CBS

Search By Date
M T W Th F
Thursday, May 8, 2014 One of these hats could fit Lincoln, the other Charlie McCarthy.
Show #4027
James Franco, Idina Menzel, and a Performance from the Broadway Musical "If/Then."
PLUS: Alan Kalter on the cover of Rolling Stone; Meet the Press; the brain's off switch; a Top Ten List; and Pat Farmer Reflects.

" . . . and now, fresh-picked from your Victory Garden . . . . . . David Letterman!"

AC T 1:
MONOLOGUE
- "Happy Birthday to New York City Mayor Bill DeBlasio. If you're looking for a gift, you can't go wrong with a ride on one of those horse-drawn carriages."

Whoa! Did you see this week's cover of "Rolling Stone"? It's got a nude Neil Patrick Harris. We take a look. NPH is full frontal, with a stovetop hat covering his private. Dave recalls that our announcer Alan Kalter, too, once graced the cover of Rolling Stone. We gander over at Alan who denies any such thing. Alan says that never happened. He would remember if he was on the cover. There was never a photo, never a Rolling Stone cover shot. Dave calls to the Control Room to see if we have it in our electric photo file. Alan yelps to our director, Jerry Foley, not to show the cover. And then we see the Rolling Stone cover of Alan Kalter. It's a similar full frontal nude as Neil Patrick Harris, but Alan has a much much smaller top hat covering his privates. Whereas Neil Patrick Harris's hat could have belonged to Lincoln, Alan's top hat was more of the Charlie McCarthy size.

What's going on over at Meet The Press? Troubles abound and piling up. Did you see it last Sunday? Crazy goings on. We take a look.
We see two respected analysts with differing viewpoints. The moderator tries his best to moderate, but the two combatants begin wrestling with the desk between them. The desk falls apart and they play tug-a-war. Oh, the humanity? And coincidentally, in this violent confrontation, the moderator looked a bit like the great Mean Gene Okerlund. I don't know if there has ever been anyone who played a part better than Mean Gene Okerlund.

Scientists have developed a technique that enables them to temporarily shut down parts of the brain, essentially creating an on/off switch. They've been working on this for ten years. We take a look at the latest development, and some of their first attempts at an on-off switch to the brain. We cut to GWBush about to make a speech. He starts. Cut to a finger pushing a switch to the off position. Cut back to GWBush who can't get past "it's a . . . it's a . . . . it's a . . ."
Cut to scientist celebrating their early discovery of the brain's off switch.

ACT 2:
In for Felicia Collins tonight, audio tech Mike Muller

TOP TEN SIGNS A 20 DOLLAR BILL IS COUNTERFEIT - near-perfect fake twenties are in circulation, thanks to the use of digital technology. Find out how on the internet!
Dave was a bit unfamiliar with who is on the 20 dollar bill. Probably hasn't used one of those in a while.

SIGNS A 20 DOLLAR BILL IS COUNTERFEIT
10. It's the size of those giant checks at golf tournaments
9. Somebody sold it to you for 10 dollars
8. Includes the words "definitely real"
7. Too much glitter
6. Treasury Secretary's signature reads, "Happy Nurses Week"
5. Placed in water, it becomes a sponge
4. Portrait is Tito Jackson
3. Reverse side features a small classifieds section
2. Scratch it and it smells like bacon
1. Whenever you try to spend it you go to prison

JAMES FRANCO
James enters with Alan's tiny top hat. He tosses it on Dave's lap. James is in the new film, "Palo Alto," but is also starring in Broadway's "Of Mice and Men" at the Longacre Theater.
Fun Fact: Before Times Square was named Times Square in 1904 in honor of the New York Times, Times Square was known as Longacre Square. He's about 60 performances in and, though comfortable, has to work hard to maintain a sharp focus.
Every show is different, as is every audience. The matinees tend to have school-agers in the audience and they are . . . . a bit un-schooled in the proper behavior of a Broadway audience. There is one emotional scene where James has to slowly walk across the stage to a dead comrade. One day he made that slow, emotional trod across the boards and then heard a "woo woo" from a teen fan. It was not the time for a "woo woo," but kids will be kids.
Not only is James working Broadway and doing films, he also teaches an art class at UCLA each week. Yeah, Broadway is in New York and the "LA" in UCLA is Los Angeles. He makes that cross-country flight once a week. And I bet there are still some students who are late for class. I bet it's hard for James to accept their excuse. "Palo Alto" is based on James' highly acclaimed book of short stories about teenagers. He says the book isn't so much about his upbringing in Palo Alto but more of the struggles teenagers have anywhere. Some of the film is autobiographical, some is a bit fictionalized. You make the call.
"Palo Alto" - opens Friday in New York and Los Angeles.
"Of Mice and Men" - now playing at the Longacre Theater.
But if you really want to see more of James Franco, look for his selfies on Instagram.

ACT 4:
Back from commercial, Dave notices a spill on the floor by the spiral staircase. As we all know, Dave believes in "safety first." He gives a call out to our head stagehand Pat Farmer to clean up the mess. Pat, with that usual "just woken up" look he has during the show, scampers out with a roll of paper towels. He bends to wipe up, but notices his reflection in the puddle.
Pat speaks to his reflection: "Well hello there, Patrick. How have you been? It's been a tough year, hasn't it?"
Dave is confused, and more than a bit concerned: "Pat, is everything OK?"
PAT (to his reflection): "He hasn't helped. Just ignore him. You're a good man, and someday you'll be the president . . . . of something . . . a company . . . an organization . . . . maybe just a club with a few friends, but you'll be the president."
Dave tries to get Pat's attention; to pay heed to the task at hand . . to wipe up the puddle.
PAT (to his reflection)"Well, it's been nice talking to you but I gotta wipe you up now."
Pat wipes up the puddle and exits. Obviously his paper towels are not Bounty.

It's nice to know Pat has somebody to talk to.

ACT 5:
ANNOUNCE: "Join us again tomorrow as Dave welcomes Nathan Fillion, Tom Dreesen, and Hunter Hayes. How can there possibly be a rock shortage?"

ACT 6:
IDINA MENZEL
Idina has been here before on our stage, performing a number as a member of "Rent" and as the Wicked Witch in "Wicked." She was all excited to meet Dave but at the end of her number in "Wicked," Idina was hanging above the stage with Dave below. All she could get was a wave. But she is extremely excited to be sitting in the guest chair tonight with Dave.
Dave knows she must be tired of talking about it and wonders if she is still willing. It's about her performance at the Academy Awards, but more than that, her butchered introduction by John Travolta. Yes, we all know how Travolta slightly mispronounced Idina Menzel's name as Adele Dazeem. She admits that everyone now knows her name and who she is and how this may have been a great turn of events, but at the time it was rough. Idina says she has performed for the President and performed a Barbra Streisand song FOR Barbra Streisand, but to sing on the Academy Awards was terrifying. Before going on, she did some meditation, told herself to remain calm and pretend she was simply singing to her son, and to breathe slowly and not to rush. Did she hear John Travolta's introduction? Idina says, "I did." The ever-smiling Idina was still smiling, but her smile did not seem as convincing as before. She says her immediate reaction was feeling sad for herself. A lot went through her mind, but the music started and she had to sing. Afterwards, Ellen DeGeneres mentioned her name again and again so everyone would know. In the end, I guess it was a blessing.
Very sweet is Idina Menzel. You can also see her performing on June 16th at "Idina Menzel Live at Radio City: One Night Only."

ACT 7:
IDINA MENZEL - "IF/THEN"
With a song from "If/Then" now playing at the Richard Rodgers Theater at 226 West 46th Street, Idina Menzel performed "You Learn To Live Without"

And that was our show for Thursday May 8, 2014.

Happy VE Day! Victory in Europe was declared May 8, 1945. There have been many celebrations held around the world, but this one must have been the top. The emotions of great joy and terrible sadness must have been in the hearts of so many. Any mention in your newspaper today?

Hey, Phil Mushnick of the New York Post! Thanks! Phil Mushnick writes the best sports column anywhere. He doesn't spend much time on the x's and o's and hits and errors, but concentrates more on the effort and attitude and hypocrisy in sports, and how sports is covered by the experts. He doesn't pull punches when opining on announcers, analysts, TV coverage, and radio talk show hosts. I love it. He can be very critical and believes in things being done the right way. I wrote him recently about the Mr. Met on the sleeve of the New York Mets uniform. Mr. Met is against MLB rule 1.11 (e). And he printed my plaint in Friday's New York Post. Check it out! And best yet, he pronounce my name right!
http://nypost.com/2014/05/08/espn-yammering-is-enough-to-give-you-a-headache/
It's cool being credited by a mild-mannered reporter for a great metropolitan newspaper! See? Somebody likes my sports talk!

I'm thinking of writing a song, "Mama, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Defense on a Girls Lacrosse Team." Frustratingly difficult to play the position, even harder to sit in the stands and watch. Whistles and fouls galore. It's played like 1950s girls basketball. Girls aren't pigtails and lollipops anymore. Give the girls helmets and gloves and let the girls be girls.

Let's see how ESPN does tonight. By the time you read this, the 2nd and 3rd rounds of the NFL draft will be just ahead of you and rounds 4-7 on Saturday. College athletes have worked their whole lives for this moment of being selected to join an NFL professional team. Fans are glued to their sets to see who their team has picked. The "experts" have been broadcasting their opinions on the prospects over and over for weeks now. What they want to say has been said a thousand times already. And now it's time to see the results of all the prognostication. So when it's time for a team to approach the podium to make their selection . . . . SHOW US! I ranted about the dismal offering of ESPN during the NFL draft two years ago. The camera is on the analysts and commentators and in the background you can see a pick being announced. SHOW US THE PICK! That's what we're here for! They don't think the 6th round picks are important enough to show? Tom Brady was picked in the 6th round. SHOW US!

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
A graduate of Syracuse University (1980), from Connecticut, and who I haven't seen since he left the neighborhood in the late 60s, it's birthday boy Dave Frasco.
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER

Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
Twitter: @WahooMike


Tonight's Guests

Emma Stone
Nathan Fielder
American Authors

Wahoo Gazette Archive

Wednesday, July 30
A visit from Dave's pool boy.
Tuesday, July 29
"Guardians of the Galaxy" looks like a sure-fire hit.
Monday, July 28
Things turn ugly when Spider-man meets Elmo during Dave's monologue.
Friday, July 25
From an ad in a newspaper... "Click here"?
Wednesday, July 23
The PonyCycle gets put out to pasture.