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Thursday, November 28, 2013 Crack mayor Rob Ford crashes the Late Show's Thanksgiving.
Show #3949
John Goodman, Kevin McCaffrey, and Iggy Azalea, with T.I.
PLUS: Putin and the Pope; Thanksgiving News Roundup; Late Show Thanksgiving Dinner; "The Statement" with Ken Burns; and a Top Ten list.

" . . . and now, tryptophan in human form . . . . . . . David Letterman!

ACT 1:
MONOLOGUE

-"We're having our big family dinner tomorrow night. There was an uncomfortable moment today when one of my relatives made eye contact with me."
-"Here's my problem with Thanksgiving dinner: do we really need another excuse for Anthony Weiner to unbutton his pants?"

On Monday, Pope Francis held his first meeting with Russian President Vladimir Putin at the Vatican. Footage of the meeting was just released and it looks like the two really hit it off. We take a look at the clip.
We see Vlad and the Pope in their karate robes. They hip-gyrate to slow music to loosen their sacroiliac. This really is a new-wave Pope. And Putin's no Khrushchev, either . . .politically, perhaps, but not in appearance.

Time now for the "Thanksgiving News Roundup." What luck! And Thanksgiving is right around the corner! Oh, man, the timing is perfect! We see an assortment of news anchors being original, playful, and irreverent. About 20 of them making the same lame Thanksgiving references: "Gobble gobble," "gobble gobble day," more "gobble gobble," and even more "gobble gobble," a quick weather update, then more original and whimsical "gobble gobble." Oh the fun to be on a news team!

ACT 2:
Thanksgiving is tomorrow. Can you smell it? Oh, yeah, it's here. Let the snacking begin from now through the first Monday in January. Now would be a good time to record your "Before" weight.
As always, the Late Show feasted on our annual Thanksgiving meal. We take a look at the festivities.

-We see staffers Biff Henderson, Sarah Connell, and Sheila Rogers.
-Building Engineer George Clarke making his famous slop-sink turkey gravy.
-Cue card boy, Todd, finding this year's mystery ingredient in the stuffing --- a 9-volt battery!
-It's always fun to watch and listen to our sound effects guy, Gary Kiffel, dining. His ingesting of the food is accompanied by wacky sound effects.
-As always, we invited the interns to watch the staff enjoying the meal.
-Writer Steve Young sang a song about turkey farming. It was a little Woody Guthrie, a little John W. Tyson.
-Dave attended this year's meal via hologram. We see Dave magically appear as if tele-transported like on Star Trek. I have feeling a hologram machine is on his Christmas list this year.
-And Toronto Mayor Rob Ford made an appearance. We see the hefty northerner make a bee-line to the buffet, belly-flopping and collapsing the table.
And that was Thanksgiving at our house.

TOP TEN: EXCUSES FOR MISSING THANKSGIVING DINNER WITH YOUR FAMILY
10. "Thanksgiving? We did that last year!"
9. "The flight I never booked was canceled."
4. "Obamacare website screwed up my car rental."
2. "I prefer the food at the strip club."

ACT 3:
Ken Burns is hard at work on a new documentary celebrating the 150th Anniversary of Abraham Lincoln's Gettysburg Address. He's also recently begun work on a follow-up project highlighting the statement made by Toronto Mayor Rob Ford in defense of his alleged drinking, cracking, and cavorting.

ART CARD: KEN BURNS PRESENTS: THE STATEMENT- BY ROB FORD.

We see Hollywood celebrities reciting pieces of the Toronto mayor's statement when he was asked to explain confronted. Participating were . . . dang it . . . . I don't have my list . . .. from memory, participating were:
Vince Vaughn, Jennifer Lawrence, Jonah Hill, Martha Stewart, Jesse Tyler Ferguson, and . . .

THE STATEMENT: "Yes, I smoked crack cocaine. But am I an addict? No. Have I tried it? Ummm, probably in one of my drunken stupors, probably about a year ago.
All I can say is I've made mistakes, and you guys kept referring to alcohol. There was a couple of isolated incidents. There's been time when I've been in a drunken stupor.
I have to take legal action against the waiter that said I was doing lines at the Bier Market.
The revelations yesterday of cocaine, escorts, and prostitution has pushed me over the line.
So, if people want to start bringing up personal stuff, that's fine, and yes, one day I do want to run for Prime Minister."

JOHN GOODMAN
Mr. Goodman has been on a run of some very good and enjoyable movies. Dave lauds the former Dan Conner on his work in "Argo," "Flight," "The Artist," and now in "Inside Llewyn Davis." Dave wonders how he does what he does so well. Goodman says he's been doing this acting-thing as a hobby and it's really turned out pretty well for him. He plays a jazz-playing misanthrope who dabbles in the heroin in "Inside Llewyn Davis," which is a Coen Brothers film, which is good enough for me.
John had a knee replacement and is planning on another. He plans on hiring a doctor this next time.
John likes his food, and loves the life in New Orleans. Dave asks about deep-fried turkey, gumbo, and crawfish. They'll be in season in less than two months. Good news for us, not so much for the crawdads.
In addition to "Inside Llewyn Davis," John has "The Monument Men" soon to come out. It stars some guys you may have heard of: John Goodman, Matt Damon, Bob Balaban, George Clooney, and Bill Murray. I think it's about a military unit in charge of recovering prized art that was looted during World War II.
"Inside Llewyn Davis" – it opens December 6th in New York and Los Angeles and December 20th everywhere else. Yippee! I have a movie to go see!

ACT 5:
ANNOUNCE:

"Drop by again tomorrow to catch Dave with ‘Jungle' Jack Hanna, and Kunal Nayyar! Visit cbs.com/lateshow to watch Pitbull Live on Letterman. Pitbull's exclusive online concert from the Ed Sullivan Theater can be streamed on demand. It's like delicious audiovisual gravy on the meat of your life."

ACT 6:
KEVIN MCCAFFREY

Who says you can never go home again? . . . . I mean, besides my father. Former Late Show employee Kevin McCaffrey came back to put out 6 very strong minutes covering marriage, church, and your first fat gut. His comfort on the grand stage was jealous-inducing to many who knew him when. If you're a Cablevision subscriber, you've probably seen Kevin on the TV while flipping through the channels while you go from ESPN to MSG. He's often on one of those clip, tru-TV shows on a channel somewhere in the 50s. Good job, Kevin! You've made us proud, and jealous.
Kevin will be headlining at The Chicago Underground Comedy Showcase on December 3rd. I think it's in Chicago. Not sure if it's downstairs.

ACT 7:
IGGY AZALEA, WITH T.I.

From her EP, "Change Your Life," Iggy performed, with T.I., "Change Your Life."

And that was our show for Wednesday November, 27, 2013.

Do you realize that when I finish this I am officially on vacation?

Running out of time to vote for Dave as your favorite late night talk show host for the People's Choice Awards. In addition to Dave being nominated, others include . . . perhaps you heard of them: Conan O'Brien, Jimmy Fallon, Jimmy Kimmel, and Stephen Colbert. Voting ends December 5th and you can vote on Facebook, Twitter, or by using the People's Choice Awards app.
The 40th Annual People's Choice Awards is January 8th at 9 PM on CBS. Please vote for Dave. If he wins, the staff may get a free lunch from CBS. Please don't believe that "It's an honor just to be nominated" nonsense. We really want that clear plastic trophy-thing . . . and the free lunch.

Thanksgiving is on the first day of Hanukkah. This brings to mind a skit/bit I wrote 25 years ago. I'm home right now as I write this. I'll be right back. My Hanukkah/Thanksgiving script is someplace in the basement. Listen to some music while I look for it.

Wow, it took me so long to find it I wouldn't be surprised if you left. Well, if you're still here, the piece I wrote I titled, "Festival of Turkey." It's basically about a Jewish family who makes one day of turkey to last 8 weeks. I wrote it in 1985. Reagan was in office.
Ouch. I just read it. It's just one joke told over and over. Maybe I'll send it to "Saturday Night Live."

The family is having Thanksgiving over my sister-in-law's. It's always a nice time, but having it away and I miss out on the leftovers. I'm thinking of cooking up a turkey this coming weekend just for the sandwiches and eventual soup. I don't have a fryer . . . yet, so I'll try the brining. Haven't tried that yet.

I would like to thank the many many out there who congratulated the Wahoo Gazette on its 17th Anniversary, blogging before there was a word "blog." I would like to take a moment to thank each and every one of you for your kind words.
-"Thank you, Pete."

Wahoo annual Thanksgiving Tip: Shop on Wednesday; travel on Friday.

This is Michael Z. McIntee: The "Who?" in Wahoo.

Time now for This Date in CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER History
November 27, 2000: Elizabeth Buck. Thanks for letting me know that Tiger Woods first name is Eldrick.
This concludes another installment of This Date in CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER History

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
Always one of my favorites, from the Kimmel show, it's Happy Birthday to Jill Leiderman
This concludes another installment CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER

Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
Twitter: @WahooMike

Wahoo Gazette Archive

Saturday, November 22
I'm not a tailor and I didn't play one on TV.
Thursday, November 20
Dave approves a family of actors to attend Thanksgiving in his stead.
Wednesday, November 19
Dave and Regis turn to their friend Peter Lassally for conversation.
Wednesday, November 19
Dally and Spanky take a shortcut during Stupid Pet Tricks.
Monday, November 17
Who's whiter: Dave or Jason Sudeikis?