CBS

Search By Date
M T W Th F
Monday, May 12, 2014 The Black Keys stop the traffic on 53rd Street.
Show #4029
Harry Connick Jr., Jesse Eisenberg, and The Black Keys.
PLUS: Prom season; the President’s Weekly Address; Dave’s weekend; and The Black Keys out on 53rd Street!

“ . . . . and now, the troubadour with a pompadour.

ACT 1:
MONOLOGUE:

-“It’s 81 and cloudy . . . like Donald Sterling.”
-“Donald Sterling gave an interview with Anderson Cooper. It was held at Sterling’s sprawling ranch, The Triple K.”
It’s prom season. The guys get real nervous when it comes to dancing. Dave was flipping the channels and came across this Public Service Announcement. It might help.
ANNOUNCE: "Want to attend prom, but hate to dance? Introducing the Prom Dance Avoidance Unassembled Reclaimed Barn Wood Kitchen Dining Hutch." We put together this skit for the piece. We see a young gent in a tuxedo with his date.
ANNOUNCE: “When your date asks you to dance, simply say . . . . “
GENT: "Uhhh, I'd love to, but, . . . this hutch . . . . it won't assemble itself." (shot widens to reveal an IKEA-like box housing an unmade hutch. The lad prepares to assemble)
ANNOUNCE: "You'll avoid dancing, and your date will think you're pretty crafty, too."
DATE – we see her thinking, “Get me out of here.”
ANNOUNCE: "Prom Dance Avoidance Unassembled Reclaimed Barn Wood Kitchen Dining Hutch. Assemble the night away."
Sure, as a date you might be disappointed in your man’s assemblage of a hutch, but find a husband who can do that and you’ll be thankful.

President Obama’s approval rating is at an all-time low. Now, hoping to improve his numbers, Obama seems to be avoiding the hot-button issues altogether. Did you see his last weekly address? We watch.
ART CARD: WHITEHOUSE.GOV
President Obama – in his most recent weekly address: "Hi, everybody. In my State of the Union address, I talked about pizza. Thanks, and have a great weekend!"
ART CARD: WHITEHOUSE.GOV

ACT 2:
Dave has a tale to tell. This weekend he attended the Grand Prix Indianapolis. He owes an apology. Dave says he isn’t proud of his behavior at times. He feels as if it would be better if he just stayed home in the cellar and never went out in public. He frees his parents of fault, as they taught him right from wrong and were a good example on how to conduct one’s life. But Dave wasn’t a good student to their teachings.
So Dave is at the race. An old acquaintance drives up in a golf cart and introduces Dave to his passenger, the Mayor of Indianapolis. Dave immediately retorted, “No, it’s not!” Dave knew his friend was joking around, but the guy persisted. He had the Mayor in the golf cart. Dave snapped at the guy to beat it and take his friend with him. His friend wouldn’t let up. The guy in the golf cart was indeed the Mayor of the great city of Indianapolis. Dave wanted no part of spending time or conversing with the deadbeat. In Dave’s mind, the Mayor of Indianapolis is still Richard Lugar, who I believe was mayor during Dave’s college days. Well, I guess that’s better than thinking it was Caleb Scudder. They finally drive off. The job of the Mayor of the Grand Prix of Indianapolis is to wave the green flag to start the race. Lo and behold, the guy who was in the golf cart is out there waving the green flag. Ooops. And then when Dave got home, he read that the crash at the start of the race sent metallic chards of carbon fiber out into the crowd, striking the Mayor. Now Dave feels terrible. Anyway, the Mayor is fine; nothing serious. And that was Dave’s weekend.
May I suggest a Barcalounger for the basement, a recliner with a beverage holder.

HARRY CONNICK JR.
Dave is always happy when Harry pays a visit. How was Mother’s Day? Harry says it was quiet and low-key. Harry, his wife Jill, and their 3 daughters went out for brunch, hung around the house, and then out for dinner. Dave admires Harry’s family. He has a beautiful wife, three beautiful daughters . . . and then there’s you. And that’s exactly how it is in a house of women. Harry is very excited with something. It’s a selfie. He was flying to Los Angeles and took a selfie. But the real fun, the real deal, was in the background of the selfie, on the same flight as Harry, was Leonard “frickin’” Nimoy. Harry points out Mr. Spock. Harry says with glee, “I was technically in space with Mr. Spock!” And he doesn’t mean Benjamin. In space with THE Mr. Spock!
Harry is finishing up the latest installment as judge on the American Idol. Dave is curious about his approach. Dave says you have to be honest with the contestants. You have to be honest, because giving them false hope can be very detrimental down the line. You have to set them straight. Harry says he tries to be specific in his critique and honest, which he feels will benefit them in the long run. Gentle, but honest. That’s not the way Harry grew up. His teacher, Ellis Marsalis, was straight ahead blunt. Harry heard more than once from the great teacher, “That was one of the worst performances I ever heard.” Ouch! Some would whither from such; others would fight and rise up against it. Dave says it’s a talent contest, not a popularity contest, so you have to be true. Me, I agree somewhat. From the Idol shows I’ve watched, FOX has a lot to say with whom the home viewers will support. Put out the right video bio and America will get behind that person . . . up to a point. “American Idol” – the big finale can be seen May 20th and 21st on the FOX. I’m picking that little red head kid. Is he still in it?
And look for Harry’s latest CD, “Every Man Should Know,” now in stores. Harry Connick Jr – I would like to have his talent.

ACT 4:
JESSE EISENBERG

He’s an Academy Award nominated actor for that Facebook movie. Has his nomination changed his life? Jesse says “No, because I haven’t been nominated since.” Having been nominated so early in his career, Jesse admits he did feel that a nomination would become an annual thing. Did Jesse come from an acting family? No. His dad is a college professor and his mom is getting a PhD. And Jesse’s schooling? He went to the New School downtown and has 2 classes left. He feels the pressure to get it done. Dave whispers for all to hear, “You know you’re an embarrassment to your family.”
Jesse’s new film is entitled, “The Double.” He plays the same guy two different ways. It’s a bit of a sci-fi thing. One character is mousy and quiet and shy. The other same character is everything the first guy isn’t. The 2nd same guy is outgoing, confident, the center of it all. One guy is lacking something; the other has too much of it. The “other” is there to show what the original is missing in life.
Was it hard to play the same character two different ways? Did he ever get confused as to which guy he was playing at the time? Jesse answers matter-of-factly, “No, I’m like a professional actor.”
I like Jesse Eisenberg. He can deliver a straight line comically. “The Double” – it opens nationwide this Friday.

Going into commercial, we tonight’s installment into the Backstage PhotoClub. It’s Walter Kim, creative director/digital media. See you at the PhotoClub party, Wally!

ACT 5:
The audience exits to 53rd Street for The Black Keys performance. ANNOUNCE: “Look for us tomorrow when Dave’s got Jim Parsons, Julie Chen, and Hozier. Visit cbs.com/lateshow to watch The Black Keys Live on Letterman. The Black Keys’ exclusive outdoor performance from the Ed Sullivan Theater can be streamed on demand.
Stay tuned for Judge Judy’s decision, after this.”

ACT 6:
THE BLACK KEYS

Outside on the balcony of the Ed Sullivan Theater, it’s The Black Keys! Their new album, “Turn Blue” is in stores tomorrow.
Check out The Black Keys web concert on the Late Show website. And while there, don’t forget to read the Wahoo Gazette.

And that was our show for Monday, May 12, 2014.

Announcer Alan Kalter was delayed tonight and there was a good chance he wouldn’t be here on time. I was in the bullpen warming up. And then during the national anthem, he made it in with minutes to spare. I was ready with my best Mike Buffer.

The best lead-in for a television show is one that puts people to sleep.

Ugh, happens to me at least once a week. I wake up and it feels like a Monday.

To paraphrase Yogi Berra, on his birthday, “No one goes out to eat on Mother’s Day. It’s too crowded.”

It happened 79 years ago today . . . . May 12, 1935: Bill Wilson and Dr. Bob Smith meet for the first time in Akron, Ohio, at the home of Henrietta Siberling. And Alcoholics Anonymous is born.

For the greatest player in the world, Lebron James sure does whine a lot.

I hate when they fall on the same day. Tomorrow, May 13th, is National Frog Jumping Day. Also, National Leprechaun Day.

Coming soon! A Cameo Wahoo by a Cameo Reader!

Tonight’s show was taped at 6:30 instead of the usual 4:30 to accommodate the band. We wanted a sunset lighting.

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
From Western University in Ontario, Canada, it’s Mustang Jamie Munro.
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER

Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
Twitter: @WahooMike

Wahoo Gazette Archive

Saturday, November 22
I'm not a tailor and I didn't play one on TV.
Thursday, November 20
Dave approves a family of actors to attend Thanksgiving in his stead.
Wednesday, November 19
Dave and Regis turn to their friend Peter Lassally for conversation.
Wednesday, November 19
Dally and Spanky take a shortcut during Stupid Pet Tricks.
Monday, November 17
Who's whiter: Dave or Jason Sudeikis?