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Friday, August 29, 2014 Consider mailing water to relatives in drought regions.
Show #4076
Mike Myers, Bonnie McFarlane, and John Fullbright.
PLUS: Highlights from the U.S. Open; the California Drought; the New GOP Video Game; the Stability of One's Personality; Arby's New Sandwich; a Top Ten List.

" . . . . and now, tough but fair Union rep . . . . . . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1:
MONOLOGUE:
- "Bedbugs in the city. You pick them up in the subway, bring them home, and they end up in your bed. That's how most relationships start in New York City."
- "The Late Show is 21 years old this Saturday, old enough to drink . . . . which is the only way to watch this thing."

The U.S. Open officially got underway today out in Queens, and there's already plenty for fans to enjoy. We take a look at this promo.
ANNOUNCE: "Tonight: U.S. Open early round highlights! Catch a full hour of action from the biggest names in tennis!"
We see an assortment of tennis greats bouncing a tennis ball before serving.
ANNOUNCE: "U.S. Open Just Bouncing - only on ESPN"

California is experiencing a severe drought. Fortunately, there are ways the rest of us can help Californians get through this crisis. We watch.
ANNOUNCE: "As California struggles through a severe drought, we're asking people around the country to help out however they can, so if you live outside the state and have loved one residing in California, consider mailing them some water."
We cut to a clip of a guy pouring water into a large brown padded envelope.
ACTOR: "Here you go, Nana." He licks to seal the envelope.
Cut to Nana receiving the sopping wet envelope at home. She opens the envelope and sloppily pours the wet contents into a cup of tea.
ANNOUNCE: "They'll be glad you did.
A message from idiots."
The graphic: "A Message From idiots" appears over the still-shot of the idiot.

A conservative group has released a Republican video game to raise money for GOP Senate candidates. We take a look.
We see a scene from "Donkey Kong 2". Mario appears on screen, walking along the bottom. From the other side, uniformed agents enter and apprehend the illegal immigrant.
GRAPHIC: "GAME OVER"

According to a new study, the stability of one's personality goes through major changes over the course of their life. This report explains. We watch.
ANNOUNCE: "According to a study of almost 4,000 people between the sages of 20 and 80, the stability of one's personality increases through youth and into middle age, and peaks in our 50s, before we slide back into less stable versions of ourselves. For example . . . . "
We cut to a shot of Dave acting odd and peculiar from a previous show.
ANNOUNCE: "Dan Noonan, Fake CNN."

Ahh, a clip found from my Odd Dave file . . . thinking ahead to avoid the headache.

Good news for people who like giant sandwiches. Arby's has released a new one called the Meat Mountain. We take a look at their new commercial.
ANNOUNCE: "Hey, America! Bring your appetite down to Arby's and try out new Meat Mountain sandwich! We start with one of our signature sandwich rolls, topped with melted cheese. Then we add our famous roast beef, smoked ham, barbecue brisket, roast turkey, crispy bacon, corned beef, chicken tenders, and grilled Angus steak. And this week only, try a Meat Mountain sandwich at a participating Arby's location and receive 25% off headstone engraving."
Cut to a headstone that reads:
Lou Thompson
1963 - 2014
Gone To That
Meat Mountain In The Sky
ANNOUNCE: "Arby's: the meat pile people. "

ACT 2:
TOP TEN: THINGS I, DAVE, WILL DO OVER LABOR DAY WEEKEND
My informational blue card:
"Monday is Labor Day, the unofficial end of summer.
Fun Fact: New York State has the highest rate of Union workers in the United States (24.4%)"

Dave didn't really need an informational blue card for tonight's Top Ten, but I've learned to make up a card for EVERY Top Ten. This way I don't have to wrestle with the question of "Does this Top Ten need explaining?" I once thought a certain Top Ten list didn't need one when it did, so now I make one for every list.
"Monday is Labor Day, the unofficial end of summer." - That's the obvious. The topic was about what Dave would be doing over the Labor Day weekend. I thought of adding that Labor Day is the #3 barbecue day of the year, behind July 4th and Memorial Day. That would have been the simple one, but I know the respect and appreciation Dave has for the working man.
I wanted to get something in there about Labor Day that reminded us of the meaning of the day. With limited time to search and decide before the show, I went with: "Fun Fact: New York State has the highest rate of Union workers in the United States (24.4%)"
I was afraid Dave would comment on how this fact didn't relate to his possible weekend activities but I wanted to get New York being the #1 state of the Union. I'm not sure if I was being paranoid but I felt Dave hesitated just a moment after reading the fact and wondering why it was there. Instead, the fun fact led him to mentioning Union organizer Eugene V. Debs, followed by his mentioning Union supporter and corrupt NYC politician Boss Tweed. From my seat, I was pulling for a Samuel Gompers mention.
None came.
And you think there is no thinking involved in my blue cards. Ha! There is a reason for everything.

You can disregard the above since most of it came out.

TOP TEN: THINGS I, DAVE, WILL DO OVER LABOR DAY WEEKEND
10. Set clocks back an hour
9. Attend Labor Day services
8. Give houseboy half a day off. (his houseboy is named Bobby)
7. Return Suge Knight's phone call
6. Ask Weber Hotline which meats are compatible with my grill.
5. Waste an hour of a Best Buy employee's time
4. Sacrifice goat to ensure a bountiful harvest.
3. Use the phrase, "What's grillin'?"
2. Call 9-1-1, just for the company
1. Babysit for Kim and Kanye

MIKE MYERS
It's been four years since he's last been here. In that time, Mike has become a daddy two times. Son, Spike, is almost three. Spike is a common nickname from his ancestral Liverpool, and daughter, 4-month old Sunday. The story behind the name Sunday? Mike says both he and his wife don't like Sundays, and they thought they would try to turn that around by naming their prized possession "Sunday." We see a photo of each of the jewels. Mike says son Spike is a very funny kid and knows the ways of a comedian. Instead of laughing at things funny, he'll simply comment, "Yes, that's funny."
Congratulations to Mr. Myers. The Canadian government has deemed him worthy of placing his face on a postage stamp. It is always difficult impressing those closest to you. Mike's mom had a lot of questions concerning the stamp and didn't seem all too awed until her questions about the stamp were answered Mike has made his directorial debut with the film, "Supermensch: The Legend of Shep Gordon."
Dave says he thoroughly enjoyed the documentary about Shep Gordon. Gordon is a famed icon in the music business, a talent manager, a Hollywood film agent, and producer. He almost has a Forrest Gump quality to him in that he's been everywhere that anything ever happened. An infinitely fascinating guy and singular sensation is Mr. Gordon. He's a guy with a million mesmerizing stories about Hollywood and the music industry. Mike first met him on the set of "Wayne's World" and his initial thought of him was not positive. Mike was determined not to give Shep what he wanted but soon found himself giving him exactly what he wanted, and he gave in with a smile and a thank you, as if Shep was doing Mike the favor. Shep is an incredible salesman, promoter, publicist, agent, and friend. It seems there is almost too much life for one man. Even that guy in the Dos Equis commercials is impressed with Shep Gordon.

"Supermensch: The Legend of Shep Gordon" is in theaters and now available on iTunes, Amazon, Xbox, Playstation, Vudu, and Google. And you can see its television premiere on September 20th on the A&E.

ACT 5:
ANNOUNCE: "Dial us up tomorrow when Dave welcomes Serena Williams, Chadwick Boseman, and Echo and The Bunnymen. When we come back, the eerie story of a man who applied for a credit card . . . . only to find that he'd been pre-approved."

ACT 6:
BONNIE MCFARLANE
She's a vegan, but doesn't tell people because she wants people to like her. She's married and is thinking about divorce. But now that they have life insurance, she figures it just a waiting game. If she could do it over, she would marry a guy with a nut allergy.
Some good laughs from Bonnie McFarlane. Look for her new documentary, "Women Aren't Funny" now at the iTunes store.

ACT 7:
JOHN FULLBRIGHT
From his current album, "Songs," the Bearden, Oklahoman performed "Happy."

And that was our show for Thursday, August 28, 2014.

Wednesday we had James McAvoy. Tonight we had Bonnie McFarlane. The "Mc" in McAvoy sounds like "mac." The "Mc" in McFarlane sounds like "mick". The way I've heard it is that "Mc" followed by a vowel makes it "Mac." "Mc" followed by a consonant makes it "mick." Seems to work for me.

This Saturday marks the 21st anniversary of the first Late Show. We debuted August 30, 1993. The show is now old enough to drink, even though it's been sneaking into bars using fake proof for a couple years now. Back in my day, the drinking age was 18. Still, many felt the need to get into bars even younger than that. The New York state licenses at the time didn't include a photo. The bouncer would quickly check the date-of-birth and wave you in, depending on how crowded the bar was. I once got into a bar using a black guy's proof. Yeah, the screening wasn't all that intense.
Sometimes the bouncer would make you write your name on a piece of paper. He would then compare your signature to see if it looked like the signature on the license. When asked to do this, one friend of mine started writing his name: James Cap . . . . he then quickly scribbled that out halfway through, realizing he had to sign the name that was on the borrowed license. DOH! Too late. The bouncer bounced him.
I had a friend who was born on September 29, 1958. He wouldn't turn 18 until September, but he wanted the freedom to go to bars during the summer. He took a sharp razor blade and carefully cut out the "9" for September on his date-of-birth. From another part of the license, he cut out a "2" and put it where the 9 was to make it look like he was born in February and, therefore, 21 during the summer. The first time he tried it he was rebuffed. The bouncer told my friend, "1958 wasn't a leap year."

Do you like the beer? Most of us do, and if you don't, well, I like it probably twice as much as I should so it evens out. Back in the day when first starting, you'd standing outside the liquor store and get a guy to buy you a quart. And then you graduated to a six-pack. Next was the case of beer. They didn't have the 12-packs or the 18-packs or the 30-packs when I was a rookie. It went from quart to six to the 24-case. The 12, 18, and 30 are somewhat recent. And now you can buy a pack of beer containing 99 cans. Well that's just silly. It's the only alcohol that comes with a pull-handle and wheels.
(That was a joke that was pitched yesterday but not used. Not mine, folks, but I liked it so here it is. No, the creator of the joke will not be compensated.)

Do you know what I realize? Stephen Colbert will need a Wahoo when he gets here. He doesn't have one now but he will when he gets here. I hope he knows that. I mean, really, what's the Late Show without a Wahoo Gazette? Come to think of it, the entire CBS Network website could use a Wahoo Gazette. How else do they bring eyes to their internet home? I wonder if ABC, NBC, FOX, or DuMont would be interested. C'mon, the Wahoo Gazette is the longest running blog in the business! It was a blog before there was a word "blog". Spread the word. Before I start looking they better start looking for me.

And look for the Wahoo transcripts, coming soon.

Previously-viewed Late Show for Friday, but check in for a never before-seen Wahoo.

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
A man with a lot of free time on his hands, long time Wahoo reader and Late Show/Late Night viewer, it's Wally Henneberry
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER

Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com
Twitter: @WahooMike


Tonight's Guests

Serena Williams
Chadwick Boseman
Echo & The Bunnymen

Wahoo Gazette Archive

Friday, August 29
Consider mailing water to relatives in drought regions.
Wednesday, August 27
Time for a Grape Break!
Tuesday, August 26
Is this the "Late Show" or "Jailhouse Rock"?
Monday, August 25
Flying dogs take over 53rd Street for the Purina Pro Plan Incredible Dog Challenge.
Tuesday, August 19
Dave welcomes #1 ranked tennis star Novak Djokovic.