CBS

Regis Philbin, Tom Dreesen, and Dwight Yoakam.
PLUS: Ahmadinejad in New York, the ancient papyrus; a Top Ten list; and Dave makes a plea to Mitt.

" . . . and now, the lawyer in the cowboy hat . . . . . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1:
MONOLOGUE:
-"Regis in on the show tonight. You remember Regis. He was the first one to be 'Ann Curried'"

Dave is hoping to get Mitt Romney on the show before the election. November 6th is only 39 days away. Dave offers this bit of advice to Late Show viewers: If Mitt is not here in 39 days . . . . . don't vote for him."

We take a look back at Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's week here in New York City. We see Ahmadinejad
-At the United Nations
-At Katz's Deli
-With the Naked Cowboy
-Under the Late Show marquee
Just wait until the Iranians back home find out he went to Katz's . . . and didn't bring back any knishes!

Some scholars now say the fourth century fragment of papyrus portraying Jesus as married is a fraud. Dave thinks he knows why. We take a look at the ancient papyrus. And then he asks if we can flip the shot so we can see what is on the other side.
We see there is a coupon for AutoZone on the flipside. 40% off on all air conditioning incline filter kits. And it expires in 2012 . . . . Oh, my God! Just like the Mayan calendar said it would!

ACT 2:
Dave is aching to have Mitt Romney on the show. The invitation is open. All he has to do is call and he is on the show. He can call right now, and BAM! Good bye Regis! In fact, if anyone calls right now, BAM, good bye Regis. Dave thinks Mitt might be scared, scared to come on the Late Show to face Dave. Mitt once said he would be willing to put China in its place, but he's too scared to come on the show? That's ridiculous, unless Mitt was talking about dinnerware and not the country.

TOP TEN
REASONS MITT ROMNEY SHOULD APPEAR ON THE SHOW
10. It's required by the Constitution
7. If he makes a gaffe, no one will see it
6. Green room stocked with plain yogurt and tap water
1. John McCain once blew us off - - - - how'd that turn out?

ACT 3:
REGIS PHILBIN
Our favorite uncle!! Dave is happy to see his old friend. What has Regis been up to? What did he do last night? Regis says he went to see "The Master" starring Philip Seymour Hoffman and Joaquin Phoenix. Regis raves about Joaquin and expects him to win an Academy Award for his performance. Dave says Joaquin won't do our show. And then I was called away to get something done for later in the show. Out of the corner of my ear, I could hear that Joaquin Phoenix was the topic of conversation. He won't do our show. Dave is not happy about that. Joaquin showed up on our show a while back pretending to be on the edge of a complete breakdown, or at least a drastic change in life. Turns out it was just an act, a skit, a hoax for something he and Little Hanks were up to. The "skit" went on for two years. Joaquin was "becoming" a rap artist and a bad one at that. The whole "transformation" was being recorded by Little Hanks to be made into a movie, or something. Joaquin came back on two years later to promote the production. Twice he used the Late Show for his 2-year skit and now when he has an Academy Award-caliber role he won't come on? What's that all about? Dave calls it nothing but a huge show business snub.
I think that's how it went. You can watch it on the Late Show website right after you read this and make a copy for your files.

Regis is all excited about Dave being named to receive a Kennedy Center Honor. Dave tries to downplay his role in it but it is obvious he is extremely humbled by the honor. He says it is something his family is equally if not even more excited about. Regis is looking for an invite. He gushes, "I want to sit in your box!" Dave is taken aback and asks, "Is that a euphemism?" And the Regis/Dave banter continues. Their arguing back and forth reminded many here of an old married couple, except they were both laughing.

Has Regis watched the new Kelly Ripa show with Michael Strahan? Dave says it bothers him that Kelly has moved over into Regis' old chair. Dave thinks the chair should remain forever vacant. Says Dave, "That chair should be like an eternal flame!"

Anything else Regis been up to? Regis says he was at the United Nations earlier today to speak. Really? And he brought a clip.

We see Regis in front of the General Assembly. He is conducting one of his morning chats like he used to do with Kelly. The audience does not seem all that receptive. Many can be seen turning off their translator earpiece.

It's the Regis! He'll be performing at the Andiamo Celebrity Showroom in Warren, Michigan on October 25th and 26th.

ACT 5:
ANNOUNCE: "Drop in again Monday as Dave welcomes Stephen Colbert, from "Long Island Medium" Theresa Caputo, and Martha Wash. Visit cbs.com/lateshow to watch Mumford & Sons Live on Letterman. Mumford and Sons' exclusive online concert from the Ed Sullivan Theater can be streamed on demand. Stick around, Leroy Brown."

ACT 6:
TOM DREESEN
Tom is good friends with Clint Eastwood and Dave asks Tom is he has spoken to him since the Republican National Convention. Tom says Clint is proud how it came out. Clint is also a film director and his last 32 films have come in on time and under budget. Clint would simply like the government to be as fiscally responsible as he is.
On-time and under-budget . . . unfortunately his chair bit at the convention went on too long and cost the Party too much. Hey-Ohhhh!
I love Clint Eastwood, except for "Heartbreak Ridge." That was AWFUL!

Tom is in Clint Eastwood's new film, "Trouble With The Curve." We take a look at Tom's entire performance in the film. It takes place in a lowly bar. Clint is sitting beside himself drinking a Schlitz. I was able to see the "itz" on the label so I'm thinking it may have been a Schlitz. Anyway, the curmudgeon Clint is sitting by himself when Tom Dreesen sits down next to him. Wow, talk about poking a curmudgeon! Tom says to the grump Clint, "What crawled up your ass?" Clint answers, "Old age." And then he gets up and leaves.
But there was also another take, one not used in the film. Same scene. Tom plops himself down at the bar and starts talking to Clint. Tom says, "What crawled up your ass?" Clint, getting up to leave, says, "I watched Letterman last night."

Tom Dreesen - he's in "Trouble With The Curve" now in theaters.
And you can see him in his one-man show, "An Evening of Laughter and Stories of Sinatra" at the Thompson Center Theater in Chicago on October 14th.

ACT 7:
DWIGHT YOAKAM
From his new album, "3 Pears," the great Dwight Yoakam performed "A Heart Like Mine."

And that was our show for Friday, September 28, 2012.

I laughed when Dave told Regis his chair at the Kelly show should remain empty like a shrine. He said, "That chair should be like an eternal flame!" And now my story about "eternal flame."
I was just out of college. My brothers were members in the local Hillcrest Volunteer Fire Department. During the summer, all the firehouses in the county participate in a softball league. They would play every Wednesday night. There were 7 teams, which created a problem. One team each Wednesday would be left without a game. The firehouse league needed another team. I was asked if I could come up with a team, a non-firehouse team, to make it a league of eight. Just out of college, and many friends just out of college in the early 80s, we had no jobs and nothing but time. Sure I could come up with a team. I had more than enough guys by the next day. Later that week all the teams had a meeting at the New City Firehouse to go over the rules for the league and the season. When it came time to introduce ourselves, all were curious about me and my team. What would our team be called? We weren't affiliated with any firehouse. We didn't have a sponsor. We were just a bunch of available kids looking to play some softball. I was asked again, "So, what is the name of your team?" Looking around at the table of firemen from Hillcrest, from Jackson Hose, from Pearl River, from Tappan . . . . I told them proudly, "We're the Eternal Flames."

Looking for something to do Saturday night in Glenside, Pennsylvania? Check out the Fab Faux at the Keswick Theater.
And next Saturday, October 6th at the Beacon Theater right here in New York City, the Fab Faux will be performing the White Album in its entirety.

As promised yesterday:
Milt Campbell - the 1956 Olympic Gold Medalist in the Decathlon from nearby Plainfield, New Jersey. Naturally, he was a star athlete all through high school. And just this past year, he was voted into the New Jersey Hall of Fame. OK, next week I'm going to look up who got into the New Jersey Hall of Fame before Milt Campbell. There is something here I'm not getting. Okay, there's Woodrow Wilson and Thomas Alva Edison and Uncle Floyd, but who else is there that should go in before Milt Campbell? Plainfield is just about a local school for me. The name should have filtered down to me somehow.

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
It's our 24th anniversary on Sunday, Denise Dooley McIntee. X's and O's.
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER

Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
Twitter: @WahooMike