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Wednesday, February 19, 2014 President Obama tries to make nice with the Art History majors.
Show #3986
Kaitlyn Farrington, Lupita Nyong’o, and Little Dragon.
PLUS: Obama helps out; Dave impersonates; a new Olympic event; what’s doing at the “Today” show; Sports Highlights Were Allowed To Show; Dave recreates the Opening Ceremonies; a debate about “Sochi”; a Top Ten List; and where to buy your snow shovels.

“ . . . and now, here come his twizzles . . . . . . David Letterman!”

ACT 1:
MONOLOGE:

-“President Obama met with the leaders of Canada and Mexico. Mexico’s economy is hurting because the U.S. is cutting its dependence on foreign weed.”
-“Justin Bieber changed his name to Bizzle. I don’t give a shizzle.” Whoa! We had to bleep “shizzle”? What the fuzzle is going on here?
-“Charlie Sheen and his porn star fiancée are to get married. They are registered at the Centers for Disease Control.”

Let’s check in on Washington DC to see what’s going on at the White House. We see the President posing nude for the local community art club. Huh? It was an amusing visual, but it may have been useful to include the set up: President Obama made an offhand remark about college Art History majors. They got mad and now the President is trying to make up to them.

Like impersonations? Like the sound effects? Dave hum/buzzes the sound of Barbara Walters personal pleasuring device. ODD DAVE? Yeah, I guess so. He does it a number of times through the monologue.

Have you been following the Olympics? It’s fun to see and discover the new events every four years. Did you see the Men’s Freestyle Hot-Air Balloon Speed Tightrope Walking? We see Danny Wayne of the United States stumbling on the tightrope and falling to his death. But he did get a bronze for his effort.

Hey, let’s take a look at what’s happening at the Today show right now. We cut to Al Roker impersonating a gobbling turkey.

I’m now being told Al Roker was impersonating a “fast forwarding” sound. We report, you decide.

It’s a shame that NBC is so tight with their footage of the Winter Olympics. They won’t let any of the other networks get their hands on it. But we will not be stopped. Tonight, we present footage of sporting events we are allowed to show.
ART CARD: SPORTS HIGHLIGHTS WE’RE ALLOWED TO SHOW
We see a monkey ice dancing; singles and then in pairs. What we saw may have been the first time a twizzle was ever performed. And who was that monkey/chimp? None other than Lancelot Link.

I’m now being told that may not have been Lancelot Link.

ACT 2:
Dave is still enjoying the fact that Russia had problems with their Olympic opening ceremonies. Good for them. The head guy, Vladimir Putin, is known for hurting people just for kicks, so it was fun to see his big opening night come up short. To recap, the ceremonies presented five snowflakes that grew into the 5 Olympic rings. Fireworks were supposed to follow. One of the snowflakes malfunctioned and didn’t mature into a ring, resulting in a failure of the pyrotechnic fireworks to detonate. We take a look at a photo the wee little snowflake along with the 4 Olympic rings. Dave decides to show us how it was supposed to go. We see the four Olympic rings and the lone snowflakes appear over Dave . . . and then the wee snowflake grows bigger and bigger, and the snowflake gets thinner and thinner until it looks just like the other 4 Olympic rings just the way it was supposed to. Ta da! Dave’s face is inside the top middle ring. If you want something done right, get an American to do it.

Dave continues to talk about the Olympics in Sochi. Behind Dave enters a man who tries to get Dave’s attention with an accented, “Hey! Hey!”
Dave turns and asks the man in the Siberian winter hat and clothing what he wants.
RUSSIAN: (thick accent) “It’s ‘Sochi.’ ‘Sochi.’”
He apparently wasn’t pleased with the way Dave was pronouncing Sochi.
DAVE: “That’s right, Sochi.”
RUSSIAN: “No . . . ‘Sochi.’”
DAVE: “Yes. Sochi.”
RUSSIAN: “No . . . . Sochi!”
This goes back and forth for a while; longer than scripted.
DAVE: “I think we’re saying the same thing . . . Sochi.”
RUSSIAN: “NO! Different! ‘Sochi’. Stupid American!”
DAVE: “You’re saying it wrong! Sochi!”
DAVE: “Sochi!”
RUSSIAN: “Stupid American!”
DAVE: “Stupid hat!”
RUSSIAN: “No, good hat!”
The Russian then becomes very upset. He exits to the guest entrance mumbling in sobbing tones: “I should have never left Russia. I had a perfect life. I had a girlfriend. I played chess. I had a house. I had a car that seated eight people. I ate big meals. I had collared shirts. I had a big, leather chair. . . . “

TOP TEN: QUESTIONS PEOPLE HAVE ABOUT HOT POCKETS – Nestlé’s has recalled their Hot Pockets after it was fear some of their products may have been made with diseased and unhealthy animals. It’s unfortunate, but Dave says isn’t that we all kinda thought all along anyway?
QUESTIONS PEOPLE HAVE ABOUT HOT POCKETS
4. “Can I have the recalled Hot Pockets?”

Going into commercial, we see the Russian stomping east on the 53rd Street as he starts his angry trek back to Brighton Beach.

ACT 3:
KAITLYN FARRINGTON

Gold Medalist at Sochi. I pitched the idea to reprise the Russian guy during Dave’s intro of Kaitlyn when he mentioned “Sochi”. I got a big laugh, accompanied with “Oh, nooooooo!” But I sort of talked my idea out of it when I saw Kaitlyn’s intro would be covered with photos of her Olympic victory. If the shot was on Dave during the intro, it may have worked.

Kaitlyn Farrington of Idaho, now living in Utah, won the Gold in Women’s Snowboarding Halfpipe. She started skiing at three and soon went to snowboarding when her big sister tried it. Kaitlyn, like many of us, want to be just like our older sibling. I wonder how many Olympic champions are first-borns compared to siblings down the line. I figure younger siblings get an earlier start than first-borns. Donz? Oh, sorry, Donz, that’s not your area.

On the snowboard, the lefty Kaitlyn puts her right foot forward. Dave is surprised by this, figuring a lefty would have their left foot forward, and a righty their right. I don’t think Dave’s right on this. Wait . . . let me change that. I don’t think Dave is right on this. I’m a righty and I lead with my left foot when in a boxing stance; when skateboarding; when surfing. I think it’s natural to have your weak leg forward. Donz? Oops, sorry. I used that joke already.

Kaitlyn was the last snowboarder to qualify for her gold medal-winning event. During the trials, she heard over the loudspeaker, “Kaityln Farrington has to win this contest is she wants to be on the Olympic team.” Lots of pressure. But she ended up winning the event and here we are. She and her family were very excited about making the team but weren’t the epitome of confidence going in. They were just happy to be there. In fact, they made no plans to attend the medal ceremonies. They had hockey tickets instead, or something like that. Plans had to be gleefully changed.

Going into her final Olympic run, Kaitlyn figured she had nothing to lose and decided to “send it.” Sage Kotsenburg used that, too . . . “send it.” I’m going to start using that around the house. I hope to sound ‘rad’ to my kids.

Now that she’s won a Gold, will Kaitlyn continue to snowboard in competition? Kaitlyn says she has nothing else to do, so why not?

ACT 4:
Back from commercial, we see this commercial:
ANNOUNCE: (over footage of snow shovelers) “Is your snow shovel brittle, broken, or just plain bad? Then you need a Mid-Valley Snow Shovel! Mid-Valley Snow Shovels are the best on the market, but don’t take our word for it. Here is celebrity spokesperson Dave Letterman.”
Cut to Dave by the window to the desk’s left. Dave is holding a Mid-Valley snow shovel.
DAVE: “Listen to this sound!” He whacks the snow shovel on the window’s ledge. “Wonderful, isn’t it?”
ANNOUNCE: “Mid-Valley Snow Shovels: Every kiss begins with a Mid-Valley snow shovel.”

Tonight’s inductee into the Backstage PhotoClub . . . Writer’s Researcher Tom Foster. We see Tom sweeping the stage floor as if holding a curling broom. Yes, this was from Monday’s rehearsal. Not seen is me inches away.

ACT 5:
ANNOUNCE: “Join Dave again tomorrow as he welcomes U.S. Men’s Slopestyle skiers, Joss Christensen, Gus Kenworthy, and Nick Goepper; Keri Russell; and Terry Fator. Air fresheners? Am I really the only one who enjoys musty odors?”

ACT 6:
LUPITA NYONG’O

She’s nominated for an Academy Award for her work in “12 Years a Slave.” Dave asks if he got the pronunciation of her name correct. I held my breath . . . . and, yes, Lupita says Dave got it right. DING!
I usually go to multiple sources when looking for pronunciations. I first get it from research; then I do some of my own research to make sure I heard it right. Whenever there is a pronunciation question, it reminds me of a game of “Telephone.” It originates over the phone to research, research relays it to me, I relay it to someone, and that someone relays it to Dave. I try to cut down the steps to Dave by finding the person saying their own name on a YouTube and then sending the link to the person who tells Dave. I found a great “Lupita Nyong’O” clip.
-Loo-PEE-tah nee-YONG-o
Lupita was kind of easy. Nyong’o was a bit harder. You had to slide the “nee” and “yong” together to make it sound like one syllable . . . “nyong.” Then you just throw on the “O” at the end. And I’ve learned that since many names and words are Anglicized, they might as well be spelled exactly as they sound, so “Nyong’o” shouldn’t be that hard. There . . . did I waste enough of your time yet?
Lupita – The “loo’ part means “to follow.” Her father’s name is Peter, so Lupita sorta means “To follow Peter.”
Lupita has a fascinating childhood story of being born in Mexico, taking her first steps while living in Queens, New York, and growing up in Kenya. She and her sister moved back to Mexico when she was 16 to learn Spanish. When my daughters were 16, I let them go to the mall by themselves for the first time. Lupita learned English from watching Charlie Brown. She loved the Charlie Brown series; her favorite character being Linus Van Pelt. Show of hands . . . . how many people knew that Linus’ last name was Van Pelt? I don’t think I could come up with Van Pelt, but I would get it right in a multiple choice.
Acting? Lupita says she always liked to create and make up stories. She created elaborate tales to her mother even at a young age. Dave says that her acting, therefore, stems from a childhood of telling lies. Lupita laughs and says, “I didn’t feel as if I was lying, just living in a different reality.”
Sounds like she used that excuse with her mom and dad before.

The quite lovely Lupita Nyong’o is my pick for Best Supporting Actress. We’ll find out March 2nd.

ACT 7:
LITTLE DRAGON

From their yet-to-be released album, “Nabuma Rubberband,” Little Dragon performed “Klapp Klapp.” A concerned Dave says of the album, Nabuma Rubberband, “I hope I’m pronouncing that right . . . Rubberband?” I chuckled, mostly because the night’s work was almost over.

And that was our show for Wednesday, February 19, 2014.

As soon as you stop reading this, turn on the women’s gold medal ice hockey game between the U.S. and Canada. I have a local on the team. From the next town over, Pearl River, New York’s Josephine Pucci, #24, will lead the defense in keeping Canada off the scoreboard. Everyone in town is excited. The kids at her grammar school, St. Margaret’s, are really excited because they set up the school auditorium to watch the 12-noon game. And maybe that means no homework if Pucci and the U.S. win.
Go Pucci, in Sochi!

Oooh, a day off!? Thank you, Donz!
LATE NIGHT THE DAY THEY WERE BORN:
Kaitlyn Farrington was born December 18, 1989.
What happened on LATE NIGHT the day Kaitlyn Farrington was bon?
LATE NIGHT, December 18, 1989: repeat of December 20, 1988.
LATE NIGHT, December 20, 1988 (#1071): Dr. Ruth Westheimer, John Malkovich, and Robben Ford (performed "Talk to Your Daughter"). Also: Christmas in New York Quiz, a promo for Paul's upcoming impression of Cher's "O Holy Night," and the Top Ten Least Popular Christmas Gifts:

10. Andre-the-Giant Champagne
9. Hickory Farms Smoked Gristle Assortment 8. Phil Donahue's "A Boy's First Dress"
7. An hour of free advertising on CBS
6. The Jimmy Swaggart Pop-up Book
5. Angry-Live-Bird-in-a-Bag from Hartz Mountain
4. Dan Rather Lather Skin Bracer for Men
3. The Living Weasel Wallet
2. Al Sharpton Hairstyling Spackle
1. Isotoner Diapers

And that's what happened on LATE NIGHT the day Kaitlyn Farrington was born.

***ANOTHER BONUS LATE NIGHT The Day They Were Born***

Lupita Nyong'o was born March 1, 1983.
What happened on LATE NIGHT the day Lupita Nyong'o was born?
LATE NIGHT, March 1, 1983 (#192): Father Guido Sarducci and Richard Price (author of "The Breaks" and "The Wanderers"). Also, a People Poll and a call to Paula, who hates the show; a Parody to M*A*S*H Goodbye; Dave's Bean-O-Rama, and Dave welcomes back WMDB guitarist Hiram Bullock, who had broken his leg after attending Randy Brecker's wedding. Also, Hiram's mom is in the audience. Bumped tonight was usherette Thelma Moore, who finally appeared on the show two weeks later, on March 15, 1983.

And that's what happened on LATE NIGHT the day Lupita Nyong'o was born.

***YET ANOTHER BONUS LATE NIGHT the Day They Were Born***

Little Dragon's lead vocalist Yukimi Nagano was born January 31, 1982. What happened on LATE NIGHT the day Yukimi Nagano was born?
LATE NIGHT, January 31, 1982: January 31, 1982, fell on a Sunday. There was no LATE NIGHT aired that night.
What happened on LATE NIGHT the day after Yukimi Nagano was born?

LATE NIGHT, February 1, 1982 (#1): It's LATE NIGHT's debut broadcast, with Bill Murray performing "Let's Get Physical, and Don Herbert (Mr. Wizard) not burning Dave's hand. Warren Zevon is bumped but finally first appears on the show September 27, 1982. Also: a Cold Open with Calvert DeForest spoofing the film introduction of "Frankenstein," a tour of the studio, clips of Metal Joining throughout the bumpers, a Shame of the City remote, and Steve Fessler reciting dialogue from "Bowery at Midnight."

And that's what happened the day after Yukimi Nagano was born.

Late Night and Yukimi were nearly born on the same day. How ‘bout that!

Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
Twitter: @WahooMike

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