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Monday, November 25, 2013 Iran may have nuclear weapons, but President Obama has a giant kitty!
Show #3947
Josh Hutcherson, Christopher Russo, and Sky Ferreira.
PLUS: the novelization of "The Hunger Games"; Obama and kitty; a CBS News Special Report; what's on sale at Shoprite; and CBS Chief Foreign Correspondent Graham Fenwick-Jones.

" . . . and now, thawing in a three-day brine . . . . . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1:
MONOLOGUE

"The Hunger Games: Catching Fire" was the top movie over the weekend, and they released
a companion novelization along with the film, We take a look at this commercial.
ANNOUNCE: "Don't miss the official ‘Hunger Games: Catching Fire' novelization, featuring dozens of full color photographs, and a special interactive self-combustion feature."
We peek in on a lad reading the Hunger Games: Catching Fire" book. While reading, the book bursts into flames. So enrapt is he, he simply continues to read, paying the fire little mind. Much like Arnold's "Whatchoo talkin' ‘bout, Willis," the fellow reverts to his catchphrase, "Holy crap, this is awesome!"
ANNOUNCE: "'The Hunger Games: Catching Fire' novelization!"
ANNOUNCE 2: "Remember, always read near a fire extinguisher."

A guy in Philadelphia was arrested for stealing a FedEx truck. We take a look at what the FedEx driver was doing while the thief thefted the truck.
We see the FedEx guys tossing a delicate package over a fence. He was caught by the security camera. The package-toss was from December 2011.

The President and Iran came to an agreement this weekend over Iran's nuclear build up and capabilities. We take a look at President Obama explaining how we should pretend that there is nothing to worry about.
As the President speaks, we see a rather large kitty cat over his right shoulder. He's pretending not to notice, much like he would like us all to not notice what Iran has planned.

INTERRUPT! While Dave is at the monologue, he is interrupted by this CBS News Special Report.
ART CARD: "CBS News Special Report"
ANNOUNCE: "This is a CBS News Special Report. Secretary of State John Kerry has just announced that an Iranian arms deal has just been finalized. As per the agreement, Iran will cancel its nuclear weapons program, and the U.S. will cancel the David Letterman program. We now return you to ‘Dr. Balboa, Pear-Shaped M.D'."

It's almost Thanksgiving. Many stores are offering holiday sales. We take a look at this holiday sale offering.
ANNOUNCE: "Come on down to your local Shop Rite supermarket, where you can save money on everything you need for your Thanksgiving dinner!
-10-pound Butterball turkey - $15.
-Jar of gravy: $2.69."
-"Can of cranberry sauce: $2.29."
-"Box of stuffing: just $2.99."
-"Also, for this week only, buy two Butterball turkeys, get one free.
-Or buy two jars of gravy, get one free.
-Or buy two cans of cranberry sauce, get one free.
-Or buy two boxes of stuffing, get one free.
-Or buy two turkeys, get one jar of gravy free.
-Or buy two turkeys, get one can of cranberry sauce free.
-Or buy two turkeys, get one box of stuffing free.
-Or buy two jars of gravy, get one turkey free.
-Or buy two jars of gravy, get one can of cranberry sauce free.
-Or buy two jars of gravy, get one box of stuffing free.
-Or buy two cans of cranberry sauce, get one turkey free.
-Or buy two cans of cranberry sauce, get one jar of gravy free.
-Or buy two cans of cranberry sauce, get one box of stuffing free.
-Or buy two boxes of stuffing, get one turkey free.
-Or buy two boxes of stuffing, get one jar of gravy free.
-Or buy two boxes of stuffing, get one can of cranberry sauce free."
"Shop Rite: We're all about you."

ACT 2:
There's a lot of controversy over the agreement we just made with Iran to restrict their nuclear program. It's a very complicated issue, so here to explain it is CBS Chief Foreign Correspondent, Graham Fenwick-Jones. Split screen of Dave and Graham Fenwick-Jones. Graham is in London. Big Ben is in the background.

DAVE: "Good evening, Graham. Nice to see you. Looks lovely where you are. What time is it there?"
GRAHAM babbles something a bit incoherent. I was able to detect something about "10 o'clock." Dave laughs and reminds him that there is a giant clock over his left shoulder.
DAVE: "How did we manage to negotiate this deal with Iran?"
GRAHAM: (in British-speak): "Dave, Secretary of State John Kerry went to Geneva to have a chin wag with the Iranians. And after yonks of efforts that went up the pictures and made us seem like wet lettuce, the old wrinkly claims he pulled up his welly-bobs, grasped the nettle, and secured a dobber of a deal that will have Iran binning its bombs by Boxing Day."
DAVE: "Some people have been very critical of the agreement. Can you tell us why?"
GRAHAM: ""Yes, opponents are throwing a benny and saying the President's gone hat-stand with this toot and tosh and tut and tommy-rot. If the whole thing goes squiffy and pear-shaped, you can bet your undercrackers the Tories will call for wigs on the green, with Obama saying ‘Same to you with knobs on it." DAVE: ""Do you think Iran will honor their side of the agreement."
GRAHAM: "Like buggery, they will, Dave. They're all mouth and trousers. We can take a shufti in their cellar every fortnight from now until Coronation Day, but they can still hide enough uranium to cobble dogs with. I wouldn't trust them any more than I'd trust a Scouser to put a johnny on his widgy before tupping my sister and getting her up the spout."
DAVE: "Thanks for your time, Graham. I hope you have a happy Thanksgiving." GRAHAM: "Naff off, you twirly toss-bag."

My favorite part of Graham's visits is the satellite delay.

Going into commercial:
ALAN announce: "Tired of Thanksgiving dinner full of awkward silences? This year, why not take turns reading from the hilarious new book, ‘This Land Is Made for You and Me (But Mostly Me)', by Bruce McCall and Dave Letterman? Your whole family will be begging for seconds! Buy 'em by the fistfull. Finally, world peace in book form!"

ACT 3:
JOSH HUTCHERSON

Oooh, be still, girls! My 18-year-old daughters were in the audience tonight. Says one after the show, "I think we made eye contact!!" This made me a bit sad. With their iPhones, I don't I've made eye contact with them in 4 years. The Hunger Games movie made $160 million this weekend. When an opening makes that much, you know they will be making more. Josh says they are currently shooting Hunger Games 3 and 4 right now at the same time. It's sort of like the Late Show doing two shows on Thursdays.
Josh co-stars in the films with Jennifer Lawrence. She's very much a free spirit. Josh admits they goof around a lot while everybody else around them is hard at work. Is she really like the person we think we know, or is it just for the camera? Is she fun to work with? Josh assures us she is really that way, and adds "You see what she's like. That's really it. There's nothing else there . . . . IN A GOOD WAY!" He quickly backtracks and says that didn't come out the way he meant.
We take a look at a photo of Josh on his motorcycle. He says he's been riding for much of his life, starting with a dirt bike. In the photo, Josh is a bit embarrassed with the pink helmet he's wearing. Don't be, Josh. It takes a real man to wear pink.
Before saying goodnight, Dave invites a Zumba instructor in the audience to dance it up with Josh.

"The Hunger Games: Catching Fire" – now playing in every theater in America.

ACT 4:
CHRISOPHER RUSSO

Mr. High Energy!
Not a good day yesterday for Dave, sports-wise. Eli and his Giants were beaten by the Cowboys. Congrats to Tony Romo for his 4th quarter driver to run the clock and lead to a game-winning field goal. It was so un-Romo-like. The New York Giants disappointed me all week, not just on Sunday. They were yapping and rapping and full of boast. Now THAT is very un-Giant-like, especially from a 4-6 Giant team.
Then Dave's Indianapolis Colts got blasted by the Arizona Cardinals. And then late Sunday night, Dave's Denver Peyton Manning got bested by Tom Brady and the New England Patriots. Dave and the Mad Dog have a spirited discussion over who is better, Brady or Peyton. Dave tries to credit Brady's success over the years on Coach Belichick. So spirited is Mr. Russo that Dave has to wonder if they ever conduct drug tests at Sirius XM.

Later, conversation turns to basketball and the Indianapolis Pacers, A-Rod and Christopher's former radio partner, Mike Francesca, and the dreadful New York Knicks.

I'm thinking of changing my ringtone to a Christopher Russo rant.

Chris Russo – look for his Mad Dog Sports Radio on the Sirius XM channel 86.

Tonight's installment of the "Backstage Photo Club": Camera operator Karin Grzella.

ACT 5:
ANNOUNCE: "We'll look for you tomorrow when Dave's back with Martha Stewart, and Pitbull! Plus, check out Pitbull Live on Letterman! Pitbull's exclusive Ed Sullivan Theater concert webcast is live Tuesday at 9 P.M. Eastern, 6 P.M. Pacific. Only at CBS.com/lateshow.
Please view responsibly."

ACT 7:
SKY FERREIRA

From her new "Night Time, My Time" album, Sky Ferreira performed "24 Hours."

And that was our show for Monday, November 25, 2013.

Good news! I don't have to watch football on Sundays anymore this year!

The best way for a new employee to gain importance in the office is two ways:
1. Learn out how to unjam the copier
2. Run a good football pool.

That's how I got here. I was an intern at the age of 36. For that reason alone I imagine people wanted to keep their distance from me. I think I know what they were thinking . . . . . "Weirdo!" They may still think the same nearly 20 years later but I was able to ingratiate myself into the mix and they were able to overlook the not-prematuring balding intern. As a newbie, I quickly realized the importance of unclogging the copy machine. It was a problem that the staff would very often grouse about, so I figured if I could fix the problem, I would become a benefit. So, the first thing I did was learn how to clog it. I would jam it, then come back a half-hour later and fix it. Tada! I'm a hero! It was like I had Munchausen Syndrome, you know, the hero-nurse thing. Secretly create a problem, then come in like the Lone Ranger to save the day. Then I was asked to pick up the duties of running the staff football pool. Each week I'd make up a sheet of the NFL games. Staffers would circle the team they thought would win. $5 to play . . . I mean, 5 units . . . . and the winner took home the pot. So successful was the pool that it would often reach 60 participants. To drum up interest in the pool, I would write a recap on the back of the football sheet chiding the many who did poorly. And from that snarky commentary on the back of the football sheets was born the Wahoo Gazette. At the time, the Late Show was venturing into the internet. Jay and Walter became the developers of this new, crazy, it'll never last, just a fad, computer thing and they asked if I would write a recap of each show for the website. After they explained to me what a website was, I regrettably agreed. And there you have it, the birth of the Wahoo Gazette. And guess what today is? Yup! The 17th anniversary of the very first Wahoo Gazette.

***********************************
MONDAY, NOVEMBER 25, 1996
Tonight is the Christmas Tree Lighting ceremony in New York City's Rockefeller Center, so if you like pushing, shoving, and pickpockets while listening to "Silent Night," that's the place to be.

Mailboy Bob Borden is scheduled to appear LIVE on tonight's show, and is in his dressing room at this very moment running his lines. Bob is wearing a navy blue terry-cloth robe, white towel around his neck, open back slippers, and is sipping from a green coffee mug.

Can you believe we have a grown man on our staff who calls himself "Corky"?

Some plans by Late Show staff members for the Thanksgiving holiday…
1. Nancy Agostini – work
2. Zoran Zgonc – work
3. Chris Schukei – work
…… more tomorrow

And that was the very first Wahoo. For two months I thought it was the Wazoo Gazette, not knowing it was "Wahoo" and named after the Home Office. And to give myself the rest of the day off, I'm going to look for an old football sheet. It'll show the inspiration for the Wahoo.

Late Show Football Pool tor the week of December 3, 1995:
"Winner of the Week Quote" for December 3, 1995:
Jeff Boggs: "If winning the football pool is wrong, I don't wanna be right."
"Loser of the Week Quote" (lowest amount right; earns a free week):
Rob Burnett:
I was unable to get a quote from Rob Burnett: In lieu of Rob, I will quote his assistant Christian Breheney: "I'm sorry, he's not in right now. I'll tell him you called."

So, it's a week and a half ago and I'm listening to Jeff Boggs lament the fact his picks this year have been just awful. I try to comfort him, reminding him this is a game of chance, for fun, for one's amusement only. I suggest he set his sights on last place which would garner him 10% of the final pool.
Excited with this new lease on life, Jeff decides to go against all he knows about the game of football and picks as many incorrect as he possible can. Using this new strategy, Jeff wins for the first time in two years.

Rob Burnett played two cards last week thinking this would double his chances of winning. Sorry, Robby, it ain't happening.
Most of you don't realize there was a box-pool for the Grey Cup the other week, the Canadian Football League's Super Bowl. I gave the sign-up box pool to "Toronto Tim" Tim Long and he bought all 100 boxes. Congratulations, Tim! You won!

And that was a Late Show football pool commentary, 1995.

Wahoo Gazette Fun Fact – The Wahoo Gazette was created before there was a word for website log, or "blog". My writing the Wahoo has gone from "cutting edge" to "cutting corners."

Oooh! Goody! More corner-cutting! This from The Donz!
Time now for "What Happened on Late Night The Day They Were Born?"
Josh Hutcherson: born October 12, 1992.
So, what happened on LATE NIGHT the day Josh Hutcherson was born?

LATE NIGHT: October 12, 1992: repeat of November 20, 1991.
What happened on LATE NIGHT on November 20, 1991, and seen again on October 12, 1992?
LATE NIGHT, November 20, 1991 (#1551): Robert Wuhl (promoting "Good Morning Vietnam," though Dave refers to the film as "Good Morning America"); tennis pro Gabriela Sabatini (chat, then she and Dave play tennis in the hall); Crosby, Stills and Nash (perform "As I Come of Age"); and Police Officer Sgt. James M. Egan (on avoiding speeding tickets). Also: How's the Weather, as Barbara Gaines riffles while Dave points, and a call to Freddie Head in Alabama; and 58 Radio City Music Hall Rockettes kick-pass a Coke from the soda machine on the 7th floor to LATE NIGHT's 6th-floor studio. They repeat the performance at the end of the show.

And that's what happened on LATE NIGHT the day Josh Hutcherson was born.

Time now for This Date in CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER History
Novemmber 25, 1998: Keith White, who says "Go Big Red"
This concludes another installment of This Date in CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER History

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
From Cranston, Rhode Island, it's birthday girl on the 26th, Ann Sweeney
This concludes another installment CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER

Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
Twitter: @WahooMike

Wahoo Gazette Archive

Monday, August 18
Funny people: 2 out of 4 ain't bad.
Thursday, July 31
Costume Designer Sue Hum not bothering Dave.
Wednesday, July 30
A visit from Dave's pool boy.
Tuesday, July 29
"Guardians of the Galaxy" looks like a sure-fire hit.
Monday, July 28
Things turn ugly when Spider-man meets Elmo during Dave's monologue.