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Wednesday, November 20, 2013 Jennifer Lawrence keeps warm, but how clean is that blanket?
SHOW #3944
Jennifer Lawrence, and Taraji P. Henson.
PLUS: a 500-year-old instrument; who wrote that joke?; Clinton's suggestions for the first female president; something for the ladies; a Top Ten list; and Alan's plea to those with a crack-smoking mayor.

" . . . and now, high quality at a bargain price . . . . . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1:
MONOLOGUE

-"A half million dollars worth of Red Bull was stolen. Thieves are described as ‘armed, dangerous, and ready to go!'"

A piano-like instrument designed 500 years ago by Leonardo Da Vinci has been constructed for the first time. It's called the Viola Organista, and it's a beautiful, fascinating contraption with an otherworldly sound. We have footage and take a look and listen in.
Hey, it's that annoying dog-barking Jingle Bells jingle. Yeah, it feels like it's been around for 500 years.

-"Celebrity birthday today. Joe Biden. President Obama assigned Biden to go to the party for him."

Dave wonders who wrote that joke. He's not too happy with that one. Instead of letting it drop, Dave pursued. WHO wrote that joke?
Late Show writer Joe Grossman slowly walks out as the guilty party.
DAVE: "It's one of our writers, Joe Grossman. Joe, did you write that joke?"
JOE: "Sorry . . . . I was on crack."
DAVE: "I appreciate your honesty. Now, did you smoke crack before coming out here?"
JOE: ". . . . . . yes, I did."
DAVE: "Okay, get out."
Confused and cracked Joe Grossman begins his exit the wrong way. Dave directs him in the right direction.

Former President Bill Clinton says he would like to see a female president in his lifetime. Here's his full statement.
We see a photo of President Bill.
ANNOUNCE: ""I hope we have a woman president in my lifetime, and I think it would be a good thing for the world, as well as for America. As far as possible candidates go, I suggest (photos of each follow ) Jessica Alba, Scarlett Johansson, Mila Kunis, Beyoncé, Kate Upton, Shakira . . . . . or my wife, in no particular order. A message from Bubba."

That group of photos was for the guys. How about something for the ladies? ART CARD: Vladimir Putin: Something for the Ladies"
We see the Vlads gyating in a karate outfit. We then sexily slow it down for the ladies and some of the guys.
And since we have it in storage, how about the Vladimir Putin shirtless montage! We see a bevy of photos of Putin without a shirt.
Hey, Vladimir . . . how ‘bout Putin on a shirt?
Yeah, that's right, I can repeat, too.

ACT2:
TOP TEN WAYS ABRAHAM LINCOLN WOULD HAVE BEEN DIFFERENT HAD HE BEEN ON CRACK 10. Crackpipe hat.
8. "Four score" describes weekly drug habit.
7. Check into the Betsy Ross Clinic
5. Vice President: some guy named Spider.
I had no time to create my own Top Ten list today.

JENNIFER LAWRENCE
She's the hottest actress out there right now. She's gold . . . . as in Oscar gold!
Jennifer has gone with the short-hair look. It makes like so much easier. I should know. She did it on a whim for no real reason. I like it. My daughter Danielle doesn't like it so much.
Jennifer was supposed to be here yesterday but had to call in sick. She's been having some tummy trouble. She had to go to the hospital before "The Hunger Games" premiere in Los Angeles. It's been bothering her for 3 weeks and finally decided to get it looked at. What's the problem? She still doesn't know, but it feels a little bit better now. Could be stress, it could be exhaustion, but it's most likely dehydration. It's what celebrities get . . . dehydration.
WE don't get that . . . only celebrities. Yeah, usually when I hear a celebrity has to go to the hospital, I immediately think it's because she didn't have a drink of water. The doctor concluded the problem is either in her lower intestine or in her mind.
I'm no doctor but I would suggest to Jennifer to look into that Gluten/Celiac thing.

Jennifer's brother is here with her tonight. He's somewhere in the building but we don't quite know where at the moment. What's he do? She says he's into computers or something. She's not too sure what he does. Don't they talk? Jennifer says, "We talk all the time but we never ask questions." DING!!! That's my life exactly!

J.Law is tired and overworked. When I am that way, I find that my body is too exhausted to keep me warm. Doesn't want to put in the effort. And I think that's what's happening to J.Law. She says she's been going going and going and is now freezing. A call is made to bring in a blanket or a wrap for our guest. Moments later, Pat Farmer brings in a bright pink flowery blanket. Jennifer quickly gets under it. She welcomes the warmth the spotlight can't provide. Dave hops on over to the 2nd guest chair to get under. Dave and J.Law then both duck underneath. We can hear their whispers of "I hope they're gone." Dave goes back to his throne as JennLaw says of the blanket, "It feels super . . . . . clean." I'm not sure but I think one of the stagehands uses the blanket to protect his motorcycle from the elements.

Two big J.Law movies coming up. She's in "American Hustle" with Bradley Cooper opening on December 18th. And then there's the mega-blockbuster "The Hunger Games: Catching Fire" which will be upon us this Friday. A lot of it was shot in Hawaii. That was great, but Jennifer was bothered that she had to work. She admits to looking "over there" when she had to be over here to shoot a scene. All she kept thinking of was lounging with a pina colada and snapping at people, "Get outta here!"

We see a clip of "The Hunger Games." The scene includes Woody Harrelson. Says Jennifer that so much work has left her exhausted. She expects someone from the promotion department to come to give her a shot in the ass and bark, "Dance monkey, dance!"
Dave understands, but reminds her of the sage advice: "There's to be no whining on the yacht."

Great guest, Ms. Lawrence. Lots of fun. She's so regular that she's not.

ACT 5:
ANNOUNCE: "We'll see you again tomorrow as Dave welcomes Jonah Hill, Chiwetel Ejiofor, and J. Roddy Walston and The Business. Visit CBS.com/lateshow to watch The Neighbourhood Live on Letterman. The Neighbourhood's exclusive online concert from the Ed Sullivan Theater can be streamed on demand. Whatever you're doing with your hair, I like it."

ACT 6:
Unfortunately, we have some time so Dave throws it over to Alan Kalter who requested a moment.
ALAN: (jacketless) "Thanks, Dave. You know, we've had a lot of fun this week making jokes at Toronto Mayor Rob Ford's expense. But after the laughter fades away, we're still left with a serious problem: an epidemic of crack-smoking mayors. If you suspect your mayor is smoking crack, tell your parents or the nearest adult right away. Stop your mayor from smoking crack. It starts with you."
Alan smiles for the camera.
ALAN: "Good night."
Alan takes his jacket and exits. He turns off the light switch as he leaves.
The studio goes dark. Even Dave is in the dark.
Dave throws to commercial as he tries to figure out how to fix this.

Tonight's installment of the Backstage Photo Cub: Graphic Art Director, Chris Dimino.

ACT 7:
TARAJI P. HENSON

She's on the CBS hit series, "Person of Interest" . . . . or at least she used to be. She died last night . . . killed off. It's probably exciting to be the main character of a series plot, even if you're killed off, but the excitement quickly wears off when you have no place to go on Monday morning. But Taraji says she knew she'd be killed off, and in a way, demanded it. She's more of a movie gal and only agreed to be on "Person of Interest" temporarily. She knew her days were numbered when she signed on 3 years ago. Did she tell anyone that she would be the one to be killed? She only told her mother and grandmother. She felt she had to tell grandma because you don't want to leave something like that as a surprise for her. You want her to be prepared.

We take a look at a headshot photo of Taraji's great cousin, Matthew Henson. He is in a winter parka. And who is Matthew Henson? He was on the expedition to be the first to reach the North Pole with Admiral Peary. That's a nice feather to wear in the family cap. My family claim to fame isn't as note-worthy, unless my great cousin working at the Yonkers carpet factory is something to be lauded.

Taraji – means ‘hope' in Swahili.
P. is for Penda, meaning "love".

"Person of Interest" – Tuesdays at 10:00 PM on the CBS.

And that was our show for Wednesday, November 20, 2013.

If you go to The Hunger Games movie, take a good look at Woody Harrelson's character and tell me he doesn't look exactly like Chris Elliott's Marlon Brando.

I lost $20 during tonight's show. When Alan Kalter exited after his appeal to be on the lookout for crack-smoking mayors, I bet a fellow staffer $$20 that Eddie Brill would be in the shot. BUZZ. The entire corner-gang had left the area. No one was there. No Rob, no Nancy, no Matt, no Bill, no Eddie. This may have been the very first time I was not happy not to see Eddie.

Taraji P. Henson . . . . she wasn't included in Tuesday's ACT 5 billboard because we didn't want to hint to anyone that it would be her who would be the off-ed character in "Person of Interest." Yes, even though "Person of Interest" would have been over for two hours by the time YOU saw the ACT 5, we decided . . . with the suggestion from CBS . . . not to mention her appearance here on the Late Show.

Kudos to Carol Ann Verhulst of Miami, Florida who read the Gettysburg Address in Tuesday's Wahoo and found the hidden message.
Jennifer Lawrence, regarding her brother: "We talk all the time but we never ask questions." My wife Denise asks me all the time about my friends. I usually have little information for her. She'll say, "But you just spent the whole weekend canoeing down the river. You didn't talk?" When she asks for specifics, my pat answer is "It never came up." But now I have a reason why it never came up: "We talked all the time but we never ask questions."

When Dave and J.Law went under the blanket, it reminded me of one of Dave's stories.
From the January 02, 2008 Wahoo Gazette:

Dave fills us in on what he's been up to during the writers strike. He shares that he spent a lot of time with his family. Spending time with your family is a good thing; spending too much time isn't such a good thing. One day during the holiday, the family and relatives were sitting in the living room staring at the Christmas tree. Young Harry is a bit uncomfortable surrounded by a lot of folks and at this time took to hiding his head under a blanket on the sofa. He said to Dave, "Daddy, come under here with me." So Dave did. Dave hid his head under the blanket. Says Dave, "And it was the most comfortable I'd been all week."

I went in the attic to get my winter clothes down. I opened up the bin and all I could think was,"Really? Another winter of this stuff?" I feel like taking a hundred dollars and buying myself a whole new winter wardrobe.

Rumor has it I may be on Thursday's show. Watch anyway.

Time now for This Date in CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER History
November 20, 2006 - From Kannapolis, North Carolina and Michael Waltrip Racing, it's Keith Plaza.
This concludes another installment of This Date in CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER History

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
A Boston Red Sox fan from New Windsor, New York, it's Tom Lawrenson
This concludes another installment CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER

Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
Twitter: @WahooMike

Wahoo Gazette Archive

Saturday, September 13
Is George Clooney having second thoughts?
Thursday, September 11
Billy Eichner and Dave enjoy a screaming match.
Wednesday, September 10
Dr. Phil gets the Big Red treatment.
Tuesday, September 9
Dave & Michael Strahan and their mutual admiration society.
Monday, September 8
Dave and Vladimir: Just a couple guys talking about Dairy Queen.