Iyanla Vanzant is an inspirational speaker, spiritual teacher, author, and television personality. She is known for her books about relationships and her frequent appearances on "The Oprah Winfrey Show." Iyanla is currently the host of the OWN reality series "Iyanla: Fix My Life." The show features her helping troubled souls and using her own past to aid others' futures. Today she comes to "The Talk" to share her tips on searching for the perfect partner.
1. FEEL, DEAL AND HEAL
The search for a lifelong partner begins with you. Before you can begin, you must look at the truth of who you are. Examine yourself completely and explore that inner being. Do you know what you what want? What about your needs? Be fully honest with yourself. Can you accept all that you see? If not, you must mend your own troubles before setting your sights on someone else. Any negative thoughts that show up in your world will create a barrier to love and relationships. Heal yourself so that you have nothing to hide.
2. BE VULNERABLE AND ACCESSIBLE
This is exactly why we must be at peace with who we are. If you have not been true to yourself then you certainly won't be honest with anyone you are looking to bring into your life. Once you deal with your own demons, you will find it much easier to share this life with someone special.
Any relationship is a lot of work. But we're not talking about any relationship – we're talking about finding "The One." If this is what you want, you must be prepared for the full effort. If you can freely open yourself up though you will find it comes much easier. Be vulnerable to your core. Let them see you completely! The foundations of trust and commitment thrive on your own accessibility. Be there. Be you.
3. TRUST YOUR GUT FEELING.
Your own intuition is the key to your quest for love. Pursuing a partner can be a tricky ordeal, even more so with all the rules and games people play when it comes to dating. But keep it simple. Don't let your mind be muddled and confused by what anyone else is telling you. If you trust yourself completely, then that is all you need. Your unconsciousness picks up on clues below the surface of rational awareness and communicates the info to you via intuitive feelings that are based on your own experience and environment. You know what you want – act on it!
4. ACCEPT YOUR OWN FLAWS FIRST.
Far too many people are looking in the wrong place. Everyone has their own criteria they make to describe their ideal partner, but how many have evaluated their own worth as well? Before you can look outward, you must go inward. Come to an understanding of what you represent. You must know your strengths AND weaknesses. Accept your own flaws first. Only then can you properly seek what you truly need.