Lucy Liu, Rob Corddry, and Daughter.
PLUS: a Nobel Prize Winner is Here, and Mitt is Here, Too!; Controversial Moments in Vice Presidential Debates; a Cocky Paul Ryan; and a Top Ten List.
" . . . . and now, soggy-footed angler. . . . . . . . . David Letterman!"
- "Raul Ibanez replaced a slumping Alex Rodriguez and hit two homeruns in Wednesday night's playoff game. And on top of that, after the game he went home with Cameron Diaz."
- "The Vice Presidential debate was earlier tonight. The debate could decide which of these men gets to walk the White House dog."
Ooh, you're here on a special night. Sitting in our audience is the 2012 Nobel Prize winner in Physics, Dr. David Wineland
. Dave introduces the Nobel winner, who stands and waves to the appreciative audience. Gee, it's just like the old Ed Sullivan Show. Dave asks Dr. Wineland what he plans to do with the prize money.
DR. WINELAND: "I'm going to make a small contribution to my alma mater, the University of California at Berkeley . . . (applause) . . . and then I'll spend the rest on whiskey and whores." (bigger applause).
Did you watch the vice-presidential debate earlier tonight? The question was asked simply to get us into this next piece, "Controversial Moments in Vice Presidential Debates."
ANNOUNCE: "1992 --- James Stockdale appears out-of-touch."
CLIP OF STOCKDALE: "I didn't have my hearing aid turned on. Tell me again."
ANNOUNCE: "1988. Lloyd Bentsen's retort to Dan Quayle."
BENTSEN: "Senator, you're no Jack Kennedy."
ANNOUNCE: "1976. Walter Mondale shows up drunk."
MONDALE: a very drunken Walter Mondale, in slurred speech: "I'm honored to be standing here, and I rather imagine you're surprised that I am."
ANNOUNCE: "Thanks for watching 'Controversial Moments in Vice Presidential Debates.' "
Who was that drunken Mondale? Of course it wasn't Walter. It was comedian Foster Brooks
on one of the Dean Martin Roasts.
Coming on the heels of the strong showing by Mitt Romney, Vice Presidential candidate Paul Ryan came into tonight's debate a little cocky. We take a look at the opening introductions from the debate.
ANNOUNCE: (to the auditorium) "Good evening, and welcome to the 2012 vice-presidential debate between Vice President Joe Biden . . . . (announce turns professional-wrestling-like. Smoke, flashing lights, exciting camera movements) . . . . . "And the challenger, from Janesville, Wisconsin, coming in at six-foot-two and weighing 163 pounds, Chairman of the House Budget Committee and vice-presidential candidate nominee, Paaaauuuuuuul Ryan!"
We see Paul Ryan entering the arena in a Captain America-like costume. Biden tried to hide his envy.
Yesterday, Dave was whining about Mitt not coming on the show. Well, earlier today, Mrs. Mitt called and said that Mitt was in town on a fundraiser and could find a few minutes to drop by! How 'bout that! See?! If you whine long enough, sometimes you can get what you want!! And he's here right now! Dave introduces the Republican nominees for President, Mitt Romney
Mitt enters and stops at center stage. Dave welcomes him and says, "I understand you have something to say."
MITT (to the audience): "Isn't it time for a president who looks like a 1970s game show host?"
Dave thanks Mr. Mitt, who then exits.
Dave watched the vice presidential debate earlier tonight (wink wink) and could quite place the name of Paul Ryan, referring to him as Jimmie Dodd. Jimmie Dodd? Who is Jimmie Dodd? Those under 55 were at a loss. Those over 55 remembered that Jimmie Dodd was a member of Mickey Mouse's Mouseketeers! I could see how Dave would think of Jimmie Dodd when trying to come up with Paul Ryan's name. Paul Ryan and Mickey Mouse have the same hairline.
TOP TEN: THOUGHTS GOING THROUGH PAUL RYAN'S MIND AT THIS MOMENT
- Dave holds up a few photos of Paul Ryan in his gym workout clothes. "Time" magazine did a photo shoot of Paul Ryan last year when Ryan was a possibility to be named "Time" magazine's "Person of the Year." He was a runner-up. Many believe he will be a runner-up in a couple weeks, too. Paul Ryan looks a bit too "teen dude" in the photos. We take a good look at Paul Ryan showing off his biceps.
THOUGHTS GOING THROUGH PAUL RYAN'S MIND AT THIS MOMENT
"There's no three-day waiting period at this gun show."
"Maybe now people will take me seriously"
I had no time to pitch any of my Top Ten jokes today. Double-taping, copier taking the day off, and the sun was in my eyes.
Mitt has something else he would like to say. Mitt enters.
MITT: "I have no proof, but I have a feeling Canada is planning something."
She's the Dr. Watson on the new CBS series, "Elementary." She likes to run on the treadmill and fight with sticks. The sticks stuff is like artistic tai-chi. I think I once saw former Late Show
writer Bob Borden
practicing this very thing once on his website. Or maybe it was from one of his Christmas videos.
Speaking of Bob Borden, check out his website at www.bobborden.com.
It's Bob Borden all the time, but don't let that stop you.
Lucy once tried the boxing but she immediately got knocked out. Got hit right in the nose by the female trainer. Lucy says when you get knocked out you actually do see stars. That's not quite true with me. I didn't see stars. Close, but not quite. The one time I got knocked out I saw Anson Williams
"Elementary" - Thursday nights at 10 PM right here on CBS!
Another word from Mitt Romney.
MITT: "Live from New York, it's Saturday Night!"
ANNOUNCE: "Get a nap tomorrow so you won't miss Dave with John Goodman, comedian Jeff Altman, and Jamey Johnson with Alison Krauss. Visit cbs.com/lateshow to watch KISS Live on Letterman. KISS' exclusive online concert from the Ed Sullivan Theater can be streamed on demand. Anyone else excited that it's stew weather?"
Hey, how 'bout his shoes! Dave had a keen interest in Rob's shoes. At one time Dave wanted the same pair but they were sold out or something. Dave showed an odd amount of interest in the footwear and was quite knowledgeable about what when into a shoe, besides a foot.
Rob Corddry is the creator and one of the stars of the show "Childrens Hospital" on Adult Swim. I've only seen a few episodes and it is cringingly funny. Dave is a big fan and thought he had seen every episode but learned just recently that he is a year behind. Coordry plays a doctor who believes he can heel with humor, but is incredibly unfunny . . . . . sort of like Dane Cook.
"Childrens Hospital" - Thursday nights at midnight on Adult Swim. I have to make this appointment TV. I've missed too many.
the trio from London, making their network television debut, performed "Youth" from their EP album, "The Wild Youth."
And that was our show for Thursday October 11, 2012.
Who is Foster Brooks, the drunk we pretended to be Walter Mondale? Foster was a comedian who played a very believable drunk. I think the first time he came into the public eye was on the Tonight Show. I'm not sure if Johnny was the host or if there was a guest host, but Foster Brooks was introduced as a college professor or something. Only Johnny was in on the gag. The other guests on the couch were wide-eyed in unbelievable shock. Very funny. My parents once went to see a comedy show in West Point. The main attraction was Red Skelton. Foster Brooks was the opening act. They said the "drunk" Forster Brooks was very funny . . . for about 10 minutes. Then it got old quick. Foster Brooks - he had a pretty good gimmick going there.
Damn! The Mitt piece where he came on our show to say a few lines . . . we originally had ME taping a few lines which we would "mouth" Mitt saying. It was decided at the last minute to go with the actual Mitt from a previous Top Ten he did on the show.
Yankees lose in the 13th inning. If you have to pinch-hit for your #3 batter, then he's not a #3 hitter. If you have to pinch-hit for your#5 batter, then he's not a #5 hitter. A-Rod, for Thursday's game, the Yankees shouldn't pinch-hit for you . . . . because you shouldn't get in the game at all. Put your bat away and we'll try again next year. You're done.
The Yankees haven't faced an ace pitcher since August yet they've been struggling for weeks to put a few hits together. It's fascinating to watch the likes of A-Rod and Swisher and Granderson perform so poorly on the game's biggest stage. They are mentally shot, beaten, defeated, and in need every time they step into the batter's box. It's pathetic, yet fascinating to watch.
Wow, the mood really changed among Yankee fans in one day.
But the Yankees shouldn't be concerned about A-Rod's falling ability to hit a baseball. They only have him signed on for another 5 years at a cost of $100 million.
I love my Yankees but it's hard to root for them when you see so many empty seats . . . the best seats in the house . . . . late in the game. The box seats behind home plate and by the dugouts are filled with 60-year-old men who used to be fans. Instead of worrying about the Yankees, they're more concerned about the traffic going home and sleep for work tomorrow.
If the Yankees lose on Thursday, I may twist a knee quickly jumping on the Oriole bandwagon. It's a great, great story.
Here's a question I've asked before: Who does the Major League Baseball Players Association root for? Do they want the lowly paid Baltimore Orioles and Oakland A's and Washington Nationals, or do they want the high-paying New York Yankees and L.A. Dodgers and Boston Red Sox? If the Orioles or the A's or the Nationals win the World Series, team owners can tell their fans that they don't need high-priced stars to win. Team owners can then keep the salaries down by going with young talent out of college and Triple A. If the Yankees, Dodgers, or Red Sox win it all, then the owners really don't have that argument. Fans will want the big stars on their team, too. The fans will demand it from the owners. And it will drive salaries up. It's something I've been wondering about. It's a topic for the bar when nobody is putting quarters in the juke box.
Thursday's Yankee/O's game. Yankees win on a home run by Eduardo Nunez, pinch-hitting for Curtis Granderson.
CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
It's her birthday next week, from Arizona by way of New City, New York, it's MoZac, Maureen Zachondiak Dourlaris
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
Michael Z. McIntee