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Tuesday, January 28, 2014 Confusion reigns when Regis interviews Dave about the Super Bowl.
Show #3975 Eric Stonestreet, Nick Goepper, and Bastille.
PLUS: Good Mascot/Bad Mascot; the Sochi Olympics; the Pope's Doves; a Seahawk Comments on the Weather; and Dave Pays a Visit to Regis on "Crowd Goes Wild."

" . . . . and now, submitted for your approval . . . . . . . David Letterman!

ACT 1:
MONOLOGUE
- "You can tell fake Super Bowl merchandise. When you turn it over, you see printed on the bottom, 'Made in America.'"

It's time for "Good Mascot / Bad Mascot" - just in time for the Super Bowl.
ANNOUNCE: "Good mascot: Miles, the Bronco."
We see the Denver Broncos mascot, Miles. He's a strong-looking horse.
ANNOUNCE: "Bad mascot: crack-smoking Toronto Mayor Rob Ford."
We see Mayor Ford approaching a lectern adorned in a Denver Bronco jersey.
ANNOUNCE: "See you next time on 'Good Mascot - Bad Mascot.'"

The Russian Government wants to stop any displays of homosexuality during the Sochi Olympics. We take a look at this announcement.
ANNOUNCE: "The Russian Federation will not tolerate the promotion of the homosexual lifestyle during the Sochi Olympics. Also, effective immediately, there will be no contact between the Olympic rings." We see the Olympic logo of the five rings. They are no longer connected; each sitting separate from the others.
ANNOUNCE: "The Russian Federation: 'If it's homosexual, we've thought of it.' "

And speaking of Russia . . . Dave wonders what their President, Vladimir Putin, is . . . . . uh oh . . . . wearing.
We get to see the shirtless Putin montage. Hey, Vladimir . . . how 'bout 'Putin' on a shirt!?
Out of the clip, Dave wonders, "You're telling me that guy's not gay?"

Did you read where Pope Francis released some doves from a Vatican balcony as a sign of peace. It was met with a sad ending. Apparently, doves are a delicacy among other carnivorous birds. We take a look at the Pope and two children at the peaceful event.
There's the Pope. There are two kids beside him. The Pope releases the dove. It flies off screen . . . and then a squawk . . . a squeal . . . and then blood splatter onto the Vatican wall. Ouch! Not what he had in mind!

The Super Bowl is this Sunday and all the talk is about the weather. Frigid weather is circling and one can only wonder if it'll settle over MetLife Stadium Sunday evening. What does Seattle Seahawk Richard Sherman have to say about it? We take a listen.
Richard Sherman, to an unnecessary sideline reporter, with a little help from the edit room: "I'm the coldest guy in the game. When the temperatures drop this far below freezing, that's the result you're gonna get. Don't you ever say I'm not cold!"

ACT 2:
ERIC STONESTREET
From ABC's "Modern Family." The show has reached the dream of every program . . . it's now in syndication on the USA network! For me, this has taken over the "Seinfeld" repeats. It's my go-to when there is nothing else to go-to.
Eric is from Kansas City, Kansas, not the Missouri Kansas City. For much of his early life, Eric wanted to be a prison warden. It was only natural since he was raised a shotgun blast from all the Leavenworth prisons in the area: state, federal, county, military . . . . . a whole bunch of jails. He visited the Fed Pen . . . and that was it. He felt acting was closer to his true calling. Let me tell you something. If you really want to act, become a police officer. That's all improv. With Eric tonight is his mother. It's her first time to New York City, and naturally, her first time at the Late Show. And how exciting for Eric's mom! She gets to watch the show on a TV in the green room! Wouldn't she rather be in the audience? OK, so you don't get cookies in the audience but still, first time to the show I'd rather be in the audience.
"Modern Family" - Wednesday nights at 9:00 on ABC.
Also in syndication, any time, all the time, on USA.

ACT 3:
With one eye on the clock during Stonestreet, we time it so we can go LIVE to "Crowd Goes Wild" hosted by Regis Philbin 25 blocks south of here at Chelsea Piers. Regis wants to get Dave's take on the Super Bowl. Regis is LIVE. If you were watching Tuesday at 5:00-ish, you saw Dave on the "Crowd Goes Wild." We split screen Dave and Regis and they begin their chat. Uh oh. Trouble immediately. There is a delay. Both Dave and Regis talk at the same time, then wait silently for a response, and so on. Few things bother Dave as much as a delay when communicating via satellite. That's what makes Dave's visits with CBS Chief Foreign Correspondent Graham Fenwick-Jones so enjoyable. We "create" the delay when one is not there. Anyway, back to Regis. The conversation has a hard time getting off the ground. Dave pokes and prods Regis, being his familiar antagonizing self with America's Sweetheart. Regis wants to know who Dave likes in the Super Bowl. Dave plays difficult, and tells Regis all he wants to do is run "Crowd Goes Wild" so late that they won't have time for "Bean Bag." Regis continues to press Dave on who he likes in the game and Dave says it'll come down to the backup quarterbacks. Now there's a topic rarely discussed. What will happen if one of the two most important players on the field goes down? Is Brock Osweiler prepared to take over for Peyton? Who big of a fall off is that? Is Tarvaris Jackson ready to step in for Seattle's Russell Wilson if he comes up down? I wonder if that will be covered Sunday in the 12 hour pre-game. Meanwhile, all Regis wants is a Dave prediction. And Dave ain't giving one. Dave and Regis say goodbye after too much time and too little accomplished.
"Crowd Goes Wild" - weekdays at 5:00 on Fox Sports 1. "Crowd Goes Wild" . . . . I have a feeling during Dave's visit, the place could have been called "Control Room Goes Wild."

ACT 4:
During the commercial break, Dave feels guilty about how he behaved with his good friend Regis. He doesn't understand why he does such things. Paul suggests a lemon tree is in order. I wouldn't be surprised if Dave sends a grove.

NICK GOEPPER
He's just a 19-year-old kid from Indiana who defended his X-Games Gold Medal this weekend in something called skiing's Slopestyle. And now he's on his way to the Olympics. Dave has special interest in Nick because he comes from Indiana. How does a skier from Indiana make it to the Olympics? It's not quite a ski haven. Nick says he had a small ski hill by his house of no more than a 350-foot elevation. He crammed the 3 months it was open with around the clock fun and ski. And when he was 11 years old, he completed his first backflip on skis. His first intended backflip, at least. After that, he was hooked. He practiced for hours at a sport that wasn't yet invented. Slopestyle is like skateboarding on skis, with jumps and flips and riding the rails. It really chews up your skis, but that's where sponsorship comes in. This is the first year slopestyle is an Olympic event and Nick feels the X-Games sports bring in a totally new demographic. The teens love it. The teens love it because they are too young to know better. That X-Games stuff is dangerous, says this parent. But it is darn exciting.
Nick Goepper - he'll be back here in a couple weeks with an Olympic Gold around his neck.

ACT 5:
ANNOUNCE: "Visit us again tomorrow when Dave welcomes Drew Brees, B.J. Novak, Against Me, and a special Top Ten List with NBA Commissioner David Stern. Good News! Hell now has wi-fi. Back after this.

ACT 6:
Dave still feels bad about Regis. Paul tries to ease his troubled feelings by saying, "Well, you should." Dave realizes that instead of just ruining one show tonight, he's ruined two.

BASTILLE
From their debut album, "Bad Blood," the popular England band performed "Bad Blood." Dave admired the drummer's t-shirt: "These are my drums."

And that was our show for Tuesday, January 28, 2014.
Dr. Phil is on the show Thursday night. I suspect Dave will want some answers as to why he (Dave) sabotaged Regis.

I was asked what music my 18-year-old twin daughters listen to. I thought about it and had to admit I didn't really know. They do all their listening on their iphone/ipad/machines with an earplug shoved in their ear. I, thankfully, never get to hear it. But before they go to college, I really want them to discover Janis Joplin. Listening to music used to be a social thing. Now it seems to isolate.

Sochi Olympic security costs . . . . does former New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg still think it was a good idea to attempt to get the summer Olympics to NYC?

We have a Keurig coffee machine in the 12 floor kitchen area here at the Late Show. You put a coffee pod in and out comes the single coffee. Question: what is the proper Keurig etiquette? Do I remove my pod after the coffee is dispensed while it is still hot, or do I leave it and let the next person take it out. And then that person would leave theirs . . . and so on. Or am I expected to remove my own pod, and possibly burning my fingers, so the next person has an empty machine waiting?

See? I told you! But I bet you didn't believe me. What did I say about "Downton Abbey"?
January 6, 2014; #3960: "Oh, and 'Downton Abbey' is turning into 'Gossip Girl' without the social media."
I also wrote about "Gossip Girl": "And every problem and misunderstanding starts with an overheard cell phone conversation."
So this past week's "Downton" episode finds Bates overhearing a private conversation. He then discovers why his wife has been acting so strange. He now has death-raged revenge in his heart. "This isn't over" he murmurs as he walks off. And this all stemmed from his overhearing a private conversation. If "Downton Abbey" took place today, he would have overheard a cellphone conversation.

Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
Twitter: @WahooMike

Tonight's Guests

Rosie O’Donnell
Jeff Altman

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