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Wednesday, February 5, 2014 Sorry girls, they're gray.
Show #3981
Matt Damon, and Lenny Kravitz.
PLUS: Dave's socks; The Lego Movie; Christie unhappy; Toby Mendez; trouble in Sochi; New York City snow; and a Top Ten list.

" . . . and now, wearing the face that he keeps in a jar . . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1:
MONOLOGUE

-"If you remember where you were when the Beatles first appeared on the Ed Sullivan Theater 50 years ago, that means you're due for a colonoscopy."
- "Many of the Olympic Game facilities in Sochi are still not ready. Odd thing at their hotels. Instead of being left a mint or chocolate on the pillow, they leave a potato."

Dave references his socks. THEY ARE NOT WHITE! During the pre-show, a woman asked about Dave's white socks. Dave shows off his socks. They are indeed gray . . . and they're knee-high. Since they are knee-high, shouldn't they be grape color? Hey-Ohhhh!

Excited for the new Lego movie? If you have kids, you should be. We have a clip to get you all excited with anticipation.
ANNOUNCE: "It's the film you've been waiting for since childhood. Get ready for ‘The Lego Movie.'"
We see the lower portion of an adult on his/her knees putting the strewn Lego pieces back into the Lego bucket.
ANNOUNCE: "Assembling February 7."

Back at the house, this is how Dave puts away the Legos . . . . he then mimes shoveling, like a man shoveling coal. ODD DAVE. It's not all that odd, but I want to keep it for my notes. Someday I may get the question, "Remember that time Dave was pretending to shovel?"

The New York Times ran a story about Bridge-gate that Chris Christie thought was unfair. Yup, all this is the fault of the New York Times. We take a look at the Governor's response.
ANNOUNCE: "The office of Governor Chris Christie is extremely displeased with the sloppy reporting displayed by ‘The New York Times,' in their coverage of the accusations made by former Port Authority chief, David Wildstein. The governor would also like to take this opportunity to highlight a few other things he believes are sloppy. . . . . meatloaf with gravy, nachos, barbecue ribs, meat lover's pizza, buffalo wings, hot fudge sundaes and chili dogs.
New Jersey governor Chris Christie: Get under the bus."

What is . . . Tony . . . what is that? What are you doing?
We see Tony in a fake mustache over his mustache.
TONY: "I'm Toby Mendez, Tony Mendez's twin brother."
DAVE: "Toby Mendez. You're the twin brother of our Tony Mendez."
TOBY: "Yes. I'm new in town and I'm here to look for my grandfather's fortune . . . . . and I'm looking for love."
Toby turns to another camera and gives a suggestive leer. Mexican-like guitar music is heard.
DAVE makes fun of Tony's fake mustache and wonders why Tony couldn't just ink it on with his pen.
TONY: (disgusted and tired of waiting for his cue from Dave): "Oh, screw it!" (rips off his fake mustache) "Just read the next one, Beverly."
Tony forgets to go back to the other camera with a sexual ogle. He forgot, that is, until he once again heard the Mexican-like guitar strum.
He quickly turns and gives a suggestive look.
$50 billion for the Olympics and still Sochi isn't ready. Things are so bad that Vladimir Putin can't afford a shirt. Oh, no!
Dave calls for the shirtless montage of Russian President Vladimir Putin. I laugh whenever I see this because I know how many people aren't. This to them is like the Kars for Kids commercial on the radio for me.

And there may be a reason why the facilities in Olympic Village aren't ready. Sochi came out with this announcement.
ANNOUNCE: "The Olympics are set to begin on Friday, but construction crews in Sochi are still racing to complete work on everything from roads to hotels. When asked to explain the delays, Vladimir Putin admitted that in retrospect, it was a mistake to fire his construction foreman for being gay."
Cut to a clip of the Village People's "YMCA." One of the Village characters is a construction worker.
I knew of the Village People long before YMCA. In college, the Dark Horse, a very popular bar, would close the night with the Village People's "San Francisco."

ACT 2:
Snowfall in New York City . . . there is nothing like it. It's so peaceful, so beautiful, so picturesque . . . . for about an hour. Then it turns to this . . . Dave reveals a glass bowl of New York City snow. It is brown with soot and dirt and grime. Dave picks at a piece and looks as if he was about to eat it . . . but doesn't.

TOP TEN: SIGNS SOCHI ISN'T READY FOR THE OLYMPICS – Dave shares some tales of what is going on over there in Sochi. If you go, you can expect your laptop and stuff to be hacked. Other problems, from the blue card:
-Hotels have no water or pillows, and the toilets don't flush.
-The streets are still being paved.
-Stray dogs and cats are running wild. For this reason, Dave suggests that if you are going to the Games, don't try the tacos.

SIGNS SOCHI ISN'T READY FOR THE OLYMPICS
10. Caterers just cancelled
9. Electronic surveillance of hotel rooms not yet installed
8. Medals will arrive in six to eight weeks
7. Don't know which currency to accept for bribes
6. Frantically reconfiguring luge to prevent contact between same-sex athletes
5. Fans encouraged to park in Armenia
4. Organizers waiting for Earth's tectonic plates to form ski mountain
3. Plenty of Bobs, no sleds
2. Putin still undecided on what shirt not to wear
1. Housed the stray dogs and neutered the athletes

ACT 3:
Before introducing Mr. Damon, Dave drops a piece of New York City snow into his coffee mug.

MATT DAMON
Will he or won't he? Will he drink from the mug or not? Damon picks up the mug, brings it up to his mouth, and then . . . decides not. Good thing he was watching.
Matt and family have deserted New York and the northeast for the warm climes of Los Angeles. He's gone from actor to shuttle bus driver for his 4 daughters. Bet he's got a minivan.
What did Matt think of the Super Bowl? Matt if a big Patriots fan and says, "I'm just glad that whole quarterback situation is all settled." For those not in the know, there continues to be a debate over who is the best quarterback of the generation. Is it the Broncos' Peyton Manning or is it the Patriots' Tom Brady? After Manning's performance in the Super Bowl, the discussion isn't as heated.
Matt and a slew of other top-rated A-listers star in the new film, "The Monuments Men." Working with George Clooney is always an adventure. He likes the pranks. Dave isn't much of a fan of pranks; nor is Matt. Who has the time? But George Clooney has nothing but time. Matt received two huge fruit arrangements following the Golden Globe Awards from Tina Fey and Amy Poehler. Matt was the butt of some of their jokes. Matt believes the baskets were an apology following the letter he wrote to them expressing his hurt feelings based on the jokes. But . . . he never wrote them a letter. He believes George Clooney wrote to them pretending to be Matt. The first fruit basket was an apology. The 2nd fruit basket mentioned that they suspected the "I am hurt/Matt Damon" letter was the work of George Clooney. Either way, Matt now has more fruit than he knows what to do with.
Matt and Dave then discuss the tragic death of Philip Seymour Hoffman. Damon worked with him in "The Talented Mr. Ripley" and was awed by his concentration and focus in his performance. Matt was shocked to learn of the news, never aware of his use of drugs.

"The Monuments Men" – it opens Friday. Everybody's in it.

ACT 5:
ANNOUNCE:

(copier's down. Gotta go fix it.)

ACT 7:
LENNY KRAVITZ
: for Beatles tribute week, Lenny Kravitz performed "Get Back."

I like me the Lenny Kravitz. Saw his on SNL and bought the CD the next day. I'll have to add it to my "hot box" of CDs I take with me on outings. It's the CD with "Cab Driver" on it. No, not the Mills Brothers version.

And that was our show for Wednesday, February 5, 2014.

Kudos to Mr. Donz. The sharp-eared, old-glasses Don Giller caught the opening announce of "wearing the face that he keeps in a jar." It comes from the Beatles "Eleanor Rigby." Thanks for listening!

I know I went on a bit much yesterday about my early A.M. drive in to work through the snow and the sleet, but the way the news carried on non-stop well through noon was a bit over the top. It reminded me of Dorothy chastising the Cowardly Lion
My goodness, what a fuss you're making . . . why, you're nothing but a great big coward."

My daughter Dominique is reading "Go Ask Alice." I told her about "White Rabbit" by Jefferson Airplane. I'm not sure I got through to her. I don't think she understands the spoken word; only text.
I sent her a link of a performance of "White Rabbit" by the Airplane on the Smothers Brothers. It was good to see once again.

I have more . . . but see ACT 5.

Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
Twitter: @WahooMike

Tonight's Guests

Seth Rogen
Amy Sedaris
Sam Hunt

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