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Monday, August 18, 2014 Funny people: 2 out of 4 ain't bad.
Show #4069
Bruce Willis, and The Gaslight Anthem.
PLUS: NYC bedbugs; David Gregory’s last day at “Meet The Press”; Good Enough For August; a Top Ten List; and Dave’s thoughts on the passing of Robin Williams.

“ . . . . and now, a churning urn of burning funk . . . . . . . . . David Letterman!”

ACT 1:
MONOLOGUE:

-“Chris Christie was seen dancing at a benefit on Long Island this weekend. Did you feel it?”

Remember when we had a bedbug problem in the New York City hotels? Well, the bedbugs are now taking the subway. But New Yorkers are a tough lot. Bedbugs are nothing when we have to put up with stuff like this.
We take a look at a clip. We see a sleeping gentleman on the subway. A rat crawls up his leg and ambles across his shoulders and face. The gent wakes with a startle. I’m sure he didn’t see that in the subway brochure.

NBC has replaced David Gregory as the host of “Meet The Press”. Yesterday they said farewell. Did you see their tribute? We cut to a clip.
ANDREA MITCHELL: “’Meet The Press’ has made a lot of history and a great deal of it was with David Gregory at the helm since he started in December of 2008.” They cut to a clip of one of David Gregory’s highlights. It’s him dancing with a dog.
ANDREAM MITCHELL: “We’ll be back with more right after this.”

Here’s something that we could get away with only in the summer. It’s hot, it’s humid, we’re all sluggish. It’s something we call, “Good Enough For August.”
ART CARD: GOOD ENOUGH FOR AUGUST
ANNOUNCE: “Governor Chris Christie.”
ANNOUNCE: “Mayor Rob Ford.”
ANNOUNCE: “The Expandables”
We see a photo of Christie and Ford squeezed together with a graphic similar to “The Expendables” movie poster.
ANNOUNCE: “’Good Enough For August’ is a presentation of FATCO.”

ACT 2:
Dave takes a moment to share his thoughts on the passing of Robin Williams. He first met Robin 38 years ago at the Comedy Store in California. The Comedy Store was where all the comedians would show their talents, working for drinks and some working for lots of drinks. The Comedy Store was where you would find Dave, Jay Leno, Tom Dreesen, Tim Thomerson, Johnny Dark, Elayne Boosler, Jimmie Walker . . . and whenever a new guy showed up, the regulars would watch to see what he or she had, and to make fun of their act. But mostly they would watch to make sure the new guy wasn’t funnier than them. If the guy is funny, everyone drops down one slot on the comedy totem pole. So one day Robin Williams showed up. For some unknown reason, he was billed as a guy from Scotland. Dave wasn’t concerned because he figured it would be jokes about haggis and that would be it. Anyway, Dave and his buddy George Miller looked on as Robin performed on stage. What they saw was nothing they had ever seen before; nothing they had ever imagined. Dave says he and the other comedians would go home each night and jot down jokes reflecting the events of the day, and then come back and tell those jokes in front of the Comedy Store audience. But this guy was an explosion. Dave likens his and his fellow comedian like a morning dew. Robin Williams was a hurricane. The longer Robin was on stage that night, the worse and worse the other comedians felt about themselves. Robin wouldn’t stop. He just kept going and going. Dave felt his future in show business had come to an end. Robin went on to do “Happy Days” and then onto “Mork and Mindy.” Though jealous and envious, Dave was happy for Robin’s success because is meant Robin wasn’t around The Comedy Store all that much, and it allowed Dave to pretend Robin Williams never happened. And Robin Williams being the man he was, he invited Dave to perform on “Mork and Mindy.” Robin wanted to spread around and share his success. And since then, Robin Williams appeared on the Late Show and Dave’s Late Night nearly 50 times, each time a manic success. What Dave appreciated the most about Robin’s appearances is it allowed Dave to take the night off. All Dave would have to do was open with, “Welcome to the show, Robin” and Robin would take it from there. Dave could sit back and enjoy the performance before him.
Dave holds up a photo from back in the day of Richard Pyror, Mitzi Shore (owner of the Comedy Store), Dave, and Robin Williams. Wow. Now there’s a Hall of Fame shot.

Dave then throws to a montage of some of Robin’s appearances here at the Late Show.

Dave will always remember Robin as a very talented man, a good friend, and a gentleman. Dave is sorry that he wasn’t aware of the pain Robin suffered.

ACT 3:
BRUCE WILLIS

The mega-star’s new film is “Frank Miller’s Sin City: A Dame To Kill For.” He’s also the dad to five daughters. I have two daughters. I must admit the first thing I thought of when I learned I had daughters on the way was, “Thank goodness. Now I’ll have someone to take care of me when I’m old.” Bruce will be well taken care of. Dave wonders about the odds of having 5 daughters without having a son. That’s easy . . . . 1 in 32. Get 32 families with 5 children . . . . and one family will have 5 daughters, probability speaking. (1/2 times 1/2 times 1/2 times 1/2 times 1/2)
With 5 daughters to support, Bruce knows his movie money won’t be enough. He knows he has to venture out into new ventures. Bruce has a line of colognes and fragrances for both men and women. The brown bottle is known as the Tiger. Dave samples it, spraying it in the air and then taking a sniff. The second bottle is a little bit more mild. Dave again does the sniff test, and then the taste test. Dave says it has a linguini and clams flavor. This fragrance goes by the name Kitty. And the third is something for the ladies, called “Loving.” It also doubles as a nice head wax. Gives you a nice shine.
What else is Bruce working on? This is perfect for the summer: it’s a hands-free corn on the cob apparatus. I believe it’s a prototype. Some of the wrinkles still have to be ironed out. In addition to the hands-free corn on the cob thing, you can also get the corn on the cob self-buttering helmet. It’s . . . well, why don’t you just watch the clip on the Late Show website. A bib would also come in handy.

“Frank Miller’s Sin City: A Dame To Kill For” – it’s a sequel, but didn’t Bruce Willis’ character die in the first film? How can he also be in the sequel if he died in the first one? Bruce says when a movie makes half-a-billion dollars, you never killed.

“Frank Miller’s Sin City: A Dame To Kill For” – it opens this Friday in the ever-popular 3D. The Late Show can also be seen in 3D, but only if you come to the theater.

ACT 5:
ANNOUNCE: “Tune in tomorrow to catch Dave with Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Novak Djokovic, and Robby Johnson. In case you missed it, I just successfully pronounced ‘Novak Djokovic’?”

ACT 6:
TOP TEN: POSSIBLE NAMES FOR ANTHONY WEINER’S NEW RESTAURANT
– That’s right, Mr. Lewd Selfie is thinking of opening a restaurant here in New York City. I don’t know . . . . do you really want him touching your food?

POSSIBLE NAMES FOR ANTHONY WEINER’S NEW RESTAURANT
10. Steak 'N Shame
9. TGI Selfie's
8. A Little Too Friendly's
7. Sbarred from Public Life
6. Anthony's Big Boy
5. Hardee's
4. El Pollo Creepo
3. Chipokele
2. DcDonald's
1. Very Little Caesar's

I pitched a couple just in case needed. On my very short list, I also had “Hardee’s” like many others. I also had Tony’s Pulled Pork, In and Out Weiners, and Dick-Fil-A,

ACT 7:
THE GASLIGHT ANTHEM:

From their new album, “Get Hurt,” the band from New Brunswick, New Jersey performed “Get Hurt.”

And that was our show for Monday, August 18, 2014.

I’m back. As always, two weeks off is so much better than one week off. It’s more than 2-times better; it’s more like 2-squared times better. Three weeks off and I’m not sure if I would ever come back.
My second week off, the family and I spent a week at the Jersey Shore. Very relaxing, great family time. The first week off was at home doing this and that and looking for stuff to do. You know it’s now a very exciting vacation when the most exciting thing you do is looking at old photos of Donz on Facebook.

My first memory of Robin Williams: I was in college. It was 1978. I came back from the library and the dorm was abuzz over what they had just seen. It was the new show, “Mork and Mindy.” This alien Mork had just reenacted the entire movie, every scene, of The Wizard of Oz in less than a minute. They couldn’t believe it. Now as soon as I heard “alien” I wasn’t all that interested. I’m not a sci-fi guy. Plus, I didn’t watch too much TV in college except for old repeats of “My Three Sons” right after dinner in the lounge. I only liked the ones with a young Ernie. The dorms back then only had one TV in the first floor lounge. Plus, it was in black and white. And someone had to get up and turn the channel by hand. I know, right? Ancient! And very few had a TV in their room. Anyway, people were all agog over the Mork performance of the Wizard of Oz.
And that’s how I first became aware of Robin Williams.
Everything above is the truth, except the part where I said I was coming back from the library.

My daughter Dominique was in the car the other day. She was about to pull out and I told her that I had just cleaned the car and it should still be cleaned when she returned. And while she was ignoring me and looking for something on her iPad-thing for music, I told her she should be listening to Elvis because he had died on this date back in 1977 (August 16th). I told her the way she is so sad about Robin Williams is the way I felt about Elvis when he died. She looked up at me and said, “But I don’t like Elvis.” Oh, my. There is so little time before she’s off to college . . . . and she doesn’t like Elvis? I hope the kids don’t make fun of her. I’m really considering taking her in for a blood test. Not like Elvis?

Back in my college days, my girlfriend from Long Island came up for a visit. I bought tickets to see an Elvis Presley impersonator in nearby Westchester. The King had been dead for a year by now. We got there and found our seats that were closer to the back than to the front. When the show started, she commented with a tease that there were many seats better than ours that were still empty. She wanted to know why I went with the cheaper tickets? I quickly explained that if we sat any closer, we would be able to tell that it wasn’t really Elvis.

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
From Downers Grove, Illinois, it’s birthday boy Stuart Allard
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER

Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
Twitter: @WahooMike

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