Bill O'Reilly, Nick Griffin, and The Dough Rollers.
PLUS: reaction to Putin's nomination for the Nobel Peace Prize; Obama on Galifianakis; more SKYPE's from Monica; a Top Ten list; and the new Sylvester Stallone Broadway musical.
“ . . . and now, a fine lad from across the pond . . . . . David Letterman":
Just for my notes .. . . at the top of the show, Dave throws a two-handed kiss to the crowd. And to close the ACT 1, a one-handed kiss. I've been asked for these in the past and it's best to use the most recent.
- "Tax time. Do you realize the average American citizen works 6 months a year for the government? Government employees don't even do that." An annual tax-time joke? I think it may be. I'll have to go back into some old Wahoos.
- "I have lousy accountant. For years he's been telling me he's been sending my money to the Caymens. Turns out, it's Phil and Arlene Kamen."
NO! Not again! It's the SKYPE lady. Don't answer it! Don't answer it, Dave! Too late . . . he's accepts the call from Monica. She's holding one of her cuddly cats. It scratches her. Owwww!
And then again later, another SKYPE from Monica. This time she shows off her Pringles, Junior Mints, and Snickers bar. Yes, I think we can all imagine what her house looks like. You know the type . . . nothing to do all day, yet complaining she has no time to do it.
Can you believe this? Has the world gone crazy? Vladimir Putin, the one putting in his dibs on Ukraine, has been nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize. That announcement by Dave is met with a montage of spit takes, both from the Hollywood cinema world and some right here at the Late Show dating back almost to the USSR days.
Nobel? No, bull!
Ouch! Another SKYPE from Monica. She made her own soap. She tips a gallon jug of the stuff and it slowly oozes out like Hudson River water.
If Vladimir could stop Monica from appearing on our show . . . then, yeah, give him the Nobel.
Did you see the President on with Zach Galifianakis the other day on some internet worldwide web thing? The video has gone viral. Bill O'Reilly thought it was undignified for the President to appear as he did. But this isn't the first time a video of the President has gone viral like this.
Remember when Jimmy Carter did something that went viral . . . and this was even BEFORE the internet, so you know if was pretty embarrassing. We take a look. We see President Jimmy Carter running on a treadmill. The speed was notched up a bit too high for #39 and he's sent flying off the treadmill. Some say this clip cost him the 1980 election against Reagan.
TOP TEN: TERMS NEVER BEFORE SEARCHED ON THE INTERNET - The internet turned 25 this week, providing access to information from nearly a limitless number of sources.
10. How do you turn on computer?
9. Amish singles
2. Knicks playoff tickets
Bill hurries out and makes it up to the "island" before Dave can get down. They shake hands on an even playing field. Bill, in front of the chairs, looks bigger than Dave. I wonder if Bill planned that. Nice going, if he did. Bill has another bestseller on his hands, "Killing Jesus." I've read it. Great book, though the ending for some may feel like a bit of a reach. This is Bill's 10th bestseller. His ghostwriter must be very proud. Dave credits Bill for taking on such a subject like "Killing Jesus," especially since there is already a book out on it . . . the New Testament.
What's this about Beyonce? Bill has a beef with Beyonce? Bill is upset with her recent music video. It does not give a very good message to young girls. It glorifies things that shouldn't be glorified. It's very sexual in a not very good way.
Bill says she doesn't need to do this. Forbes Magazine has her worth to be $350 million. She doesn't have to make videos like that. She's has everything in the world she could possibly want. Why not use her power and influence on sending out a good message? Dave feels that maybe Bill is just getting old and wants something to whine about. But I guess Bill has a bit of a point. Dave notes that parents and adults have forever been at odds with their kids and the music they listen to. The Rolling Stones on this very stage were told by Mr. Sullivan not to sing, "Let's Spend The Night Together" and change the lyrics to "Let's Spend Some Time Together." Bill understands that there has always been that parents/kids struggle but this is different. Beyonce can do better. Me? I don't know. Kids will find what they want to watch. Whenever I find my daughters watching nonsense on the TV, such as Kardashians or Hilton or Jersey Shore or any number of junk shows, I let them watch but also make them say aloud, "What I'm watching is garbage." I don't know if it helps, but it lets me pretend I'm being a responsible father.
Putin? Bill says he seems to enjoy poking and prodding and teasing President Obama. He knows he can't beat him economically or with his worldly power, so he does what he can. Dave wonders if Obama really should be intimidated by
Putin. We then go to the shirtless montage of the Russian president. What would Bill O' do with Putin. Bill says the Russian ruble is weak and economic sanctions on Russia would do much harm. The ruble is very fragile right now and
Russia can't afford a nudge in the wrong direction. Bill adds that if Putin would ingratiate himself to Western culture, it would greatly benefit Russia. But Putin doesn't want that. His ego is too big. He doesn't want to be like the rest of Europe. He wants to be like old Russia, the old Soviet Union.
The Malaysian airliner? O'Reilly stresses he has no idea and is only speculating . . . and why not? It's everybody's favorite game right now . . . . Bill speculates that it looks like a pilot suicide. Will the truth ever come out? I think it depends on who gets to the black box first.
Dave asks Bill if he ever took a swing at a guest on his show. Bill says he came close to decking Barney Frank. Dave laughs, as did I. Tough guy Bill O'Reilly wanted to pick a fight with Barney Frank. Going into commercial, we take a look at Mr. Barney Frank. If there is a muscle in this body, he's hiding it under his soft outer shell.
Bill O'Reilly - I like the almost-friendly, almost-respectful firing back and forth between he and Dave.
"Killing Jesus" - it's a bestseller. Just in time for Easter.
And "The O'Reilly Factor" - still a factor, weeknights at 8:00 and 11:00 on the FOX News.
Sylverster Stallone's "Rocky" is now a musical on Broadway and it looks to be a huge hit. So successful is the Rocky musical that there are already plans for another musical based on a Sylvester Stallone film. Dave welcomes a sneak
preview to the newest Stallone Broadway musical, "Rambo: The Musical."
From the back of the house comes a guy in Rambo-type weaponed attire. He belts out a song while making his way to the stage, singing "A Lot of Livin' To Do" from "Bye Bye Birdie" -
"There are chicks just ripe for some kissin'
And I mean to kiss a few!
Then those chicks don't know what they're missin'
I got a lot of living to do.
There's a music to play
Places to go, people to see,
everything for you and me!
Oh, life's a ball,
if only you know it.
And it's all just waiting for you.
so come on and show it.
We got a lot of livin'
Got a lot of livin;
Got a lot of livin' to do."
And he exits the guest entrance. Wow. It's probably already too late to get opening night tickets.
Tonight's inductee into the Backstage PhotoClub: Music Producer Sheryl Zelikson, with Larry Mullen Jr. of U2.
ANNOUNCE: "Check us out again Monday when Dave's got Simon Helberg, Young the Giant, and Stupid Human Tricks. Coming up, a man who survived nine hours locked in a grocery store living on nothing by food and beverages."
Making his 10th appearance here at the Late Show. Unfortunately, Nick seems to be having relationship problems. The good news is he gets a lot of material out of it. The money he spends on relationships . . . can he write that off as a business expense?
You can see Nick at the Punch LIne in Atlanta, Georgia on March 20 through the 23rd.
THE DOUGH ROLLERS
The Dough Rollers performed "Garbage Salad". Look for their new EP, "Gone Baby Gone."
And that was our show for Friday, March 14, 2014.
The lizard in the salad . . . reminds me of a joke. What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Answer below:
Rutgers mens basketball lost by 61 points. Who did they play, the UCONN women?
The worldwide internets turned 25 years old this week. Remember your first computer? I think I got mine in 1993-ish. I communicated on news groups and clubs using the Prodigy. It was very cool to post a question and then find two responses a few days later. Come to think of it, that's more activity than I get now.
Did you realize that Bill O'Reilly's initials are BOR. I like his act, though. Entertaining.
Louisville 92 - Rutgers 31. Condoleezza Rice notifies Rutgers faculty she is reconsidering her invitation to be commencement speaker.
The only SODA BREAD recipe you'll ever need.
4 cups sifted all-purpose flour
1/2 cup sugar
1 tsp. salt
4 tsp. baking powder
1 tsp. baking soda
2 1/3 cups buttermilk
1/2 cup shortening
1 1/3 cup raisins.
1 or t Tbsp caraway seeds (if desired -- I don't)
Measure and sift together in bowl the first 5 ingredients. Cut shorteningt into flour with pastry blender, 2 knives, or fingers until mixture has consistency of coarse corn meal. Add raisins, caraway seeds, and buttermilk. Add more buttermilke if needed.
Turn dough onto a well-floured board. Using lightly-floured fingers, knead dough lightly, hen shape into a 9-inch circle. Place in a well-greased, floured, round iron skillet (I use one of those cheap throw-away aluminum tins).
With a sharp knife, lightly floured, make a lengthwise and crosswise cut about 1/8 inch through dough. Bake at 375 for 1 hour. Cool on rack.
And make your own, home-made Bailey's. You can look it up on the Google. This is what the internet was invented for!
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Answer - half a worm.
Fans of the Fab Faux are you? Well, you're in luck!
Saturday, March 15th - Montclair, New Jersey at the Wellmont Theater.
April 5th - The Michigan Theater in Ann Arbor, Michigan.
April 25th - The Calvin Theater in Northampton, Massachusetts.
April 26th - The Stadium Theater in Woonsocket, Rhode Island
May 3rd - The Keswick Theater in Glenside, Pennsylvania
May 30th-31st - The Birchmere Music Hall in Alexandra, Virginia
Next week's previously-viewed programs
MONDAY - From 2/27/14; #3992 - Stupid Human Tricks, Simon Helberg, and Young The Giant
TUESDAY - From 2/05/14; #3981 - Matt Damon, and Lenny Kravitz
WEDNESDAY - From 2/04/14; #3980 - George Clooney, and Sting. And Todd at the Super Bowl.
THURSDAY - From 2/24/14; #3989 - Kaley Cuoco-Sweeting, Dale Earnhardt Jr., and The Fray
FRIDAY - From 2/19/14; #3986 - Kaitlyn Farrington, Lupita Nyong'o, and Little Dragon.
Check the Wahoo archives and make your plans accordingly.
CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
From Chattanooga City High School in Tennessee, it’s birthday boy Greg Evans
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
Michael Z. McIntee