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Thursday, March 13, 2014 Wahoo's Mike McIntee does some work for the CIA.
Show #4002
THURSDAY MARCH 13, 2014. Show #4002
Bryan Cranston, Melissa Rauch, and Le1f.
PLUS: Sexy or Creepy; Monica on the SKYPE; Dianne Feinstein's Pilfered Notes; a Top Ten list; and Small Town News.

" . . . and now, worth waking up for . . . . . . . . David Letterman!

ACT 1:
MONOLOGUE
- "There was a power outage in Washington DC last night. Obama's been without power since the beginning of his second term."
- "The only light was the glow from John Boehner's face." - we see a glowing effect from Mr. Boehner's orange head. And then Dave wonders, "How do we pronounce his name again? Is it 'bayner'?" We take a look at Boehner saying over and over, "Boner. Boner. Boner. Boner." Tee hee.
- "When the lights went out, Senator John McCain tried clapping them back on."

And now it's time for something we call, "Sexy or Creepy." That used to be a bar down in the Village, too.
We take a look.
GRAPHIC: SEXY OR CREEPY?
GRAPHIC: POLE-DANCING ROBOT
We see a robot dancing on a pole. Conclusion? Inconclusive. For me, I thought it was kind of creepy, though my computer just overheated.

Hey, we're getting another SKYPE call from Monica Darby. We met her yesterday a few too many times. What does she want today?
We see Monica with her kitty cat. Monica refers to herself as "Mommy" and her kitty as "baby". Yeah, it's pretty much what I would expect from Monica. Mommy loves baby very much. Does baby love mommy? Mommy kisses baby.

And then we get another SKYPE from Monica. OK, Monica is a bit of a nuisance, but Dave doesn't have to accept the SKYPE! This is on him. We see Monica finding another one of her cats. This one is Bobby. Yup, Monica gives her cats people names. Surprised? I'm sure there are some theories for that in Psych101 text books.
And then she gets another cat, this one named George. Mommy loves George, though George doesn't seem too enamored with Monica. Monica says her kitties all have their own voice. Does anyone want to kiss mommy? That's a question to which I think we all know the answer.

California Senator Dianne Feinstein accused CIA spies of stealing documents from senators. She may be on to something. Did you see her speech the other day? We see Ms. Feinstein at a podium . . . I mean, lectern . . . she is speeching. When her attention is diverted, a CIA agent in black is lowered from the ceiling and snatches her notes off the lectern. He then is pulled up, up, and away. The CIA agent, dressed in all black, reminded me a little bit of the dancer with Future Islands.

And once again . . . . Monica.
She's still trying to get a kiss from one of her cats. She loves her cats. They are gorgeous. She loves them, and that's why she is covered in scratches. She coos to her cat, "Who's your momma?" Sad . . . . I bet Monica really thinks she is their momma. Is this really why the internet was created?

Monica is becoming the Peach Lady.

ACT 2:
TOP TEN: QUESTIONS PEOPLE HAVE ABOUT THE NEW TELEVISION SHOW "SEX BOX" - A new show from the U.K. is coming to America called "Sex Box" - a real couple enter a soundproof box, have sex, and then discuss the experience with a panel of sex experts. And this is TV. Dave wonders if this is even legal.
8. "Isn't this a rip-off of Merv Griffin's 'Copulation Cube'?"
5. "What channel should I watch so I don't see it?"
4. "How often do they sterilize the box?"
2. "How does it compare to Newt Gingrich's Sex Box?" We see a vt of Newt 'doing it' with a vending machine.
1. "Is there a home game?"

"Sex Box" - is this really why TV was created?

BRYAN CRANSTON
He's a 3-time Emmy winner for his role on "Breaking Bad." He's now starring on Broadway in a play about Lyndon Baines Johnson called "All The Way." Is this his first time on the big stage? Cranston says he did some work in London on a show called, "Sex Box." Hey-ohhh! Actually, this is his first time on the Broadway stage and he says it's been a dream of his for many years. I imagine every actor would want to get on a Broadway stage at least once in their career, like a baseball player wanting to perform at least once at Yankee Stadium . . . the old one. Bryan loves the empowering feeling of being on a live stage. The reaction to a performance is immediate. Dave says he's heard that appearing in a play . . . "everything is the same each night and everything is different." It almost sounds like a sporting event. Each night the game is the same but you never quite know where it will lead. Bryan recalls one stage experience he had years ago in Las Vegas. He was an understudy/fill-in for three different parts. When actor A was out, he would fill in for him. When actor B was out, he would fill in for him, and when actor C was out, he would fill in for him. Well, one night he was on stage filling in for actor B. Bryan knew the entire script inside and out, but in this one case, in this one situation, he became stuck. His line would not come. He stared at his stage partner, Mark Harmon, with nothing to say. Bryan stared at Mark; Mark stared at Bryan. And then Bryan says, "Well, you know what they say . . . . you never know." And that threw the ball back in Mark's corner. It was Mark's job to make something of that line. The pressure was on Mark to move the show along, but it wasn't Mark who forgot the line, it was Bryan. Mark was able to guide the dialogue back to the page and away they went. Although the awkward silence lasted no more than 15 seconds, if felt like hours.

Being new to the stage, has he had to battle voice problems? 8 shows a week in a three-hour show puts quite a strain on one's vocal cords, especially when you're not used to it. Bryan says he was fine for awhile but after a few weeks felt his voice beginning to weaken. He learned from a veteran to shut down on Mondays. Go the whole day without saying anything. Bryan calls it Silent Monday. It forces him to give his voice a rest. He's taken to it 100%. At the beginning, Bryan would jot down everything he needed or wanted to say. And then he started to eliminate that. He's found that it has really been a freeing experience. He realizes how unnecessary talking can be at times, and how unneccessary many of our needs are. There becomes a lot less thinking and worrying and needing, and a lot more time to enjoy the world and notice the simple things in life, like the birds, the bees, and the flowers.
We dodged a bullet, there. Originally, we booked Cranston for a Monday. It would have been awkward.

"All The Way" - Bryan Cranston as LBJ. Now playing through June 29th at the Neil Simon Theatre at 250 West 52nd Street, one block over from The Ed.

ACT 4:
It's Thursday night, so you know what that means . . . . time for Small Town News!
- "The Island Packet," Bluffton, South Carolina - Headline reads: "Island Cinco de Mayo festival set May 10"
- "The Messenger,: Madisonville, Kentucky - ad for a urology clinic: "3-Point Shot Plan - March Vasness: 1 vasectomy, 1 large pizza & 1 weekend excuse to watch college basketball!" - I think this guy runs this ad every year. I think we may have done this in the past in Small Town News. Sounds tempting, but does te pizza come with toppings?
- "The Oregonian," Portland, Oregon - Dave reads from he article: "A resident reported that he was frightened by a mysterious bright light shining through the trees. The responding officers determined the offending light source was the earth's moon."
- "The Daily American Republic," Poplar Bluff, Missouri - Fire Report - "Unauthorized burn. An article of clothing was found burning in the road. A firefighter stepped on it to put it out." And that firefighter was probably a volunteer. Remember that the next time the volunteers are fund raising and out collecting change in their fire helmets at the street corner
- "The Chester Progressive," Chester, California - Police Blotter - "A caller reported that there were many wolf spiders in her house. She said one of the spiders was the size of a small horse and that it was waving at her." At least the spider was being friendly . . . . or was it mocking her?
- "The Southtowns Pennysaver," Angola, New York - Pet First Aid Article: "Correction - In the paragraph about choking, we inadvertently wrote that 'If you see a foreign object, do not attempt to remove it.' It should have read, 'If you see a foreign object, DO attempt to remove it.' " Great, now you tell me. Poor, Fido.
- "The Duncan Banner," Duncan, Oklahoma - Headline reads, "Thieves swipe six security cameras." I bet if they find the camera, they will find out who took them
- "The Dayton Daily News," Dayton, Ohip - Event Notice: "Lunch and Learn": "Constipation in Senior Adults." Let me guess, on the lunch menu . . . prunes?
- "Your New Home Magazine," Fairgrove, Missouri - Home For Sale - "This property is great for so many reasons. Lucas Speedway is at your front door. Quiet Neighborhood." You can credit the muffler industry for that.
- "The Amery Free Press," Amery, Wisconsin - Headline reads, "Man mistreats bacon, is arrested. When questioned about the reported disturbance, Anderson downed a shot of tequila and said, 'Yep, it was me.'"

ACT 5:
ANNOUNCE: "Hope you'll join us again tomorrow as Dave welcomes Bill O'Reilly, comedian Nick Griffin, and The Dough Rollers. The Late Show is a proud member of the Broadway Green Alliance. Visit Broadwaygreen.com for eco-friendly tips. Small changes make a difference.

ACT 6:
MELISSA RAUCH
She's from the mega-hit sitcom, "The Big Bang Theory." The show's just been picked up for another 3 years. Really? TV does that? Good for them. In television, your hopes run from season to season. To have three years guaranteed is like . . . wow! It enables them to almost live a normal life. They can make plans! Future plans! Melissa got her start in show business at a very young age. She would do stand-up in grade school for Show and Tell. Cute, except she would do 5 minutes of Richard Pryor. Her parents would receive notes from school stating that she didn't talk all day, and then drop a bunch of F-bombs during Show and Tell. And she took that talent to perform at a Beauty Pageant. Unfortunately, this was also the time her baby teeth decided it was time to go. She brought along a clip of her performing at the Beauty Pageant. Her talent was doing impressions. We see Melissa doing a spot-on Pee Wee Herman. Very very cute. And the missing teeth is what a 7-year-old is supposed to look like. Absolutely adorable. And today, Melissa is a TV star. Let that be a lesson for you kids . . . a Pee Wee Herman impression is a rocket to stardom. "The Big Bang Theory" . . . like I have to tell you . . . Thursdays at 8:00 on CBS.

ACT 7:
LE1F
From his new EP, "Hey," the New York rapper and producer performed "Wut".

And that was our show for March 13, 2014.

Bryan Cranston . . . I've yet to watch "Breaking Bad." My TV watching is dictated to what my daughter want to watch. They've recently discovered the NetFlix and we've just gone through "Gossip Girl," "Geeks and Freaks," and currently "Weeds." I hope we do the "Breaking Bad" before they go away to college. But before "Breaking Bad," I'll try to steer them to "Arrested Development." I missed that boat, too.

Silent Mondays . . . back in the day when I was a police officer and had days off mid-week and Denise would go to work . . this was before kids . . . I would often go the whole day without saying a word. Denise would come home hours later from work and asks what I did all day. I would tell her this and that. And then she would ask who I talked to. And then I would think . . . and think. . . and then tell her "Nobody." And then it dawned on me that there were many days I would not say a word from the time she left for work until the time she got back. And even then I wouldn't say much except for "Yes, dear."

Looking for something to do this Saturday night? If you're reading the Wahoo Gazette, you probably are. Join Steve Young for "an uproarious evening of bizarre, brilliant and rare industrial musical films, including the world premiere of 'The Bathrooms Are Coming,'" at the Jalopy Theater at 315 Columbus Street in Brooklyn. Check it out at industrialmusicals.com and www.jalopy.biz.

Remember when I was complaining about the pain in my feet and the planter faciitis? All I wanted to do was get up and run run run, but the pain was too intense. Odd . . . now that my feet feel fine, I have no desire to run run run.

Complaining about temperatures in the 20s and teens in January and February is really just whining. It's supposed to be in the teens. But when it's in the 20s and the teens in March, well, the complaining is more acceptable. I doubt Mother

Nature is listening, but I'm ready for the spring and temps in the 60s.

Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
Twitter: @WahooMike


Tonight's Guests

Robert Downey Jr.
Sarah Paulson
Lizzo

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