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Paul Carrick Brunson is a professional matchmaker and relationship coach who starred in OWN's reality series "Lovetown, USA." He is the co-founder of OneDegreeFromMe, a matchmaking/relationship coaching service. In the past three years, Paul has matched over 3,000 people on dates through social media, live events and directly. He will be joining our "Talk Takeaway" to discuss how singles can find a partner that's right for them.
Acknowledge change comes from within.
We’re quick to point the finger outward but we first have to accept if we want anything in our lives to change, we have to change first. If your goal is love, you’re never going to get it in a healthy way unless you finally get right with yourself. Finding inner peace can have great outer results – Building self-worth and confidence go a long way in making you happier and more attractive to those you desire. We can do good for ourselves and find the good within us that propels us along, to a better version of us.
Create a romantic plan.
We have a plan about everything else in our lives (education, career, health, etc.) so why not have a romantic plan. (set goals and create a strategy. challenge yourself to try new things, to get out more, to work on yourself). Further, in creating a good match, you have to take stock of your own “relationship vitals” – things that make up the core of what you want and believe in – then take stock of the things that are “non-starters,” aka the things that would kill a potential relationship.
Focus on loving yourself more.
The more we love ourselves, the more emotionally healthy people we attract. If you’re having a challenge loving yourself, try a daily mantra - Identify an inspirational quote or saying that you repeat to yourself each day. Here’s one of my favorites: “I was born with potential. I was born with goodness and trust. I was born with ideals and dreams. I was born with greatness. I was born with wings, I am not meant to crawl, so I won’t. I have wings, and I will use them and fly."
Surround yourself with better people.
The most effective strategy we can use to create lasting change is to actively surround ourselves with people who inspire us. I believe we are the average of the 5 people we spend the most time with. Be aware of who you let in your life because they’ll either inspire you to be better or distract you from your personal goals and achievement. Think of the five or ten people you spend the most time with – Are you proud about what they have accomplished? Are you impressed with what they are doing now? Are they passionate about the values you have? Do they inspire you? If the answer is ‘no’ to all of the above, then it’s time to find new friends.
Explore social media sites.
Online sites are a great way for people to meet their spouse. Realize online isn’t just about online dating sites. There are many social media sites that allow us to expand our social circle. In today’s day and age, almost anything online has the potential to fine the one. Many of these websites are popular because they give people a chance to connect. With social networking sites, dating opportunities are ever available… People can use them whenever it fits into their schedule to do so
Find a love mentor.
Different from a friend, a mentor is a guide and a teacher. There are professionals you can hire but there are also many people in our communities qualified and willing to take this role in your life. They can create a unique roadmap for your heart and find a lasting partnership. Be diligent about your search, look for someone who shares your values and walks their talk.