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Tuesday, April 29, 2014 This talking dog was not the first we've had on the show.
Show #4020
Stupid Pet Tricks; Lucy Liu; and Ziggy Marley.
PLUS: Tony Award Nominations; Early Spider-Man Reviews; the Brain's Off Switch Discovered; a Top Ten List; a Salute to Craig; and Dave Tries to Think of Where He Used to Live.

" . . . and now, legendary at the hoofer at the Bolshoi . . . . . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1:
MONOLOGUE
- "President Obama's approval rating has slipped again. It's so bad, his Secret Service code name is George W. Bush"
- "Did you know that Donald Sterling is mixed race. He's half Jack; half ass"

Dave mentioned the Tony Award nominations that were announced earlier today. Once again we were nominated for Biggest Waste Of A Broadway Theater. I rushed back to the shack where I used to watch the show to find a Playbill we mocked up some time ago of Dave on the cover with a caption: "Biggest Waste Of A Broadway Theater." We've used it a number of times in the past. I rummaged through the shack and told those there to stand aside because I knew Pat Farmer would be coming back in a second to look for the same thing. I couldn't find it, and Pat soon came barreling in. No find; no can do. I think I recall someone who used to watch the show back in the shack got tired of the joke and ditched it.

We then take a look at some Broadway shows that were not nominated for a Tony this year.
ART CARD: SHOWS NOT NOMINATED FOR A TONY AWARD
ANNOUNCE: "Gravity: The Musical."
We see a clip of some guy in an orange NASA space suit dancing like your Aunt at your cousin's wedding.

The new Spider-Man movie is coming out this Friday and the early reviews are already in.
ART CARD: "Early Reviews of the Amazing Spider-Man 2"
ANNOUNCE: "'Rolling Stone's' Peter Travers calls it 'a dazzling summer blockbuster.'
The 'New York Times'' Janet Maslin says, 'Action, thrills, emotion. It's a winner!''
Donald Sterling, owner of the L. A. Clippers, says, 'It bothers me that you want to broadcast Spider-Man to the whole world.
And don't bring a half man, half spider to my games.' "
ART CARD: "Early Reviews of the Amazing Spider-Man 2"

Scientists have developed a technique that enables them to temporarily shut down parts of the brain, essentially creating an on/off switch. They've been working on this for ten years. We take a look at the latest development, and some of their first attempts at an on-off switch to the brain.
We cut to GWBush about to make a speech in the Oval Office. He starts. We cut to an on/off switch. A finger presses it to "off."
Cut back to GWBush. He stops mid-sentence and stares off into the distance.
Cut to a celebrating team of scientists.

ACT 2:
Dave takes a moment to congratulate and send best wishes to Craig Ferguson who announced he would be leaving as host of The Late Late Show at the end of the year. We first got to know Mr. Ferguson on "The Drew Carey Show." His first night as host of The Late Late Show was January 3, 2005 and held the reins for over 1,900 shows. He'll be hosting a game show this fall called, "Celebrity Name Game." Dave congratulates Mr. Ferguson for his hosting duties and doing so unlike any other, which is virtually impossible. Dave congratulates Craig Ferguson on his success and a very successful run.

Speaking of Ferguson made Dave think back to his days in California. He liked living there because you could go surfing in the morning and skiing in the evening. Dave never did that, but he liked the idea of being able to do so. Dave can't quite recall the street he lived on and asks Paul for help but he could offer little. With more thought, Dave comes up with the street name: Baker Street.
We suddenly cut to the production area. The scrim flies and we hear the familiar saxophone notes of "Baker Street." Fog rises as the saxophonist plays on. The band kicks in. The saxophonist, the famed Lou Marini, continues to play as he exits out the back of the house.
Upon further thought, Dave realizes he was in error. He lived on Gould, not Baker Street.

TOP TEN: SIGNS YOU HAVE A BAD DENTIST - One-third of adults in the United States do not maintain minimum levels of dental care.

TOP TEN SIGNS YOU HAVE A BAD DENTIST
10. Begins examination by saying, "drop your pants"
9. Four out of five dentists thinks he's nuts
8. Cleans your teeth then shaves your back
7. Accidentally whitens your lips
6. Quit dental school to join Singapore cast of "My Fair Lady"
5. Both of his teeth have cavities
4. Whispers in your ear, "nice gums"
3. Pronounces the word "Teef"
2. Waiting room has receptionist and a lookout
1. Asks you to open your mouth and say something racist

ACT 3:
STUPID PET TRICKS
1. JB Bruton and Crown, both from Albuquerque, New Mexico. JB is an assistant to two entrepreneurs, Nick and Jimmy. Crown is a Golden Retriever. Trick: Crown will balance a pint of beer on his head. Crown takes his position. JB takes the glass pint of beer and places it Crown's head. Battling a bit of the jitters, JB gets the glass on Crown's head and releases. Crown keeps the beer upright on his crown. Nice job, Crown. JB, I think, could have used the pint. Reminded me a bit of Gene Wilder in "Blazing Saddles." "But this is my shooting hand."

2. Kirby Easler and Grabel, both from St. Stephens, South Carolina. Kirby is a guitarist and part-time book editor. Grabel is a Yorkshire Terrier. What can Grabel do? He can talk. Yes! It's the Holy Grail of Pet Tricks! A talking dog! Dave can now retire in peace. Let's get to it. With the help of some goodies, and cued with "Who is the President?" Kirby gets Grabel to say "Obama."

Very impressive, but this isn't the first time we've had a talking dog on the show.
We had one before, on November 22, 2004.
Wahoo report: Pet Trick #3 - Erica Volkman and her pug, Odie. What can Odie do? Odie can talk! Wow! A talking dog! Well, let's see this! With a bit of the prompt from Erica, Odie is soon saying "I Love You." Very cool!

3. Mark Faragoi, and Luck and Riley. All three are from Plainfield, Illinois. Mark is a sales representative for a waste and recycling company. Luck is an Australian Cattle Dog and Riley is a border collie. What do we have? Luck and Riley will balance themselves on Mark's feet. Mark lies down on his back on the matted floor. He lifts his left leg and Luck leaps up onto Mark's foot. Mark lifts his right leg and Riley isn't all that into it. With some prodding, Riley leaps and remains for a second or two, then jumps off. Take a picture of it and we'll all pretend he was up there for a minute and a half. It was a good trick that went perfectly in rehearsal. Nice job, but I blame Mark for having small feet.
And that was Stupid Pet Tricks.

ACT 4:
LUCY LIU
From the CBS "Elementary." Liu made her TV directorial debut on the series, and her episode will be seen this Thursday at 10 PM. She was up all night taping a night-scene on "Elementary," then had an early "can't go to bed" call to announce this year's Tony Award nominations. How did she do with the names? Lucy says she did pretty good, but got a bit too relaxed and messed up one or two. Idina Menzel? Dave should have had Lucy try doing Idina Menzel.
The Tony Awards: Radio City Music Hall - June 8 - seen right here on CBS.
"Elementary" - Thursdays at 10:00 PM right here on CBS.

ACT 5:
ANNOUNCE: "Join us again tomorrow as Dave welcomes Kiefer Sutherland, author Adam Resnick, and Benjamin Booker. Tired of delays at airport metal detectors? Here's a tip that helped me: stop the compulsive coin-swallowing."

ACT 6:
Donald Sterling has a long history of questionable behavior, and many people are wondering why the NBA never did anything about it until now. We have a very special guest here to talk about the controversy. Dave welcomes former NBA commissioner, David Stern.
David Stern enters and stands center stage. Dave, the host, provides background information on Sterling and wonders why it took the NBA so long to do something about him. Why has the NBA not acted until now?
DAVID STERN: "I'm the only guy in the league who was Bar Mitzvah'd."
David Stern then exits, walking out backwards. And this guy was the NBA Commissioner for 30 years?

ACT 7:
ZIGGY MARLEY
From his new CD entitled, "Fly Rasta," Ziggy Marley performed "I Don't Want To Live On Mars." I'm buying it! Good sound.

And that was our show for Tuesday April 29, 2014.

Donald Sterling would go to Harlem Globetrotter games and root for the Washington Generals.

I was scheduled for a quick pretape today. I was to play a scientist/engineer inspecting a driverless bicycle that crashed into a car. Unfortunately, before we could tape it, someone drove over the bicycle on 53rd Street.

I'm rooting for the New York Rangers, but there was a piece of me rooting for the Philadelphia Flyers Tuesday night because I wanted a Game 7. There is no better sporting event than a Game 7 in NHL playoff hockey. I don't watch too much hockey anymore, but a Game 7 is a can't-miss. Nothing better. Go Rangers! I don't hate the Flyers, but Philly fans . . . . no matter the sport . . . well, let's say I've witnessed some pretty ugly things. Many tell me the same.

I was flipping through the channels last week. I stopped on one of those infrequent PBS channel-stops. I watched "Keeping Up Appearances" and "As Time Goes By," which new ones I believe have long since been over and done. And then I watched some U.S. sitcoms. Wow. What a difference. Night and day. The talent and writing and acting and humor in the Brit programs were miles ahead of anything we had.

Check it out. A very interesting article about Dave from Muncie's The Star Press by Thomas St. Myer. A glimpse of Dave as a freshman in college. You'll enjoy. http://wthitv.com/2014/04/06/ball-state-ex-classmates-share-letterman-tales/

Watching the talking dog reminded me of this old joke.
A guy takes his dog to a talent scout. He sees millions in his future. He tells the talent scout that he has a talking dog. The scout is doubtful, but allows the guy to proceed.
GUY (to dog) "What's on the top of a house?" The dog replies, "Roof!"
The talent scout rolls his eyes, "C'mon, really?"
GUY (to dog) "What does sandpaper feel like?" The dog answers, "Rough!
The talent agent is about to throw them out. The guy wants to show one more.
GUY (to dog) "Who was the greatest baseball player of all time?" The dog barks, "Ruth!"
The talent scout had seen enough and throws them out.
Outside, the dog looks up at his owner, "Maybe I should have said DiMaggio?"

Wahoo Gazette - from December 14, 2004
CRAIG FERGUSON: He's the new host of the Late Late Show, taking over on January 3rd. You probably know him best as Drew Carey's boss in the Drew Carey show. Craig is a Scot but was tossed out of the country for being too cheerful. He was banished to California. He got acting jobs here and there but hit it big on Drew Carey. His "audition" for the Late Late Show was a bit of a surprise and admits after a minute, he knew this is what he wanted to do. No more acting for Craig. Now he's a talk show host. Congratulations, Craig. He had some pretty good lines and made me chuckle. I think he'll be comfortable in the chair.

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
From Miami, Florida, it's Irlenda-Orlando Rivera
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER

Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
Twitter: @WahooMike


Tonight's Guests

Jay Thomas
Josh Brolin
Darlene Love

Wahoo Gazette Archive

Wednesday, December 17
Willie Nelson gets a bad batch of brownies.
Tuesday, December 16
Dave presents a furry gift to Charli XCX.
Monday, December 15
Emma Stone and Dave go nuts with the selfies.
Saturday, December 13
Jamie Foxx and Dave partying together? That'd be dope.
Thursday, December 11
Meryl & Susan tout their Academy of Dramatic Arts.