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Saturday, October 13, 2012 Not to be outdone by Paul Ryan, Joe Biden shows off his naked workout regimen.
John Goodman, Jeff Altman, and Jamey Johnson with Alison Krauss.
PLUS: a Nobel Prize winner in the audience; Biden's fitness regimen; Tony Mendez mistaken identity; Results from the latest Zogby Poll; and a Top Ten list.

" . . . . and now, the last clean cyclist . . . . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1:
MONOLOGUE

-"In honor of Oktoberfest, the Germans have a big parade each year. It starts on 14th Street and ends in Poland."
I think we told that joke last year. I remember liking it. I'll be right back.
DING! October 14, 2011.

-"The New York Jets aren't playing this weekend. They have a game scheduled, but they won't be playing."

It's a special night here at the Ed Sullivan Theater. Sitting in our audience is the Nobel Prize winner in Chemistry, Dr. Robert Lefkowitz. Dave introduces him, who then stands and waves. Dr. Lefkowitz proudly wears his Nobel medal around his neck. Dave asks what his plans are from here. Dr. Lefkowitz says he plans on buying a cheeseburger and some weed. I hear in the state of Washington, he'll soon be able to do just that.

Mitt Romney's running mate, Paul Ryan, is a well-known fitness enthusiast. Yesterday, "Time" magazine released some photos of Paul Ryan working out. We take a look at some photos of the buffed Paul Ryan. Not to be outdone, the Obama campaign released this footage of Joe Biden's fitness regimen.
We see a naked Joe Biden in a hotel room practicing is nude tai-chi. Thank goodness for the blue dot.
In this case, the blue dot was very much appreciated. The blue dot they tried during televised hockey, not so much.

Tony Cue Cards interrupts Dave. What's on his mind? Dinner, probably, but that's not important right now. Tony tells Dave they something very exciting happened earlier this week. Ben Affleck was on the "Morning Joe" on MSNBC and he had some wonderful things to say about Tony. We take a look at a clip.
We see Mike Barnacle of "Morning Joe." He is talking to Ben Affleck.
Ben: "Tony Mendez is an amazing guy. I mean, he's an American hero. It was an honor to play him. He received the intelligence star from the Central Intelligence Agency. He's one of the 50 most important agents in history."
Ben continues to rave about Tony Mendez.
DAVE: "Tony, they're not talking about you."
TONY: "Yes! Yes, they ARE talking about me." Tony grows increasingly angry at Dave and his Latin temper gets the best of him. Tony storms off in great ire, tossing his cards in the air and ranting all the way.

Without cue cards, Dave has to throw to commercial.

Tony returned by the beginning of the ACT 2, probably with a promotion.

ACT 2:
You can't have an election without a poll. Elections keep the poll business in business. And I think polls keep the election business in business, as well. Tonight, we take a look at the latest results in the Zogby Poll.

-Do you believe the latest unemployment figures were fudged?
25% - No
22% - It's possible
53% - Mmm, fudge

-Why do you vote?
99% - it's the civic duty of every citizen in a democracy
1% - I like to stand in booths.

-If a movie were made about Barack Obama, who should play him?
27% - Denzel Washington
22% - Jamie Foxx
51% - In a few months, Obama might have enough free time to play himself

In the audience, Dr. Lefkowitz has something else he would like to say. Dr. Lefkowitz: "I'm going to get laid! Who's with me?!"
Well! Winning the Nobel is pretty heady stuff.

-What would you most like to see the next administration do?
35% - stop the government's reckless spending
33% - stop Washington's tone of bitter divisiveness
32% - stop those disgusting commercials where cartoon bears use toilet paper

-What are you wearing right now?
100% - I'm calling the police!

-As senior citizens, are you nervous about cuts to Medicare?
35% - Yes
45% - No
20% - my grandson doesn't visit anymore

-Following last night's debate, Joe Biden will:
14% - embark on a nationwide bus tour
23% - campaign with the president in key battleground states
63% - be locked in the White House until the day after the election

-Who are undecided most likely to vote for?
50% - uhhhh
50% - errrrr

-Will not appearing on "Letterman" hurt Romney's chances of winning the election?
14% - Yes
9% - No
77% - Dave still has a show?

ACT 3:
TOP TEN: LEAST-SUCCESSFUL GAY TELEVISION SHOWS
- A recent study revealed that the number of gay and lesbian characters on broadcast television is at its highest ever. We take a look at some of the least successful gay television shows.
10. "How I Met Your Brother"
9. "Provincetown Five-O"
8. "Battlestar Gabbana"
7. "The Mob Decorator"
6. "Everybody Loves Raymond, Especially Larry"
5. "Bones"
4. "Mork and Minnelli"
3. "I Dream of Barney's"
2. "Gary's Anatomy"
1. "It's Always Sonny in Phil"

JOHN GOODMAN
From New Orleans, by way of St. Louis. John loves the life of New Orleans, from the music to the weather to the cuisine to the people. His new film is entitled, "Argo," based on the true events surrounding the Iran hostage situation of 1979. Six Americans were able to escape to the Canada Embassy. From there, they needed to be lead to safety. To do so, the CIA created a fake movie production as a cover to rescue the six. What did John think of the script when he first read it? John says he thought of the old knock-knock joke. "Knock knock.
Who's there?
Argo.
Argo who?
Argo 'givl' yourself."

"Argo" - it opened today.
Is there significance behind the name "Argo"? Here's my guess. Argo was the name of the CIA operation. Or maybe it was the name of the movie production. Either way, why the name Argo? And from the Wikipedia: "In Greek mythology, the Argo was the ship on which Jason and the Argonauts sailed from Iolcos to retrieve the Golden Fleece."
You have retrieval in there, and rescue. And then I looked some more and this is what I found. It's a quote on how they decided on the name "Argo" -"Let's call it 'Argo'," Calloway said with a wry smile. It was the name of the ship that Jason and the Argonauts sailed in to liberate the Golden Fleece against impossible odds."
DING!

ACT 4:
The Nobel Prize winner in the audience has something else to say. But he's not wearing his Nobel Prize medal. What happened?
"The Nobel Committee found out about my weed. They took my medal away! Thanks a lot, 'sdd'hole!"
Ouch! Not what we had in mind.

ACT 5:
ANNOUNCE:

Visit cbs.com/lateshow to watch KISS Live on Letterman. KISS' exclusive online concert from the Ed Sullivan Theater can be streamed on demand.

ACT 6:
JEFF ALTMAN

Our old friend Jeff once again had problems with his travel into New York City. He was supposed to be picked up by a Letterman/Late Show car. Jeff looked all over but couldn't find the guy with the sign for Altman. Jeff says he had to take a limousine instead . . . "and I never drove a limousine before." It was unfortunate for the people in the back of the limo. They had plans of going to the Hamptons, not New York City.
Dave asks Jeff to tell his Johnny Carson story. Jeff was attending a birthday party for the great drummer Buddy Rich. Jeff fancies himself a drummer. Johnny likes to band on them, too. When Jeff heard that Johnny was at the same party, he felt he just had to meet and greet the legend. When the buffet was open, who does Jeff see standing right next to him but Johnny Carson. Jeff quips to Mr. Carson, "Look, Johhny, lobster."
Johhny sizes up the food presentation in front of him and responds, "Yeah, full spread." And Jeff had no follow-up. He slinked away incredibly small and embarrassed. He ran into Johnny again in 1992 at an NBC affiliate gathering. Jeff knew Johnny appreciated magic tricks and Jeff wanted to show him what he could do. Before Jeff could get started, Johnny took the deck of cards and showed Jeff what he could do. Johnny did some great sleight-of-hand and he was phenomenal. Johnny went on for 30 minutes. It was just Jeff and Johnny. At the end of Johnny private demonstration of card tricks for Jeff, Johnny was called to speak before the affiliates. And it was then that Johnny announced his retirement.
Jeff then shows the card trick he never got to show Johnny.
Jeff Altman - he'll be appearing at the Laugh Factory at the Tropicana Hotel in Las Vegas from October 22nd through the 28th.

ACT 7:
JAMEY JOHNSON, WITH ALISON KRAUSS

From Jamey Johnson's new album, a tribute to a legendary songwriter, entitled "Living For A Song: A Tribute To Hank Cochran," Jamey Johnson, with Alison Kraus, performed the beautiful, "Make The World Go Away."

And that was our show for Friday, October 12, 2012.

Not until they showed it did I realize they weren't showing it. During Thursday's Yankee/Oriole game, the director cut to a shot of a fan in the crowd instead of what interested us on the field. It was then that I realized how few of those annoying crowd shots we saw. Great job, TBS baseball director! I'll be keeping an eye on that when the games to move to FOX.

John Goodman talking about New Orleans reminded me of my one time there. It was in the early 80's with two friends. We drove down from New York without stopping. It was a longer ride than we anticipated. Once in N'Orleans, we found the darkest and dankest gin joint on the outskirts of town. It was a daily visit and we always spent more time there than we planned. By the third day I realized that the three of us could have taken a two drive from New York into Pennsylvania and done the same thing there. We didn't have to drive to another time zone. Lesson learned.

I watched just a few minutes of Thursday night's vice president debate. I came out of it with one question: Is Joe Biden missing an upper lip?

I'm in on Friday mornings much earlier than the others. We tape two shows on Thursday, the second show is for Friday. Friday is a day to catch up on things you left hanging during the week. I come in ahead of the others. I like to blast music in my office before anyone else gets in. Today's Slacker Radio choice was The Rolling Stones. The louder the better. When the others arrive, I lower the noise to make it look like I'm working while I'm working.

Years ago in the Wahoo Digest I would recap the month's guests and pit them in a make-pretend Late Show Battle Royale. I would wonder who would win in a Late Show professional wrestling Battle Royale. All the guests of the week would be put in a ring and I would fantasize on who would be the last one remaining. This weeks' guests included Jack Hanna, Max Greenfield, Kevin James, Chris Elliott, Miguel, Salam Hayek Pinault, Nick Offerman, Kiss, Lucy Liu, Rob Coordry, Daughter, John Goodman, Jeff Altman, and Jamey Johnson with Allison Krauss. Johnson and Krauss had an advantage because you would have to throw BOTH of them out of the ring to have them eliminated. Some of this week's guests wouldn't last long. Max Greenfield, for one. C'mon, do you really have to ask? I think the remaining two would be Kevin James and John Goodman, simply due to girth and size. Jamey Johnson carries from heft but I feel he would be busy defending Alison Krauss and that would cost him. Hey, what about KISS? Hmmm, new rule in the Late Show Battle Royale: no teams! Johnson and Krauss are on their own. They are treated as individuals. KISS couldn't compete as a team. They would fight as individuals. I don't think KISS would last to the end of the Battle Royale because they would be giving too much attention to the crowd watching and not the crowd inside the ring. They each would have to be considered a favorite but their undisciplined approach would cost them. So that leaves Kevin James and Goodman. Kevin James knows Mick Foley. That has to count for something. I keep going back and forth . . James or Goodman? I keep going back to Goodman as the champ. I think John Goodman would win this week's Late Show Battle Royale. Any time I would consider Kevin James I would think of his athletic ability on the tennis court. It left something to be desired. I picture Goodman as being strong, powerful, unmovable. But. . . . slow. Still, I think he would be able to outlast Kevin James, unless James did some rope-a-dope. I don't think Goodman would last long with that.
Interesting.

Wow! Can you believe that drivel I just wrote? What a waste of time! But that's why you're here. You obviously have a lot of time to waste.

Good night, everybody!

NEXT WEEK'S PREVIOUSLY VIEWED PROGRAMS
MONDAY: From September 25; #3730 - Stupid Human Tricks, Kaley Cuoco, and The Whigs. Plus: Me with the opening announce!
TUESDAY: From September 24; #3729 - Steve Martin, and Gotye. Plus: New Books.
WEDNESDAY: From October 1, #3734 - Stephen Colbert, Theresa Caputo, and Martha Wash.
THURSDAY: From September 18; #3726 - President Barack Obama
FRIDAY: From October 3; #3736 - Tina Fey, Rick Santorum, and LP.

Check the Wahoo archives and make your plans accordingly.

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
Double nickels! It's his birthday on Saturday, my first friend, from Goshen, New York, it's Matt Mulligan.
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER

Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
Twitter: @WahooMike

Tonight's Guests

Jake Gyllenhaal
Dr. John Holdren
Nico & Vinz

Wahoo Gazette Archive

Monday, November 24
Todd the cue card guy sings for a safe Thanksgiving.
Friday, November 21
I'm not a tailor and I didn't play one on TV.
Thursday, November 20
Dave approves a family of actors to attend Thanksgiving in his stead.
Wednesday, November 19
Dave and Regis turn to their friend Peter Lassally for conversation.
Wednesday, November 19
Dally and Spanky take a shortcut during Stupid Pet Tricks.