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Saturday, January 25, 2014 Cue card boy Tony Mendez gets his own reality show.
Show #3973
Kevin Bacon, Pat McGann, and Devon Avenue.
PLUS: Nice Going, De Blasio; Tony's Reality Show; the Mitt Movie; an Announcement from Canada; a Salute to Will Lee; a Top Ten List; and New Books.

" . . . . and now, with more uses than duct tape and baking soda . . . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1:
- "The Grammy Awards are this Sunday right here on CBS. Justin Bieber is up for Best Rap Sheet."

Dave wishes our new Mayor the best, but here have been a lot of disturbing events since he's taken office. We take a look at this new segment entitled, "Nice Going, De Blasio."
We see a newscast. The anchor announcing the divorce between The Captain and Tennille.

What's going on? Tony? Dave wonders what the commotion is by Tony. We see a television crew surrounding Tony Cue Cards Mendez.
TONY: "Dave, I have my own show. They follow me around all day and record all of the drama in my life."
DAVE: "That's great, Tony, but please ask them to leave. It's distracting."
TONY (to the reality show camera): "Can you believe how that diva talks to me? If she talks that way to me again, I'm gonna slap her fat face."
Dave and Tony shoos them away.

NetFlix is releasing a new movie about Mitt Romney. They say it presents a very different side of him, and judging from the trailer, it looks like a compelling film. We watch.
ANNOUNCE: "America knows him as a businessman . . . a governor . . . and a presidential candidate. But now, prepare to see Mitt Romney as you've never seen him before.
Tyler Perry's, 'Mitt'."
We cut to Mitt dressed as Madea.
ANNOUNCE: "Coming soon to NetFlix."

The world is trying to come to grips with Justin Bieber's arrest. We take a look at this statement.
ANNOUNCE: "In the wake of Canadian pop star Justin Bieber's arrest for drag racing and driving under the influence, the nation of Canada would like to issue this statement . . . ."
We cut to Toronto Mayor Rob Ford mumbling and rambling in a fast food restaurant.

ACT 2:
Congratulations to our very own Will Lee. This Tuesday, January 28th, he will be inducted into the Musicians Hall of Fame at the Nashville Municipal Auditorium. He's being inducted with a proud group, including: Peter Frampton, Barbara Mandrell, Stevie Ray Vaughan and Double Trouble, Jimmy Capps, Ben Keith, Buddy Guy, Velma Smith, Corki Casey O'Dell, Randy Bachman, Mike Curb, and Roy Orbison.
Nice going, Will Lee! And I know that guy!

It's Friday, so that means it's time for New Books!
"My Life Under The Bus" - by former Chris Christie staffer Bridget Kelly.

Right around here, Alan Kalter asked if I could do him a favor. He possibly had a bit coming up later in the show where he would rant, and then continue to rant in anger as he exited. He would continue with his outrage even though he was off camera. Alan asked if I would type up his lines on separate sheet when he went off cue cards off camera. I typed and enlarged the rest of his lines and taped them to a wall where he would exit. I also gave him a page to prep. Alas, Alan does not get on tonight. But we'll be ready when he's given the nod next week.

"Tree Killed To Make This Book" - it's a picture book of trees; the very trees that gave their life to make this book.
"3M Book of Tape on Tape" - it's an audio book. We hear the sounds of duct tape and scotch tape being pulled. Now I'm not sure if this part stayed in. Dave wonders why we had audio for both duct tape AND scotch tape. Why not just one? Dave looks over at Nancy for an explanation. He says we will try this again later in the list, but this time using only one of the tapes, either duct or scotch. I quickly started to type up a blue card which included only one tape. But as I began to type, I realized that was unnecessary.
"Will You Sleep With Me, Attractive Barnes & Noble Sales Clerk"
Dave holds up the 3M book again. By this time I'm giving Alan's lines to him and looking for a good wall to tape another copy.
"3M Book of Tape on Tape" - it's an audio book. We hear the sounds of duct tape being pulled. We listen. Dave then looks at the book and says how it would have been better if we had more than just one tape SFX. Perhaps duct tape AND scotch tape. Dave looks over to Nancy to see if she too thinks that is a good idea. She giggles a confused teehee, as we all do. Not sure if we kept in the original hold-up of the book earlier in the piece. I wasn't in on Friday for the next day post-edit. I lost the cap of my tooth and had to go to the dentist. More on that later.
"Meryl Streep: She's Won Enough Awards" - by Judi Dench, Cate Blanchett, Amy Adams, and Sandra Bullock.
"The Harlequin Globetrotters" - we see a Harlem Globetrotter on the cover with a lovely harlequin with the breeze blowing through her hair.
"National Geographic: 125 Years of Show Shutter Speed Action Photography" - all the photos are blurry.
"Wet Presidents" - on the cover we see a few Presidents in a wet state. In one, we see Teddy Roosevelt riding a moose in a lake.
And finally, "Other Former Colleagues Who Piss Me Off" - by Robert M. Gates.

ACT 3:
Kevin stars in the very successful, "The Following," now in its 2nd season. Kevin is excited about it, especially because most of it is shot right here in New York where he lives. It's great to work and then go home and sleep in your own bed. Most of his prior work was in California. New Yorkers aren't all that impressed with TV and movie-making on their streets. We tend to find it gets in our way. Asking someone to move and they'll snap back at you. If a woman wants to smoke a cigarette in front of her building, no production assistant is going to make her move.
Kevin's wife, Kyra Sedgwick, had a very successful run on "The Closer." They bought a house in California where they would stay while she did the show. The house backed up to a huge municipal park that had all sorts of wildlife. Kevin would like to be the helpful local when he would see someone who appeared lost. Kyra would just shake her head at him and ask why he's trying to act like the sheriff of the town. But not all his directions are right. He recently saw a woman backtracking her steps after following Kevin's directions. She let him know that he sent her the wrong way. He admits his sheriff's star tarnished a bit there.

"Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon" - ever play? The idea behind it is everyone in the world is 6 steps away from Kevin Bacon; everyone knows somebody . . . times six . . . that knows Kevin Bacon. It's been going on since the 90s, started by some college kids with nothing better to do. And isn't that where the best things are created . . . when geniuses have nothing better to do? Kevin says that the "game" illustrates just how small the world is, how we are all connected with one another in some way.

"The Following" - I haven't been following but I hear from many on the staff that it is worth the time. You can find it Monday nights at 9 on the FOX.

ACT 4:
TOP TEN: THINGS YOU DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT DONUTS - a community museum in Brooklyn currently has an exhibit about the history of donuts.
10. The donut was discovered on a 1991 episode of "Star Search" - Dave moans, "Oh, man, we have 9 more of these?!"
6. The obese have forty different words for "sprinkles"
4. To determine when a donut was made, add three days to what the cashier tells you.
3. Scientists believe donuts evolved from the sea donut.
2. The term for an unidentified donut is a "John Do-Nut."

ACT 5:
ANNOUNCE: "More of what you like Monday, as Dave welcomes Louis C.K., from the Wounded Warrior Amputee Football Team, Marine veteran B.J. Ganem, and Arctic Monkeys. There must be an easier way to find out a city's current weather than flying there and hearing the pilot announce it."

ACT 6:
Here he is making his network television debut! You can see the Chicagoan comedian January 29th through February 1st at Zanies Comedy Club in Rosemont, Illinois.
Had some very funny stuff, particularly about his pregnant and thirsty wife at the Supermarket and how she likes to talk at the movies. Very good debut. Congrats, Pat.

ACT 7:
From their album, "Devon Avenue," Devon Avenue performed . . . . .doh! I forgot! I'm at home and I didn't write it down.

And that was our show for Friday January 24, 2014.

I'm doing this from home. From the other room, my daughter calls out, "Dad . . . . can you come over here . . . . with your wallet."

In between shows Thursday night I was typing and eating. My chicken needed to be cut but I didn't have a free hand, so I stuck a fork in it and ate like a Popsicle. And then I bit into the plastic fork and . . . . . crunch! The cap of my front tooth came off. This never happened to me before. I waited for the pain but none came. The half-tooth felt very strange in my mouth. In a slight panic, I do what I always do when I don't know what to do . . . I called my wife, Denise. But she wasn't home. Oh, no! I was adrift at sea. I went on the Google to find the phone number for my dentist. It was 4:40 and hoped to make an appointment for either Friday or Saturday. But they had already left the office. They close at 4:00. I decided to leave a message, hoping they would not detect the quiver in my voice. They would be back in the office at 9:00 AM then next morning and I figured I would hear from them then. Meanwhile, I had to prepare for the second show with a huge gap in my mouth. I didn't have a mirror to inspect the gaping gap but if it looked half as weird as it felt, I knew it was pretty bad. I found the veneer cap that had fallen out and put it in an envelope for safekeeping. The cap looked too small for how big the hole felt.
The Friday show is completed and I inform that I may have to miss Friday depending on when my dentist appointment is scheduled. If it was early Friday, I would come in late. If it was for late Friday, I would leave early. What I was hoping for was it was smack dab in the middle of the day. This way I couldn't leave early or come in late. I'd have to stay home. The next morning I got the call. They are closed on Saturday, so the appointment had to be for today. At noon. DING!

I got a temporary piece put in and I'll have to go back in a couple weeks to get the permanent. By the time I got to the dentist, I was starting to like the rugged and ragged look of the half-tooth in my mouth. And it was fun to sip a soda through a straw without having to open my mouth.

Someday I'll tell you how I chipped the tooth the first time 35 years ago. Well, why not now? OK, here goes. I was in college. I woke up one afternoon and half my tooth was gone. And that's all I know.

Michael Z. McIntee
Twitter: @WahooMike

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