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Tuesday, January 14, 2014 Michael Strahan demos a little-known trick of NFL players.
Show #3966
Michael Strahan and Jennifer Nettles.
PLUS: More Bad News for Christie; Other Award Shows; a $150,000 TV; A-Rod's Team of Lawyers; a Race to the Barely Finish; A Day In The Life of Chris Christie; and a Top Ten list.

" . . . . and now, beautifully handcrafted in Ireland by Waterford Crystal . . . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1:
MONOLOGUE:
- "Chris Christie is accused of blocking the George Washington Bridge. Usually he just blocks the supermarket aisle."
- "The Pope named a new batch of Cardinals. He's being criticized for not picking any women or Jews."

Uh, oh . . . more bad news for Chris Christie. That was the inspiration for this segment we call, "More Bad News For Chris Christie."
ART CARD: MORE BAD NEWS FOR CHRIS CHRISTIE
We see a local news anchor reporting: "Tyson's Food is recalling nearly 34,000 pounds of chicken."
ART CARD: MORE BAD NEWS FOR CHRIS CHRISTIE

The Golden Globes were on NBC Sunday night. We're in the middle of Award season for TV, movies, and music. We take a look at what ABC was airing.
GRAPHIC: "2ND ANNUAL GOLDEN SHALHOUB AWARDS"
We see a celebrity Hollywood award show. We hear the announcer announce:
"And the Golden Shalhoub goes to Tony Shalhoub, 'Monk'."
We were snubbed in that Awards show, too.

There's a new television set that sells for $150,000. It's hard to imagine spending that kind of money on a television, but it has some very impressive features. We take a look.
ANNOUNCE: "New from Samsung, it's the S-9 HD Smart TV, a state-of-the-art media device, now available for only $150,000. Enjoy cutting-edge features, like hand gestures to control your set, voice recognition, and the 'Improve Show' button, which takes boring programs and instantly makes them more entertaining." We see a clip of a foreign politician in an interview. When the viewer presses the "Improve Show" button, the politician's chair collapses
ANNOUNCE: "Only from Samsung."

Alex Rodriguez is suing everybody. He doesn't like the decision that was announced by the decision makers who make decisions. A-Rod has a huge team of lawyers pleading his case to prove he was wrong . . . . . I mean, to prove he was wronged. We take a look at this announcement as seen on the National Geographic Channel.
ANNOUNCE: "Previously, we believed that Alex Rodriguez's vast team of lawyers solely populated Manhattan in New York City, but recently anthropologists traveled to a never-before-explored island off the coast of Papua New Guinea, and discovered hundreds more of Alex Rodriguez's lawyers, expanding our understanding of just how many occupy earth . . . . More Alex Rodriguez lawyer discoveries, after this."

Are they ready? Are they ready to go? Dave looks for the OK. It's a go. Dave barks, "On your mark . . . . get set . . . . . GO!" We cut to a clip of two elderlies in a sprint at an indoor track meet. The old guy, overcoming a slow start, squeaks past the old guy just before crossing the finish line. The old guy won. Unfortunately, I had my money on the old guy.

ACT 2:
Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Dave reminisces about the good old days of having Michael Bloomberg of our great city. The new mayor, Bill De Blasio hasn't done anything. Sure, he's only been in office for 10 days, but come on! All he's done so far is eating a pizza with a knife and fork.

What's the real story behind the Chris Christie thing and the George Washington Bridge? We decided to take a closer look at the life of Chris Christie. We thought it might shed some light on his thinking and his behavior. What kind of guy is he? We take a look at A Day In The Life of Chris Christie.
- 8:00 A.M.: Works out with a trainer - we see a chubby Christie with his belly jiggling like jello.
- 8:01 A.M.: Cools down from the workout - we see the Governor speeching at a lectern. He lifts his shirt to cool down . . . . and to show off his abs!
- Noon: Lunch meeting at Benihana - we see the Governor speeching at a lectern. A Benihana chef standing behind him flips a shrimp into the Gov's mouth as he speaks.
- 3:15 P.M.: Stuck in traffic jam of his own making - we see the Governor stuck in traffic as he prepares an ice cream Sunday for himself.
- 4:30 P.M.: vows that if found guilty of abusing power in his office, he'll eat his hat. - we see a photo of a hat.
- 4:33 P.M.: eats hat anyway - we see the hat now with a bite taken out of it.
- 5:00 P.M.: cancels order for 2016 presidential campaign buttons - we see a Christie for President 2016 with a huge X in front of it.
- 10:00 P.M.: discovers wife has closed his side of the bed - we see Mrs. Christie lying in bed. On the other side of the bed is an orange traffic cone. The Governor is off limits.
- 11:00 P.M.: falls asleep and dreams of giant meatball - we see the naked Governor swinging on a huge meatball, like Miley Cyrus swinging on a wrecking ball.

I feel I know the New Jersey Governor a little bit better now.

ACT 3:
MICHAEL STRAHAN - from the "Live! with Kelly and Michael" show. He's also a football analyst on FOX NFL Sunday. Does Strahan ever feel like getting back into the game? He's been out of the game for 6 years now. Michael says he went out after winning the Super Bowl, went out on top. Therefore, he'll always feel as if he can step right back into it. But he knows better . . . but then, it's fun to lie to yourself, too. Michael recalls some of the hidden antics the players would do to each other, such as not getting off you when you are flat on the ground, or getting off you with a twist and a knee in your side. Michael had a way to remedy that. He demonstrates. He sticks his hand out, palm up, and squeezes. Oh, yeah, I get that. And it works. You learn that trick at a very young age.
And what's the deal with this "Omaha! Omaha!" stuff Peyton Manning is always yelling. Michael says it's Manning calling an audible at the line; a change of plays. He eyeballs the defense, figures out the best play against that defense, and changes the play that was called in the huddle. But, Michael adds, a lot of what Manning is doing is just for show. He's trying to impress all those people at home watching on TV. You figure that Manning must be very smart to be barking all those instructions at the line of scrimmage. You know, Manning may be that smart . . . but the rest of the guys on the team aren't. There is no way they can keep up with Manning and what he's yelling. Coach Belichick of the Patriots . . . the best? Strahan and Dave tend to agree that he is, though Dave doesn't like him all that much. Belichick irritates Dave. Belichick irritates a lot of people around here, mostly Jets fans . . . . which is why I like him. I like him because,
1. he was a Giants coach years ago, and I'm a Giants fan.
2. Belichick doesn't tolerate nonsense
3. when Belichick wins it makes New York sports radio so much more entertaining. Jets fans go nuts. I don't hate the Jets; it's just so much more entertaining when they lose and the Patriots win.

Strahan's Super Bowl prediction: Broncos/Seahawks, but quickly adds that his picks may change by Sunday.

ACT 5:
ANNOUNCE: "Well see you again tomorrow as Dave welcomes Kevin Hart, Mo Rocca, and The Orwells. TV Trivia! In 1987, the Supreme Court ruled that 'Battle of the Network Stars' must include participants from PBS."

ACT 6:
TOP TEN: THINGS YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR FROM YOUR PARROT --- at a police checkpoint in Mexico City, a man was arrested for drunk driving when his parrot in the backseat called out, "He's drunk! He's drunk!"
THINGS YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR FROM YOUR PARROT
8. "I took the liberty of executing your uncle."
4. "Want to hear my impression of your wife with the UPS guy?"
3. "Is this honk?" - we then take a look and listen to Charlie Callas doing the "Is this 'honk'? Is this 'honk'?" I laughed knowing how many weren't.
1. "You seem like a guy who's touched a cockatoo"

ACT 7:
JENNIFER NETTLES
From her debut solo CD, "That Girl," Jennifer Nettles performed "Falling."

Before going to bed, we see and hear a clip of a woman: "Now, let's all take a coffee break in the lower lobby near the pool. Please be back in your seats in twenty minutes."

And that was our show for Tuesday January 14, 2014.

Monday's Top Ten info card dilemma. It was about NYC Mayor Bill De Blasio eating a pizza with a knife and fork. But then I wondered if it would be better worded with "fork and knife" rather than "knife and fork." Which is it? Which comes first? I had "knife and fork" first, but then changed it to "fork and knife" since the fork seems to be the primary utensil. While watching, I noticed Dave went with "knife and fork." I decided to check the Google this morning. In Google, "fork and knife" gets 1,900,000 mentions. "Knife and fork" gets 1,510,000 mentions. Just for your edification . . . . just a tidbit of information you can use on a really bad first date.

Justin Bieber is accused of throwing eggs at his neighbor's house. It's the most lame attempt ever at attaining Street Cred

New York City Mayor Bill De Blasio was recently seen in a Staten Island restaurant eating a pizza with a knife and fork. New Yorkers are shocked. Who would ever imagine a NYC mayor in Staten Island?

Doesn't every actor and actress daydream of winning a big award? And don't they think of what they'd say and who to thank when they are up there on stage accepting? And, heavens, when you are nominated, don't you think that would be a good time to sort of, kind of, prepare something, right? So why do so many pretend they are unprepared? Are they that lame without a script written for them? These are the highest in their profession and they hem and haw and then haw some more. If they feel they are that awkward being spontaneous, then they should pretend they are playing the part of someone winning an award. You know, like ... . . . acting. They would probably do better. Heck, I have a pretty good idea what I would say.
And when it is such a big deal that there are drinks on the tables at the Golden Globes . . . . why don't I ever see anybody drinking?

Omaha! Omaha! I've noticed that when Peyton Manning yells out "Omaha", the ball is snapped on the next sound he makes. I listened to some morning radio show and it was explained that's what he does. It's a signal to his team that he's done directing traffic and done changing the play at the line of scrimmage, and now he's ready to get the ball. He'll then yell, "Omaha" and the ball is snapped on the next sound. But doesn't this benefit the defense, too? Now they know when the ball is going to be snapped. Right. So when there's a key 3rd down play with less than 5 yards for a first down, the message goes out to the offense that the "Omaha" signal has been changed. It doesn't mean the ball will be snapped on the next sound. But the defense doesn't know that. Therefore, quite often, the defense will then jump offsides and give the Broncos a free and easy first down.
When I was quarterback in high school, we always went on "Hut 1". Whenever we tried to go on 2, we would jump offsides. Our team was very undisciplined that way. Unfortunately, the other team quickly learned that we were going off on 1 and their defense would often get off the line quicker than our team. Every now and then we would try to go on two to slow down the defense. We would ALWAYS jump off. But those very few times when we didn't jump, the entire offense would forget the play. We were so concentrating on "On 2 . . . On 2 . . . . On 2 . . ." that we would forget the play that was called in the huddle, me included. To make things easier, it was decided we would always go off on 1. In my 3 years playing varsity football, we never successfully ran a play on "Hut 2."

Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
Twitter: @WahooMike

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