My Soul Mate!
(True or False?)
A lot of people today seem to be fixated on the idea of finding their soul mate. However, there is a mistaken idea of what a "soul mate" really is. So many books have been published on the subject of knowing who your soul mate is, attracting him or her, and creating a relationship. As a result, we all feel that we're looking for a cosmic, undying bond that transcends time and space, so we'll walk away from wonderful relationships if they don't shake us to our core the way we feel they should. Most people's views of soul mates are fantasies, like Romeo and Juliet or Cinderella and her Prince—and those fantasies can get in the way of finding and creating a lasting relationship with an intimate
partner. It's also important to remember that a soul mate isn't just a romantic partner. Some of your best friends are your soul mates—it's the nature of the eternal connection of love.
As I mentioned, there have been volumes written on this topic by notable people such as Brian Weiss and Sandy Anastasi, and while all these experts may have some minor differences, we all agree on one thing: A soul mate is someone who helps your soul to grow.
Our spirits are part of a web of interconnected loving relationships that extends far beyond just one lifetime. It's as if the earth is a boarding school where we come back to attend classes year after year, life after life. At this school we have many familiar "classmates" who are learning their own lessons and making progress while helping us to do the same. Those classmates are our soul mates. Because of our love for one another, we agree to come back together and to help each other learn and grow. Through our many incarnations we develop many relationships. These relationships travel from one lifetime to another, yet you can have many soul mates that choose to take many different forms. Your soul mate could be your spouse, your parent, your child, your best friend, or your worst enemy. And let's not forget our furry friends: our pets! I've known people who have rescued a dog or cat say, "He picked us!" It could be that unconditional love you never had from a previous life's relationship and now the dog has come back to serve you! You could meet or be in relationship with your soul mates this time around, or you could never get to know them because they're off learning important lessons that don't involve you. As psychiatrist Brian Weiss puts it, you are eternally linked to your soul "classmates," but sometimes you may need to take separate classes.
We get into trouble when we start to believe that the only relationship worth having is with a soul mate. When the fireworks aren't immediate or the connection isn't instant, this belief makes us think that the relationship isn't worth our time.
The truth is that we have many soul mates that incarnate in many forms over many lifetimes, depending on the lessons we—and they—need to learn. This time around, take a look at your life so far to see which people have had the most impact on you. There's a good chance that they are your soul mates. Remember, a soul mate is someone who brings more love and meaning into your life. So take that off your list of "must haves" because you already have soul mates all around you. That is NOT to say a romantic love cannot be a soul mate—just don't limit your thinking!
The truth is that we do not need anyone else to be complete and whole. If we continually are looking outside ourselves for something or someone to fill us up or to make us feel loved, we are setting ourselves up for a lifetime of hurt and a feeling of emptiness.
Many myths have been built around soul mates, which can actually stop us from finding the love that we are searching for. Here are five primary myths about soul mates that I've heard or read about. How many of these myths have you believed in over the years? Learning the truth can help you in your quest to find and sustain a great intimate relationship.
Your soul mate is your perfect relationship,
your "other half" who makes you feel complete.
Instead of looking outside for love, we need to look within, at the love that is our nature. Each one of us is a spark of divine love that has chosen to come to earth. We are love. We are made of love—love lies at our core. The great spiritual traditions of the world teach us that all we need to do is recognize the love we have within. After that, we can access it and feel it at any moment. When my father would kiss me goodnight, he would always say: "Say your prayers: ‘God is love, love is God, you are loved, and we love you.'"
When we recognize our own loving, divine heart, we do not need anyone else's love to feel complete and whole. I know that's a very hard concept to wrap our brain—and our hearts—around, but it is true. Whatever your religious background is, you have been taught that God Loves You. Unfortunately, when we feel unloved by others, we forget or ignore that very simple fact. So we choose to create relationships here on earth to give and receive love, and too often we become more identified with the relationships rather than the love-based energy we all possess. And it is that essence of love that we want to share with others and have them share with us—because when we share that love with others, we feel wonderful. The great psychic Edgar Cayce said that we're attracted to a soul mate because by being with that person we are inspired to become whole ourselves. But remember it is only the inspiration we long for, because we were born complete. We just need to recognize the beauty of our own souls and share it with others.
You have just one soul mate who keeps reincarnating as your lover.
I read a story recently about a woman who married a much older man, and they both were very happy—except every now and then, without thinking, she would call him "Dad." As you can imagine, this was pretty upsetting to them both. They went to see a psychic, who told them that the woman had been the man's daughter in a previous lifetime, but that she had died very young. "You still had lessons to learn from each other," the psychic said, "so you were drawn together in a different relationship this time around." The truth is that our soul mates take many different forms from lifetime to lifetime, depending on the lessons we need to learn. Like this woman, one of your soul mates can be your father in one life, your husband in another, your child or best friend in a third. It's also possible that your intimate partner is a new soul, a new energy drawn to you for your mutual benefit. But never think that there's only "one" perfect match for you in earth or in heaven. Again, remember that soul mates come in many shapes and sizes: when it comes to lifetimes, your soul mate is not one-size-fits-all! There's far too much love in the universe for there to be only one channel through which it can flow.
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