CBS

Search By Date
M T W Th F
Saturday, March 8, 2014 President Obama goes pec-to-pec with Putin.
Show #3998
Mary-Louise Parker, Lenny Marcus, and Joan Jett and The Blackhearts.
PLUS: Shirtless Vladimir; Shirtless Barak; Putin's Press Conference; Pat and Little Pat; Barbara Bush on Oprah; Lindsay Lohan's Reality show; Fun Facts; and a Top Ten List.

" . . . and now, something from the meat case . . . . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1:
MONOLOGUE
- "1,100 Radio Shacks are closing down. Now where will I get parts for my Scientology E-meter?"

It's Friday, so you know what that means, it's time for the Shirtless Vladimir Putin Montage. We watch the montage of shirtless Vladimir Putin, with some new shots added. We often also play this on Mondays and Tuesdays.

And Wednesday.

Speaking of Putin, he sat down the other day for an hour-long news conference to address the crisis in Ukraine. At one point, the Russian President seemed to go off message. We take a look.
PUTIN: "Look, it's not that I have anything against shirts in particular, but if you're a shop owner, you don't hide your best merchandise behind a curtain . . . no, you put it right in the front window. In other countries, you wear shirts. In Russia, shirts wear you."

And Thursdays, too.

Pat and Little Pat enter and can be seen hanging flyers around stage. They are in matching wardrobe.
DAVE: "Excuse me, guys. What are you doing?"
PAT: "Hi, Dave. You probably already heard but there's a guacamole shortage."
(Little Pat is standing closest to Dave, staring at him, saying nothing)
DAVE: "Yes. I heard weather patterns may affect avocado growth, but I think . . ."
PAT: (interrupting) "It's a huge story, and as luck would have it, Little Pat and I actually play in guacamole tribute band."
DAVE: "Really? A guacamole tribute band . . ."
PAT: "That's right. We're playing a big benefit this Saturday at the VFW in Rahway, New Jersey. I hope you can make it." (Pat hands Dave a flyer)
DAVE: "Pat, I have to ask . . . what's a guacamole tribute band?"
PAT: "We play all the famous songs about guacamole; 'Stairway to Guacamole,' 'Blue Guacamole Shoes,' "Hotel Guacamole' . . . . ."
DAVE: "Oh, I see, you just changed some popular songs titles to include the word 'guacamole'"
Pat and Little Pat say nothing.
LITTLE PAT: " . . . . . . . .. Drop dead, ass face."
Pat and Little Pat exit.

Pat and Little Pat . . . . I see some Penn and Teller in them.

Did you hear Lindsay Lohan has a new reality series? We take a look at a clip. Oh, dear Lindsay . . . it's a prison riot!
Oh, why not? We had the footage of a prison riot. We just put a new caption on it.

Former First Lady Barbara Bush has been making the rounds on TV this past week. First she was on FOX News with Steve Doocy, and then she appeared with Oprah. Oprah, quite surprisingly, was tough on her. We take a look.
We see Ms. Bush responding to a question from Oprah. Oprah responds: "You need to cut the bull-djoy." Wow! Yes, I was as shocked as Barbara Bush. Oh, that's right . . . Oprah is on cable now. She can say that.

Republicans say that Putin intimidates President Obama. They say Obama can't handle the shirtless Putin. He's afraid to stand up to him. The shirtless Putin is an intimidating force, but Obama finally is fighting back. Did you see our President at the press conference today? We look.
We see President Obama at a podium . . I mean, lectern . . . . he is answering all the questions . . . . shirtless. President Obama is shirtless, just like the Russian guy. Obama is stepping up to the challenge, and I think Putin will come to respect that.

ACT 2:
It's Friday Night, so you know what that means . . . time for Fun Facts!
- Pearls dissolve in vinegar.
- A cockroach will live nine days without its head, before it starves to death.
- The dot over the letter "I" is called a tittle.
- 1 out of 10 New Yorkers has been polled.
- Einstein made use of 40% of his brain and 90% of his mustache.
- If four cars simultaneously reach a four-way intersection, right-of-way goes to the driver who's the biggest jerk.
- Al Gore and Tommy Lee Jones were roommates in college, and again from 1996 to 1998.
- The English word with the most definitions: harmonica
- And finally, 97% of dogs are conceived out of wedlock.

ACT 3:
MARY-LOUISE PARKER
She's best known for her work on the Showtime series, "Weeds." And just yesterday she signed on for a new series on NBC to be called, "Feed Me." Mary-Louise will play an accountant for a restaurant. The show was just announced and Dave seems to know as much about as she.
Mary-Louise is the mom of two; a boy 10 and a girl 7. Dave wants to know all about the 10-year-old boy because he has one of those, too. Dave finds that whenever something goes wrong, it's his (Dave's) fault. How does Mary-Louise handle the 10-year-old when things go haywire? She says she's learned to look at raising children as if she were an anthropologist. She mentally separates herself from the situation. When you confronted with an uncontrollable tantrum, tell yourself in your head, "I am an anthropologist. I am currently observing the behavior of an adolescent in his natural habitat . . . ." and so on. You are not part of it; only an observer. Dang it! I could have used that when my girls were young. Ooh, but I can use that with Denise!
Are you a fan of "Weeds"? Mary-Louise is part of a charity raffle where you can come and cook brownies with the entire cast of "Weeds." The proceeds will benefit Hope North School in Uganda to aid the children who are caught in the middle of the terrible strife caused by the brutal civil war. The charity raffle is being conducted by the OMAZA organization. The just raffled off a night with George Clooney and it raised like a billion dollars for charity. Yes, I know "a billion dollars" is a bit of an exaggeration but how many of you are still reading this? Mary-Louise brought along some brownies. Dave shows off the platter and they did indeed look mighty tasty. You could almost hear the disappointing gasp from the staff and crew when Dave took the brownies into the audience to share with them. I was already getting a cup for milk.

www.Omaze.com/weeds Check it out.

I was aware of "Weeds" but never watched. Now my daughter Dominique has discovered it (on the NetFlix, I think) and says it's the best shows on TV. She loves it.

ACT 4:
TOP TEN: QUESTIONS ON THE EASIER S.A.T. - The college entrance, the Scholastic Aptitude Test, has been redesigned, which is said by many to now be easier.
10. A meatloaf is a loaf comprised of what?
9. What time is it? (You may use your watch)
8. Where you at Dawg? (Hey, where's the comma after "at"? And isn't "at" a preposition?)
4. Complete this People magazine crossword puzzle.
2. Write anything in this blank __________

During the Top Ten, Dave takes a break to tell a story. Back in high school, friends of his were out in the woods smoking the weed. Afterwards, they went to one of their homes. The mom had just finished baking cookies. As they dived in, one kid says to the mother, "Boy, these mother-'givl'-ers are tasty."

ACT 5:
ANNOUNCE: "Dave's back on Monday with his guests Senator John McCain, and Little Mix. I have a bone to pick with you. It's a real nice one . . . . . a deer femur."

ACT 6:
LENNY MARCUS
Funny take on the Post Office and the loads of questions just to mail a letter; people being hit by a train . . . the real story is not the people who die, but those who live to tell about it; condoms, and the snooze alarm. Lenny performs regularly at Comic Strip Live right here in New York City.

ACT 7:
JOAN JETT AND THE BLACKHEARTS
Their new album is entitled, "Unvarnished." Joan Jett and The Blackhearts performed "Any Weather." Twice. I stayed out in the audience for both. Rock and Roll the way it oughta be.

And that was our show for Friday, March 07, 2014.

I remember taking the SATs in high school. I had no idea what they were for, or if I did know I barely cared. Times have changed. The pressure the kids today put on themselves concerning this test is ridiculous. Not sure which was better; my way of thinking or theirs.
I also remember this about the SATs. A friend of mine had less interest and/or placed less importance on the test than I did, if that was possible. 20 minutes into the test I hear him "psssst"ing me. He's trying to get my attention. I pretend not to hear because I figured he wanted some answers and I, being too much a fraidy-cat, didn't want to get involved. The "psssssts, Mac . . . hey, Mac" continued until I had to look over. He was holding up his test sheet. He had filled in the circles on his answer sheet to spell out "YANKEES". Very funny, but I'm not sure the joke was worth it. But then, a joke that lives on for nearly 40 years is worth a whole whole lot in my book. Not sure where my friend is today.

Feet update: They don't feel so bad today. To catch you up, the bottom of my feet have been hurting for the past few weeks. I self-diagnosed it as planter faciitis. As with any ailment I have, I do nothing in hopes it will go away by itself. Well, this pain doesn't seem to be going away. I've noticed that my feet feel better after I drive to and from work. I'm crediting that on my feet being near the car heater. So, I'm now wrapping my feet in a heating pad. Seems to be working. We've had many heating pads in the house but none of them ever seemed to get hot enough. Denise decided to splurge and get the best. No more skimping on the heating pad, and it's been worth it. Lesson learned: when it comes to heating pads, don't skimp. Go for the best. The same holds true with hot dogs.

Dave's story about the kid who complemented his friend's mother's cookies by claiming, "these mother-'givl'-ers are tasty" reminded me of a story. 35 years ago. One of my friends was back home from college for Thanksgiving. The family has always been holy-rollers, especially the mom. Well, you pick up bad habits in college and my friend Sean was no exception. Knowing Sean, and this being Thanksgiving dinner, I figured he was either hungover and/or working on his next drunk. And then there at the table among family and friends and relatives, Sean exclaims, "Man, these are good 'givl'ing potatoes." After dinner, I think he had to phone in a confession to the Parish priest.

Saturday Is March 8th. Some dates stand out in our lives. For me, March 8th is one of those dates. March 8, 1971 was the single most highly anticipated sporting event in my lifetime. Ali-Frazier 1, the fight of the century. The build-up to that fight has never been matched. What a time, what a night. The fight actually lived up to the hype. Unforgettable. March 8th.

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
It's her birthday, one of Rosanna's Bananas, from Hendrick Hall, SUNY Cortland, now hailing from Hillsdale, New York, it's Debbie Tuczinski Campbell
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER

Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
Twitter: @WahooMike


Tonight's Guests

Brian Williams
Perfume Genius

Wahoo Gazette Archive

Tuesday, October 28
Showbiz bling: Paul wears a jacket made of real gold!
Monday, October 27
The legendary Jerry Lee Lewis can't stop singing.
Saturday, October 18
Do Alan and Foo Fighters' Pat Smear have something going on ?
Thursday, October 16
Dave takes the temperature of a home viewer.
Wednesday, October 15
Run, Bill Murray, run!