CBS

Search By Date
M T W Th F
Tuesday, November 12, 2013 LS staffers make a big effort to get Dave some little cards.
Show #3938
Michael J. Fox, and Lorde.
PLUS: Obamacare Success Stories; Pat Farmer with Numerology Fun; Angela is Angry; Something New from Oscar Mayer; a Top Ten List; The New Apple iPad Air; and Something Else Happened.

New Opening Announce format: "Broadcasting from the heart of Broadway, across the nation and around the world, it's America's most-popular and longest-running TV fishing show, the Late Show with David Letterman! Tonight: Michael J. Fox, and music from Lorde. Plus: Paul Shaffer and the CBS Orchestra. I'm Alan Kalter. And now, your go-to man for non-slip, decorative placemats . . . . . . David Letterman."

ACT 1:
MONOLOGUE
- "A company is now using 3D printers to manufacture underpants. Can you hear guys saying, 'Honey, why don't you print yourself something sexy for tonight?'"

There's been plenty of bad press about the rollout of Obamacare. But it's not entirely a disaster. We take a minute to enjoy a segment called, "Obamacare Success Stories"
ART CARD: OBAMACARE SUCCESS STORIES.
We find a guy hard at work over a computer. It's Mitch Goulderman, a computer programmer from Falls Church, Virginia. He stops what he is doing to address the camera.
MITCH: "I still don't have health insurance, but the government is paying me ten grand a week to fix their health care web site!" Thumbs up.
ART CARD: OBAMACARE SUCCESS STORIES.

Oh, that Obama . . . he really is creating jobs!

We come back to find Property Master Pat Farmer standing by Dave. Not sure why he is standing there.
DAVE: "Oh, hi, Pat. Look, it's our stagehand Pat Farmer. Hey, Pat. What's up? What can I do for you?"
PAT: "Dave, I've got a good one for you. You're gonna like this."
DAVE: "OK"
PAT: "Today's date is 11 --- 12 --- 13."
DAVE: "1962?"
PAT: (a bit confused by the "1962" quip) " . . . . That's November, the number 11 . . . . 12 . . . the date . . . . and 2013. 11, 12, 13."
DAVE: "Wow, yeah, that's great. I understand, Pat."
PAT: "It gets better!"
DAVE: "Really?"
PAT: "This is the 14th time I've interrupted you on the show this year."
DAVE: "No, is that a fact?"
PAT: "11, 12, 13, 14."
DAVE: "Gotta say, it feels like more, to tell you the truth."
PAT: "To be continued next year, Dave, on 12 --- 13 ---14. High five?"

Pat raises his hand for a high five. Dave renegs.

DAVE: "No, that's OK."
PAT: "Later?"
DAVE: "Yeah, later.
Pat Exits.

I talked to Pat afterwards. He had no idea what Dave was talking about when he said, "1962." Pat was busy during the pre-show Q&A and didn't get the reference. He says he was running "1962" through his head trying to figure out what Dave was talking about. He didn't see the cutaway of the guy in the audience with the "1962" sweatshirt.

A company just unveiled a new bacon-scented deodorant and not everyone is thrilled about it. We take a look at this commercial from Oscar Mayer.
ANNOUNCE: "The market is saturated with bacon-scented products: candles, lip balm, deodorant. It's time for something new! Introducing Unscented Bacon, only from Oscar Mayer. No frills. No gimmicks. No smell. Unscented Bacon. Find us in your chemically-altered meats aisle."

NBC recently announced plans to remake the classic, "Murder, She Wrote." After hearing the news, the former star of the show, Angela Lansbury, released this message.
ANNOUNCE: "Upon hearing the news NBC is rebooting the classic show, 'Murder She Wrote,' actress Angela Lansbury says, 'It's a mistake for NBC to call a new series 'Murder, She Wrote.' She further goes on to say, 'You think I'm going to put up with this crap?' . . . . 'You think I'm afraid of you?' . . . . 'I've been to prison and have no problem going back.' . . . . . 'I'll take us all straight to hell. You hear me, NBC? I will Angela Lans-bury you.' Angela Lansbury: five-time Tony Award winner."

ACT 2:
If we've learned one thing about Toronto Mayor Rob Ford, it's that the camera loves him. Some years ago he was so drunk that he erred and decided to smoke some crack. And it was caught on camera. That was his excuse. You couldn't really blame him for smoking crack because he was so drunk at the time. He's been captured and photographed in many awkward situations that he is not proud of. It inspired us to put together this piece called, "Is It An Actual Rob Ford Photo?" Music from the band.
ART CARD: IS IT AN ACTUAL ROB FORD PHOTO.

I hadn't seen this piece during rehearsal so I was curious to see how it came out.
Dave is about to introduce the first photo. The piece is on cue cards but says he would rather it on blue cards. I spit out my insta-soup. DOH! I run back to the shack to a typewriter. I don't know what is happening on stage. I fly through my script to find the lines to type onto some blue cards. Unbeknownst to me, the shack soon becomes crowded with idea-people on how to quicken this along. While I type out the blue cards, others make a copy of the script onto a blue sheet. They then cut out the lines for Dave and tape it onto to blue cards. I can sort of hear that Dave is killing time on stage waiting for the blue cards. We haven't gone to black. The cameras are still rolling. I am unaware of what is going on behind me in the shack. I glance up to see that the goings-on shack is on camera. Double DOH! I finish up the blue cards, number them, and hand them off to Executive Producer Matt Roberts. I sigh, realizing the mess that has come upon us. I reach for some Haribo Happy Cola gummy bears that are lying on a table by the computer.
I see Matt run the cards out to Dave who then throws to commercial without reading them.

I think that went pretty well.

ACT 3:
TOP TEN: TOP TEN QUESTIONS MOST FREQUENTLY ANSWERED, 'BACON'
A company in Seattle has launched a new bacon-scented deodorant. Some of their other bacon scented products include bacon-scented shaving cream and bacon-scented condoms. Dave doubts there are actually bacon-scented condoms. I ran back to the shack and printed out a photo of a box. Unfortunately, it wasn't one of those 3D printers.

TOP TEN: TOP TEN QUESTIONS MOST FREQUENTLY ANSWERED, 'BACON'
10. "Gosh, you look great! What's your secret?"
9. "Why not become a vegetarian?"
8. "Did you smell anything right before the stroke?"
7. "Kevin Who?"
6. "What was the top-selling pork product in 1962?"
5. "Is there anything Republicans and Democrats can agree on?"
4. "What should I bait the trap with?"
3. "Cause of death?"
2. "Why hasn't Chris Christie's lap band surgery worked?"
1. "Would you like anything with your bacon?"

I handed in some Top Tens. The #1, "Would you like anything with your bacon?" was similar to mine and I'm guessing it was submitted by more than one other writer. Same with #7, "Kevin who?" But I didn't think they were my best. My Top Ten submissions that didn't make the grade.
- "I wonder what Jim Gaffigan is thinking about?"
- "Romeo, Romeo, what for art thou hungry?"
- "What do you want for Christmas?"
- "What do you want for Chanukah but can't have?"
- "Oh, my God! What just fell out of Dave Letterman's pants?" --- Dave has told the story about the time in 3rd grade when he had to read in front of the class and bacon fell out of his pants. Dave describes it as the most embarrassing thing that ever happened to him. (read a quick recap in the 12.23.04 Wahoo.) This should have been included in the Top Ten just in hope that Dave would retell the story, or at least to let him know that some of us are listening.

MICHAEL J. FOX
Always an inspiration, Mr. Fox. He was diagnoses with Parkinson's 22 years ago and his courage in the face of it has been truly remarkable. He says he feels having Parkinson's has given him the opportunity and the privilege to raise money to push research along in hopes of one day finding a cure and prevention. Michael continues to lead his life as normal as possible and has taken up golf, continues to play hockey, and gets out there and runs. He admits to not being any good at any of it. Friend and fellow Parkinson's sufferer Mike Kelly ran in the recent New York City Marathon. So inspired was Michael J. last year that he decided to join Mike Kelly this year for the final two miles. By this time, Kelly had already run 24 miles and was half-walking/half-running. The fresh and ready Michael J. said there would be no walking from here on in. That was easy for him to say. But Mike Kelly picked it up and finished on a run. He admits it nearly killed him.
Michael shares a story of his physical ventures and how a year ago he tried to do some skeet shooting. The looks on the faces of those around him "was precious" as he cocked and loaded.
Michael J.s new show, "The Michael J. Fox Show" is quite a bit autobiographical. He plays a local news anchor who stepped away from his job after being diagnosed with Parkinson's. Five years later, restless and a pain around the house, he decides to get back into television.

"The Michael J. Fox Show" - Thursdays at 9:30 on NBC.

And stop by to learn more about Michael's quest for a cure on his website, www.michaeljfox.org

ACT 5:
ANNOUNCE: "Let us entertain you tomorrow with Dave and his guests Samuel L. Jackson, and Chris Matthews. The World Food Programme is assisting the victims of the devastating typhoon in the Philippines. You can help. Go to wfp.org/typhoon and make a donation. Or text 'AID' to 27722 to make a ten dollar donation to the World Food Programme. Thank you."

ACT 6;
Apple recently unveiled their new iPad. Here with a review of the product is our own tech guru, Vince Connors.
The scrim rises to find Mr. Connors. Behind him stand 3 gentlemen each holding a new Apple iPad.
VINCE CONNORS: "Thanks, Dave. The new iPad Air is unbelievably thin and light, weighing only one pound. And yet, it's so much more powerful and capable. With the A7 chip, advanced wireless, and great apps for productivity and creativity, all beautifully integrated with IOS 7. iPad Air lets you do more than you ever imagined." Vince than walks over to the three guys each holding the Apple iPad Air. He karate chops each one by one. Another iPad Air is wheeled out and planked above two cinder blocks. Vince then karate chops that one, too. He bows. Scrim lowers.
I think that cost us our entire production budget for the rest of the year.

ACT 7:
LOURDE
From her debut CD, "Pure Heroine," the 17-year-old from New Zealand performed "Team."
Did I mention she's just 17?

And that was our show for Tuesday, November 12, 2013.

It's one of those mornings. A ridiculous morning commute, followed by people getting in my way. I'm having my A.M. oatmeal in the kitchen and turn on the radio for the traffic report. You never want to hear your route the first one reported. Well, the West Side Highway was the lead. A car had stalled in the left lane at around 140th Street. Damn. I knew this meant an hour-plus drive in. I quickly got in the car 15 minutes earlier than usual and tried to beat those listening to music in the morning. As I approached the GW Bridge, it was obvious others had the same idea. Yeah, so this car that was stalled on the West Side Highway in Manhattan was creating a jam all the way back into another state. New Jersey was crawling because of that one car. I tried my little-known short cuts and did make it onto the bridge in pretty good time, considering. But the rest of the way was unbearable. I even took the FDR on the east side which is a detour I may take once every three years. (This is fascinating stuff, isn't it?) And then when I finally get in, damn . . . . one person was already in . . . when I finally get in, all that morning I was nearly bumping into the few who were around. Every time I turned a corner there was someone else. When this happens, I stop and stand still for 15 seconds. I have to change the mojo. I figure now I will miss all these people by 15 seconds the rest of the day. And it usually works.
I sit at my desk and it feels like I've already put in a full day. Yes, I can almost hear the violins playing.

November 13 . . . it's Sadie Hawkins Day! Are you like me and thought Sadie Hawkins Day was February 29th? Nope, it's November 13th. And what is Sadie Hawkins Day?
It's a holiday originated by Al Capp in the 1930's in in comic strip, "Li'l Abner". It's the one day of the year where it is proper for a girl to ask out a boy! So get crackin', gals!

Angela Lansbury is mad at NBC for announcing plans to relaunch the classic "Murder, She Wrote." I guess she feels it can only cheapen the original. But wasn't "Murder, She Wrote" a copy of NBC's "Ellery Queen" with Jim Hutton?

It's my brother Bob's 60th birthday today. Yeah, I've become one of those people who has a brother who's 60 years old. Many offspring take the lead from first-born. If the oldest goes that way with his life, the rest tend to go that way. If he goes another way, the others will likely follow. That's a lot of responsibility on the first born. The McIntee family was lucky. Bob lead us all in the right direction.

Time now for This Date in CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER History
November 12, 1999: Sally Drell
This concludes another installment of This Date in CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER History

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
From Mr. Zebro's 9th grade Algebra class, it's his birthday, "Otto" Own Stern!
This concludes another installment CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER

Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
Twitter: @WahooMike

Tonight's Guests

Emily Blunt
Adam Resnick
Wu Tang Clan

Wahoo Gazette Archive

Monday, November 24
Todd the cue card guy sings for a safe Thanksgiving.
Friday, November 21
I'm not a tailor and I didn't play one on TV.
Thursday, November 20
Dave approves a family of actors to attend Thanksgiving in his stead.
Wednesday, November 19
Dave and Regis turn to their friend Peter Lassally for conversation.
Wednesday, November 19
Dally and Spanky take a shortcut during Stupid Pet Tricks.