?" BUZZ. "Gary?" DING!
From the hit CBS series, "The Good Wife." Julianna got her big break on the phenom, "ER" 20 years ago. Back in the day before the explosion of cable TV, "ER" would rake in 44 million viewers a night. Now "The Good Wife," a big hit, gets about 14 million. Me? Never saw the "ER," not even the one they did LIVE. I was not one of the 44 million. I did watch "General Hospital," though. Remember Dr. Quartermaine, and the doctor who wasn't really a doctor but played one on TV? Or maybe he was on "All My Children.?
And where is George Clooney? He got his big break on "ER." Were Julianna and George friends? What's he like? Julianna says Clooney was a great guy, smart, nice, down to earth, respectful, and treated everybody the same. But why doesn't he want to come and do our show? It's been years! Maybe it's because he is smart and nice. Hey-Ohh!
"The Good Wife." The CBS big hit airs Sunday nights at 9 PM. George Clooney is not in it.
TOP TEN: QUESTIONS PEOPLE HAVE ABOUT LADY GAGA'S FLYING DRESS
- the Lady Gaga promoted her new album at the launch party and wore a motorized flying dress. Dave isn't impressed. She wore a dress and rode a hovercraft. They've been around for years. Dave sees this as just a gimmick. We take a look at Lady Gaga and her flying dress. I would get one of those for Denise, but we don't have the closet space.
QUESTIONS PEOPLE HAVE ABOUT LADY GAGA'S FLYING DRESS
10. "Will this save Detroit?"
3. "How long before Iran has a flying dress?
My last-second submission:
-"Can I spin the two cleverly placed propellers?"
-"Why didn't someone cover the undercarriage?"
Tonight's installment of the "Backstage Photo Club": Researcher, John Klarl
ANNOUNCE: "Catch tomorrow's Late Show with Dave and his guests Michael J. Fox, and Lorde. The World Food Programme is assisting the victims of the devastating typhoon in the Philippines. You can help. Go to wfp.org/typhoon and make a donation. Or text ‘AID' to 27722 to make a ten dollar donation to the World Food Programme. Thank you."
GENERAL RAY ODIERNO
The Chief of Staff of the United States Army. Now that is what a United States General is supposed to look like! Dave asks the General how we are supposed to celebrate Veterans Day, what is the proper way. General Ordierno says, quite wisely, to talk to your children about Veterans Day and why we have this day.
The number of World War II veterans is dwindling at a rapid pace. Come this June 6th, it will be 70 years since the D-Day invasion and will probably be the last major commemoration of that day with those who participated. It's hard for me to think that I was 14 years removed from that great and awful day. To read about it and put yourself there is just overwhelming.
Over the weekend, a typhoon hit the Philippines which is believed to be the strongest ever recorded to make landfall. The United States military is there now and more quick on the way to offer assistance. It's part of what the military does that we do not hear about.
At the end of 2011, we pulled all of our combat troops out of Iraq. At the time, we left it in good shape and it was quite peaceful. Things haven't quite kept up as well as we hoped, which is pretty disappointing.
By the end of 2014, a small number of troops will remain. The Afghan police and army have taken over and are doing a great job in keeping the peace and control. We will remain there afterwards to keep the momentum.
Casualities: 4,500 American soldiers in Irag. 2,000 American soldiers in Afghanistan. 30,000 wounded.
Reasons for war: it's a human endeavor – for power / control over populations / money.
General Odierno's son, Tony went to Afghanistan in 2004 just as the General was leaving. Some months later, Captain Tony was met with sniper fire and lost his left arm in battle. The General says his son has been a great inspiration to him.
What can we do for our men and women in the armed forces? General Odierno says that when they come back, give them an opportunity. They are dedicated, committed, possess high values . . . so look to them when you have a job to offer. We owe them that much.
To learn about the Soldier For Life program that supports the reintegration of the soldier and their family back into civilian life:
General Ray Odierno – we are lucky to have men like him.
Making their network television debut, the band from Nashville, Tennessee performed "Running Wild."
And that was our show for Monday, November 11, 2013.
We had snow Tuesday morning! And, boy, did the news people jump with excitement. The snowfall was barely visible, and would melt as soon as it neared the ground On my drive in, the radio had their people at the local train station in Westchester. Everybody was so excited about the snow, but also were bracing for the long winter approaching. Oh, and did you know there was someone wearing her winter coat for the first time? So fascinating!
Who knew that copiers, elevators, and computers would take the day off on Veterans Day? We had the copier guy in today to fix something that wasn't broken. He advised a staff that the call wasn't really necessary . . . then spent the next four hours on it. Amazingly, just like all the other copier repair guys, he magically completed the job right at quitting time. How about that! It's really surprising how often that happens.
The New York Giants are in it! After an 0-6 start, the Giants are one game away from playing a game for first place. With a win this Sunday against the Green Bay Packers and they could be playing the Cowboys on the 24th for first place. Giant fans were hoping for a 30-10 win over the Raiders this past Sunday to put us at ease and feel as if the team is on their way, but we had to "settle" for a 4-point, 24-20 win, but you really can't say "settle" when you are 2-6. When they were 0-6, all I hoped for was for some games that mattered in November. Now I'm hoping for December. And then it's only 6 weeks till pitchers and catchers.
This Richie Incognito and Jonathan Martin thing with the football Miami Dolphins . . . . teams may avoid both players. Too much baggage. They are probably done with the Dolphins, and other teams may not want them, either. But if they are good at what they do. . . . here's something . . . . BOTH will ask to play on the same team. They may need a gimmick to get back into the NFL and this may be it; coming back together. And if that doesn't work, expect to see them together on the lecture circuit. They may avoid it at first, but when they start being bullied by bill collectors, I think they will acquiesce.
IT IS THE SOLDIER
-by Charles M. Province
It is the Soldier, not the minister
Who has given us freedom of religion.
It is the Soldier, not the reporter
Who has given us freedom of the press.
It is the Soldier, not the poet
Who has given us freedom of speech.
It is the Soldier, not the campus organizer
Who has given us freedom to protest.
It is the Soldier, not the lawyer
Who has given us the right to a fair trial.
It is the Soldier, not the politician
Who has given us the right to vote.
It is the Soldier who salutes the flag,
Who serves beneath the flag,
And whose coffin is draped by the flag,
Who allows the protester to burn the flag.
Time now for This Date in CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER History
November 11, 1999: Kathie Freeman
This concludes another installment of This Date in CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER History
CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
Thank you for your service (I don't mean at the show), it's Billy DeLace and Biff Henderson.
This concludes another installment CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
Michael Z. McIntee