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Wednesday, December 11, 2013 It's the lighting of the Late Show Intern, now with confetti cannons!
Show #3952
Emma Thompson, Andy Cohen, Nick Lowe, and a special Top Ten list performed by Josh Groban.
PLUS: Why The Rest of the World Hates Us; a CBS News Special Report; When Presidents Meet Dictators; Barack at the Mandela Memorial; the Pope's Night Out; and the annual Holiday Lighting of the Late Show Intern.

" . . . and now, clammy-handed masseur . . . . . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1:
MONOLOGUE

-"NBC broadcast a live performance of ‘The Sound of Music' starring Carrie Underwood. You have to hand it to Carrie Underwood, she's extremely busy. She's also Kelly Clarkson."
-"Congratulations to Pope Francis for his being named Person of the Year. Congratulations to Iranian President Hasan Rouhani for being named Persian of the Year."

Time now for something we call, "Why The Rest Of The World Hates Us."
ART CARD: "WHY THE REST OF THE WORLD HATES US."
We watch a commercial for the Perfect Bacon Bowl.
But . . . . that's why I LOVE America! Where else can you get the perfect bacon bowl? Jealousy. That's what it is.

We are interrupted by this CBS News Special Report.
ANNOUNCE: "This is a CBS News Special Report. With much of the country in the grip of winter weather, it's amazing to consider the trillions of snowflakes involved, and in fact that no two of them are exactly alike. Wow. I am so high right now. We now return you to ‘Backwards Butcher,' in progress."

President Obama is facing criticism for shaking hands with Cuban President Raul Castro at the Mandela Memorial. But this isn't rare when U.S. Presidents meets foreign dignitaries. We take a look at this piece called, "When Presidents Meet Dictators"
ANNOUNCE: "2008 – George W. Bush warmly greets Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak." (see photo)
1945 – Harry Truman shares a lighthearted moment with Soviet dictator Joseph Stalin" (see photo)
1972 – Richard Nixon makes a clumsy pass at Chinese leader Mao Zedong." We see Nixon make his move on Mao. The Mao-man doesn't like what he sees.
ANNOUNCE: "This has been ‘Fack Crap We Made Up""

President Obama is being criticized even more for being disrespectful by taking a "selfie" photographed with British Prime Minister David Cameron and Danish Prime Minister Helle Thorning-Schmidt. Well, the "selfie" wasn't the President's only odd behavior. Did you see his speech? We take a look. We see the President at the podium, I mean lectern. He sing's Al Green's "Let's Stay Together." Didn't sound bad, but I don't think it was the right place or time.

Pope Francis sneaks out of the Vatican at night to preach to the less-fortunate. Apparently he also has time to do some other things. We have footage of one of his recent nights out. We take a look.
We see the Pope at an advanced screening of "Tyler Perry's ‘A Madea Christmas.' See his big hat? How would you like to be sitting behind that?
We see the Pope dancing at a local nightclub.
We see the Pope a bit groggy from the grog as he stumbles his way back home.
When you're Person of the Year, you're pretty much free to do what you want.

ACT 2:
TOP TEN: CHRISTMAS SONGS FOR 2013 – And here with tonight's Top Ten List, the fabulous singer who has sold over 25 million albums, Josh Groban. Josh enters. The printed word cannot do justice to Groban's performance. Check out his presentation of tonight's Top Ten List on the Late Show website. And don't forget to check out the Wahoo Gazette while you're there.

ACT 3:
EMMA THOMPSON

Emma is in the new, very interesting film, "Saving Mr. Banks."
Emma has been on a self-imposed sabbatical from acting and took her daughter, 9 years old at the time, out of school and took a trip around the world. Sound familiar? Yeah, not to me either. They went to Borneo, to Australia, to Ecuador, sailed the Amazon, went to the Galapagos Islands . . . . they saw everything. So much wildlife. Emma recalls coming face to pie-pan-face with a gibbons/monkey type Simian. The creature looked Emma right in the eye and she could tell it was thinking with moral superiority, "Look what you have done to our jungle. Thanks a lot!"

"Saving Mr. Banks" is the untold story of how the Disney classic, "Mary Poppins," was made. The creator of the film, P.L. Travers was very loyal to her story and resisted many of the script ideas along the way and made many many demands. She hated the casting and was totally against the use of any animation in the film. The movie is about the making of "Mary Poppins" and the give and take of Walt Disney along the way. I think I'll look for my VHS tape of "Mary Poppins" and watch it before going to "Saving Mr. Banks." "Saving Mr. Banks" – opens nationwide on December 20th.

ACT 4:
It's time once again for a fun, annual tradition here at the Late Show . . . the Lighting Of The Intern. The scrim rises and we find Todd the Intern standing on an elevated table. He is adorned in Christmas lights. Dave gives the signal to flip the switch to light up Todd. With much music and fanfare, the confetti canon is fired. Todd wasn't ready for this as he topples over off the back of the table. We all hope Todd is OK, though no one rushes over to check.

Going into the commercial break, tonight's installment of the Backstage Photo Club is writer Lee Ellenberg!

ACT 5:
ANNOUNCE: "Get back here tomorrow for Dave and his guests Julia Roberts, and Glen Hansard. Plus, check out Glen Hansard Live on Letterman! Glen's exclusive Ed Sullivan Theater concert webcast is live Thursday at 9 PM Eastern, 6 PM Pacific. Only at CBS.com/lateshow.
Pa says you can watch if you've finished your chores."

ACT 6:
ANDY COHEN

The host of his very own talk show, "Watch What Happens: Live" on the Bravo, Sunday through Thursday at 11:00 PM. I think the channel is called "Bravo" because if you can find it . . . . Bravo! I've come across it when I'm clicking along from ESPN to the MSG channel.
Andy has been with Bravo for a long time, back when it was mostly opera and ballet. He was involved in the development and programming end of the network and he quickly learned he's not quite made for that role. It takes a lot of listening and learning and thinking. Andy admits to being a big yawner and it'll come on at any time. He remembers one time he was seated with Charlize Theron who was pitching a show idea and Andy was about to yawn in her face, and there was nothing he could do. Charlize is one of the most beautiful women in the world; absolutely gorgeous. Andy says, "I felt a big one coming on . . . . " Dave quickly jumps in, "Are we still talking about yawning?" I "Played The Dave" but Dave was too quick. ("Play The Dave" is coming up with something Dave will say before he says it.) I was still formulating the idea in my head, trying to word it right, and Dave was already out with it. Since Dave came out with it before I could get it solid in my head, I lost at "Play The Dave."
But I guess you could say Dave won at "Play the Mike."
There's a bit of drinking that goes on Andy's "Watch What Happens: Live." Dave is aware of that and admits that he hasn't had a drink in over 30 years since he is "a raging alcoholic." Dave talks about his drinking, which always interests me immensely. Andy reminds Dave that Johnny Carson also had a bit of a battle with the bottle. "But he never quit," says Dave. Dave shares a little of what he knew about Johnny's drinking, only saying that he was familiar with Johnny sometimes imbibing and slipping off to "the other side."

Dave runs out of questions for Andy and asks Paul if he has anything. Paul is a fan of "Watch What Happens: Live" and seems to pitch the idea of maybe being a celebrity bartender on the show. We'll have to watch, Sunday through Thursday at 11:00 PM on the Bravo.

ACT 7:
NICK LOWE

From his first ever holiday album, "Quality Street: A Seasonal Selection For All The Family," Nick Lowe performed "Children Go Where I Sent Thee." It was too good to be a Christmas song. We can't let that go by for 11 months. I wonder if the rest of the holiday album is that good.

And that was our show for Wednesday, December 11, 2013.

I bought a Nick Lowe album back in 1980-ish. I was at that awful, post-college age without a job and realizing that 5 dollars didn't go nearly as far as it did in college. Questions, confusion, and doubt smothered me. And then I heard Nick Lowe's "Cracking Up" with the chorus, "I don't think it's funny no more." Yeah, that was just about where I was at. I got the album and played "Cracking Up." And then I played it again. And then again. And then again and again. Rinse and repeat.

I think the first movie I ever saw at a movie theater was "Mary Poppins" at the Spring Valley Theater on Main Street in Spring Valley, New York. Years later, the theater converted to a triple-X porn movie house. Coincidentally, the last movie I ever saw there was called, "Poppin Mary."

A half hour after the show last night, I left for home. After I pull out of my parking spot, I hear on the radio that two lanes on the George Washington Bridge are shut down for emergency repairs. Repairs will continue through the night. The Bridge is at 179th Street. The Late Show is on 53rd. Because of those two lanes shut down at 5 PM, nothing is moving in midtown 130 blocks away. I can't move north to the Bridge; I can't move south to the Lincoln Tunnel at 34th. It takes me 45 minutes to get from 8th Ave. to 11th Ave. on 53rd Street. I decide to go back to work and try again in a few hours. It takes me another 45 minutes to get back to 53rd and 8th. An hour and a half to go 6 blocks. I return to my desk to start tomorrow's work tonight. I don't think I'm getting out of here till much later. Damn! And all this could have been avoided if I won the Powerball yesterday.

What is wrong with United Airlines? Somebody actually falls asleep on their plane and they don't make a big promotion out of it?
"United Airlines – Seating So Comfortable You'll Want To Stay The Night."

Pope Francis is named Time Magazine's Person of the Year. Imagine how many babes he can get with that line.

I'm thinking of giving up the Facebook for a while but I'm too interested in everybody's dogs.

I'm going to give it a try. I'm going to get back in the car and try to make my way home. The George Washington Bridge is still log-jammed. Now they're reporting a car has stalled out on the ramp to the lower level. Hoo boy! That's the worst place for a car to stall. I guess I'm going to go to the Lincoln. If I tried to take the George tonight, I would get home so late I would see myself driving in to work in the morning.

Happy Birthday, Mommy.

This is Michael Z. McIntee: The "Who?" in Wahoo.



Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
Twitter: @WahooMike

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