Sign In to CBS
With Social Account
With Email
Don't have an account? Create one for FREE!
Sign Up
Search By Date
M T W Th F
Wednesday, March 26, 2014 Ladies and gentlemen, your shirtless G8 leaders!
Show #4006
Peter Dinklage, Hari Kondabolu, and Sage the Gemini.
PLUS: more SKYPES; last year’s G8 photo; Sex and Technology; Charts and Graphs; and a Top Ten List.

“ . . . and now, the host of ‘Truth or Consequences’ . . . . . . . . David Letterman!”

ACT 1:

-“New York City will soon have unmanned robot taxicab s. This is a lifelong dream of Regis . . . . to have a cab with no tipping.”
-“’Noah’ opens this Friday. Noah had two of every species on the ark. Can you imagine the stench? It’s like a Carnival Cruise.”

Pretend the Wahoo Gazette is the Late Show. I would like applause following every paragraph. Thank you.

Oh, no! Not Monica Darby again! Can’t we block her off the SKYPE? Oy. We see Monica with one of her cats. This one is Lilly. Lilly doesn’t want Monica to hold her. Monica starts kissing Lilly. Poor us. Poor Lilly. Poor us and Lilly.
Thank you.

And then just when we thought we were done with her, Monica returns. Something to do with having a late breakfast.
Thank you.

And then . . . really? A third time with Monica? She holds up a hunk of sharp provolone cheese. She loves the smell and taste of the provolone. She suggests that you get some, too. “You’re gonna love it,” she assures us. She’s tried other stuff but always comes back to this brand of sharp provolone.
Thank you.

In light of Russia’s recent actions, the nation has been suspended from the G8 and the summit has been relocated from Sochi to Brussels. Without Putin in attendance, the world’s most powerful leaders are relieved they won’t have to take the annual group photo like they did last year, at the behest of President Putin.
We take a look at the photo of the group of world leaders. It is obvious that the group show was organized by Putin. Everyone was shirtless! Can you imagine?!
Thank you.

There’s a new study about how technology interferes with people’s sex lives, and if found that 5% of people have checked Facebook while having sex. Here are some more details from the study.
ANNOUNCE: “According to a recent survey, 5% of people have checked Facebook during sex; 12% have answered a phone call, and 3% have sent a fax.”
Cut to Late Show staffer Shecky having sex with a fax machine.
ANNOUNCE: “Thanks for watching ‘Recycled Footage Theater’”
That’s one happy dude.
Thank you.
Recycle, reuse, reduce.

According to a 5-second check through my records, we’ve used the footage of Shecky having sex with a fax machine on June 8, 2011 in something called, “Sex Scandals In History,” and on October 2, 2012 in “Genius Grant Rejects”

ACT 2:
It’s Wednesday, so you know what that means . . . time for “Charts and Graphs”

America’s Favorite Tablet
-25% - iPad
15% - Amazon Kindle
60% - Vicodin

“The Ides of March” refers to what?
-50% - March 15th, the date of Julius Caesar’s assassination in 44 BC.
50% - Ides Don’t Know

Favorite April Fool’s Prank
-56% - Put ‘For Sale’ sign outside neighbor’s house.
42% - Hide expired milk under roommate’s bed
2% - Invade Ukraine

Why Do You Own A Cell Phone?
-48% - I like being able to stay in touch with people
39% - I like having mobile internet access
13% - I like carrying a radioactive device in my pants

Things Magicians Say When Sawing Someone In Half
-51% - “Ta-da!”
34% - “Abracadabra”
15% - “Ooops.”

Phrases That Almost Never End Well
-25% - “No offense, but . . . “
25% - “In all due respect . . . .”
50% - “I do”

And that is Charts and Graphs for tonight.

ACT 3:

From HBO’s “Game of Thrones.” This show must be good because I’ve heard of it and I don’t even have the HBO. I wonder if I could “write off” HBO on my taxes since I’m in the business and need it for work?
Dave says he always thought Peter was from England, since he performs with a bit of an accent. Peter does come from across the pond, but the pond called the Hudson, not the Atlantic. Peter is from the Garden State of New Jersey. Fun Fact: “Game of Thrones” has the largest number of illegal downloads in the history of downloading shows. The audience applauds, which makes Dinklage wonder why they are applauding piracy.
In his early days of acting, Peter lived in a tiny apartment in Brooklyn back when Brooklyn was still Brooklyn and not an extension of Manhattan. The apartment had no heat. He would put plastic up around the windows to keep the winter out. His bathroom had mold. A friend once commented that the bathroom smelled like an abandoned summer camp. The apartment had no heat but it did have rats. Peter went out and got a cat to combat the rats. He admits he felt as if he was living a lie with a cat in the apartment since he really doesn’t like cats. The cat was merely a means to get rid of the rats. No real love there, except for its benefit.
There is a lot of violence and conquering and battle in “Game of Thrones.” A lot of people lose limbs in the swashbuckling sword play. Peter was to chop off the leg of an attacker. He was hoping it would feel heroic, but the guy was well into his 70s and was already an amputee in real life. Peter had to knock over the elder and chop off the leg below the knee. He then ran away. He admits it didn’t make him feel all that heroic.
“Game of Thrones” – the ten-episode 4th season premieres Sunday April 6th at 9 PM.
9 O’clock on Sunday night on HBO . . . that’s always seems to be the home of some of the best that television has to offer.

ACT 4;
– We take a look at a photo and we slap on a caption to accompany it.
10. (Putin and two dolphins) “Two Blowholes, One Blowhard”
9. (Shirtless Putin on a horse) “K-G-Beefcake”
3. (Putin with a tear in his eye) “Crimea River”
1. (Putin on a horse) “A Horse’s Ass On A Horse’s Ass”

ACT 5;
ANNOUNCE: “We’re back tomorrow with Dave and his guests, U.S. Olympian Gold Medalist Sage Kotsenburg, Kate Mara, and Cole Swindell. Because customer service is not our highest priority, we don’t monitor or record you calls.”

ACT 6:
(huh-REE Konta-BO-loo).
His father recently picked him up from LaGuardia Airport. A woman jumped in the backseat thinking it was a taxi cab. So racist was the woman, she judged a taxi by the color of the driver over the color of the car.
His new comedy album is entitled, “Waiting for 2042”.

ACT 7:

From his debut album, “Remember Me,” the rap artist from northern California, along with special guest Iamsu, performed “Gas Pedal”

And that was our show for Wednesday, March 26. 2014.

Am I missing something here? What’s all the hullabaloo over Kim and Kanye on the cover of Vogue? Is that supposed to be a something? Kim and Kanye on Vogue? There’s 3 “who cares” right there. Maybe if I were in show business it might mean something, but I find it a totally empty subject.

So I watched the entire series of “Weeds” this past month. The name “Victoria Morrow” would come up at the end of each episode as being a producer or something like that. Every time I saw the name, I wondered if she was the daughter of Vic Morrow of “Combat” fame. Vic Morrow starred in the 1960s WWII series “Combat” as Sgt. Saunders. It was a favorite show of my father’s Well, I finally got around to looking up the name Victoria Morrow. Was she related to Vic Morrow? Is she the daughter of Vic Morrow of “Combat”? Answer: No.
And now it’s time for “A Coincidence That Means Something To Me But Nothing To You.”
So after there was no “Hit” for Victoria Morrow/Vic Morrow, I decided to Wiki/Google Vic Morrow. The info I found bought back many long-lost faded memories of “Combat.” And then who do I see happens to be Vic Morrow’s daughter? No, not Victoria Morrow, but Jennifer Jason Leigh. JJL had a very prominent part in the final 3 seasons of “Weeds.” So there is a “Vic Morrow” connection to “Weeds,” but not the expected Victoria Morrow/Vic Morrow connection. It was the Jennifer Jason Leigh/Vic Morrow connection. This concludes another installment of “A Coincidence That Means Something To Me But Nothing To You.”

I’m leafing through the Sports Illustrated the other day; not the one with the bathing suits but the one with Pete Rose on the cover. I don’t know why I stopped on this one particular page but it was an article about golfer Rory McIlroy. I’m not much a fan of the golf so I really had no reason to stop and scan. I gander at the photos and the highlighted, bold quotes from the article. Says Rory about the Honda Classic golf tournament: “You know, even if I had of won, it would have felt a little bit undeserved in a way.”
I scratched my head. Was that right? Is it really, “Even if I had of won . . . . “? “ . . . had of”? Shouldn’t it read “had have won”? Rory probably pronounced it like “had’ve”, the improperly shortened “had have” but I don’t think he said “had of”. I Googled the line, “even if I had of won” along with Rory McIlroy. There were 112 findings of “even if I had of won”. Now I’m thinking I was wrong. Perhaps “had of won” is correct. I then Googled “if I had have won” vs. “if I had of won”.
“If I had of won” – 32,900 hits.
“If I had have won” – 1,170,000 hits.
Aha! I’m on to something.
With some more digging, I think I found the origin of the “had of won.” Something called “ASAP Sports” transcribed an interview with Rory McIlroy – March 2, 2014. There in the first question they have Rory answering, “But yeah, 74 today wasn't good enough to get the job done. You know, even if I had of won, it would have felt a little bit undeserved in a way.”
So that’s where “I had of won” originated . . . my best guess. But how does that get by the other 111 publications? They’re simply cutting-and-pasting right from the transcription. And who is “they”? Sports Illustrated, ESPN, ABC News, the New York Post, just to name a few. And I would never have noticed it but Sports Illustrated had in bold and large type. They highlighted the quote. They looked at it and said, “Yeah, let’s bring attention to what Rory says here.” Yet, no one noticed the improper use of “of”? Am I the only person in America to notice this? Maybe “had of” is right, but I don’t think so.

Oh, one more Google search: I typed in "even if i had have won" and “rory”. BUZZ. Not one hit. Not one single hit.

Imagine that . . . the Wahoo Gazette commenting on someone’s poor grammar. It’s not so much that the original was wrong. What bothers me is how many people simply cut-and-paste and pretend it’s their own.

THURSDAY/FRIDAY PREVIOUSLY-VIEWED PROGRAM – due to the CBS coverage of the March Madness
THURSDAY – From 2/18/14; #3985 – Olympian Sage Kotsenburg, Kate Mara, and Cole Swindell.
FRIDAY – from 3/04/14; #3995 – Michael Keaton, and Phantogram. PLUS: the CEO of IHOP.

Hey, look at that! On Wednesday’s show we had Sage the Gemini. On Thursday’s repeat, we have Olympian Sage Kotsenburg. That’s the first time there’s been back-to-back episodes with Sage since Graham Kerr had a show

Go see your local high school spring musical. They deserve it, and you’ll be glad you did.

From the Rochester Institute of Technology, by way of Johnson City, New York, it’s birthday boy Kevin McIntee
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER

Michael Z. McIntee
Twitter: @WahooMike

Wahoo Gazette Archive

Monday, May 18
Hovering! with Tom Hanks
Saturday, May 16
Oprah and Dave indulge in a selfie.
Thursday, May 14
Tom Waits, Dave and what's-his-name.
Wednesday, May 13
Julia and Dave squeeze in one last hug.
Tuesday, May 12
Adam Sandler performs a musical ode to Dave.