Jason Segel, Liv Tyler, and Trampled By Turtles.
PLUS: The Popes Watching the World Cup; What to Watch Now That the World Cup is Over; the President's Credit Card; and a Top Ten List.
" . . . and now, pint-guzzling eccentric . . . . . . . David Letterman!"
Odd Dave - mimes smoking and drinking at the top of the show.
- "The Pope is considering repealing the celibacy rule for priests. Everyone is taking this seriously. Earlier today at St. Patrick's, Cardinal Dolan sent over a Communion wine to a babe in the first pew."
- "Germany held its victory parade for winning their 4th World Cup championship, but they're still 0-2 in World Wars."
Pope Francis (Argentina) and his predecessor Pope Benedict XVI (Germany) got together over the weekend to watch their teams square off in the World Cup final. The Vatican released this footage.
We see the Pope kneeling in prayer in front of a flat screen. We widen to see they are also sharing a pizza. Hey, they're just like us!
An estimated 900 million people who watched the 1-0 World Cup final are asking themselves, "What are we going to watch now?" We take a look.
ANNOUNCE: "If you enjoyed watching the World Cup final, you'll love watching corn processing at Hannegan's Corn Factory! Come watch us turn thousands of corn cobs into millions of corn kernels! Look at that corn go!"
LOGO: Hannegan's Corn
ANNOUNCE: "Hannegan's Corn. Relax. It's Hannegan's Corn."
Did you see this? President Obama was down in Texas and got some of that barbecue. He paid for it with his credit card. He was happy to pay and was proud to show off that he had a credit card. Unfortunately, with today's technology, his card number can be seen in digital photos. CNN filed this report.
ANNOUNCE: "After accidentally revealing his credit card number in Austin, Texas last week, President Obama spent all morning doing this."
Photo of Obama on the phone.
OBAMA: "Yes, who's this?"
VISA CREDIT CARD CUSTOMER SERVICE REP: "Good morning, Mr. President, this is Jim from Visa fraud protection. I'm calling to verify some recent charges on your account."
OBAMA: "Of course, go ahead."
VISA: "Mr. President, did you recently spend $159 on an inflatable tandem kayak from Outdooradventures.com?"
VISA: "What about $279.95 on a Rotisserie Turkey Fryer from Hammacher Schlemmer?"
OBAMA: "The answer would be no."
VISA: "$656 on a Deluxe Meat Sampler from Omaha Steaks?"
VISA: "And what about $335 on a Master Pollinator's Beekeeping Kit from Hudson Valley Bee Supply?"
OBAMA: "I'm an amateur beekeeper."
VISA: "So that's a 'Yes'?"
VISA: "Thank you very much, sir."
Sitting in with the band tonight, the First Lady of Southern Soul, it's Candi Staton. Her new album is entitled, "Life Happens."
TOP TEN - Archie Andrews, the comic book icon, will be killed off in an upcoming issue when he takes a bullet for a friend. His death will conclude the adult-themed "Life of Archie" series.
Dave shares what he knows about Archie and the gang. He does very well, bringing up Archie, Reggie, Betty, Veronica, and Jughead. He didn't know where they lived, but I knew it was in Riverdale. I always thought the Riverdale was in the Bronx. I wiki'd it and found Riverdale was in Massachusetts and then Missouri. We'll leave it to your choice.
Dave is upset that Archie will meet his demise. He'll be shot dead! He'll be shot dead as he takes a bullet intended for a friend. In the prime of life! Paul equally upset, but says that Archie at least dies a hero. Dave is concerned about the rest of the Archie gang. Archie's dead, but what happens to Reggie and Jughead and Betty and Veronica and all the rest? Now they're out of work, unemployed! Paul pipes in, "But Archie has made sure that his staff will continue to get paid." Laughs throughout the Control Room, backstage, and in all the offices of the Ed. We see staffers applauding Archie's generous gesture. The band also applauds. Dave is caught to the quick, then mumbles, "Yeah, good for Archie. Good for his staff."
TOP TEN MEMORABLE MOMENTS IN COMIC STRIP HISTORY - Each entry is accompanied by a comic photo.
10. The state of California allows Mutt to marry Jeff
9. Dilbert caught Xeroxing himself
8. Cathy finally dies alone and unloved
7. The Katzenjammer Kids beat Brazil's soccer team seven to one
6. Flash Gordon is arrested for indecent exposure
5. Family Circus's tribute to Kim Jong-Un
4. Bazooka Joe choking to death on stale gum
3. Beetle Bailey exchanged for five Taliban prisoners
2. The Lockhorns' threesome
1. Scrooge McDuck refusing to sell the Los Angeles Clippers
He's in the new film, "Sex Tape," which he stars and co-wrote. Before getting to the movie, Dave wants to talk about sandwiches and burritos. Some time back, Jason tweeted that he finds that "Sandwiches are more diverse than burritos." Well, that set off a twitter storm with everyone chiming in about sandwiches vs. burritos. Dave puts the discussion to rest: There is nothing better than a sandwich. Jason nearly leaps out of his chair seeing that Dave is in his corner. Both talk of the beauty and love of the sandwich. Jason lists his top 5 sandwiches:
5. The BLT
4. The Reuben
3. Tuna Melt
2. Grilled cheese.
I laughed at how the audience applauded following each sandwich.
Dave says he would add the Club Sandwich to that list, but his favorite is . . . . . . I was hoping for the Ham and Swiss on Rye . . . . . DING! Dave runs down the ingredients of his favorite sandwich: Ham, wheat bread or rye, lettuce, tomato, mayonnaise, and mustard . . . . . . and really really sharp cheddar. Nice sandwich! I was very nervous when Dave mentioned "mayonnaise." Oooh, on a ham and cheese? Mayonnaise? Only if it is smothered with mustard . . .. . . sorry, Dave, but spicy brown mustard.
Before leaving the topic, Dave and Jason both agree they have nothing against the burrito. It's just not a sandwich.
Jason went on a diet and explains his diet is simply this: When eating out at a Mexican restaurant, never ask for more chips. Only eat the chips they give you. Dave agrees. Dave puts it plainly, "Chips are a rookie mistake. Don't waste your time on chips." Better things are on the way.
"Sex Tape" - the couple misplace their homemade sex tape. It goes viral. No offense to Jason, but in the clip we see Cameron Diaz steals the scene. "Sex Tape" --- It opens this Friday, July 18th.
Music from the great Candi Staton.
We've seen her grown up! Liv was first here in 1996 at the young age of 19 to promote "Stealing Beauty". And now she's a grown woman with a 9-year-old son. Mom and son recently went on a cross-country roadtrip in an RV. Liv did much of the driving. We see a photo of the oversized RV. Do you need a special license to drive an RV of that size? Need to pass a test? No, just fork over the money and you're in! They left New York City and headed south to Kentucky. For some reason, Big Bone Lick and Beaver Lick were on the itinerary. They visited Dollywood and ended up in the upper peninsula of Michigan. I've been curious about the Upper Peninsula. Whenever someone talks about Michigan, they will hold up their hand like a mitt as an example of what Michigan looks like. Then they'll point to their palm and say, "We stayed here." But there is a whole other part of Michigan, the Upper Peninsula, that no one really knows about. It's a future destination for me. But back to Liv. Dave says taking a cross-country trip in an RV with the family looks great on paper, but he isn't so sure about the actuality. Maybe if each stop involved a 5-star hotel, it might be doable.
Liv is starring in the HBO series, "The Leftovers." It's about the world that experiences the sudden disappearance of 2% of the population without explanation. The program focuses not so much on the disappearance, but the reaction of those left behind. On the bright side, the morning commute is probably better.
"The Leftovers" - 10:00 PM Sunday nights on HBO.
TRAMPLED BY TURTLES
From their new album, "Wild Animals," in stores today, Trampled By Turtles performed "Are You Behind The Shining Star."
Nice. How can you go wrong with a fiddle, a mandolin, a mini-cello, a banjo, acoustic guitars, and a yelper.
And that was our show for Tuesday July 15, 2014.
TOP TEN MEMORABLE MOMENTS IN COMIC STRIP HISTORY
Just before the show, I had a minute so I scribbled some down just in case needed or wanted. I imagine the writers googled a list of comic strips and then came up with jokes from the list. I didn't have a list in front of me. These were off the top of my head.
MEMORABLE MOMENTS IN COMIC STRIP HISTORY
- Flash Gordon arrested for 'Flashing his Gordon.'
- The Katzenjammer Kids going hooligan following the World Cup
- Family Circus that one time it was funny
- Richie Rich's Atlantic City casino and hotel files for bankruptcy
- Revealed that Blondie is actually a brunette.
- Dagwood goes on a diet recommended by Eddie Brill.
How is it that Derek Jeter can be so good without a swagger?
Did you watch the All-Star game Tuesday night? I'm a big Derek Jeter guy and I know this is his last year, but it hadn't really hit me until last night. Seeing those goodbyes . . . . . . sigh. Typical Yankee fan that I am, I'm already looking forward to getting Troy Tulowitzki. And that's why the rest of the world hates us. Can't blame them.
Uh oh, more baseball talk . . . .
The Derek Jeter play that will always stand out for me is "the flip" in the 2001 playoffs against the Oakland A's. With the Yankees losing, Oakland was looking to increase their lead. A double to the right field corner left Jeter with an undefined role. Where should he be on a play that will be relayed to home plate? The relay would be going to the 2nd baseman who would turn and throw home. Jeter decided to back up the 2nd baseman and backup the 1st baseman who was backing up the 2nd baseman. Jeter thought it would be wise to be there in case the rightfielder overthrew the 2nd baseman AND the 1st baseman. Ridiculous. Like, how often does that happen, one in a thousand? Well, this was the one-in-a-thousand. The rightfielder overthrew the 2nd baseman and his backup, the first baseman. Jeter was there to get the ball and flip it to the catcher who tagged out the guy trying to score. Game saved, playoffs saved, and on to the World Series. That's what I try to teach my kids: what are you doing when no one is looking? Don't be a spectator! Do something . . . . . anything . . . just in case. Don't be a spectator.
And it's why I was no big fan of former Yankee 2nd baseman Robinson Cano. He never hustled to first base on a ground out. Sure, there won't be an errant throw this time, or the next time, but over the course of a season, there will be a couple throws that will draw the first baseman off the bag. Hustle EVERY time and it'll pay off. Not this time, and not the next time, and not the next 10 times, but over the course of a year, yeah, it will. And by hustling every time, the defense will know this. They will know they can't take their time with you running hard. That little "hurry up" may cause them to throw wild. Just in case.
CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
From the Wayne Memorial High School Zebras in Wayne, Michigan, it's Conrad Escue
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
Michael Z. McIntee