CBS

Show #3728
Nathan Lane, Ryan Hunter-Reay, and The Killers.
PLUS: Great Moments on the Campaign Trail; Obama in the House; an Invitation to Mitt; a Top Ten List; Weekend Late Show; and Jesus is On The Line!

" . . . . and now, for all your upholstery needs . . . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1:
MONOLOGUE
- "Autumn is upon us. It's the time of year network executives gather nuts for their reality shows."
- "The new television season features shows about cops, doctors, and lawyers. Where do they come up with this stuff?"

He must have had a good time because he's still here. Up in the balcony is the President of the United States, Barack Obama. We get a shot of the President. He smiles and waves. And he's got the best seat in the house . . . front row balcony.

Here's a feature that will likely be repeated many times throughout the next 47 days: It's "Great Moments On The Campaign Trail."
Art Card: "Great Moments On The Campaign Trail"
We see Reagan making a memorable speech.
We see Clinton making a memorable speech.
We see Mitt Romney trying to speak: "I think it's a . . . uhhh . . . .a . . . . . .. uh uh . . . . . . . . . . . a . . . ."
Art Card: "Great Moments On The Campaign Trail"

ACT 2:
Mitt Mitt Mitt . . . . did you see him in the video? You probably have by now. Dave says it reveals what many suspect . . . poor people get on his nerves. Mitt has appeared on our show and everything's been fine. He's appeared on Leno's show, too. He's been on Leno more than he's been here. Now Romney thinks that Dave hates him because he's been to Leno more often. That's not the case. Dave says he doesn't hate Mitt. Sure, we may make some fun of Mitt, but look at George W. Bush! We made fun of him every day for 8 years and we love George. Dave still thinks that "W" was our cutest President ever. Dave extends an open invitation to Mitt to come on our show. The invitation is open Mitt, his family the Vice President and his family, and to anyone affiliated with Mr. Mitt. Sure, Mitt's been on the Leno show many times, but that's the point! Says Dave, "Would we hate a man who has gone through that suffering?"

Oh, boy. There will be more of this to come. Yippee!

And now we take a look to see what's ahead this Saturday on the Weekend Late Show with Bruce and Linda.
We come upon Bruce and Linda at the familiar desk of the Late Show. It is adorned with festive flowers and light-hearted decor of a weekend morning program
LINDA: "Thanks, Dave. Autumn begins this weekend, and with parties moving indoors, we'll go into the Weekend Workshop to make drink coasters!"
BRUCE: "You make the coasters, I'll make the drinks! We'll also have a performance from the Johnstown Jug Band ---- the oldest jug band in the tri-state area."
LINDA: "And, with the new fall television season about to begin, we'll talk by phone with sound mixer for the hit series, 'Blue Bloods' about working with Tom Selleck on their third season."
BRUCE: "I wonder if he's known him since 'Magnum'?"
LINDA: "We'll have to wait and see . . . ."
BRUCE: "All that, plus customizing a crossbow, hard vs. soft cheese, and 'When is a podiatrist going too far?' Saturday on the Weekend Late Show."
LINDA: "Back to you, Dave."

ACT 3:
TOP TEN: SUGGESTIVE BASEBALL PHRASES - On Saturday, a couple were caught having sex in a Yankee Stadium bathroom. Media coverage included:
CBS News - "Couple Hits 'Home Run' In Yankee Stadium Bathroom Sex Romp.
Daily News - "Fans Score At Yankee Stadium"
New York Times - "Well Past First Base."

SUGGESTIVE BASEBALL PHRASES
10. Choking up.
9. Two men on
8. Randy Johnson
7. Going downtown
6. Between Buckner's legs
5. Charging the mound
4. A-Rod
3. Ejecting Bobby Cox
2. Relieving the pitcher
1. Welcome to Busch Stadium.

NATHAN LANE
Nathan is a New Yorker and says he is lucky to be alive. He made the mistake of carpooling with Lindsay Lohan. She took a shortcut through a pedestrian walkway. She clipped a few bystanders. Lindsay calls it "target practice."
What's Nathan been up to? He's recently discovered the joys of parenthood . . . . . vicariously. He's been babysitting for Snooki, and it's turned into a full time job. She really likes to go OUT! Snooki's baby is already 12 pounds, but most of it is in cologne. And he's already tanning at a 6th grade level! Nathan attended a fundraiser for the Obama/Biden ticket out in the Hamptons. Nathan admits it's hard to find Obama supporters in the Hampton populated with the point-1%. Biden spoke at the fundraiser. Did you know Joe worked his way through college in a slaughterhouse talking the heads off chickens? Yup. Nathan, the two-time Tony winner, also has something big coming to a movie theater near you. He's the new lead in the Bourne Legacy franchise. We watch a clip of the new Bourne Legacy film with Nathan Lane taking over the Matt Damon role. We find Nathan hiding under a table while gunfire flies overhead. Cries out Nathan, "Enough with the shooting!" I don't think this movie will bust any blocks.
And you can see Nathan this year on the CBS series, "The Good Wife." The 4th season premieres Sunday, September 30th. "The Good Wife" . . . . I'm a bit surprised there would be a role for Nathan.

ACT 4:
As promised, Jesus is on the phone! Word in the pews is Jesus may have been married. Let's find out! Dave grabs the phone and puts it in the center of the desk.
PAUL: "How did you get Jesus' phone number?"
DAVE: "We have the same agent."
Dave picks up the phone.
DAVE: "Hello?"
JESUS: "Yello."
DAVE: "Hi, Jesus, it's Dave Letterman. How are you?"
JESUS: "D-Train in da house! Tooot tooot! What's up, you crazy bastard?!"
DAVE: "Not much."
JESUS: "Hey, nice going on the Kennedy Center Honor. Even I couldn't make that miracle happen."
DAVE: "Thanks, Jesus. I wanted to ask you something. An ancient papyrus fragment was recently found that indicates you were married. Is that true?"
JESUS: "Yes, Dave, it's true. 2,000 years ago I married the love of my life, my soul mate, and my best friend."
DAVE: "Wow, that's really sweet."
Jesus's wife yelling away from the phone
JESUS' WIFE: "Hey, Jesus! I thought your friends weren't going to call the house after 10 PM! Get off the phone and finish cleaning the garage!"
DAVE: "Well, Jesus, sounds like you're pretty busy. I'll check back in with you soon."
JESUS: "Hey, take the Chargers, minus one and a half. It's my lock of the week."
DAVE: "Will do. Thanks, Jesus."
They hang up.

Am I the only one who was thinking of the Manhattan Transfer's "Operator"? What's that? I am the only one?

ACT 5:
ANNOUNCE: "Promise me you won't miss tomorrow's Late Show, with Dave's guests Bruce Willis, comedian Brian Regan, and The Heavy. I love band names that use an adjective as a noun! Please keep watching!"

ACT 6:
RYAN HUNTER-REAY
He's the 2012 IndyCar Series Champion. Ryan drove for Dave for a year-and-a-half in 2007-2008. In that time he was the Rookie of the Year and finished 6th at the Indianapolis 500. Going into the final race, RHR was 17 points behind the leader, Will Power. Ryan did not feel much pressure entering the race because 17 points was a lot to make up in one race. But Will crashed early and that's when Ryan felt the pressure. It was in his hands. It didn't help when he learned the Will was back in the race with his repaired car. In the end, RHR did enough and finished 3 points in front of Power.
At the end we get to see the Astor Cup for being the IndyCar champion. Wow, it's a good-size thing; too big for the fireplace mantle. It would make one heckuva hood ornament, though.

ACT 7:
THE KILLERS: From their new album, "Battle Born," The Killers performed "Runaways"

And that was our show for Thursday September 20, 2012



WAHOO EXTRA:
Drudge Headline:
"IRAN: Hundreds chant 'Death to France,' 'Down with the U.S.'..."
I'm thinking, "Well, at least Iran only wants us 'down'"
"Operator" by the Manhattan Transfer:
Operator, Information
Give me Jesus on the line
Operator, Information
I'd like to speak to a friend of mine
Oh prayer is the number
Faith is the exchange
Heaven is the street
And Jesus is his name
Operator, Information
Please give me Jesus on the line."i

Tonight's Top Ten: SUGGESTIVE BASEBALL PHRASES - oh, boy, you can have some fun with this topic. If you plan on being offended, skip the following.
- slider inside
- hard one up the middle
- calling for the righthander
- The Twins come from behind
- Fast ball from Dickey

And speaking of baseball . . .

Oh, boy, you're going to hate me for this . . . . . sliding headfirst into first base. I'm a proponent of this. I'm all for it, and I'm in a very small minority. I think diving headfirst into first base gets you there faster than running straight through . . . . if you do it the right way. Mark Teixeira slid headfirst into first base last week. This brought up the topic once again on the local radio sports shows. All the "experts" said sliding into first base slows you down. Nope. They are just repeating what they've heard without researching, without thinking it through. For the right way to slide headfirst into first base, the first thing to hit the ground must be the hand onto the base. Once the rest of the body hits the ground you slow down. The runner has to think "dive" not "slide". Any sliding has to take place after you've already touched first base. When standing poolside at the town pool, you want to dive into the pool and have your hands hit first. You don't want to belly-flop. Fully extended, arms out in front, no sliding on the ground . . . diving headfirst into first base is faster than running straight through.

Tomorrow's previously-viewed program
From August 30, 2012; #3721 - Bruce Willis, Brian Regan, and The Heavy. Plus: Andy Kindler at the Republican National Convention, and it's the Late Show Anniversary Show.

Full week of new shows next week!

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
It's her birthday on Saturday, originally from Spring Valley, New York, it's Elise Blomer
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER

Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
Twitter: @WahooMike