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Friday, January 17, 2014 Governor Chris Christie takes care of business, Jersey-style.
Show #3969
Don Cheadle, Myq Kaplan, and Roadkill Ghost Choir.
PLUS: Michelle O's 50th; Jersey Traffic Study; the Jersey State of the State; Charts & Graphs; and a Top Ten list.

" . . . . and now, egg-tossing pop star . . . . . . . David Letterman!

ACT 1:
MONOLOGUE:

-"The Detroit Auto Show is underway. It's exciting to see today all the cars that next fall will be stuck on the George Washington Bridge."
-"Happy Birthday, Betty White. She's so old, her 2nd husband was Adam." I liked this joke. Saying that her first husband was Adam would have been too plain and simple. Making Adam her second husband made the absurd more so.

Happy Birthday is Michelle Obama. She turns 50. There was an awkward moment at her birthday party, though. The President invited the Danish Prime Minister that he took a festive selfie with at the solemn funeral for Nelson Mandela. We see a photo of an angry Michelle in her party hat glaring in their direction.

The Christie Administration initially indicated that the George Washington Bridge lane closure were for a traffic study. We were able to get out hands on the actual report. We take a look.
GRAPHIC: FINDINGS FROM THE GEORGE WASHINGTON BRIDGE TRAFFIC STUDY
ANNOUNCE: "Will closing three lanes on the world's busiest bridge cause traffic delays? . . . . . (see miles of traffic on the George Washington Bridge) . . . . . . . . . . Yes!
This concludes the George Washington Bridge Traffic Study."

Governor Chris Christie gave his annual State of the State Address in New Jersey on Tuesday. Did you notice something odd? We take a look.
We see Governor Christie speeching. While speaking, he hands a stack of papers to a staffer behind him. The guy feeds the papers into a shredder. This is repeated. It's the Jersey way of getting to the bottom of it.

ACT 2:
It's Friday, so you know what that means . . . time for "Charts and Graphs."
-FAVORITE BASEBALL HALL OF FAMER NICKNAMED AFTER A BIRD
15% - Richard "Goose" Gossage
24% - Andre "The Hawk" Dawson
61% - Honus "Chestnut-Rumped Thornbill" Wagner

-HOW DID YOU HEAR ABOUT ‘CHARTS AND GRAPHS'?
10% - from a friend
15% - direct mail
75% - Dr. Phil episode: "My Wife Prefers Charts, But I Prefer Graphs"

-COMMON THEMES OF MODERN RAP MUSIC
40% - money
58% - women
2% - classic Wimbledon match-ups

-CLASSIC PIRATE FLAG DESIGNS
97% - skull and crossbones
3% - tibia and pelvis

-SEXIEST LOOK FOR TOM SELLECK
33.3% - with mustache
33.3% - without mustache
33.3% - with half a mustache

-FAVORITE FEDERAL RESERVE-THEMED ADULT FILMS
50% - "Bernanke Panky"
50% - "Janet's Yellen"

-WHO DO YOU THINK DESERVES A BEATING?
92% - people who correct grammar
8% - shouldn't it be "whom" do you think deserves a beating?

-MOST POPULAR KINDS OF CHICKEN AVAILABLE AT THE GROCERY STORY
50% - free range chicken
50% - agoraphobic chicken

-WHAT ISSUES KEEP CHRIS CHRISTIE OUT OF THE WHITE HOUSE?
10% - unethical use of Hurricane Relief funds
40% - traffic scandal
50% - the White House's narrow 19th Century doorways.

ACT 3:
DON CHEADLE

Don Cheadle is the dad to two girls, 19 and 17. Take the average and he's got what I got; two 18-year-olds. Don says quietly, hoping not to jinx it, that he's gotten through the difficult teen years with girls. He cautiously says they've been great and were not at all a problem. But he senses the shoe could still drop. A dad can never rest. His older is studying to be a cinematographer; the younger wants to be a marine biologist. When I was their age, I wanted to play centerfield for the New York Yankees.

Don currently stars on the highly acclaimed Showtime series, "House of Lies." I don't get the Showtime but from what I've read and heard, this show is worth signing up for.

Cheadle is actively involved in his project, "Not On Our Watch," working to bring global attention and resources toward putting an end to mass atrocities around the world. Along with Cheadle, the project was co-founded by George Clooney, Matt Damon, Brad Pitt, David Pressman, and Jerry Weintraub. Don says it is difficult to keep the issues in Africa in the forefront. Sad but true, Cheadle says Justin Bieber throwing eggs at a house creates gets more attention than the genocide and wanton acts of inhumanity in Darfur and Burma and Zimbabwe. It's hard to get world leaders involved unless there is something in it for them. Simply for humanity reasons doesn't seem to be enough to get action.
To learn more: www.notonourwatchproject.org
Log off the Facebook for a moment and give it some of your time.

"House of Lies" – Sunday nights at 10:00 PM on the Showtime.

ACT 4:
TOP TEN: NEW BREEDS IN THE WESTMINSTER KENNEL CLUB DOG SHOW
--- the 138th Annual Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show is recognizing new breeds in next month's show at Madison Square Garden.
Dave mentions that the dog show usually coincides with Fashion week here in the city. We get bitches coming and going. And the cat show at the Madison Square Garden . . . says Dave, "if I want to see pussies, I'll go watch the Knicks."

NEW BREEDS IN THE WESTMINSTER KENNEL CLUB DOG SHOW
10. Heterosexual Poodle
9. Labrador Belieber
6. Beagle with Cream Cheese
1. Shih Tstorm

ACT 5:
ANNOUNCE: Dave's back on Monday with Julia Roberts, and Glen Hansard. I've had so many relationships break up because we couldn't agree whether it's a ‘sofa' or a ‘couch.'
Stay here."

ACT 6:
MYQ KAPLAN

(pronounced "Mike") He doesn't want kids . . . doesn't like kids. People get mad at him for that. He's not sure why. Funny take about cat calls. And board games such as Monopoly, Sorry, and Battleship.
Myq will be performing at Goodnights Comedy Club in Raleigh, North Carolina on January 24th and 25th.

ACT 7:
ROADKILL GHOST CHOIR

From their E.P. "Quiet Light," Roadkill Ghost Choir, making their network television debut, performed "Beggars' Guide"

And that was our show for Friday, January 17, 2014.

No new show on Monday. We, and much of America, will be off on Monday to celebrate Martin Luther King's birthday. And that is why the Super Bowl should be this weekend; so we could rest on Monday after the big game. I wrote a skit 30 years ago based on this very premise. Someday maybe I'll include it here. But if the third Sunday in January is too early to have the Super Bowl, then they (we) should move Presidents Day to the day after the Super Bowl in February. Eons ago, American would celebrate Lincoln's Birthday on the 12th of February and Washington's Birthday on the 22nd. Then they were combined and celebrated as one on some date between the two. That's a bit too late to follow the Super Bowl. But now that Presidents Day is a celebration for all presidents, we can place the holiday anywhere we want. Heck, we can put it in August and it wouldn't matter. Since we're accustomed to having it and the day off in February, why not place it the day after the Super Bowl? Ta da! Problem solved. Super Bowl Sunday followed by a day off. Millions take it off anyway.

TOP TEN NEW BREEDS IN THE WESTMINSTER KENNEL CLUB DOG SHOW – I typed up on the info card that the Westminster Kennel Club was recognizing new breeds this year. They are only adding 3 new breeds; the Rat Terrier, the Portuguese Podengo Pequeno, and the Chinook. I couldn't mention them because there are only 3 new breeds. We had to pretend there were ten.

Congratulations to former Late Show intern Brian Hall. He's become a member of the DGA, the Directors Guild of America. After 15 years in the entertainment business, he's made the grade. And he got his first step right here. The kid from Kansas City . . . congratulations, Mr. Hall. Remember me when I'm looking for work. Maybe I can be your intern.

NFL Predictions: I have no idea. I think I'll be rooting for the Broncos and 49ers, but that can easily change. All I have to do is watch a few plays, see a player do something stupid, and then I'll root for the other team. And although I'm an NFC guy, I'll probably be rooting for the Broncs or Pat in the Super Bowl.

Monday's Previously-Viewed Program
Monday, January 20th. From December 12, 2013; Show #3953 – Julia Roberts and Glen Hansard. PLUS: an interruption from the Sound of Music lady, and Graham Fenwick Jones

Check the Wahoo Archives and make your plans accordingly



Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
Twitter: @WahooMike

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