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Friday, February 21, 2014 Pauley Perrette and Dave if they shaved their heads.
Show #3988
Pauley Perrette, Jeff Caldwell, and Lake Street Dive.
PLUS: CBS - Home of the Squaw Valley Olympics; What's That Buzzing Sound?; Note from Charlie Sheen; What to Expect at the Closing Ceremonies; Charts and Graphs; and a Top Ten List.

" . . . and now, pumped to glide the pow pow . . . . . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1:
MONOLOGUE:
- "Tough decision this weekend. Ice dancing . . . . or the Daytona 500?"
- "It's George Washington's birthday on Saturday. It was tough for George being the first President. He couldn't blame everything on his predecessor."
- "Charlie Sheen is marrying an adult film sta. She fell for his pickup line: 'How much?'"

During the monologue, Dave is interrupted by a fly-in graphic and announce: "CBS - home of the 1960 Squaw Valley Winter Olympic Games. "
We'll take what we can.

What's that? You hear that? That . . . buzzing . . . that humming buzzing sound. What is it? Can you hear it? The buzzing continues when we cut to a shot of Barbara Walters who seems to be . . . . enjoying herself. By the expression on her face . . . she looks . . . yeah . . . to be enjoying herself.
I guess that explains the buzzing sound. Dave suggests, "Let's not do that again." Many agree.

Charlie Sheen announced this week that he's getting married. Dave shows off this odd note he received in the mail today.
It's a "Save This Date" message - "Save the date for the wedding of Charlie Sheen and porn star TDB, April 27, 2014."

Against his better judgment if he had any, Dave asks if we could take another look at Barbara one more time. We all turn away but peek anyway. After a few seconds, Dave says, "I think we've seen plenty." I hope he means it.

The 2014 Winter Olympics end up this Sunday. Sochi's Opening Ceremonies ran into a snafu. The following is what we might expect during the Closing Ceremonies. We take a look.
We see the 5 Olympic rings. They begin to shrink back into the size and shape of smaller snowflakes as they were during the Opening Ceremony . . . all but one of them. One Olympic ring remains unchanged. The lone Olympic ring begins to wobble, then falls and crashes into the ground. Moments later, the 4 snowflakes do the same. I doubt if Vladimir will be Putin up with any more of this nonsense.

ACT 2:
It's Friday night, so you know what that means . . . it's time for CHARTS AND GRAPHS
1. REASONS YOU BUY THE SPORTS ILLUSTRATED SWIMSUIT ISSUE
70% - the photos
28% - the articles
2% - the staples

2. TOYS THAT SHOULDN'T BE MADE INTO A MOVIE
12% - Silly Putty
17% - Yo-Yo
71% - Barbara Walters' personal device

3. MOST SOUGHT AFTER DESIGNERS FOR RED CARPET FASHIONS
46% - Versace
49% - Gucci
5% - OshKosh B'Gosh

4. MOST POPULAR SPELLINGS OF THE NAME "GREG"
80% - Greg
19% - Gregg
1% - GGGGGGGGGGreggggg

5. FAVORITE BEATLE
35% - Paul
31% - John
23% - George
10% - Ringo
1% - Mungo

6. MOST APPRECIATED FEATURES OF THE MONA LISA
45% - Smile suggests innocence and mischievousness
34% - curves of hair and clothing echo the valleys and rivers behind her
21% - her 1980 Oakland Raiders Super Bowl ring

7. IF YOU HAD TO LIVE IN A WORLD WITH ONLY CHARTS OR GRAPHS, WHICH WOULD YOU CHOOSE?
20% - Charts
20% - Graphs
60% - I'd choose death

8. AND THE OSCAR GOES TO . . .
99% - Meryl Streep
1% - Judi Dench . . no, wait. I'm sorry, Meryl Streep.

9. FUNNIEST ROMAN NUMERALS
50% - LIX
50% - DIX

ACT 3:
PAULEY PERRETTE
From the CBS "NCIS." She also has something to do with the Grammys, but even she is not sure what. She thinks it's something called, "Social Networking Ambassador." She loves music and loves reporting on the Grammy at the scene.
Pauley got her start in show biz right here in New York as a model and working in music videos. When she grew tired of the modeling, she went fully into the music videos. He cut her hair into a Mohawk, and then cut it all off. She went bald for a video and was totally fine with it. She even liked the carefree and easy baldness. Dave has contemplated about shaving his head. He's never liked his hair; never knew what to do with it. He thought of shaving it but he doesn't know what his head looks like. You have to have the right kind of head to have it look good shaved. Pauley advises, "There's a good chance you'll find out in good time." During this "bald" talk, I can hear the Control Room working on a few things. Dave talks about the hair he had as a kid and how him mom would slather on the Butch Wax to keep it down and tamed. More talk about bald and more calls being made by the Control Room. Pauley says that you lose 60% of your body heat through your head. Dave snaps, "That's a lie! That's a lie perpetrated by the hat industry!" T
he Control Room gets word that it is ready. They throw up a contemporary photo of Dave as a bald man. And Dave loves it. He says if he knew his head would look like that, Dave would shave his head tomorrow. We then put up a photo of Pauley Perrette with a bald head. She is not at all pleased at how she comes out. And I don't blame her. Her head looks dented, and bumpy . . . . or maybe just full of cellulite. Not good. Of course with more time, our graphics department could have found a better bald to put on her. Just about the entire segment had to do with bald heads, something not found on the question list. Those are my favorite interviews. "NCIS" - the number one drama series on TV today! Find it Tuesday nights at 8:00 PM on CBS.

ACT 4:
TOP TEN: OTHER NICKNAMES JUSTIN BIEBER IS CONSIDERING
- Justin recently announced he wanted to change his name to Bizzle. Rap Artist, Lethal Bizzle, complained that he had it first. Now it looks like Justin will have to look for a new nickname.

OTHER NICKNAMES JUSTIN BIEBER IS CONSIDERING
10. Fizzle
9. Mop Bucket Whizzle
8. Jay-ZZZZZZZZZZZ
7. Benedizzle Cumberbazzle
6. Plagiarizzle
5. The Notorious B.R.A.T.
4. Feminem
3. Tiki Bieber
2. Justin-Carcerated
1. Dumbazz

Tonight's inductee into the Backstage PhotoClub: from video tape - Tom Ineson.

ACT 5:
ANNOUNCE: "We're back at it Monday with Dave and his guests Kaley Cuoco, the winner of the 2014 Daytona 500, and The Fray. You won't know where, you won't know when, but I'm going to do something that will have absolutely no effect on you."

ACT 6:
ODD DAVE! Before introducing the comedian, Dave places a blue card on the bridge of his nose under his glasses. The card remains. He takes great delight in discovering what he can achieve when he puts his mind to it.

JEFF CALDWELL
Steroids and amphetamines banned from baseball. Is that really a good idea?
The free breakfast at your hotel . . not just any breakfast . . . a continental breakfast! But which continent?
The home gym . . for those who don't have the discipline to drive 5 minutes to a local gym. And how to get the best workout from your home gym.
And the tattoo revolution. Happy to have missed it.
Jeff Caldwell: performing at Comedy Off Broadway in Lexington, Kentucky from April 2nd to the 5th.

ACT 7:
LAKE STREET DIVE
From their new album, "Bad Self Portraits," after having met at the New England Conservatory of Music, Lake Street Dive performed "Bad Self Portraits." I liked 'em. I sensed a bit of Bonnie Raitt.

And that was our show for Friday February 21, 2014.

Uh oh, is there a judging controversy in the Olympics? Did a skater get squeezed to allow a Russian to win? In any sport, when judging comes into question, it all becomes professional wrestling.

I took the bus into work this morning. Learned two things:
1. a guy on a bus talking loudly non-stop is very annoying.
2. A guy on a bus talking loudly non-stop in a foreign language so you can't eavesdrop is even more annoying.
Oh, and if you think driving over potholes on a bus is annoying, try doing a crossword puzzle.
I always like to look at a list of what celebrities share my birthday. Somehow I think it'll change from year to year. The best I come up with is Kelsey Grammer, Tyne Daly, and Erma Bombeck. And then I like to look to see who shares the exact same birthday as me - February 21, 1958. I have singer Mary Chapin Carpenter, actor Jack Coleman, and my favorite, famed Detroit Tigers shortstop Alan Trammell. I remember the day Alan Trammell was named the American League's Most Valuable Player. On that day, I went 1 for 3 on an infield single in a fall-ball softball league.

I'm familiar with Mary Chapin Carpenter, but who is Jack Coleman?

From the Wiki: "In 2013, he played the closeted gay husband Daniel Douglas Langston of conservative Vice President Sally Langston on 'Scandal'"

Here's something I never thought of asking: Anybody out there born 56 years ago today in Yonkers General?

I never thought of this, either. In order to impress anyone with his invention of the telephone, Alexander Graham Bell had to make two of them.

Do you have any friends or family who are big NASCAR fans? Do what I do. Wait for the beginning of the Daytona 500 this Sunday afternoon. Just before the start . . . about a minute before the flag is dropped to start the race . . . . give that big NASCAR fan a call on their home phone. When his wife picks up the phone, tell her you want to talk to your friend just to chat. Listen for the reaction in the background when she relays the message. Oh, what fun!

Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
Twitter: @WahooMike


Wahoo Gazette Archive

Saturday, December 20
Let the holidays begin!
Wednesday, December 17
Willie Nelson gets a bad batch of brownies.
Tuesday, December 16
Dave presents a furry gift to Charli XCX.
Monday, December 15
Emma Stone and Dave go nuts with the selfies.
Saturday, December 13
Jamie Foxx and Dave partying together? That'd be dope.