Oscar Isaac, Whitney Cummings, and Drenge.
Plus: Underinflated/Overinflated; checking on the elderly; U.S. Senate Mispronunciation of The Night; Charts & Graphs; and a Top Ten list.
"From New York City, you call that a blizzard? Tonight: From "A Most Violent Year" Oscar Isaac, comedian Whitney Cummings, and music from Drenge. Plus: Paul Shaffer and the CBS Orchestra. I'm Alan Kalter. And now, with your abominable forecast . . . . David Letterman!"
- "KFC has introduced their new Double Down Dog. It's a hot dog covered in cheese, wrapped in fried chicken. The Double Down Dog . . . it's double the trouble to keep down."
Ladies and gentlemen, it's time for a new segment called, "Underinflated/Overinflated."
ANNOUNCE: "Underinflated --- footballs used by the New England Patriots.
Overinflated --- Governor Chris Christie."
SFX - boing!
ANNOUNCE: (over winter storm footage) "Due to the blizzard, the Late Show writers were unable to come to work, and the preceding joke was written by the Late Show Comedy Computer."
COMPUTER: "You're welcome, America."
Phew. I was afraid it was going to end on Overinflated Chris Christie. I'm glad we went with the full disclosure.
Hey, look who's here!
DAVE: "Oh, hi, Kathy. Ladies and gentlemen, it's Supervising Producer Kathy Michalcik."
KATHY: "It's 'Mavrikakis.'"
DAVE: "Since when?"
DAVE: "You know, we're right in the middle of the show here."
KATHY: "Yes, I just wanted to come by and see if you're okay."
DAVE: "I'm fine. Thank you, Kathy."
KATHY: "You're sure you're okay. Heat's working all right? You've got plenty to eat?"
DAVE: "Yes, Kathy, I'm absolutely fine. Why?"
KATHY: "I was listening to the radio and they said that during a story you should check in on the elderly. . . ("woooo" from the audience) . . . . don't overdo it!"
King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia passed away recently. President Obama attended with others. We take a look at this report.
ANNOUNCE: "On Tuesday, President Obama led a U.S. delegation to Saudi Arabia to attend King Abdullah's memorial service. Others of note in attendance included Secretary of State John Kerry, Senator John McCain, Mario Van Peebles, Jeff Goldblum and Mr. T.
Jeff Matthews, CNN."
I'm surprised the President was able to attend on such short notice considering all the preparation that goes into the President traveling abroad.
It's Todd. Todd is raising his hand. He has a question.
DAVE: "Yes, Todd, what is it?"
TODD: "I'm just checking in. Are you sure you're OK?"
DAVE: "Todd, I'm fine. Yes. Thank you very much."
TODD: "Awesome. Don't get overheated, man."
I like how Todd ended it with "man." Oh, those kids!
Time now for the "U. S. Senate Mispronunciation of the Night"
We see Senator Ben Cardin, D-Maryland, on FOX News Sunday. He is preaching about the release of prisoners at Guantanamo Bay.
SEN. BEN CARDIN: "It's certainly past time to close 'Guatamano' Bay." - BUZZ
SEN. BEN CARDIN: "It's millions of dollars per inmate that we're spending, uh, to maintain 'Guatamano' Bay." - BUZZ
SEN. BEN CARDIN: "But to continue 'Guatamano Gay'..." - DOUBLE BUZZ
Hey, c'mon, give the guy a break. It's a new word for many of us. It's only been familiar for us for 12 years or so.
Back from commercial, we get a LIVE shot of the devastating destruction of Winter Storm Juno. People were actually getting their feet wet from the slush of the slight snow.
It's Tuesday night, so you know that means. Time for "Charts and Graphs.
- What caused the blizzard?
70% - global climate change
20% - low pressure system
10% - evil consortium of snow shovel manufacturers and the road salt industry
- Signs people are having a hard time adjusting to 2015
25% - "I'm still writing 2014 on my checks"
25% - "I still have my December calendar on the wall"
50% - "My political party may run our losing presidential candidate from 2012"
- Uses for balloon animals
96% - entertaining children
4% - anatomy classes at veterinary schools
- Most popular palindromic names
58% - Bob
29% - Hannah
13% - Gug
- On a scale of 1 to 10, how good are you at following directions?
100% - yes
- Have you ever had sex with a mailbox? (this was an actual news story over the break)
94% - no
4% - yes
2% - can't remember
- What do you think Congress will do in 2015?
50% - nothing
50% - not do anything
- What's your favorite part of swimming naked in the Senate pool?
25% - the camaraderie
15% - the exercise
60% - exploring "bipartisanship"
He stars in the new film "A Most Violent Year," now playing in selected cities and opens nationwide this Friday. Typically, Dave abhors violence, but this movie has the kind of violence we're used to. It's guys beating each other up.
"A Most Violent Year" takes place in New York City in 1981. This was before the city became kinder and gentler. Murders numbered over 2,000 a year, over 6 a day. Most murders didn't even make the newspaper. It's now down to the 200s. The 80s were the crack years. The crack made people nuts. Oscar's character tries to open a business at this time in the city. He marries into a family that is familiar with violence, and uses it whenever necessary. Oscar's character doesn't to go that route.
You may also be familiar with Oscar's work in the film "Inside Llewyn David." He sang and played guitar. He has experience with both as he was in a band back in the day. They were popular in the local scene and they were good enough to open for Green Day.
Oscar was raised in Florida, so he must have been impressed with the big snowstorm he had yesterday and today. He's seen similar snowstorms, but never the anticipation and warnings. He says he actually heard reported that we were to stay inside or else be shot on sight.
Oscar is keeping good company in show business. In addition to "A Most Violent Year," Oscar will be seen in "X-Men: Apocalypse" and "Star Wars: Episode 7 - The Force Awakens" in December. Much to Oscar's surprise, we have a clip of the Star Wars film. DOH! It's Shecky footage. It looks to be shot in 1D.
Oscar Isaac - you'll be hearing a lot about him. Catch him "A Most Violent Year." I'm looking forward to seeing the 1981 New York City.
Tonight's Top Ten is sponsored by the Lincoln MKZ Hybrid. Back from the promo, we find Dave doing some Matthew "Lincoln" McConaughey.
TOP TEN THINGS PEOPLE SAID AFTER EATING KFC'S NEW DOUBLE DOWN DOG
Hot dog, covered in cheese, wrapped in fried chicken. We take a look at the thing. I wonder if that's an Atkins thing.
TOP TEN THINGS PEOPLE SAID AFTER EATING KFC'S NEW DOUBLE DOWN DOG
10. "Surprisingly filling"
9. "If you need me, I'll be in my grave"
8. "Should I be sweating cheese?"
7. "I'm a monster"
6. "Next stop: Colon, Michigan"
5. "So that's why KFC comes with a bucket"
4. "Finally, a hot dog that's not so darn healthy"
3. "Thank you, Obamacare"
2. "The chicken was boneless but the hot dog wasn't"
1. "K-F-See you at the Emergency Room"
ANNOUNCE: "Join us again tomorrow as Dave welcomes Ben Schwartz, and Marty Stuart. When we come back, the amazing story of a man who steeped a tea bag for a record-shattering 66 hours."
She's the creator of the hit CBS show "2 Broke Girls" and the star of the former "Whitney." And this Wednesday and Thursday she'll be hosting "The Late Late Show." She reveals that she is here as a replacement for All-Pro football quarterback Andrew Luck. The QB is stuck in Arizona, unable to get here due to the storm of the century. Whitney quickly agreed to fill in, and she's more than willing to talk sports. She throws out some sports references that don't quite stick. Whitney has been toying with the idea of becoming a professional talk show guest. She wishes to go from talk show to talk show to promote stuff. Will she ever get around to actually doing anything? Doesn't matter. Dave is going to do the "Late Late Show" with guest host Regis Philbin right after tonight's show. Dave looks to Whitney for advice. Dave feels he has no good stories to tell. Whitney advises, "Just answer everything with, 'You tell me!'"
DAVE: (as Regis) "Dave, why do you smell so good?"
WHITNEY (as Dave) "You tell me."
Whitney shares the secret to being a guest is to simply throw the questions back at the poser.
Whitney Cummings - hosting The Late Late Show on Wednesday and Thursday. And she'll be performing at Caroline's right down the block Thursday through Saturday.
From the April album "Undertow," the band from Derbyshire, England performed "Do What We Want." A lot of sound for three guys. Liked it.
And that was our show for Tuesday, January 27, 2015.
I know the local newsers around here are trying to tell us that 10 inches of snow fell on New York City, but Central Park got less than 8 inches. I think they want to report double-digits to give the impression their forecast wasn't as far off as they predicted.
After hours and hours of painstaking analysis from the world's greatest weather experts, technology, satellites, and radar, New York City Mayor Bill De Blasio, using his best judgment based on intense scrutiny and study, made the wrong decision to close down the subways, car traffic, and mass transit in fear of the impending snowstorm that never transpired. Hours and hours of analysis by the world's greatest experts, and he still got it wrong. But the police in the dark of night are supposed to be perfect every time in a split-second decision.
All this talk about the funky footballs the New England Patriots were using in the playoff game vs. the Indianapolis Colts . . . you know, their Super Bowl opponents are not so innocent themselves. Remember back in January of 2007, the playoff game between the Seattle Seahawks vs. the Dallas Cowboys? With a minute left to play and the Cowboys down by one in Seattle, Dallas was lined up for an extremely easy field goal to put them ahead. It was likely a game-winner on the way. A new ball was thrown in from the sidelines for the kick. The snap was made to holder Tony Romo . . . . . and the football slipped right through his fingers. No field goal, no lead, game over. Seattle wins. Conspiracy theorists claim the ball was slick and shiny and used in hopes that the center or the holder, Tony Romo, wouldn't be able to handle the snap. And Romo couldn't. Was a funky football used? Was it extra-slippery? With all this football-talk this week, you would have thought someone would have brought this up by now. You know, someone in the business whose job it is to think of such things. Google it.
The other day, guest Nicolle Wallace, former Communications Director for President George W. Bush, said the problem with Congress today is they only hang out with people who agree with them.
And that's the problem with people in general. They can get the message they're comfortable with 24/7 on FOX or MSNBC. Talk shows on the radio . . . the same way. People would rather be comforted by listening to the like-minded than to be challenged by an opposing view. That's not the way to expand one's thinking. Dang it, William Kunstler convinced me it should be permissible to burn the American flag. I wish I never listened to him, but he made me see the bigger picture. He was wrong 98% of the time, but in this case he was right. We all need to widen our pigeonhole.
Uh, oh. I am starting to sniff the . . . . it's in the air . . . it's starting to hit me that this is it. soon there will be no more Wahoo . . . and no more Cameo Mentions. Let me know if you want in.
CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
From the Eastern York High School Knights, it's Jake Cunningham
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
Michael Z. McIntee