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Thursday, January 9, 2014 Is Dave the Devil? Or is that just his new space heater?
Show #3963
Anderson Cooper, Bobby Moynihan, and Will Hoge.
PLUS: Bad News/Good News; More Christie Bridge Trouble; der Teufel; and a Top Ten List.

". . . . and now, the NFL referee with huge biceps . . . . . . .David Letterman!"

ACT 1:
MONOLOGUE
- "Velveeta cheese shortage. Because of the shortage, Obama may have to open up the federal cheese reserves."
- "The People's Choice Awards were last night. We were nominated but did not win. But it's an honor just to be snubbed by you, the viewer."

It's time for the segment, "Bad News / Good News." We take a look at this offering.
ANNOUNCE: "Bad news for Chris Christie."
Cut to Brian Williams doing the news: "A traffic nightmare on the world's busiest bridge has spiraled into a full-blown scandal with the power to damage Chris Christie's future.
ANNOUNCE: "Good news for Chris Christie."
Cut to a local newscast: "If you like burritos, you might like this: it's the world's first automated burrito vending machine.
Hang in there, Governor Christie."

This bridge thing may cost Christie dearly. New footage has come out that really exposes his dirty dealing with bridges in general. Not sure where we got this, but it could be incredibly damaging for his future. We take a look.
We see Chris Christie standing on the wobbly Tacoma Narrows Bridge moments before it collapses into the Puget Sound.

After watching that, I think the footage of Christie on the Tacoma Narrows Bridge will damage the Late Show more than the Governor.

ACT 2:
Dave is chatting when we see an orange glow come from under his desk. It gives off an ominous reflection from Dave. Alan Kalter reacts with alarm.
ALAN: "That . . . that . . .ghastly red glow! I knew it! It is Satan, the wicked one!"
PAUL: (with great fear in his voice) "It's the bringer of destruction!"
TONY: "The father of lies!"
HAROLD:(in the skyline with a pitchfork) "It's the enemy of righteousness!"
OLD MAN: (in a bowler hat) "Der Teufel!"
ANTON: (holding a torch) "It is the prince of darkness, he who avoids the light!"
A confused Dave finally realizes the confusion of the others.
DAVE: "Guys, relax, it's just my space heater."
One by one, the staff and crew show relief.
HAROLD (before exiting) "Eeeeeeeeee-vil." Eventually exits.
PAUL: "But who is that guy in the bowler hat?"
DAVE: (looking over at the old guy by the guest entrance): "Must be in the wrong theater."
OLD MAN: " . . . . .sorry." He remains.
Dave looks over and tells the elderly fellow to get out. The old man slowly steps backwards to exit through the entrance.

The glow came from Dave's space heater under the desk. But, you know, they all still could have been right.

My favorite part of this was Harold's delayed exit behind Dave. During rehearsal, Harold didn't hesitate before exiting, then he did, and then he didn't. I'm glad he went with the delay.
Yeah, that's right . . . . that was rehearsed three times.

TOP TEN: TOP TEN HIGHLIGHTS OF THE CHRIS CHRISTIE PRESS CONFERENCE
The Governor spent 107 minutes earlier today telling America everything he didn't know.
10. Shocking revelation of corruption in New Jersey?
6. Said he wasn't a bully, then put Chris Matthews in a headlock
5. Christie's claim he had no idea a bridge connected New Jersey and New York
4. An appearance by the fake sign language guy

Before Dave read off the Top Ten, he lamented how the skits never quite work. He wasn't happy with the orange glow skit we did earlier. Paul offers that the people don't like the skit. Maybe that's why the reaction was tepid. The production was fine; the reaction wasn't. Paul's right! It wasn't anything we did; it was the audience's fault!

Dave looks for someone to blame. Paul offers to fall on the sword, explaining the music was the problem. But there was no music, Dave reminds. Paul is excited to show that he was willing to take the blame but it's obvious to all that the blame was not his to take. I love when I do that. During the break, Dave will try to find someone to blame. Who's fault? I don't know, but we did get a new batch of interns this week.

ACT 3:
Sitting in with the band tonight is Mike Muller, also an audio engineer for the Late Show. Dave wonders if Mike is being paid double tonight. Since it isn't Paul's money, Paul quickly says, "He sure does!"

ANDERSON COOPER
Anderson takes the blame for the skit. Anderson takes blame like Christie took blame for the bridge/traffic thing. Is this going to get Christie in big trouble? Anderson said he handled himself pretty well during the press conference, but if anything comes out to refute his distance from the deliberate act, then he's done. It's over. The big question is, as always, is did he know and when did he know it. Anderson finds some trouble with the e-mails that show someone high up in the Christie Administration fired off the message: "It's time for some traffic problems in Fort Lee." The immediate response from the guy at the Port Authority was: "Got it." That leads Anderson to think that this traffic-creation was a viable and known option that many were in on. You would expect "It's time for some traffic problems in Fort Lee" would be met with a "Huh?" Not a "Got it!"

I'm excited about this big controversy because now I'm not the only one talking about traffic on the George Washington Bridge . . . . EVERYONE is talking about it. My traffic on the bridge may determine the next president of the United States! How 'bout that!

The press conference lasted 107 minutes. Does that mean Christie has nothing to hide and wants to answer and clear up all questions, or does that mean just the opposite?
Dave much prefers political scandals that involve hookers and crack and selfies. Not me. I'm loving all this talk about bridge traffic.

Back from commercial, Dave and Anderson talk about Dennis Rodman in North Korea. North Korea may be worthy of discussion; North Korea AND Dennis Rodman is not. But maybe he is doing some good. Trying to talk sane to the insane won't get you anywhere. Maybe talking insane to the insane may work.

Weed talk. Is legalization sweeping the nation? Is a cultural change afoot? It's going in that direction; the only question is how long it will take us to get there.

On his show, Anderson Cooper is doing a week on the legalization of marijuana. I'm not sure but for that week only I believe his show will be called, "Anderson Cooper 420." Hey-Ohhhhhh!

"Anderson Cooper 360" - weeknights on CNN at 8:00 PM.

ACT 5:
ANNOUNCE: "Join us again tomorrow as Dave welcomes Mindy Kaling, comedian Jeff Altman, and Red Fang. Stay with us for tips on winterizing your internal organs."

ACT 6:
BOBBY MOYNIHAN
From "Saturday Night Live." Been there for 6 years. Bobby is the chubby guy on SNL. Chris Christie will keep him busy for months, if not years. Who do you think Bobby will be voting for in the next presidential election? How does one get on to be a player on Saturday Night Live? It has to be the goal of millions. Bobby was involved in a local comedy troupe and got some recognition, and then sent in a tape of his abilities. Bobby suspects his Nathan Lane impression may have gotten him in the door. He offers up some Nathan Lane. He also has Snagglepuss in his repertoire. That's one I'll have to look for.
Bobby also appears in the animated program odd and fun"Chozen" on the FX network. He plays a gay white rapper who is fresh out of prison. It begins Mondays at 10:00 PM.

ACT 7:
WILL HOGE
From his more recent album, "Never Give In," Will Hoge performed "Strong."

And that was our show for Thursday January 09, 2014.

I did a quick look-up on the Wiki about the Tacoma Narrows Bridge over the Puget Sound in the state of Washington. I've seen the footage of the bridge with the incredible wobble. I also knew it eventually collapsed mere months after it was constructed. It was built and fell in 1940. Due to the war, a replacement was not erected for another ten years. But this is the incredible part of the story . . . . Tolls were collected on the original bridge before it fell. And then tolls were collected on the new bridge for 15 years. The tolls were eliminated once the bonds and interest were paid off. What?! Tolls eliminated? That's like . . . communists! That could never happen here. Once the government becomes accustomed to collecting money, they can never go back. But things eventually got back to normal. It took Washington 40 years to get the tolls back up. Yeah, the good thing couldn't last forever.

I was watching the MSNBC and the FOX last night when I got home. MSNBC was all over this Chris Christie thing. Christie's name was mentioned all night long on all the MSNBC shows. I flipped over to FOX and they were covering it also . . . . kinda. Their angle on it was, "Yeah, this is bad for Christie, but it's not as bad as Hillary and Benghazi; not as bad as Obama and Solyndra; not as bad as Fast and Furious and Eric Holden."

Saw this article highlighted in Drudge, I think:
"Study: Classical music boosts children's concentration, self-discipline...."
This made me smile. When I attended St. Augustine's from 1st to 3rd grade, there was no talking allowed during lunch time in the cafeteria. Instead, we were told to eat quietly and to eat everything while we listened to classical music on the record player sitting on the stage. So I guess the nuns were right, although I'm not sure the discipline came from the classical music. I think fear had more to do with it.
If you bought hot lunch at St. Augustine's, you were forced to eat everything on your tray. And you didn't get to pick and choose what went on your tray. Everybody got the same. And when it was time to dump your tray, there was a nun inspecting. She would send you back if anything was left uneaten. The creativity and craftiness shown by the students when prunes were part of the day's dining still amazes me. Many would pack the prunes in a rolled up napkin and shove them in their pocket. One kid undid the mustard jar on the table and shoved them in there. Payment was offered to dispose of the prunes in the brown bags of the students who brought lunch from home. I once palmed a prune while holding my tray out for inspection. I got away with it. I GOT AWAY WITH IT! YES!

To recap Chris Christie's press conference: "I take full responsibility (. . . but you and I know I wasn't responsible.")

Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
Twitter: @WahooMike

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Ricky Gervais
Taylor Schilling
Eli Young Band

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