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Friday, November 15, 2013 Two dachshunds go for a jog in Friday's Stupid Pet Tricks.
Show #3941
Stupid Pet Tricks, Connie Britton, and Lady Antebellum.
PLUS: Something New from Mayor Rob Ford; a Message from Lesbians; Obamacare Stats and Figures; Another Thor Sequel; Small Town News; and a Top Ten List.

" . . and now , Traveling Wilbury . . . . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1:
MONOLOGUE
- "Big lottery tonight. Odds of winning are 250 million to one. Same odds as logging onto the Obamacare website."

Toronto Mayor Rob Thornton is now selling Mayor Ford Bobblehead dolls. This is a true story. We have the news report. We watch.
CNN NEWS: "Embattled Toronto Mayor Rob Ford was at City Hall this morning selling and autographing limited edition Rob Ford Bobblehead Dolls. The bobbleheads feature the mayor's signature blond hair, portly figure, and ability to absorb blows to the head."
Clip of Mayor Ford walking into a news camera.
CNN NEWS: "Rachel Dillon, CNN, Toronto."

New York City has a new mayor, Bill De Blasio, and his wife is a former lesbian. Not everyone is thrilled with the situation. We take a look at this televised response Dave saw last night.
Photos of well-known, not very good looking men fly across the screen
ANNOUNCE: "Have you seen men these days? Why would anyone stop being a lesbian?
A message from lesbians."

Only 106,000 people signed up for Obamacare. Dave saw an interesting report on the CNN.
We take a look.
ANNOUNCE: "The White House has announced figures for the Obamacare Health Plan. The first month yielded only 106.000 online registrations for the President's plan. Even more disappointing, it turned out to be one man having trouble with the website who accidentally signed up 106,000 times."
Numerous clicks results in numerous error beeps.
ANNOUNCE: "Larry Fleb, CNN, Washington."

"Thor: The Dark World" was the #1 movie in America last week and continues to do tremendous business at the box office. It's such a big hit, they've already begun work on another sequel. We watch.
"Thor" footage.
ANNOUNCE: "First, Thor had to defeat his own brother. Then, he had to battle a dark force threatening to destroy the universe. And now, Thor must retrieve his hammer when it's stolen by the most terrifying villain of all."
Cut to Gallagher about to smash a watermelon with a giant mallet.
ANNOUNCE: "Chris Hemsworth . . . . Gallagher . . . . in . . . . 'Hammer of Thor.' Coming soon."

ACT 2:
SMALL TOWN NEWS - we were supposed to get to this last night but Dave decided he had a story to tell.
- The Taos News (Taos, New Mexico): from the police blotter - "A resident reported, 'The church kids are having way too much fun outside.'"
- The North Vernon Plain Dealer & Sun (North Vernon, Indiana): "In celebration of his 80th birthday, the family of Jerry Sharp invites you to attend an open house at the Dove-Sharp & Rudicel Funeral Home."
- The News Journal (Wilmington, Ohio): "Two teen boys were charged with burglary after they allegedly broke into a home to fix hot dogs."
- The Daily Journal Ad-Vantage (Park Hills, Missouri): "Miscellaneous for sale: Two bear pictures, and two bears, $25.")
- The Hoosier Times (Bedford, Indiana): A police report: "A female entered a residence and stole the bottom part of a set of dentures from a purse."
- The Country Chronicle (Towson, Maryland): "Help Wanted. Are you a lady who can lift a 50-pound bag? Reliable individual interested in arm wrestling for fun and workout. Will pay $55 per hour."
- The Quad City Times (Davenport, Iowa): "A man was in jail Thursday after he wanted to sing to another man on a sidewalk in downtown Davenport and a struggle ensued."
- The Monitor (Mabank, Texas): A story about a new restaurant mentions "The sweet salad offers grilled children over crisp romaine lettuce."
- The Mountain Messenger (Downieville, California): from the sheriff's blotter: "A naked man on a bicycle in Loyalton was deemed suspicious".
- The Daily Republic (Mitchell, South Dakota): "Someone tied a 'Get Well' balloon on Sunday to this dead raccoon laying on the side of Highway 37."
- The Lassen County Times (Susanville, California): "Last week, The Times mistakenly reported the location of a masturbating man. The Times regrets the error."

And that's just some of what is happening in small towns across America.

ACT 3:
STUPID PET TRICKS

STP #1 - Jay Hendrickson and Dudley.
Dudley is a Golden Retriever.
Jay works for Hewlett-Packard.
They are from Houston, Texas.
It's apparent Dudley likes Dave as he leaps up and gives the host some friendly licks. Jay is not as friendly, at least he doesn't exhibit it as such.
What will Dudley do for us tonight? Dudley will give a tennis ball to Jay. Yawn . . . .
Jay takes a tennis ball out of his pocket and gives it to Dudley. Dudley gives it a couple of chews, then rolls over on its back. While looking up at Jay, ball in mouth, Dudley takes both paws and lifts the ball out of its mouth and hands it to Jay.
YES! I didn't see any of the tricks in rehearsal. This was impressive. Hearing that Dudley was going to give a tennis ball to Jay didn't quite excite. Seeing how it was done was very impressive.

STP #2 - Lina Bowers and Twig.
Twig is a Shetland sheepdog.
Lina is just a 9-year-old girl and in the 4th grade.
They are from Belleair, Florida, not too far from Tampa.
Lina came out with two skateboards. One will be for her, but that's most just for show. Twig will skateboard. Yawn . . . . yes, we've seen such tricks before. Impressive, but like I said, we've seen this before.
Twig hops on the skateboard and rolls across the stage.
But there's more! On the other end of the stage is a small, recently-built set of stairs. Twig will ride the skateboard down the stairs. No way! Can't be done.
The skateboard is put on the top platform. Lina places Twig on the skateboard. And then Twig leans forward and the skateboard, and Twig, plop plop plop plop down the steps. Wow! I didn't see that coming! Very impressive! Nice job, Lina and Twig.

STP #3 - Craig Cerbasi and Guinness and Stella.
Guinness and Stella are dachshunds.
Craig is a bartender.
They are all from Cupertino, California.
You can't tell if Guinness and Stella are that friendly to Dave because dachshunds can be very skittish and like to yip a bit . . . . probably because of their diminutive size. A Napoleon complex, perhaps.
What can Guinness and Stella do for us? It'll take a treadmill. The two weiner dogs hop on the treadmill and go for a jog. Great image. They kept perfect time with Paul's music. Nice job, Guinness and Stella. Very clever to use a treadmill to walk your dogs. Most of us only use a treadmill as a place to hang our clothes.

And that was Stupid Pet Tricks.

ACT 4:
Before getting to the Top Ten, we take another look at the jittery dachshunds out for a stroll on the treadmill. And then we take a look at some human tricks from back in the day:
- A guy shoved a spoon up his nose and fed himself cereal from a cup - November 1, 1996.
- A guy shot something out of his nose and another guy caught it in his mouth and ate it - September 4, 1998

SIGNS YOU HAVE BAD HEALTH INSURANCE - Obama admits he fumbled the rolling out of his healthcare plan. Only 106,000 signed up in October; one-fifth of the projected number. Obama also admitted to feeling very responsible. As a true leader, I guess it would have been better if he said he was responsible instead of only feeling so..

SIGNS YOU HAVE BAD HEALTH INSURANCE
10. Application asks if you have a cute sister.
6. You ask, "How much is the deductible?" They answer, "How much you got?"
4. You share a plan with your cats.
2. Company's TV spokesman? Dr. Conrad Murray.
1. Your prostate exam must be televised.

Tonight's installment of the Backstage Photo Club: Tom Herrmann and Tim Stephenson.

ACT 5:
ANNOUNCE: "We're coming back Monday with Dave and his guests Vince Vaughn, the 2013 NASCAR Sprint Cup Series champion, and Luscious Jackson. The World Food Programme is assisting the victims of the devastating typhoon in the Philippines. You can help. Go to wfp.org/typhoon and make a donation. Or text 'AID' to 27722 to make a ten dollar donation to the World Food Programme. Thank you."

ACT 6:
CONNIE BRITTON
Connie's on the hit ABC show, "Nashville." Popular TV shows seem to follow her around, such as "Friday Night Lights," "Spin City," and "American Horror Story." Me, when I find a good show, I stick with it. Unless a better offer comes along.
Connie became a mom two years ago, adopting a 9-month-old boy from Ethiopia. He has become quickly Americanized; loving pizza and striped pants. He refuses to wear non-striped pants. This came in handy when the two were in a GAP print ad. We see the two of them from the GAP shoot laughing and enjoying life. I knew the GAP was good, but I didn't know it could pull that reaction out of you.
One thing I learned about raising babies and tots: the days go long but the years go fast.
"Nashville" - You can see Connie Wednesday nights at 10 PM on the ABC.

ACT 7:
LADY ANTEBELLUM
From their new "Golden: Deluxe Edition" album, Lady Antebellum performed "Compass."

And then Lady Antebellum hung around to perform a webcast. Catch it now on the Late Show website.

And that was our show for Friday November 15, 2013.

Doh! Each night I type up the opening announce for Alan to read off a blue card. It's pretty much the same formula each night; the beginning, the guests, the middle and the ending that includes a bit of a wisecrack. The only real thinking involved is for the end. The other stuff is mostly "fill in the blanks." I also type up blue cards for Dave of who is on the show (the opening billboard) and what they are promoting, plus another card for the end of the show to thank the night's guests and to billboard the next night's guests. So I was typing up the closing billboard and came to Monday's music, Luscious Jackson. I like to double-check the information I receive to make sure I have it right. For Luscious Jackson, I want to note if it's a person or a group, and I want to make sure I have the spelling right. I'm usually pretty certain of these things but I like to make sure. I confirmed that Luscious Jackson is a musical group. I also learned in my search that Lucious (no "s" before "c") Jackson was an NBA basketball player back in the 60s and early 70s. The group took the name to name their group. So following all that search and fact finding, I typed up the opening announce for Friday's show. And in the slot of the musical guest, I put in "Luscious Jackson." Unfortunately for me and the blue card, the music for Friday was Lady Antebellum. It's one of those mistakes that no one spots until it leaves the lips of Alan. DOH! This error creates the chore of re-doing the opening announce after the show. I'm WahooMike and that's An American Story.

Get to The Red Lion this Sunday night on New York's Bleeker Street to catch Rock n'Roll's The Truants, starring Late Show writer Bill Scheft on drums and vocals. The Truants . . . You know they're good because there is no cover charge! Two sets at 7:30 and 11 PM.

You know what today is? November 15th is National Clean Out Your Refrigerator Day.
We all have stuff way in the back of the fridge that has long outspent its use. The food item was once ready for consumption, but over time it has picked up some hitchhiking germs and is best be thrown out. And that day is today. Come to think of it, there should be more than one National Clean Out Your Refrigerator Day a year. This one is probably scheduled to make room in the ice box for Thanksgiving.
Here now is a short list of how long certain foods will safely keep in the refrigerator set at 40 degrees F. or colder.
- Cheese, hard: six months - oh, good. Most hard cheese in my fridge doesn't stay nearly that long.
- Butter: 1 to 3 months - another "good." No problem here.
- Olives and pickles: one month - really? Pickles and olives never go bad in my book. A year is fine.
- Fresh eggs (in shell): 3 to 5 weeks - fine. No problem.
- Soups and stews: 2 to 4 days - uh oh.
-Chicken or turkey, fresh: 1 to 2 days- Fish, fresh: 1 to 2 days
- Gravy, meat broth: 1 to 2 days
- White wine, recorked: 1 to 2 days
I started off good, but not so good near the end. I wonder how long soy sauce packets are good for.

Big weekend! It's SUNY Cortland vs. Ithaca College in the Biggest Little Football Game in the Nation. My computer webcast will be set for noon on Saturday. For oldtime sake, I'm going out to find some Genesse Cream Ale for the game.
Oh, and here's hoping the New York Giants win on Sunday. With a win, and an Eagles loss against the Redskins, we'll be playing for first place next week against Dallas. That will be giddy fun after opening at 0-6.

Time now for This Date in CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER History
November 15, 1999: Karen Spisak
This concludes another installment of This Date in CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER History

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
It's his birthday this Sunday, your go-to guy for all your fish-buying needs in the Florida Keys, it's Gary Deperino.
This concludes another installment CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER

Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
Twitter: @WahooMike

Wahoo Gazette Archive

Saturday, November 1
Dave improves through Elijah's Halloween costume malfunction.
Thursday, October 30
A rare appearance by former Associate Director Pete Fatovich.
Wednesday, October 29
Jim Carrey, now lickable!
Tuesday, October 28
Showbiz bling: Paul wears a jacket made of real gold!
Monday, October 27
The legendary Jerry Lee Lewis can't stop singing.