First Lady Michelle Obama, and The Chevin.
PLUS: Dr. Phil's car; get to know Reince; the national debt clock; the Chris Christie Cholesterol Clock; a new Republican commercial; security is tight at the Late Show; and a Top Ten list.
" . . . and now, kale and okra farmer . . . . . David Letterman!"
- "Secret Service is here for the First Lady's appearance. I was frisked. I was groped. I was patted down. And then I got back on line."
- "Republicans are promising to cue unpopular programs. I know they're talking about me."
- "Chris Christie's keynote address, he didn't mention Mitt Romney for 16 minutes . . . yet he mentioned Breyers Ice Cream three minutes in."
Dr. Phil's car was stolen. Shouldn't be hard to find. Just look for his license plate. We see a photo of the plate: "Quack 1"
The Chairman of the Republican National Committee . . . his name is Reince Priebus
. How did you pronounce his name in your head? The proper way to say his name is Ryntz, like pints, Pree-biss. Reince Priebus . . . Ryntz Preebiss. This would be a good time to get to know him a bit better.
ANNOUNCE: "Reince Priebus is the chairman of the Republican National Committee. He's a lawyer and the former chairman of the Wisconsin Republican Party. He has four brothers . . . "Roink, Rurch, Remp and Rift. Now You Know Reince Priebus."
The Republicans want to underline the rising national debt and have installed a United States National Debt Clock to run throughout the convention. It started in the 15 trillions and topped 16 trillion during the 4-day Tampa party. We take a look at the rapidly advancing clock. The numbers run about as fast as the numbers on a gasoline pump. At the convention, there is also a Chris Christie Cholesterol Clock. We take a look. Yikes! If things remain the same, it should pass the national debt by October.
The Republican Party is having trouble connecting with women voters, but they are making changes to fix that. They put out this new commercial to raise their appeal to the female population.
ANNOUNCE: "The Republican Party wants to be the party of strong, confident, modern American women. We make this promise to you: if there's a Republican victory in November, every American woman will receive a new apron, vacuum cleaner, and a copy of the book by Representative Todd Akin, '101 Cool Things I Heard Your Body Can Do.' The Republican Party: Back to the Future."
Because First Lady Michelle Obama is on tonight's program, our staff had to pass through a security checkpoint in order to gain entrance to the building. We take a look of what took place.
We see a line of staffers about to walk through the security checkpoint. The guard waves a wand around each. He makes "boop boop boop" noises with his mouth, instead of the wand doing the actual "booping." One staffer gets a "boop boop boop beep beep beep" and is told to step aside.
TOP TEN HIGHLIGHTS OF PAST CONVENTIONS
10. Gerald Ford's ill-advised perm
8. Hubert Humphrey energizes delegates by imploring them to "get on the hump"
7. As a gesture of good will, Abraham Lincoln makes chili in his hat
5. John McCain forgets why he's on stage, begins calling bingo numbers
2. The awkward Nixon/Agnew open-mouth kiss
1. Bob Dole experiences Viagra side effects; stays behind podium for 3-1/2 hours
FIRST LADY MICHELLE OBAMA
The First Lady is met with a rousing standing ovation. Mrs. Obama has initiated a program to fight childhood obesity called "Let's Move!" Dave asks about the Obama children. Mrs. Obama is proud to say that both daughters, Malia (14) and Sasha (11), went to sleep-away camp for four weeks this summer. Malia had gone before for two weeks, but this was the first time for Sasha. Sasha explains she put off going away because she didn't think her mom was ready for it yet. Four weeks at sleep-away . . . Dave isn't sure if he could handle that with his son. Dave admits that he . . . Dave . . . isn't ready. His son might be ready, but Dave isn't. Michelle says 4 weeks is a long time. After two weeks, you really want them back.
Dave describes his childhood. There were no camps and certainly no sleep-away camps. His boyhood summers involved playing with a pointy stick his dad whittled. It's not like that anymore. Dave wonders if kids today are spending too many hours playing video games like Pong. I busted a laugh. Pong?! Yes, even Dave had to return to the question a moment later. Pong? Dave laughed at his own dated reference.
It's back-to-school time and Michelle is proud to say that schools are slowing changing their lunchtime menu to offer healthier choices. Great improvements have been made in the school lunch programs with an increased emphasis on fruit, vegetables, whole grains, and portion size. It's all part of her "Let's Move" campaign. To find out more, check out: www.letsmove.gov
In addition, her "Joining Forces" initiative to help our returning troops find useful work has been a huge success. In the past year there has been a 20% drop in the unemployment rate among returning vets and is now about equal to the national average.
Find out more: http://www.whitehouse.gov/joiningforces
And while you're at it, check out the radio show heard on the Armed Force Radio Network, http://steppinoutradio.com/ --- produced and created by my first lady, Denise McIntee
ANNOUNCE: "You'll want to catch Dave tomorrow as he welcomes Bruce Willis, comedian Brian Regan, and The Heavy. First Lady Michelle Obama has developed the "Let's Move" program to help solve the epidemic of childhood obesity. You can join this important cause. Visit www.letsmove.gov for more information.
: From their forthcoming CD, "Borderline," the band from Yorkshire, England performed "Champion."
And that was our show for Wednesday, August 29, 2012
RNC --- it stands for the Republican National Committee . . . not the Republican National Convention. For some reason, I think I'm the only one who knows that.
Uh oh . . . I just checked the internets. Seems RNC might be the Republican National Convention. But I'm guessing all those people are wrong, too. I'm going to believe I'm the only one right. Everyone else is wrong. RNC . . . which is it?
Speaking of summer sleep-away camp . . . My girls went away to sleep-away camp at the age of 14 for two weeks. The empty nest at home was awkward at first. Dinner talk consisted mostly of, "So, what do you think the girls are doing now?" Denise and I were lonely. By the second week we realized, "Hey, this could be fun for us, too." College in two years will be a real test, though. I'm already making a list of conversation-starters. The list so far includes: the weather, the Yankees, and the price of a gallon of gasoline.
Yeah, my girls are thinking of college. One wants to go to Marist, about an hour and a half away. The other has a new hankering for Notre Dame. I keep whispering, but obviously not loud enough, "State school . . . state school." As the girls get older, I'm hearing more and more stories about college. Kids today can select their roommate before they get to school freshman year. Through the internet they can find someone of similar tastes and ideas. And then they can put in to be roommates. But that's not what college is all about. College is supposed to broaden, not pigeon-hole. The sports nut should find himself paired with a political wonk. The computer nerd should be coupled with a music freak. The business major should be matched with the artist. You should be thrown into the situation and do your best to make it work. You just might learn something you never expected. After the first year, the student can go and live with whoever he or she wants, but that first year should be all about widening your field of vision. . But . . . . we can't place children in an uncomfortable environment even for a minute. Good heavens, no! Everything has to be safe . . . but everything in life shouldn't require a helmet.
Michelle Obama talked about playing a game of tag growing up, girls against the boys. The girls would chase the boys and then the boys would chase the girls. It involved a lot of running. It was exhausting fun.
And now, MY CHILDHOOD NEIGHBORHOOD OUTDOOR FUN.
I lived in the suburbs in a neighborhood of mostly Irish Catholic, which meant 5 kids per family. It was the '60s. We were thrown outdoors early in the A.M. and called back in when the sun went down. Boys being boys, we played a game called "Kill The Guy With The Ball." There would be 15 of us. One guy would throw an air-inflated rubber ball the size of a large softball high and far. We would all chase after it shouting "Kill The Guy With The Ball!" Whoever got to the ball first would then run with it for dear life. The other 14 would chase him down and tackle him. The rest would pile on. He would then get up and we would repeat. He would throw the ball up in the air and we would all again cry out "Kill The Guy With The Ball!" This went on for hours; this went on for months. And then one day the ball was torn apart in half. We had two half-balls. What to do? Back in the day we couldn't just go out and buy a new ball. That wasn't done. We would have to manage. But without a ball, how could we play "Kill The Guy With The Ball?" Now . . . this part gets a bit dicey. Please understand no harm was meant. It was just kids being kids and doing the best with what we had. So we're all standing there not sure what to do next. One kid says about the ball-halves, "Hey, you know what they look like? They look like what Jewish people wear on their head!" We all quickly agreed. But none of us knew what it was called. After a bit of silence, someone blurts, "A barnacle! They wear a barnacle!" Our eyes lit up. Right! Jewish people wear a barnacle! The kid then took the half-ball and threw it high into the air. We all chased after it screaming, "Kill the guy with the barnacle!"
Thank God we didn't know the word for yarmulke.
Short story, "The Three-Day Blow" - Hemingway characters Nick Adams and Bill are talking baseball
Nick: "What did the Cards do?"
Bill: "Dropped a double header to the Giants."
Nick: "That ought to clinch it for them."
Bill: "It's a gift," Bill said. "As long as McGraw can buy every good ball player in the league, there's nothing to it."
Hemingway wrote this in 1925. Even then people complained about teams buying championships. The Yankees are nothing new.
CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
From Dryden, New York, it's her birthday today, Katherine Ard
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
Michael Z. McIntee