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Tuesday, May 13, 2014 Dave and Julie Chen reveal their inside joke from a past show.
Show #4030
Jim Parsons, Julie Chen, and Hozier.
PLUS: Karl Rover; Donald Sterling; Michael Sam; and New Shows.

" . . . . and now, the midnight rambler . . . . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1:
MONOLOGUE:
- "Thank you. That was better than a beating by Beyonce's sister."
- "Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are getting married in an undisclosed location. And Mexico has been chosen for the divorce."

Karl Rove made headlines this week by suggesting that Hillary Clinton suffered brain damage after a serious fall in 2012. Who is Karl Rove to talk? We take a look at some of his questionable behavior.
We see Mr. Rove "rapping" and dancing to the "Karl Rove Dance." Right after that he offered advice to John McCain in his run for the President.

Here's some great fun! We take a look at Donald Sterling's interview with Anderson Cooper on the "Anderson Cooper 360". It's "Highlights from the Donald Sterling/Anderson Cooper Interview."
ART CARD: "Highlights from the Donald Sterling/Anderson Cooper Interview."
We see Donald Sterling trying to say something . . . anything . . . that will make some sense. Actually, the stammering and sighing and his interrupted speech is the only thing that didn't get him in trouble.
Sterling didn't use a shovel to dig his own hole on Anderson Cooper, he used an excavator.

The St. Louis Rams became the first NFL team to draft an openly gay player. Some people warned us there would be repercussions. Turns out they were right. We take a look at this report Dave saw on the CNN.

ANNOUNCE: "According to a new report, the first openly gay NFL draft pick, Michael Sam, has turned the entire St. Louis Rams roster gay. Everyone in St. Louis is now also gay. Missouri? Gay. Everyone in America? Gay. Including you. You're gay. Everyone on earth? Gay. Astronauts? Still straight. Once the astronauts land? Gay.
This is CNN."

So there you go. This joke sort of reminded me of a Woody Allen joke. "One benefit to being bisexual is it doubles your chances on the weekend."

ACT 2:
You can't avoid it, especially if you're in the comedy business . . . Donald Sterling. Dave provides insight into what he feels is the meaning of the freedom of speech. It doesn't mean you should go out and express every feeling and idea you have. You have that freedom, sure, but it doesn't mean you should do it. Remaining silent can sometimes prevent others from realizing how dim you really are. That leads Dave into this next clip of the Donald Sterling/Anderson Cooper interview. We take a look.
We see Donald Sterling voicing an opinion to Anderson Cooper: "Did you ever like a girl and were you ever jealous of her a little bit if she was with other guys?"
Cut to Anderson Cooper who says nothing, expressionless.

JIM PARSONS
Paul is a big fan of "The Big Bang Theory." Or so he says. He says he watches the show with his wife who is a big big fan. The more Paul tried to convince Dave that he watches the show, the less believable he was.
For your team roster: Jim Parsons is 6' 2", 170 pounds. He keeps the pounds off by avoiding the gluten. And he tries to keep away from the sugar and white processed stuff, and he doesn't drink. I was with him right up to the last part. Dave wonders why America has come down so hard on the gluten. Jim has to admit he has no idea. But I imagine going gluten-free is probably a requirement to living in L.A. He admits the cause is worthless.
Dave is curious about Jim's start in "The Big Bang." He auditioned, then waited by the phone. His agent was ecstatic when Jim got a tryout for the "new Chuck Lorre project." Jim didn't know who Chuck Lorre was, and thought his agent was talking about Chuck Woolery. He couldn't understand why everyone was so excited about a Chuck Woolery project. When Jim say Chuck Lorre, he thought, "Hey, that's not Chuck Woolery." And now he know Chuck Lorre as the man who changed his life. Coincidentally, Chuck Woolery changed my life. I figured if he could make it in show business . . . .
Just kidding, Chuck!
Jim is now involved in an HBO film, "A Normal Heart," an adaptation of the Tony Award-winning pay written by Larry Kramer. It's a story about the onset of the HIV-AIDS crisis in New York City in the early 1980s. I remember seeing Larry Kramer a lot on the TV back then, but very little since. Very interesting, very intense man. Of course, his intensity was very understandable. Jim says this film reminds us of where we were back then. It was a very scary place to be; so much unknown. Dave asks how we should view HIV/AIDS here in North America now. Is it under control? Jim says one thing we have to be careful of is complacency. It's not behind us, a cure is still not available.
Jim describes himself as a huge sports fan and Dave is curious what he things about footballer Michael Sam being drafted to the NFL. Jim is thrilled. Jim admits to forever being in a slight fear of one of his beloved sports doing something terribly cruel or overly negative towards the homosexual community and then having to divorce himself from that "leisurely pastime" he enjoyed. There have been close calls, though.
We take a look at a photo of Jim Parsons, Steve Martin, and President Barack Obama. Jim looks on in the background as Martin and Obama taps elbows. Dave is suspicious. One person in that photo looks to be a cutout. What did Jim talk about with the President? He has no idea. It happens, you know you're with the President, all your senses are on full alert, and then you can't remember a thing that was said.
A clip? Do we have a clip? Jim says, "I don't bring clips, Dave. I am the entertainment."

"The Big Bang Theory" - Thursdays at 8:00 PM on CBS. The season finale is this Thursday.
"The Normal Heart" - premieres on HBO, Sunday May 25th.

Hey, how 'bout Jim Parsons as a Late Late Show host.

ACT 4:
It's the time of year when all the networks announce their fall lineup and the new shows. Dave has a list of some of the new shows we can expect.
- "Over My Dead Body" - John Leguizamo stars as Chet Wilco, a former NYPD coroner who investigates gangland hits by disguising himself as a mob corpse.
- "Rash Decision" - Every week, two teams of dermatologists compete to diagnose the skin conditions of celebrity panelists. Chuck Woolery hosts. (This is why I never gamble. If I was told that Chuck Woolery's name would come up two times in tonight's show, I would have bet everything I have.)
- "Mail Team 6" - At trouble spots around the globe, the Post Office's most-elite operatives must get in, deliver the mail and get out. It's a Special Delivery of danger!
- "Hippopota-POTUS" - A reluctant citizenry learns that great leadership comes in all shapes and sizes, when a quirk in the election process results in a hippo becoming president. (Dave crumbles up the blue sheet and throws it threw the non-existent window behind him. A glass crash is heard. When we got rid of the window panes behind Dave months/years ago, I asked if we would continue with the glass crash. I was told the glass crash would remain and would pretend it was a big picture window.)
- "John Jay's Garage" - In the early 1800s New York, retired Governor and former chief justice John Jay works on his dozens of antique carriages and takes them out for rides.
- "Hawaii 555" - It's 'Entourage'-meets-'Mad Men' in this Hollywood drama. Daniel Levy, played by Jason Biggs, is the no-nonsense boss of a Beverly Hills production office, whose specialty is generating fake phone numbers for TV shows and films set in Hawaii.
- "Cup o' Joe" Joseph Finkle is a down-on-his-luck barista who hatches a scheme to sell his clean urine to cheating professional athletes from the back of his Brooklyn coffee shop

And that's just some of the new shows in store for us this fall.

ACT 5:
ANNOUNCE: "Join us again tomorrow for Dave and his guests Barbara Walters, Elle Fanning, and Randy Houser. Plus, visit CBS.com/lateshow to watch The Black Keys Live on Letterman. The Black Keys' exclusive outdoor performance from the Ed Sullivan Theater can be streamed on demand. Think it over and get back to me."

ACT 6:
JULIE CHEN
Julie shares a story of something that happened on this show during her last visit. Dave introduced her and met her center stage. There he whispered something into her eat and remained whispering for quite a long while. We have a clip. We watch that long embrace and private conversation. After the segment, backstage everyone wanted to know what it was that Dave said. Her husband, Les Moonves, the guy who runs all of CBS, was watching the show as well and this made him very uncomfortable. When he saw Julie after the show, he immediately wanted to know, "What was that all about?" This satisfied Dave to no end. Julie told Les exactly what happened. Dave met Julie centerstage and whispered that he had heard Les was in the building. He said he wanted to remain in a clutch for an extended period of time to get Les wondering what he was saying. Dave now says with a big smile that it may have taken two years for him to find out, but "mission accomplished!"
And to finish it off tonight, more of the same. Dave leans over and whispers something into Julie's ear. At first, she over-acts to what Dave is saying, but then it all turns real as she responds with glee to what Dave is whispering. What did Dave say? I don't know, but you may find out on Wednesday on "The Talk" - 2:00 PM Eastern, 1:00 PM Pacific. "The Talk" is in New York all this week. And watch for her "Big Brother" returns for a 16th season on Wednesday, June 25th right here on the CBS.

ACT 7:
HOZIER
The singer from Ireland performs his interesting new E.P. "Take Me To Church." He will have a new album coming this fall.

And that was our show for Tuesday May 13, 2014.

I'm so glad there is nothing more important happening in the world than Jay Z getting in a spat with his sister-in-law. I'm thinking of creating a hashtag "Stop Beating Up Jay Z".
Full disclosure: I have no idea what hashtagging means.

What's with the gluten? Dave isn't sure what's all the noise is about and Jim Parsons thinks it's probably much ado about nothing. It has something to do with a wheat allergy. I first heard of it 5 years ago or so, before it came started "trending" (not sure what that means). My niece was diagnosed with the Celiac disease which is some gastric thing that is brought on by the gluten wheat. She really has to watch what she eats. Now people seem to proudly wear it like a badge. When my niece went to Ireland soon after being told she had the celiac, she found that there was gluten-free food all over the shelves. She was a bit shocked to see so much available. It seem the celiac is more common with the Irish.
Check it out! See if you are gluten-sensitive! It's all the rage!

What happened 20 years ago tonight?
May 13, 1994 - Johnny Carson makes his last television appearance with Dave and the Late Show in Los Angeles.
Happy National Frog Jumping Day. The origin of National Frog Jumping Day stems from Mark Twain's first short story entitled, "Jim Smiley and His Jumping Frog" about a competition between two men as to whose frog can jump higher. The story's title was changed to "The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County." The annual Frog Jumping Contest, which began in 1849 in Calaveras County, California, is also an origin of today's holiday.
The current frog jumping record was set in 1986 by Rosie the Ribeter, who jumped 21 feet, 5-3/4 inches.
Now you know the rest of the story you weren't interested in in the first place

Congratulations to the New York Rangers on their Game 7 win vs. the Pittsburgh Penguins. That's twice I've rooted for the Blue Shirts in the playoffs, something I haven't done in decades. I'll be pulling for them against if they play the Boston Bruins next. If they play the Habs, the Montreal Canadians, I'm not so sure. Do you know what I like most about NHL hockey Game 7s? The final two minutes can actually take two minutes. I was watching the Nets/Heat game Monday night. There was a minute left in the game and the teams had a combined 6 timeouts remaining. I could have cut the lawn and came back and the game still wouldn't have been over.

Coming soon! Cameo Wahoo by a Wahoo Reader.

We taped tonight's show at 4:30.

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
It's Daddy Mac! Happy Birthday to my dad, John McIntee.
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER

Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
Twitter: @WahooMike


Tonight's Guests

Johnny Galecki
Andre Benjamin
Delta Spirit

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