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Wednesday, January 15, 2014 The Anthony Weiner drawbridge scandal rises up.
Show #3967
Kevin Hart, Mo Rocca, and . . . and now, The Orwells.
PLUS: a Democrat's bridge scandal; Chris Christie's State of the State; Small Town News; and a Top Ten List.

ACT 1:
MONOLOGUE:

-"Yesterday, January 14th, was the 14th Anniversary of my quintuple bypass surgery. It happened so fast, I didn't have time to cut my relatives out of my will." The CBS morning show showed the surgery on their program. We take a look at some heart surgery.
-"And today is 5 years since the ‘Miracle On The Hudson' of Captain Sully Sullenberger landing the 747 in the Hudson River. What's the real miracle is that Tom Hanks hasn't made a movie about it yet."
-"Justin Bieber is being investigated for egging his neighbor's house. Justin seems like the kind of kid who'd do well in prison."

Boy, oh, boy, this George Washington Bridge scandal surrounding Chris Christie won't go away. I think we deserve some credit or blame for that. But to be fair, the Democrats have had their share of bridge scandals as well. We take a look.
ANNOUNCE: "In 2011, Anthony Weiner was caught sending inappropriate videos of a drawbridge."
First we see Anthony Weiner. Then we see a drawbridge . . . . we see it rise. Boing!
ANNOUNCE: "This has been ‘Comedy We're Not Proud Of.'"

Dave brings up the subject of Justin Bieber's egg throwing scandal. I chuckled when he referenced the police raid . . . . "Yesterday morning in the middle of the night . . . ."

New Jersey Governor Chris Christie gave his State of the State Address yesterday. We take a look. We take a look at a highlight of his address. Christie: "I shrank / by over 20% / but I remain / the largest / human / in America."

ACT 2:
It's Wednesday, so you know what that means . . . .
SMALL TOWN NEWS
-From Muskogee, Oklahoma: The Muskogee Phoenix: "A Checotah man was rescued Tuesday after he was found wet and naked south of Muskogee in a guitar case." (That's every Waylon Jennings song ever written . . . wet and naked in a guitar case.
-From Greenville, South Carolina: The Greenville News: "A 34-year-old woman stabbed her fiancé on Christmas Day after they argued over what colors should be used in their wedding."
-From Boulder, Colorado: The Daily Camera: an ad - "This Mother's Day, Crist Mortuary will give a free apple pie to the first 50 families who come into the mortuary, between 12 PM - 2 PM." And your mother doesn't even have to be dead!
-From Tucson, Arizona: The Arizona Daily Star: "Police seeking man who ran over himself determined to avoid the traffic stop, the man climbed out the passenger window of his moving vehicle, but 'his foot got caught in the window and he was pulled under the car and the back tire ran over him.' " (sounds like every Waylon Jennings song)
-Fulton, Missouri: The Fulton Sun: "Electric chair, hardly used, good condition, various positions, $1800."

Dave surmises that Fulton Missouri was probably named after Robert Fulton, the steamship guy. Paul, Jewish, thought of Bishop Fulton Sheen when he heard the name "Fulton." Dave can't quite understand how or why Paul would think of Bishop Fulton Sheen, who had a 15-minute TV program once a week back in the 1950s. After more discussion, I hear talk in the control room of getting a photo of Bishop Sheen. For some reason, it was more of a problem than it should have been. Was I the only one familiar with Bishop Sheen? Bill Scheft comes back to the shack to print out a photo of Sheen. He finds one, but I suggest we find a different one, one with Sheen in front of his educational blackboard like Dave suggested. We look a little more and we find it. It's printed out during the break and we see it at the top of the next ACT.

-From Big Rapids, Michigan: The Pioneer: "Turkey found walking the streets. For now, the turkey will stay with local businessman Pat Currie."
-Virginia, Minnesota: The Mesabi Daily News: With some hesitation, Dave shows the photo and headline. It's a story about a statue being put up. The headline reads: "We're gonna have an erection."

And that's some of what's going on in small towns across America.

ACT 3:
Dave holds up a photo of Bishop Sheen with chalk in hand while standing in front of a blackboard. Very funny discussion ensues.

KEVIN HART
Kevin was recently seen in the film, "Grudge," with Sylvester Stallone and Robert DeNiro. That's pretty intimidating stuff there. Kevin got along great with them and now they have nicknames for each other. And Kevin pins "Dave-eo" on Mr. Letterman.
Kevin is a bit of a rapid talker. When he worked with Alan Arkin in "Grudge," Arkin had to ask for him to slow down so he could squeeze in a "Huh" and a "wha?" here and there. That's all he was asking for. In the reshoot, Kevin left a few openings and Kevin was impressed at how Alan did just that, only adding "huh" and a "wha" when needed.
Kevin is a dad of two. They like to play rough. Over the holiday, they had a big Nerf gun fight. It was all fun and game until someone got shot in the eye . . . . Kevin. Everything stopped after that. He collected up the guns and ammo and put them away high on a shelf. He thought his son, the shooter, would be upset over what he did, or at least think it was funny. Something like that. Instead, he glared at daddy with a sort of "Yeah, that's right . . . and don't you forget it."
Kevin's new film, buddy-cop "Ride Along" opens Friday, co-starring with Ice Cube. Kevin is to marry Ice Cube's sister. Kevin has to prove his worth. And then the fun begins.

ACT 4:
TOP TEN: SLOGANS FOR THE DRUNKEST CITY IN AMERICA

Based on information from the Centers of Disease Control, the drunkest city in America is . . . . Fargo, North Dakota. The rating is based on binge and heavy drinking results.
10. The friendliest town you'll never remember
9. Gateway to the Betty Ford clinic
8. The city that over sleeps
7. Black out and stay a while
6. Home of the best university in North America
5. A great place to live, work and urp
4. You're always 12 steps from home
3. Big hearts and even bigger livers!
2. Toronto Mayor Rob Ford slept here
1. After a quart of gin, you'll think it's Paris

TOP FIVE
5. Brookings, South Dakota
4. Fort Collins, Colorado
3. Missoula, Montana
2. Columbus, Nebraska
1. Fargo, North Dakota

By the way, every study about the "drunkest city in America" finds a different city. I think Men's Health magazine names Reno, Nevada. But it's an honor just to be nominated.

ACT 5:
ANNOUNCE: "Swing by tomorrow and treat yourself to Dave with Brian Williams, and Rosanne Cash. I got 99 problems, but a showerhead clogged with mineral deposits ain't one."

ACT 6:
MO ROCCA

He's the Emmy Award winning correspondent for "CBS Sunday Morning." He is also the host of the Cooking Channel's "My Grandmother's Ravioli." On the CBS Sunday Morning show, Mo Rocca presents something like a video essay. He says it's like going back to college and taking all the elective courses you're interested in without having to bother with your major. One day he'll be interviewing hockey legend Bobby Orr; the next week a report on chicken wings. Mo Rock is an avid student of Presidential history. He tells a very funny story of visiting the summer cottage where Ulysses S. Grant penned his memoir just before he died. The cottage is preserved just as it was then outside Saratoga, New York . . . in the middle of a prison yard. His next project is a report on Millard Fillmore.
"My Grandmother's Ravioli" – Mo admits he doesn't know how to cook. It's something he is not very proud of . . . or . . . of which he is not proud. His grandmother was a great cook and he is sad he never took advantage of her talents. So now, Mo goes around learning how to cook from grandmothers across the country. And that's a TV show. And it's one I'll be looking for. It's on the Cooking Channel – Wednesday nights at 8:00 PM.

ACT 7:
THE ORWELLS

From their E.P "Who Needs You," The Orwells, making their network television debut, performed a very energetic "Who Needs You." ‘Twas so energetic, the lead singer took a rest break halfway through.
Not quite sure why, but I liked them.

And that was our show for Wednesday, January 15, 2014.

Bishop Fulton Sheen can still be seen on some of those religious TV channels on the cable. I'll stop and watch from time to time. What impresses me most about his lectures is his penmanship on the blackboard. It's the same penmanship I remember every nun having in my days at St. Augustine's. Which brings me to a story. My mother-in-law attended a Catholic school of nuns. The school was to write a letter to the Pope. A search went out to find the child with the best penmanship to sit and write the letter as dictated. My mother-in-law, 6th grader Ann Wolfstadter, was selected. She was sent to the Principal's office and took a seat. The Principal began to dictate, but before she started, the Principal scolded Ann Wolfstadter for goofing off. "Now you stop that, young lady!" Ann had no idea what she had done wrong. The Principal continued. "Put that pen in your right hand like you're supposed to!" Ann explained that she wrote with her left hand. Ann was quickly banished from the Principal's office and a new search was made to find another with good penmanship, one who was closer to God, one who wrote with his or her right hand.

George Washington Bridge closure? Somebody should investigate November 15, 2011. The Bridge AND the Palisades Parkway IN BOTH DIRECTIONS was closed so Vice President Joe Biden could get to Cresskill, New Jersey and collect some money at a fund raiser. I'm still steamed about that.

Mo Rocca's upcoming report on Millard Fillmore reminded me of a gin mill I used to visit.
Perunna's in Spring Valley, New York . . . a bar/restaurant no longer in existence . . . for some reason had an interest in Millard Fillmore. I believe they had an appreciation dinner there once. And on the wall were scores of letters from the very prominent in America, thanking for the invite but apologizing for not being able to attend. I find it all very amusing. What was not very amusing about Perunna's was that in all my time there, not once did I hear a knock on the bar.

You notice how these school shootings and mall shootings aren't quite headline news anymore?

Quick Quiz:
What ingredient do you not find in Velveeta? Which is the false ingredient?
VELVEETA -
INGREDIENTS: MILK, WATER, WHEY, MILK PROTEIN CONCENTRATE, MILKFAT, CHEESE, WHEY PROTEIN CONCENTRATE, SODIUM PHOSPHATE, CONTAINS 2% OR LESS OF: , SALT, CALCIUM PHOSPHATE, LACTIC ACID, SORBIC ACID, [PRESERVATIVE] , SODIUM CITRATE, SODIUM ALGINATE, ENZYMES, APOCAROTENAL, (FOR COLOR) , ANNATTO, (FOR COLOR) , CHEESE CULTURE.

If you said "Cheese," you are right!

Last week I came up with the idea of "Anderson Cooper 420" instead of "360" when he spent the week talking about the legalization of marijuana. And then I Googled "Anderson Cooper 420" today. The reference has been around since 2009. I was almost first, though! Just 5 years behind.



Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
Twitter: @WahooMike

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