Pass or Fail: Faux Citizenship Test

Posted on Sep 2, 2011 09:00am

We got our hands on a citizenship test that Russell gave Timmy! See how he did!

1. How many states are there in the US?
Timmy's Answer: Fifty
Russell's Grade: Wrong, Ohio, Montana, Mississippi, and the Dakota's don't have any hot girls so we don't count them. There's only a'forty-six.

2. In what month is the new President inaugurated?
Timmy's Answer: January
Russell's Grade: Wrong again, we don't inaugurate presidents, we elect them. This is America.

3. What is the "rule of law?"
Timmy's Answer: Everyone must follow the law.
Russell's Grade: Correct. It also means that all assistants must unconditionally do what their bosses say. Go get me Falafel, Tim.

4. What is one reason colonists came to America?

Timmy's Answer: For religious freedoms, of course.
Russell's Grade: I'll allow that, but let's not forget about all the hot chicks that were waiting to be discovered...

5. What is the supreme law in the land?
Timmy's Answer: The Constitution
Russell's Grade: Out there, yeah. In here, it's me. Now get me my lunch.

6. What is freedom of religion?
Timmy's Answer:
You can choose to practice any religion, or not practice a religion.
Russell's Grade: Exactamundo. In my case, I choose to practice womanizing.

7. What is the economic system of the United States?
Timmy's Answer: Capitalism
Russell's Grade: True. I didn't know there way any other kind.

8. Who is in charge of the executive branch?
Timmy's Answer: The president, of course.
Russell's Grade: Yep, but only when the ol' ball and chain gives him permission.

9. What does the President's Cabinet do?

Timmy's Answer: They advise him.
Russell's Grade: Really? Because I though they hold his special treats! Come on, that was kinda funny...

10. Name a one of the president's advisors.

Timmy's Answer: Uh, the Secretary of Defense.
Russell's Grade: Yes. You think they keep a list of all the uggos? 'Cause they are a threat to my security and peace of mind.

11. What does the judicial branch do?

Timmy's Answer: They review, explain, and resolve all issues regarding the law.
Russell's Grade: Not to mention ruin my fun, they're the reason I can't go within 1000 feet of Eva Longoria, Halle Berry, and Dame Judi Dench.