CBS

Search By Date
M T W Th F
Friday, May 9, 2014 Dave celebrates Mother's Day with some cards you won't find at Hallmark.
Show #4028
Nathan Fillion, Tom Dreesen, and Hunter Hayes.
PLUS: Rob Ford in rehab; something new for Mother’s Day; the brain’s off switch discovered; a Top Ten list; and Mother’s Day Cards.

“ . . . and now, the French word for savoir faire . . . . . . David Letterman!”

ACT 1:
MONOLOGUE

-“A man has collected 75,000 Happy Meal Toys. (did you “Play The Dave”?) And guess what, girls? He’s single. (Ding!) The big problem in his life is deciding if a woman loves him for himself, or for his collection.”
-“Ben Affleck was kicked out of a Las Vegas casino for card counting. Technically, counting cards not illegal, but people don’t like it . . . . like Ben Affleck as Batman.”
-“The NFL Draft is underway. I prefer the old days when the NFL was all-volunteer.” (A joke so good we’ve used it twice!)
-“Mother’s Day is Sunday. Mom will be spending the day with her favorite --- Bloody Mary.” It may be just me, but I detected Dave told that joke the way Johnny Carson would.

The crack smoking Toronto Mayor Rob Ford is in rehab. His office released this announcement today.
ANNOUNCE: “If Rob Ford is not re-elected Mayor of Toronto in October, in November he will campaign for Mayor of Rehab. A vote for Rob Ford will be a vote for lower fines for late night cafeteria break-ins and increased access to crack. And, unlike weaker candidates, Rob Ford will return to rehab over and over until the job is done.
Rob Ford: Putting Rehab First”

Scientists have developed a technique that enables them to temporarily shut down parts of the brain, essentially creating an on/off switch. They’ve been working on this for ten years. We take a look at the latest development, and some of their first attempts at an on-off switch to the brain.
We cut to GWBush about to make a speech. He starts. Cut to a finger pushing a switch to the off position. GWB gets stuck. What he has to say about technology
Cut to scientist celebrating their early discovery of the brain’s off switch.

ACT 2:
In for Felicia Collins tonight, audio tech Mike Muller.

TOP TEN: BROADWAY SHOW MISFORTUNES – it’s being reported that many from the cast of “Matilda” have come down with hair lice.
BROADWAY SHOW MISFORTUNES
10. Rocky sprained write while punching meat. (I “Played the Dave” – Dave says, “I believe that’s a euphemism for something.” DING)
9. During actor shortage, audience forced to choose Guys or Dolls.
8. Stagehand made eye contact with Liza Minelli.
7. Earwigs at “Hedwig”
6. Bird strike forced Mary Poppins to land in Hudson
5. Phantom injured other side of face.
4. “Kiss Me Kate” cold sore epidemic
3. Jersey Boys stuck in traffic on George Washington Bridge
2. You’re lookin’ at one of them. (Cut to live shot of Dave)
1. Donald Sterling heckling “The Wiz”

You’d think that if any Broadway production got head lice it would be . . . . c’mon, think of it . . . think . . . if any Broadway production got head lice, you would think it would be . . . . . “Hair.”

During the Top Ten, Dave called for our costume designer, Sue Hum. He whispers something to her and she goes away. She comes back moments later with one of Dave’s suits on a hanger. Dave instructs Sue to deliver the suit to a woman in the last row. During the pre-show Q&A, the woman wondered if Stephen Colbert would be getting Dave’s suits along with the show. She’s probably now wishing she asked if Colbert would be getting Dave’s car.

NATHAN FILLION
From the very popular program, “Castle”. They just finished taping for the season and Nathan now has a couple months off. He likes to vacation with his brother, particularly scuba diving. Ever see a barracuda? Nathan has, and says they always look like they’re mad at you. It’s true. You never see one of them smiling.
Nathan is from Edmonton, Canada and this got Dave asking about the famous Calgary rodeo in Alberta. Nathan tries his best to keep up with Dave’s interest but it soon becomes obvious to Dave that he is the only one who seems to be interested, audience included.
When Nathan’s brother recently came to L.A. for a visit, Nathan decided to throw a big party. It was a big backyard event. One couple brought along their greyhound dog. Don’t you love that? Well, a greyhound has only two speeds: stop, and as fast as they can go. Another couple were coming from a costume party and instead of going home first to change, came directly to the house. The guy was dressed as Dr. Who, the woman as a Playboy bunny. Yup, this is exactly how I picture parties in Los Angeles. Well, the greyhound, trained to chase bunnies, made a dart for the Playboy bunny. The greyhound latched onto the tail of the bunny and wouldn’t let go. It took 4 guys to separate the dog from the bunny tail. I can imagine the first guy saying, “Hey, you take the dog!”

“Castle” – catch it on Mondays at 10 PM on ABC. It’s the 6th season finale this Monday.

ACT 4:
Back from commercial, Dave says he enjoyed the music during the commercial, some Blood Sweat and Tears.
MOTHER’S DAY CARDS
-“Mom, I love you more and more each month you pay my rent.”
-“Happy Mother’s Day, Mom! Please return this card to your local library”
-“Mom, You show such courage in the face of being named ‘Phyllis’”
-“Happy Moth’s Day” – we see moths aflutter on the card.”

Dave has had enough. He calls from some more Blood Sweat and Tears. And then throws to commercial.

ACT 5:
Spc Baker & Sgt. Garcia-Baker
Spc. Lauren Wise
SrA Cody Noble

ACT 6:
TOM DREESEN

Always with a tale, never without a story.
Dave asks Tom about working with Mel Brooks. Tom tells this story Tom was recently divorced and at a bar with a beautiful, statuesque lady friend. Mel approached them and offered Tom a role in his new film, “Spaceballs.” We take a look at the scene from the film. We see Jeff Daniels confronting Dreesen . . . no, it was Bill Pullman who confronts Dreesen . . . I always get those two mixed up. Bill Pullman confronts Dreesen and sprays shaving cream in his face and down his throat. It was actually whipped cream, but the whipped cream had gone sour. Tom was to play dead for the rest of the scene and he did all he could to keep from dying. As soon as the scene was finished, Tom ran off and threw up. And that was Tom’s work experience with Mel Brooks on “Spaceballs.” The point of Tom’s telling this story? I think it was to say he was once at a bar with a beautiful, statuesque lady friend.

Tom was at a party thrown by Frank Sinatra. Also at the party was astronaut, Admiral Alan Shepard. Shepard is the astronaut who went to the moon and hit a golf ball. Tom asked him if the ball ever came down. Shepard said that the moon has 1/6 the gravity as the earth, and anything that goes up on the moon will stay up six times longer. Beat. Pause. Tom looks at Frank and at the same time, belt out, “Fly Me To The Moon.”

Tom is in town to serve as Master of Ceremonies at the “Ellis Island Medal of Honor Awards” this Saturday. Find out what else he is up to at www.tomdreesen.com

ACT 7:
HUNTER HAYES

From his brand new CD, “Storyline,” Hunter Hayes performed “Tattoo.” And you can see more of Hunter Hayes on the CBS special: “ACM Presents: An All-Star Salute to The Troops” – Tuesday, May 20th.

And that was our show for Friday, May 9, 2014.

Going into commercials all night, we featured Mother’s Day wishes from members of our military.
End of Act 2
2nd Lt. Brenna Heisterman

End of Act 3
Capt. Joshua Petrus

End of Act 4
Capt Jessica Miller

Act 5:
Spc Baker & Sgt. Garcia-Baker
Spc. Lauren Wise
SrA Cody Noble

End of Act 6:
Maj. Ardreanna Ruiz

I needed a paperclip today and went to the supply closet. I grabbed a box of Jumbo paper clips. The box is printed in English and French. Did you know that French for “Jumbo paper clips” is “trombones geants”? OK, I can guess that geants means Jumbo, but trombones for paper clips? Really? So then I looked at a paper clip, and lo and behold, it does look a bit like a trombone. How about that! . . . . . What’s that? Oh, you think so, do you? Well, let’s see you try to come up with something interesting to write about 5 days a week.

Here’s something that I predicted would go nowhere. Westchester County executive Rob Astorino is running for Governor of New York. He was just re-elected as County exec last November but has been busy out campaigning for the governorship since he announced his candidacy in March. He’s been running around all over the state. Now the Democratic caucus in Westchester wants a new election to the position of County Executive because they feel Astorino has abandoned his post. He’s never around. He’s busy running for Governor instead of busy running Westchester. And I agree. Is being a County Executive a full time job or not? And how long would you last in your position if you actively campaigned for a new job elsewhere? Your boss wouldn’t stand for it. So, Bravo, Democrats! I’m happy the Democrats have stepped forward, but I was even more surprised that they did. All politicians see nothing wrong with going off to look for another job and leaving their elected position unattended. It’s common among both Republican and Democrats. That’s why I was surprised the Dem caucus is raising a fuss. Ahh, but now it’s back to normalcy. I haven’t heard another thing about the Dem’s complaint since I first heard about it earlier this week. Somebody must have gotten to those who complained and ordered a “Shhhhhhhh!” They are all guilty of it and they would like to keep it under the radar, no matter what “team” is doing it. I don’t expect to hear any more complaints of Atorino being actively inactive. Shhhhhh. Politics – is it a full time job or not?

Gotta go! The Tappan Zee High School Girls Lacrosse team is having Senior Day today. Denise and I will have our photo taken with Danielle, who will then present a rose to mom. Knowing girls lacrosse, I expect Danielle to get whistled for a foul during the presentation.

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
It’s his birthday on the 10th, from Poughkeepsie, New York, and one of life’s funnier people, it’s Alan Reznik
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER

Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
Twitter: @WahooMike

Tonight's Guests

Emma Stone
Nathan Fielder
American Authors

Wahoo Gazette Archive

Wednesday, July 30
A visit from Dave's pool boy.
Tuesday, July 29
"Guardians of the Galaxy" looks like a sure-fire hit.
Monday, July 28
Things turn ugly when Spider-man meets Elmo during Dave's monologue.
Friday, July 25
From an ad in a newspaper... "Click here"?
Wednesday, July 23
The PonyCycle gets put out to pasture.